Hey! This is my first ever actually actual movie parody! It is of
'Nemesis'. Please, enjoy!
'Star Trek' and all things related to 'Star Trek' do not belong to me. They belong to Paramount. Ok. With that out of the way, let the parody begin!
We see the opening credits.. Hey, they spelled 'Nemesis' wrong! The 'E' is backwards! Gah! Oh, well. It's like a mirror for the other 'E'! Like Shinzon is for Jean-Luc!
[Let's get to Romulus, shall we?]
RomulanPerson1: We need to trade with the Remans.
Praetor: Why?
RP2: Because, we need to make ties with them, even after all the times we took their lunch money.
Praetor: Why?
RP1: Because-Hey!
Tal'Aura: Will you three shut up? -cough- I mean.. I have a meeting with my mother. -she and the two Romulan people leave-
Praetor: Oksies! Hey, you left your pretty- -he and all the others in the room decompose- Ahhhhh!!!!!!!
[In Alaska]
Picard: Duty. My life is filled with duty. I don't really like it, but that's OK, considering I don't really care. I mean, what is it with making first contact with 27 alien races, anyway? They all want to have a go at Will. -Deanna gives him a warning glance- Yeah.. Anyway, Have you thought about my needs? Blah.. Aren't you going to give in to my begging and pleading? Aren't you going to stay? -Puppy dog eyes-
Will: No. No matter HOW MANY TIMES you beg and plead and all that junk.
Picard: OK. Oh, and Beverly is going to Starfleet Med after this movie. I forgot to mention that.
Beverly: I am?
Picard: Yeah. I applied for it for you a couple months ago.
Beverly: I thought you loved me! -Beverly starts to cry-
Picard: Anyway, my new first officer is Data. He won't let me go on away missions, the Stinker..
Data: Captain, you're not allowed to.
Picard: I know. So Data?
Data: Yessir?
Picard: Shut the hell up.
Data: OK.
Picard: So, yadda, yadda.. Make it so. Ok, let's party! Whoooooopie!
[A while later]
Data: -onstage- I think this is the time to humiliate Will and Deanna in front of everyone now. -starts singing- 'We all live in a yellow submarine.. Yellow submarine.. Yellow submarine..'
[Later in Picard's quarters]
Picard: I've been saving this wine for a while.. I said it was for a special occasion. Well, my life has been pretty boring, not having anything to celebrate this with! It's from my family vineyard, y'know.
Data: What's the point, sir?
Picard: The point? Right! Umm.. Special events note the passage of time. They make us think about that special time when we go to the great starship in the sky..
Data: Sir, aren't we 'in the sky' already?
Picard: I'm talking about death, you idiot!
Data: Oh..
Picard: Anyway, Change is good. Remember that.
Data: Will do.
[On the bridge]
Worf: I am not going to appear nekkid. Even though it's tradition for the Betazoid peoples.
Deanna: Shut up, Worf. We listen to you go on listlessly about tradition and honor, and you won't do this for me?
Worf: That's.. That's different.
Deanna: No it's not!
Worf: Yeah!
Deanna: No!
Worf! Yeah! *beep beep beep* Oh, look! Posotronic! Data, is it your brother?
Data: Maybe!
Picard: Hey, Geordi! Wanna whip out the Argo for me?
Geordi: Uhh.
Picard: Swwweeeetttttttt...-He, Worf, and Data follow-
Will: Hey! Shouldn't I go?
Picard: Yeah, but your wife would knock the hell out of me if anything happened to you, Mr. Troi.
[On the planet]
Picard: Yay! Yippee! This is awesome!
Data and Worf: Uhh.. -Worf pukes-
Data: I will always be baffled by the human predilection for piloting vehicles at unsafe velocities!
Picard: I didn't understand a word of that, but OK!
Worf: I don't feel so well..
Data and Picard pay him no mind
Data: The first signal is over there. This strategically formed Ion storm is messin' with my tricorder, so I cannot pinpoint the exact locations. This way, we can stay here longer, and-
Picard: Data shut up and tell me where the signals are.
Data: But sir, how can I tell you where the signals are if you told me to shut up?
Worf: -pukes again- This is worse than zero gravity training.. (NOTE: This is a reference to 'First Contact')
Data: Yay! We are near the signals! Let's get out and look for them!
They get out and look. Worf finds an arm. Um, the arm grabs his ankle.
Worf: Ahhh!!!!!
Data: Lookie! It's an arm!
Worf: Thank you, Captain Obvious.
Data: I don't think you have the authority to promote me to Captain, Lieutenant.
They go deposit the arm and go to find the other body parts. They find the other arm, the torso, the legs, and-
Data: -getting out of the Argo- It looks like we found the head.
Worf: It's you!
Data: Well, how about that!
Picard: Umm..
B-4: Umm..
Data: Cooooolllllllll!
B-4: Cooooolllllllll!
The four of them go back to the Argo. The ugly aliens are coming!
Picard: Yippee! I get to use unsafe velocities! VROOM VROOM!
Data: Captain..
Picard: Right. Let's go! Oh, Data. Maneuver the shuttle pod over by that cliff. You do the calculations in that really advanced brain-type thing of yours.
Data: Hang on; I'm playing Solitaire on my tricorder! -Picard glares at him- Oh, you meant now? OK. Hold on!!!
Worf blows the enemy into a gazillion itsy pieces, and Data maneuvers the shuttle over by the cliff. Picard is a little pedal-happy.
Picard: WHEEEEE!!!!!!! VROOOOOOMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!! -He drives the Argo off the cliff- YYAAAAAYYYY!!!! -Rethinks that- Wait.. I'm afraid of the deep void that is beneath me! (NOTE: Reference to the novel version of 'Nemesis') MOMMY!
The Argo crashes into the pilot's seat.
All Four: Oof.
Picard: Swwweeeetttttttt....
[In Sickbay]
Beverly: -staring at B-4's eyes- Your eyes are MUCH pertier.
Will: You need to stop dying your hair blonde.
Data: Our eyes are identical, Doctor.
Picard: How long will it take to put Humptey-Dumptey back together?
Geordi: He's not an egg, sir.
Picard: You know what I mean.
Geordi: I know; I was just playing with ya. About ten years.
Picard: WTF?! .
Geordi: Just playing again.. An hour or two at most.
Picard: That's better.
Geordi: Heh heh.
[In Picledoo's quarters]
Picard: Tea. Earl Grey.
Computer: Why do you always order that?
Picard: Because I don't like change.
Computer: What about that speech you gave Commander Data?
Picard: Uhh..
Will: There's a phone call coming in from Admiral Janeway.
Picard: Put it through.
Janeway: Wasssup, baldy?
Picard: Admiral Janeway!
Janeway: Yeah. I need you to go to Romulus.. Um, there's a new Praetor and I want you to go alone despite the fact it's a trap to capture you... -clasps hand over mouth- Oops! Did I say that? What I meant to say was I want you to go there and get this 'Political Shakeup' taken care of.
Picard: Will do. Bye!
Janeway: Bye!
[On the bridge]
Picard: Yo, Redshirt! Let's go to Romulus! Warp 5! -warning glance from Deanna- Um, Warp 8. Engage!
Redshirt: Vroom!
Will: Have you been drinking again, Sir?
Picard: Maybe.. No, I haven't. Admiral Janeway said we could go to Romulus and meet this one Reman guy named Shinzon who just happened to be Praetor.
Will: She didn't say he was Reman. Or that his name was Shinzon.
Picard: Umm..
[In the Observation Lounge]
Data: Remus is like Mercury. Anyway, that's where the naughty people on Romulus go and get all dirty.
Picard: How is Remus like Mercury?
Data: One side always faces the sun. That side is really, really hot. The other side is cold. Everyone lives on the cold side.
Picard: Oh.
Data: Anyway, this Reman guy, Shinzon, is really good at fighting and stuff. He's never lost a battle.
Picard: Ok. So, who's up for Buffalo wings? -everyone except Data and Geordi raise their hands- Ok! Let's go.
[In Engineering. Geordi is downloading? Uploading? Info into B-4.]
Geordi: Data, that's not cool. B-4 will know everything you know. He can pose as you, and kill us all! AHH!!!!
Data: That won't happen.
Geordi: Why not?
Data: I will ask him not to..
Geordi: -rolls eyes- Done. -takes the thingy out of Data's head. -
Data: Bye!
[On the bridge]
Picard: Here we are... Waiting for Shinzon. I'm sure I have a bigger ship than he does.
Deanna: What does that have to do with anything?
Picard: It shows how macho I am! Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah...
Worf: Lookie! -points to uncloaking Scimitar-
Picard: That's one big-ass ship!
Will: Yeah...
Worf: Um, it's hailing us.
Picard: On screen!
The Viceroy's head appears on screen.
Picard: Wow, you're freaking ugly, Shinzon!
Viceroy: I'm not Shinzon. I am his Viceroy.
Picard: Viceroy, eh? OK.
Viceroy: Why don't you and your chiefs of staff come and meet us!
Picard: Aren't you going a little too fast there, pal?
The Viceroy rolls his eyes and ends the transmission.
Picard: He doesn't talk much, does he?
[The Scimitar.]
The main people except Geordi and Beverly beam over. The staircase room door opens and they go in.
Picard: This is weird.
Shinzon comes out.
Shinzon: Sorry about this, but I don't really like light. All those years in the dilithium mines...
Picard: Quite all right.
Shinzon: Oooo! Pretty lady! What's shaking, Deanna?
Deanna: I'm married.
Shinzon: Oh, who's the un-lucky guy?
Will: Me.
Deanna: -smacks Will-
Will: Ow.
Picard: If you have anything to tell us about this stuff we are here for, tell us now, and let us get back to my ship.
Shinzon: OK. We say we want peace. OK? Peace. Now, you may leave. Hey, Jean- Luc, come to dinner with you. I mean, with me. Ya.
HAHA! Wait until I put up the second part in this four-part thing!
'Star Trek' and all things related to 'Star Trek' do not belong to me. They belong to Paramount. Ok. With that out of the way, let the parody begin!
We see the opening credits.. Hey, they spelled 'Nemesis' wrong! The 'E' is backwards! Gah! Oh, well. It's like a mirror for the other 'E'! Like Shinzon is for Jean-Luc!
[Let's get to Romulus, shall we?]
RomulanPerson1: We need to trade with the Remans.
Praetor: Why?
RP2: Because, we need to make ties with them, even after all the times we took their lunch money.
Praetor: Why?
RP1: Because-Hey!
Tal'Aura: Will you three shut up? -cough- I mean.. I have a meeting with my mother. -she and the two Romulan people leave-
Praetor: Oksies! Hey, you left your pretty- -he and all the others in the room decompose- Ahhhhh!!!!!!!
[In Alaska]
Picard: Duty. My life is filled with duty. I don't really like it, but that's OK, considering I don't really care. I mean, what is it with making first contact with 27 alien races, anyway? They all want to have a go at Will. -Deanna gives him a warning glance- Yeah.. Anyway, Have you thought about my needs? Blah.. Aren't you going to give in to my begging and pleading? Aren't you going to stay? -Puppy dog eyes-
Will: No. No matter HOW MANY TIMES you beg and plead and all that junk.
Picard: OK. Oh, and Beverly is going to Starfleet Med after this movie. I forgot to mention that.
Beverly: I am?
Picard: Yeah. I applied for it for you a couple months ago.
Beverly: I thought you loved me! -Beverly starts to cry-
Picard: Anyway, my new first officer is Data. He won't let me go on away missions, the Stinker..
Data: Captain, you're not allowed to.
Picard: I know. So Data?
Data: Yessir?
Picard: Shut the hell up.
Data: OK.
Picard: So, yadda, yadda.. Make it so. Ok, let's party! Whoooooopie!
[A while later]
Data: -onstage- I think this is the time to humiliate Will and Deanna in front of everyone now. -starts singing- 'We all live in a yellow submarine.. Yellow submarine.. Yellow submarine..'
[Later in Picard's quarters]
Picard: I've been saving this wine for a while.. I said it was for a special occasion. Well, my life has been pretty boring, not having anything to celebrate this with! It's from my family vineyard, y'know.
Data: What's the point, sir?
Picard: The point? Right! Umm.. Special events note the passage of time. They make us think about that special time when we go to the great starship in the sky..
Data: Sir, aren't we 'in the sky' already?
Picard: I'm talking about death, you idiot!
Data: Oh..
Picard: Anyway, Change is good. Remember that.
Data: Will do.
[On the bridge]
Worf: I am not going to appear nekkid. Even though it's tradition for the Betazoid peoples.
Deanna: Shut up, Worf. We listen to you go on listlessly about tradition and honor, and you won't do this for me?
Worf: That's.. That's different.
Deanna: No it's not!
Worf: Yeah!
Deanna: No!
Worf! Yeah! *beep beep beep* Oh, look! Posotronic! Data, is it your brother?
Data: Maybe!
Picard: Hey, Geordi! Wanna whip out the Argo for me?
Geordi: Uhh.
Picard: Swwweeeetttttttt...-He, Worf, and Data follow-
Will: Hey! Shouldn't I go?
Picard: Yeah, but your wife would knock the hell out of me if anything happened to you, Mr. Troi.
[On the planet]
Picard: Yay! Yippee! This is awesome!
Data and Worf: Uhh.. -Worf pukes-
Data: I will always be baffled by the human predilection for piloting vehicles at unsafe velocities!
Picard: I didn't understand a word of that, but OK!
Worf: I don't feel so well..
Data and Picard pay him no mind
Data: The first signal is over there. This strategically formed Ion storm is messin' with my tricorder, so I cannot pinpoint the exact locations. This way, we can stay here longer, and-
Picard: Data shut up and tell me where the signals are.
Data: But sir, how can I tell you where the signals are if you told me to shut up?
Worf: -pukes again- This is worse than zero gravity training.. (NOTE: This is a reference to 'First Contact')
Data: Yay! We are near the signals! Let's get out and look for them!
They get out and look. Worf finds an arm. Um, the arm grabs his ankle.
Worf: Ahhh!!!!!
Data: Lookie! It's an arm!
Worf: Thank you, Captain Obvious.
Data: I don't think you have the authority to promote me to Captain, Lieutenant.
They go deposit the arm and go to find the other body parts. They find the other arm, the torso, the legs, and-
Data: -getting out of the Argo- It looks like we found the head.
Worf: It's you!
Data: Well, how about that!
Picard: Umm..
B-4: Umm..
Data: Cooooolllllllll!
B-4: Cooooolllllllll!
The four of them go back to the Argo. The ugly aliens are coming!
Picard: Yippee! I get to use unsafe velocities! VROOM VROOM!
Data: Captain..
Picard: Right. Let's go! Oh, Data. Maneuver the shuttle pod over by that cliff. You do the calculations in that really advanced brain-type thing of yours.
Data: Hang on; I'm playing Solitaire on my tricorder! -Picard glares at him- Oh, you meant now? OK. Hold on!!!
Worf blows the enemy into a gazillion itsy pieces, and Data maneuvers the shuttle over by the cliff. Picard is a little pedal-happy.
Picard: WHEEEEE!!!!!!! VROOOOOOMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!! -He drives the Argo off the cliff- YYAAAAAYYYY!!!! -Rethinks that- Wait.. I'm afraid of the deep void that is beneath me! (NOTE: Reference to the novel version of 'Nemesis') MOMMY!
The Argo crashes into the pilot's seat.
All Four: Oof.
Picard: Swwweeeetttttttt....
[In Sickbay]
Beverly: -staring at B-4's eyes- Your eyes are MUCH pertier.
Will: You need to stop dying your hair blonde.
Data: Our eyes are identical, Doctor.
Picard: How long will it take to put Humptey-Dumptey back together?
Geordi: He's not an egg, sir.
Picard: You know what I mean.
Geordi: I know; I was just playing with ya. About ten years.
Picard: WTF?! .
Geordi: Just playing again.. An hour or two at most.
Picard: That's better.
Geordi: Heh heh.
[In Picledoo's quarters]
Picard: Tea. Earl Grey.
Computer: Why do you always order that?
Picard: Because I don't like change.
Computer: What about that speech you gave Commander Data?
Picard: Uhh..
Will: There's a phone call coming in from Admiral Janeway.
Picard: Put it through.
Janeway: Wasssup, baldy?
Picard: Admiral Janeway!
Janeway: Yeah. I need you to go to Romulus.. Um, there's a new Praetor and I want you to go alone despite the fact it's a trap to capture you... -clasps hand over mouth- Oops! Did I say that? What I meant to say was I want you to go there and get this 'Political Shakeup' taken care of.
Picard: Will do. Bye!
Janeway: Bye!
[On the bridge]
Picard: Yo, Redshirt! Let's go to Romulus! Warp 5! -warning glance from Deanna- Um, Warp 8. Engage!
Redshirt: Vroom!
Will: Have you been drinking again, Sir?
Picard: Maybe.. No, I haven't. Admiral Janeway said we could go to Romulus and meet this one Reman guy named Shinzon who just happened to be Praetor.
Will: She didn't say he was Reman. Or that his name was Shinzon.
Picard: Umm..
[In the Observation Lounge]
Data: Remus is like Mercury. Anyway, that's where the naughty people on Romulus go and get all dirty.
Picard: How is Remus like Mercury?
Data: One side always faces the sun. That side is really, really hot. The other side is cold. Everyone lives on the cold side.
Picard: Oh.
Data: Anyway, this Reman guy, Shinzon, is really good at fighting and stuff. He's never lost a battle.
Picard: Ok. So, who's up for Buffalo wings? -everyone except Data and Geordi raise their hands- Ok! Let's go.
[In Engineering. Geordi is downloading? Uploading? Info into B-4.]
Geordi: Data, that's not cool. B-4 will know everything you know. He can pose as you, and kill us all! AHH!!!!
Data: That won't happen.
Geordi: Why not?
Data: I will ask him not to..
Geordi: -rolls eyes- Done. -takes the thingy out of Data's head. -
Data: Bye!
[On the bridge]
Picard: Here we are... Waiting for Shinzon. I'm sure I have a bigger ship than he does.
Deanna: What does that have to do with anything?
Picard: It shows how macho I am! Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah...
Worf: Lookie! -points to uncloaking Scimitar-
Picard: That's one big-ass ship!
Will: Yeah...
Worf: Um, it's hailing us.
Picard: On screen!
The Viceroy's head appears on screen.
Picard: Wow, you're freaking ugly, Shinzon!
Viceroy: I'm not Shinzon. I am his Viceroy.
Picard: Viceroy, eh? OK.
Viceroy: Why don't you and your chiefs of staff come and meet us!
Picard: Aren't you going a little too fast there, pal?
The Viceroy rolls his eyes and ends the transmission.
Picard: He doesn't talk much, does he?
[The Scimitar.]
The main people except Geordi and Beverly beam over. The staircase room door opens and they go in.
Picard: This is weird.
Shinzon comes out.
Shinzon: Sorry about this, but I don't really like light. All those years in the dilithium mines...
Picard: Quite all right.
Shinzon: Oooo! Pretty lady! What's shaking, Deanna?
Deanna: I'm married.
Shinzon: Oh, who's the un-lucky guy?
Will: Me.
Deanna: -smacks Will-
Will: Ow.
Picard: If you have anything to tell us about this stuff we are here for, tell us now, and let us get back to my ship.
Shinzon: OK. We say we want peace. OK? Peace. Now, you may leave. Hey, Jean- Luc, come to dinner with you. I mean, with me. Ya.
HAHA! Wait until I put up the second part in this four-part thing!
