Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter and I didn't direct the movie.

::imagines owning harry potter with a million dollars in my hand::

Chapter 2

Haley Joel Osment: Excuse me, can I sit with you? all the other rooms are full...

Harry: You're not in thus fanfic and that's not your line!

Haley: Shadap! i wanna be in this fanfic!

Me: ::jumps in the fanfic and pushes haley of the train:: Ouch that hurt...but does your mouth feel clean?

Haley: ::smiling while rolling on the ground::

Me: Fabulous! Orbit gum, makes your mouth feel clean...no matter what! Take 2!

Ron: Excuse me...can I sit with you? All the other rooms are empty...

Harry: O_______O, why?

Ron: Well, the students jumped off the train because this albino kid named Draco Malfoy farted.

Harry: Oh...that's nice. Well, you can sit here.

Ron: I'm Ron by the way, Ron Greasy. And you?

Harry: I'm Harry, Harry Potter...yes, amazing isn't it?

Ron: I guess....is it true? you know, that scar on your ass?

Harry: O_____O, no, it's in my forehead!

Hermione: Excuse me...a kid named Neville Shortbottom has lost his toad and he said he'll eat me if I don't find it. Have you seen one?

Harry and Ron: O____________O, nope

Hermione: Oh man, I'm gonna get eaten. Tell my mom I love her. Tell all my friends I won't forget about them and....Holy son of a biscuit! your Harry Potter! can I see the scar on your ass?

Harry: IT'S NOT ON MY FRIGGIN ASS! in my forehead!

Hermione: Anyways, My name is Hermione Pink Ranger, nice to meet both of you...::points to Ron's nose:: You got...white stuff on your nose by the way did you know?....just there.

Ron: Heh... ::looks around suspiciously::

They arrived in Hogwarts SCHOOL! not strip club...SCHOOL! ahem...sorry.

McGonagall: First, we would have a feast and a few announcements by Professor Dumblewhore.

Draco: Is there gonna be a lot of lights inside? cause i'm albino and my skin is gonna get burnt...then i'm gonna melt and...

McGonagall: Shaddap! it's a pg-13 fic! damn! woops...excuse my french. ::giggles like a 4 year old litle girl and walks inside::

Draco: It's true then...Mr.Potter has come to Howarts. My name is Draco, Draco Malfoy.

Ron: ::giggles like a 4 year old girl::

Draco: You think that's funny do ya? red hair...and a hand-me-down robe...you must....

Ron: ::opens the window::

Draco: AGHHHH! the sunlight! it hurts! agh! my face! my beautiful pale face! ::jumps off the staircase::

All: O_______________________________O

Ron: It's night time.

Draco: OH! ::dies::

McGonagall: Ok, kiddies, enter the door ::dances like a ballerina:: I'm like a bird...i'll always fly away! i don't know where my soul is, i don't know where my home is...

All: ::throws tomatoes at Professor McGonagall and enters the door::

Draco: ::hides under the table:: The light would burn me!!!

Harry: I thought you were dead already?

Draco: I know! ^___^

All: O_______________________O

Dumblewhore: Take your seats everyone! I have a few announcements...Soon, all of your names would be called to wear the sorting hat and be sorted into your houses. Also...there are a few rules...the forest is forbidden and the third floor hallway or you would die on an exrushiating death. I think Hagrid would like to give a few words ::coughs insanely::

Hagrid: Hello students! ::farts:: OMG! I NEED TO GO TO THE BATHROOM! ::runs to the bathroom while farting::

Students: ::bursts out of laughter::

Dumblewhore: SHADAP! SHADAP! ::turns everyone into rainbow-colored bunnies and coughs insanely::

McGonagall: ^____^! yay! i've always wanted to be a rainbow-colored bunny! ::hops around with joy::

Dumblewhore: Sorry about that! ::turns everyone back to normal::

Ron: Look! me and Hermione made a baby bunny! ^_^

Hermione: O____________O

McGonagall: I'm gonna call your names now! ::giggles:: Ron Greasy!

Ron: ::sits in the chair::

Sorting hat: OMG! you need to take a shower hun. Seriously, you smell like burning rubber mixed in with feet. OH GOD! ::explodes::

All: O_______________________O

McGonagall: OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo...FIREWORKS! ::jumps up and down::

Professor Quirrel: AGHHHHHHHHHHHH! I SAW A TROLL IN THE BATHROOM! AGHHHHHHHHHHH! AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

=====================Unfortunately, his shouting lasted for 3 hours========================

Ron: Isn't Hermione in the bathroom?

Harry: Why? maybe it's this thing called menstruation...

Ron: What the hell is that?

Harry: I think it's when girls start to release blood out of their wait....why are we talking? we have to save her! ::runs to the bathroom::

================In the bathroom, ========================

Hermione: OMG! why is there blood coming out of me! Am i dying!

Troll: ::walks in:: GOO GOO GA GA!

Hermione: Are you....GOD? am i dead?

Troll: O_________________O

Harry and Ron: ::runs inside:: Hermione! watch out! wait.....huh?

Hermione and Troll: ::is painting each other's toenails::

McGonagall: OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! is that hotpink glitter nail polish!

Hermione: YES!

McGonagall: Griffindor gets 1000,000,000 points for getting the hotpink glitter nail polish! ::dances the macarena::