Deep velvet baritone voice from outside- My Lord, it is I Severus Snape,
your humble servant, here to answer to your greatness.
Voldemort- Snape. Ah yes.I was wondering when you would arrive. Enter.
Snape enters the room, looking surprisingly composed considering the evil red glint in Voldemort's eyes directed his way. He glances sideways at Chester with a look that says, "Who the hell are you? And why are you even breathing the same air as me you fool"
Voldemort- Ah yes, Severus, this is my good friend Chester, he's a dinner guest.but enough with the formalities- Expelliarmus!
He catches Snape's wand as it leaps out from his left sleeve. Snape kneels down in front of Voldemort, who immediately raises his own wand, uttering the words "Crucio!". Snape (already on his knees of course) keels over onto the floor in a fit of pain - rather undignified for the Hogwarts potions master who usually revels in other people's misfortunes.
Voldemort- Severus, Severus, tut tut, I hope this is not too painful for you. After all, I should think this is minor compared to the pang of guilt that twists like a knife in your gut each time you feel the Dark Mark burn.
I hope this is a lesson to you that disloyalty will not be tolerated.along with excessive amounts of Brylcreem and Yves Saint Laurent cologne. I could kill you now but it gives me great pleasure to see you in such discomfort. Where is the almighty Albus Dumbledore now, when you need him the most? No, don't reply, I don't need your piteous excuses. You have failed, Snape, failed first and foremost as a Death Eater, and now failed as an ally with all those who dare to stand against me. In a matter of days Hogwarts will be mine and Dumbledore will simply be a shadow of the past. You probably realise that I lost my trust in you a long time ago.ever since your attempts to protect the Potter boy came to my attention. However, I still had my uses for you - I admit your potions making is second to none, although if I look back on it now, it seems you were just a glorified tea boy. I have been surprised by your courage - or stupidity, daring to work on both sides. You deserve no mercy, which is why you shall be imprisoned with this good-for-nothing squib that two fools tried to pass off as my dinner. And as for the Great Dumbledore.why, he is about to receive his comeuppance.
During this rather dull, prolonged speech Chester, who for the most part of this tale will remain a dimwit, is suddenly blinded by a metaphorical light bulb suspended over his head in mid air.
Chester- *Ah ha, I have a cunning plan* (he seemed to say) Without time to think about the potential consequences of his actions, Chester sneaks up to Voldemort and does the unthinkable. Having no magical powers of his own, he simply does what any self-respecting idiot would do (whether this be in a school playground or in one's captor's secret hideout) he reaches down and pulls Voldemort's evil-type black robes right over the Dark Lord's head.
Voldemort- * in cheesy slapstick type way* Who turned out the lights??
Voldemort struggles underneath his robes for a full ten minutes more than should actually be feasible for someone in his position. However it must be noted that Voldemort has not been drinking enough of the White Stuff (milk that is, not unicorn blood) - and his bones are therefore too weak for him to drag the robes off of his head and free himself. This should, in theory, give Chester and Sev enough time to escape. Sev is lying on the floor weakly trying to signal to Chester that it is time for them to make their escape. Chester however is at that moment enchanted by the sudden entrance of a lone butterfly that flutters through the open window of Voldemort's secret lair. This causes Chester to start philosophising on the rudimentary principles of chaos theory.
Chester- If a butterfly flaps it's wings somewhere in the highlands of Scotland in a location supposedly secret to muggles (although for sake of argument let's just say Aberdeen), will this, after a number of apparently ordinarily connected events (such as the wind blowing a conker off a tree and someone being knocked out by a piano falling on their head) and many very long and complicated equations, eventually lead to an earthquake in China?
Sev, ever increasingly panicking, attempts to attract Chester's attention in as many ways possible that can be done by a man immobilised on the floor.
Sev- Hmm, it appears that banging my head on the floor is not having the desired effect of attracting this dunderhead's attention. Perhaps if I try coughing violently.no, still not working.I just need to kill that darned butterfly, but how? Where is a damn crossbow when you need one? Ah ha, what if I try letting off wind in Morse code.that'll fulfil the double purpose of killing the butterfly and signalling to Spotted Dick that we need to leave.NOW.
Sevs butt- *we.need.to.get.out.of.here*
The butterfly slowly folds it's wings and drops to the floor, overwhelmed by the gases exuding from Sev's backside. Chester, apparently free from his reverie, sniffs the air, entranced by the welcoming odour before him.
Sev- *Thank Merlin for those beans I had for dinner.* Chester, we need to leave NOW! Just head for that green light.
Ten minutes later.
Voldemort- (finally released from his polyester prison) Victory-is-mine! . Hello, anybody there? . Curses!
Voldemort begins to regret having had that fire exit door installed in his secret lair.
************************************
In the mean time Chester and Sev are making their escape down a long winding corridor, Sev dragging his left leg behind him, followed by Chester and a gang of flying monkeys.
Leading Monkey- (in monkey sign language) All I want from you is a banaaana, please come back!
Sev- We have no bananas, just a few sprinkles of genius with a chance of doom!
Lead monkey- Ok, sorry to bother you mate *bloody humans and their melodrama*
All of a sudden (as if they didn't see it coming) Sev and Chester reach the end of the corridor. Luckily, there is a large wooden door in front of them just begging to be opened. Unluckily however, the agonizing screams heard earlier when Tintin and Snowy were dragged away can still be heard.behind the door. Sev and Chester decide to take their chances, so Chester swings the door open and the pair dive inside, only to be confronted with a devastating sight.
Snowy is lying on the floor wailing hysterically, with Tintin kneeling beside him.
Tintin- He's inconsolable, there's no taramasalata in the buffet. Snowy- *cries* What's a buffet without no damn taramasalata? I begged them to put an end to my suffering but they just ignored me. I even offered to phone the deli but they just laughed in my face.so cruel. *his voice trails off*
As snowy silently hugs himself in the fetal position Tintin gets up, wiping a tear from his eye.
Tintin- What I want to know is why?
Tintin- *screams* "Why????!!!" then makes as if to lunge down the corridor at Voldemort. Sev and Chester hold him back.
Tintin- You bastard!!
They struggle some more till Tintin finally gives up and regains his composure.
Tintin- I'm sorry. I lost it. I just can't stand to see him that way.
They all turn to look at Snowy who by now is rocking back and forth, chewing his hair and saying "Lovely, just the right amount of cods roe...and is that extra virgin olive oil I taste?..."
****************************
Voldemort- Snape. Ah yes.I was wondering when you would arrive. Enter.
Snape enters the room, looking surprisingly composed considering the evil red glint in Voldemort's eyes directed his way. He glances sideways at Chester with a look that says, "Who the hell are you? And why are you even breathing the same air as me you fool"
Voldemort- Ah yes, Severus, this is my good friend Chester, he's a dinner guest.but enough with the formalities- Expelliarmus!
He catches Snape's wand as it leaps out from his left sleeve. Snape kneels down in front of Voldemort, who immediately raises his own wand, uttering the words "Crucio!". Snape (already on his knees of course) keels over onto the floor in a fit of pain - rather undignified for the Hogwarts potions master who usually revels in other people's misfortunes.
Voldemort- Severus, Severus, tut tut, I hope this is not too painful for you. After all, I should think this is minor compared to the pang of guilt that twists like a knife in your gut each time you feel the Dark Mark burn.
I hope this is a lesson to you that disloyalty will not be tolerated.along with excessive amounts of Brylcreem and Yves Saint Laurent cologne. I could kill you now but it gives me great pleasure to see you in such discomfort. Where is the almighty Albus Dumbledore now, when you need him the most? No, don't reply, I don't need your piteous excuses. You have failed, Snape, failed first and foremost as a Death Eater, and now failed as an ally with all those who dare to stand against me. In a matter of days Hogwarts will be mine and Dumbledore will simply be a shadow of the past. You probably realise that I lost my trust in you a long time ago.ever since your attempts to protect the Potter boy came to my attention. However, I still had my uses for you - I admit your potions making is second to none, although if I look back on it now, it seems you were just a glorified tea boy. I have been surprised by your courage - or stupidity, daring to work on both sides. You deserve no mercy, which is why you shall be imprisoned with this good-for-nothing squib that two fools tried to pass off as my dinner. And as for the Great Dumbledore.why, he is about to receive his comeuppance.
During this rather dull, prolonged speech Chester, who for the most part of this tale will remain a dimwit, is suddenly blinded by a metaphorical light bulb suspended over his head in mid air.
Chester- *Ah ha, I have a cunning plan* (he seemed to say) Without time to think about the potential consequences of his actions, Chester sneaks up to Voldemort and does the unthinkable. Having no magical powers of his own, he simply does what any self-respecting idiot would do (whether this be in a school playground or in one's captor's secret hideout) he reaches down and pulls Voldemort's evil-type black robes right over the Dark Lord's head.
Voldemort- * in cheesy slapstick type way* Who turned out the lights??
Voldemort struggles underneath his robes for a full ten minutes more than should actually be feasible for someone in his position. However it must be noted that Voldemort has not been drinking enough of the White Stuff (milk that is, not unicorn blood) - and his bones are therefore too weak for him to drag the robes off of his head and free himself. This should, in theory, give Chester and Sev enough time to escape. Sev is lying on the floor weakly trying to signal to Chester that it is time for them to make their escape. Chester however is at that moment enchanted by the sudden entrance of a lone butterfly that flutters through the open window of Voldemort's secret lair. This causes Chester to start philosophising on the rudimentary principles of chaos theory.
Chester- If a butterfly flaps it's wings somewhere in the highlands of Scotland in a location supposedly secret to muggles (although for sake of argument let's just say Aberdeen), will this, after a number of apparently ordinarily connected events (such as the wind blowing a conker off a tree and someone being knocked out by a piano falling on their head) and many very long and complicated equations, eventually lead to an earthquake in China?
Sev, ever increasingly panicking, attempts to attract Chester's attention in as many ways possible that can be done by a man immobilised on the floor.
Sev- Hmm, it appears that banging my head on the floor is not having the desired effect of attracting this dunderhead's attention. Perhaps if I try coughing violently.no, still not working.I just need to kill that darned butterfly, but how? Where is a damn crossbow when you need one? Ah ha, what if I try letting off wind in Morse code.that'll fulfil the double purpose of killing the butterfly and signalling to Spotted Dick that we need to leave.NOW.
Sevs butt- *we.need.to.get.out.of.here*
The butterfly slowly folds it's wings and drops to the floor, overwhelmed by the gases exuding from Sev's backside. Chester, apparently free from his reverie, sniffs the air, entranced by the welcoming odour before him.
Sev- *Thank Merlin for those beans I had for dinner.* Chester, we need to leave NOW! Just head for that green light.
Ten minutes later.
Voldemort- (finally released from his polyester prison) Victory-is-mine! . Hello, anybody there? . Curses!
Voldemort begins to regret having had that fire exit door installed in his secret lair.
************************************
In the mean time Chester and Sev are making their escape down a long winding corridor, Sev dragging his left leg behind him, followed by Chester and a gang of flying monkeys.
Leading Monkey- (in monkey sign language) All I want from you is a banaaana, please come back!
Sev- We have no bananas, just a few sprinkles of genius with a chance of doom!
Lead monkey- Ok, sorry to bother you mate *bloody humans and their melodrama*
All of a sudden (as if they didn't see it coming) Sev and Chester reach the end of the corridor. Luckily, there is a large wooden door in front of them just begging to be opened. Unluckily however, the agonizing screams heard earlier when Tintin and Snowy were dragged away can still be heard.behind the door. Sev and Chester decide to take their chances, so Chester swings the door open and the pair dive inside, only to be confronted with a devastating sight.
Snowy is lying on the floor wailing hysterically, with Tintin kneeling beside him.
Tintin- He's inconsolable, there's no taramasalata in the buffet. Snowy- *cries* What's a buffet without no damn taramasalata? I begged them to put an end to my suffering but they just ignored me. I even offered to phone the deli but they just laughed in my face.so cruel. *his voice trails off*
As snowy silently hugs himself in the fetal position Tintin gets up, wiping a tear from his eye.
Tintin- What I want to know is why?
Tintin- *screams* "Why????!!!" then makes as if to lunge down the corridor at Voldemort. Sev and Chester hold him back.
Tintin- You bastard!!
They struggle some more till Tintin finally gives up and regains his composure.
Tintin- I'm sorry. I lost it. I just can't stand to see him that way.
They all turn to look at Snowy who by now is rocking back and forth, chewing his hair and saying "Lovely, just the right amount of cods roe...and is that extra virgin olive oil I taste?..."
****************************
