BACK AT HOGWARTS
Sebastian as you may recall has been left in charge of Snape's classes for the morning. A close up of Sebastian's face shows him to look reasonably composed. Well not too close, we don't want to scare you.
Seb- So we've established that the purposes of unicorn hair are varied and useful. Marvin, can you tell me one of them?
The view pans out and turns the other way round to reveal Sebastian hanging upside down, his feet tied to the chandelier in the middle of the room. A fire has started in the middle of the room, tables and chairs are overturned and any of the students left are committing vile acts of debauchery and random property damage. A draught fills the room as one of the Slytherins running amok jumps through a window. The chandelier begins to sway gently from side to side.
Sebastian-*ginger hair swaying rhythmically*- Okay Marvin, sure you don't know? How about you Selina?
Selina, an emaciated girl with long blonde ringlets, coolly flips Seb the v- sign before going back to stoking the fire she has started with some textbooks.
Sebastian- You neither eh? Dear dear, how about you Pelinore?
Pelinore, a very large boy with a copious amount of facial hair that makes up for his lack of brains, stares vacantly at Seb.
Pelinore- 'ow should I know, I'm not the bleedin' teacher. It's for love potions isn't it?
Seb opens his mouth to answer when suddenly the door swings open.
A coolly calm baritone voice- Actually that's phoenix feathers.
The Slytherin students stop in their tracks with that strange prescience of school children that can tell when they are in the presence of authority. Another voice, more youthful than the first joins in- Though powdered unicorn horn is a powerful aphrodisiac.
Two figures step through the door. The first is obviously the baritone, about six foot one and broad shouldered, and wearing a long navy cloak. His symmetrical face is rather serious though undoubtedly very handsome. The second is an inch or two shorter, with a dark green cloak, a slender build and a pretty, youthful sort of face topped with curly brown hair. A mischievous smile plays upon his face.
The Baritone- May I introduce myself. I am Fitzwilliam Firth.
In one stride he goes over to Sebastian and crushes his hand in a powerful handshake.
*With a smooth flick of his hand the youthful one simultaneously whips out his wand and uncoils the rope tying Chester to the ceiling, who lands on the floor with an oomph*
The Youthful One- I'm not quite so polite as my colleague but I think that can come in handy. Orlando Bloomington.
He walks over to help Fitzwilliam help Chester up.
****************************
IN THE MEANTIME
Snowy is still rocking back and forth. Chester has quietly helped himself to the buffet and Severus is getting irritated.
Sev- Oh pull yourself together man! *he slaps snowy round the face*
It has no effect.
Severus looks at him with distaste then wipes his hands on his trousers.
Sev-.right, well I'm off, I don't know about you but I don't fancy being here when the Dark Lord has regained his composure.
Tintin- *his voice grim* Well I'm staying here. I'll take him on, for the sake of Snowy and all that is sacred in the world of buffets and hors d'oeuvres. *his face is filled with nobility.or possibly heartburn*
Sev turns and leaves, Chester scurrying after him.
And so it was that Severus and Chester left Tintin and Snowy in the confines of Voldemort's secret lair while they themselves escaped through a strategically placed window leading out onto the road to Hogsmeade, on which they journeyed for a full fifteen minutes before finding themselves in the (relative) safe house of the Three Broomsticks.
Sevvy peers out of a window cautiously (if not rather paranoid) checking for any sign of pursuit. Finding none he gratefully slumps into a chair.
Chester- *pulls out a napkin from his pocket* Mini quiche?
Severus looks at him witheringly.
****************************
BACK AT HOGWARTS
Fitzwilliam and Orlando have managed to get the Slytherin students under control and are putting the classroom back into order while Chester looks on in an irritated fashion.
Chester- Thanks but there is really no need for all this, everything was perfectly under control. So if you don't mind leaving me to my class now?
Orlando raises his eyebrows at Fitzwilliam.
Fitzwilliam- Well technically it's our cla.
Seb- Goodbye then.
Orlando- But we're the new...
Seb- *very fast* asIsaideverythingisundercontrol,thatwasjustaslighthiccup. Nowifyoudont mindleavingmewithmyclassthankyouverymuch.
Fitzwilliam- Honestly we're just trying to help you...
Orlando- And you don't win an argument just by talking fast.
Seb- Listen here you *pokes Fitzwilliam in the shoulder* and you *pokes Orlando in the shoulder* this is my class and I'll be damned if you two pretty boys are going to come in here and steal it. Who are you, the new P.E. teachers?? *said with a sneer* I am perfectly capable of controlling this class.
Orlando- Well it didn't look like it before!
Seb- Ooh and do you want to make something of it?
Orlando- No, I'm merely saying that we helped you out!
Fitzwilliam gives Orlando a warning look.
Seb- *puts up his hands in mock boxer pose*- Come on then nancy boy! Lets dance! *he starts to prance about boxer-style*
Orlando shakes his head in disbelief.
Orlando- You can't be serious.
Seb- I assure you I am deadly serious - with an emphasis on the deadly.
Seb rips off his robes to reveal a black lycra unitard.
Seb- Hold on a sec.
He turns and seems to be fumbling around with something on his face. Finally he turns around to reveal a chalk white face, and strategically placed make up.
Orlando- You don't mean.
Seb- Yes, that's right! For five years I was a member of the Middlington Martial Mime Artists Association! Collectively known as the Maiming Mimers.
Orlando- *trying not to laugh* Mime artists?
Seb- Yes *he puts on a bowler hat* It uses the ancient art of mime in combat thus- *Seb mimes being trapped inside an invisible box moving closer and closer to Orlando until he is an inch away, then slaps him round the head *
Orlando- *in between laughter* Ow! Seb- The sublime physical movement of the mime mixed with interpretive dance distracts the attention of the victim. *Seb then mimes a shark swimming in the ocean* Seb- .while strengthening the body leaving a deadly form of attack. * and comes round the back of Orlando and slaps him again*
Orlando- Stop that!
*Seb begins another mime*
Orlando- Now look here, I don't want to hurt you!
*Seb shows no sign of stopping*
Fitzwilliam is looking on very amused.
Orlando gives him a despairing look- I don't want to hurt him.
Fitzwilliam shrugs resignedly.
Fitz- Hold on, I'll be right back.
Orlando- Oi come back here!
Fitz has already sidled out of the room. Seb is doing something that looks like the dance of the seven veils.
Orlando looks resigned- Ok, but I did say I don't want to hurt you.
Seb- Bah, I'd like to see you try.
As Seb comes up for another attack Orlando grabs his forearm and flips him over on to the ground.
Seb- Arghh! Vicious! That really hurt!
Orlando- *face looks stricken* Sorry, I didn't mean to *extends a hand to help him up*
Seb- Ha fooled you *and attempts to give Orlando a Chinese burn*
Orlando looks at him pityingly before twisting his arm behind his back and kicking him to the ground. Seb suddenly gets the worried look of a man who verily knows he is going to get a right royal arse kicking.
*****************************************
BACK AT THE THREE BROOMSTICKS
Severus is still feeling a bit the worse for wear after the whole Cruciatus curse thing, as well as a bit edgy having just escaped from Voldemort's clutches, and is contemplating what to do next. Chester is sitting quietly next to him munching on a lobster.
Chester- So what's your name?
Severus looks at him. Then looks out of the window. Chester prods him with his elbow.
Chester *a bit louder*- I said What's Your Name?
Severus- I'm not deaf you blithering idiot. I was pointedly ignoring you in a cool sarcastic fashion.
Chester- Oh.
He looks at Severus imploringly.
Severus- Oh for the love of...it's Snape. Professor Severus Snape.
Chester- I'm Chester B. Humpledincker.
Severus- *involuntarily flinches* So Chester, tell me what were you doing in You Know Who's secret lair.
Chester- You Know Who? You mean that skinny guy with eczema and breathing difficulties?
Severus- Yes him.
Chester- I thought his name was Volleyball or something?
Severus- Just get on with it.
Chester- Well I was driving a lorry full of jam and crashed, then got kidnapped by Tintin and Snowy who were planning on selling me to Volleyball. He's some sort of Dark lord / evil wizard. Really into cannibalism.
Severus- *ponders this for a moment, then*- You crashed, you say?
Chester- Yeah, funny thing about it is normally I have Wednesdays off. I can't for the life of me remember why I was driving or why I crashed.all I remember is it was something urgent, I had to get somewhere and warn someone...*Chester's face creases in concentration, not a good idea as it causes a few pustules to burst. Severus quickly avoids the cascading pus and watches in horror as it burns through the floor*
Chester- .and then suddenly I saw a figure in the road. Wearing black. Kinda dumpy looking.
Severus suddenly looks at him- Dumpy you say?
Chester- Yeah, and very dowdy. A bit of a frump really.
What little colour there is has drained from Snape's face. Sevvy grabs Chester by the cuff.
Severus- This is very important. Was the figure doing anything in particular that you thought. odd?
Chester- Well now you mention it, yeah. It was twiddling at its neck in a curious gesture.
Severus lets go of Chester and slumps.
Sev- Oh shhit.
Sebastian as you may recall has been left in charge of Snape's classes for the morning. A close up of Sebastian's face shows him to look reasonably composed. Well not too close, we don't want to scare you.
Seb- So we've established that the purposes of unicorn hair are varied and useful. Marvin, can you tell me one of them?
The view pans out and turns the other way round to reveal Sebastian hanging upside down, his feet tied to the chandelier in the middle of the room. A fire has started in the middle of the room, tables and chairs are overturned and any of the students left are committing vile acts of debauchery and random property damage. A draught fills the room as one of the Slytherins running amok jumps through a window. The chandelier begins to sway gently from side to side.
Sebastian-*ginger hair swaying rhythmically*- Okay Marvin, sure you don't know? How about you Selina?
Selina, an emaciated girl with long blonde ringlets, coolly flips Seb the v- sign before going back to stoking the fire she has started with some textbooks.
Sebastian- You neither eh? Dear dear, how about you Pelinore?
Pelinore, a very large boy with a copious amount of facial hair that makes up for his lack of brains, stares vacantly at Seb.
Pelinore- 'ow should I know, I'm not the bleedin' teacher. It's for love potions isn't it?
Seb opens his mouth to answer when suddenly the door swings open.
A coolly calm baritone voice- Actually that's phoenix feathers.
The Slytherin students stop in their tracks with that strange prescience of school children that can tell when they are in the presence of authority. Another voice, more youthful than the first joins in- Though powdered unicorn horn is a powerful aphrodisiac.
Two figures step through the door. The first is obviously the baritone, about six foot one and broad shouldered, and wearing a long navy cloak. His symmetrical face is rather serious though undoubtedly very handsome. The second is an inch or two shorter, with a dark green cloak, a slender build and a pretty, youthful sort of face topped with curly brown hair. A mischievous smile plays upon his face.
The Baritone- May I introduce myself. I am Fitzwilliam Firth.
In one stride he goes over to Sebastian and crushes his hand in a powerful handshake.
*With a smooth flick of his hand the youthful one simultaneously whips out his wand and uncoils the rope tying Chester to the ceiling, who lands on the floor with an oomph*
The Youthful One- I'm not quite so polite as my colleague but I think that can come in handy. Orlando Bloomington.
He walks over to help Fitzwilliam help Chester up.
****************************
IN THE MEANTIME
Snowy is still rocking back and forth. Chester has quietly helped himself to the buffet and Severus is getting irritated.
Sev- Oh pull yourself together man! *he slaps snowy round the face*
It has no effect.
Severus looks at him with distaste then wipes his hands on his trousers.
Sev-.right, well I'm off, I don't know about you but I don't fancy being here when the Dark Lord has regained his composure.
Tintin- *his voice grim* Well I'm staying here. I'll take him on, for the sake of Snowy and all that is sacred in the world of buffets and hors d'oeuvres. *his face is filled with nobility.or possibly heartburn*
Sev turns and leaves, Chester scurrying after him.
And so it was that Severus and Chester left Tintin and Snowy in the confines of Voldemort's secret lair while they themselves escaped through a strategically placed window leading out onto the road to Hogsmeade, on which they journeyed for a full fifteen minutes before finding themselves in the (relative) safe house of the Three Broomsticks.
Sevvy peers out of a window cautiously (if not rather paranoid) checking for any sign of pursuit. Finding none he gratefully slumps into a chair.
Chester- *pulls out a napkin from his pocket* Mini quiche?
Severus looks at him witheringly.
****************************
BACK AT HOGWARTS
Fitzwilliam and Orlando have managed to get the Slytherin students under control and are putting the classroom back into order while Chester looks on in an irritated fashion.
Chester- Thanks but there is really no need for all this, everything was perfectly under control. So if you don't mind leaving me to my class now?
Orlando raises his eyebrows at Fitzwilliam.
Fitzwilliam- Well technically it's our cla.
Seb- Goodbye then.
Orlando- But we're the new...
Seb- *very fast* asIsaideverythingisundercontrol,thatwasjustaslighthiccup. Nowifyoudont mindleavingmewithmyclassthankyouverymuch.
Fitzwilliam- Honestly we're just trying to help you...
Orlando- And you don't win an argument just by talking fast.
Seb- Listen here you *pokes Fitzwilliam in the shoulder* and you *pokes Orlando in the shoulder* this is my class and I'll be damned if you two pretty boys are going to come in here and steal it. Who are you, the new P.E. teachers?? *said with a sneer* I am perfectly capable of controlling this class.
Orlando- Well it didn't look like it before!
Seb- Ooh and do you want to make something of it?
Orlando- No, I'm merely saying that we helped you out!
Fitzwilliam gives Orlando a warning look.
Seb- *puts up his hands in mock boxer pose*- Come on then nancy boy! Lets dance! *he starts to prance about boxer-style*
Orlando shakes his head in disbelief.
Orlando- You can't be serious.
Seb- I assure you I am deadly serious - with an emphasis on the deadly.
Seb rips off his robes to reveal a black lycra unitard.
Seb- Hold on a sec.
He turns and seems to be fumbling around with something on his face. Finally he turns around to reveal a chalk white face, and strategically placed make up.
Orlando- You don't mean.
Seb- Yes, that's right! For five years I was a member of the Middlington Martial Mime Artists Association! Collectively known as the Maiming Mimers.
Orlando- *trying not to laugh* Mime artists?
Seb- Yes *he puts on a bowler hat* It uses the ancient art of mime in combat thus- *Seb mimes being trapped inside an invisible box moving closer and closer to Orlando until he is an inch away, then slaps him round the head *
Orlando- *in between laughter* Ow! Seb- The sublime physical movement of the mime mixed with interpretive dance distracts the attention of the victim. *Seb then mimes a shark swimming in the ocean* Seb- .while strengthening the body leaving a deadly form of attack. * and comes round the back of Orlando and slaps him again*
Orlando- Stop that!
*Seb begins another mime*
Orlando- Now look here, I don't want to hurt you!
*Seb shows no sign of stopping*
Fitzwilliam is looking on very amused.
Orlando gives him a despairing look- I don't want to hurt him.
Fitzwilliam shrugs resignedly.
Fitz- Hold on, I'll be right back.
Orlando- Oi come back here!
Fitz has already sidled out of the room. Seb is doing something that looks like the dance of the seven veils.
Orlando looks resigned- Ok, but I did say I don't want to hurt you.
Seb- Bah, I'd like to see you try.
As Seb comes up for another attack Orlando grabs his forearm and flips him over on to the ground.
Seb- Arghh! Vicious! That really hurt!
Orlando- *face looks stricken* Sorry, I didn't mean to *extends a hand to help him up*
Seb- Ha fooled you *and attempts to give Orlando a Chinese burn*
Orlando looks at him pityingly before twisting his arm behind his back and kicking him to the ground. Seb suddenly gets the worried look of a man who verily knows he is going to get a right royal arse kicking.
*****************************************
BACK AT THE THREE BROOMSTICKS
Severus is still feeling a bit the worse for wear after the whole Cruciatus curse thing, as well as a bit edgy having just escaped from Voldemort's clutches, and is contemplating what to do next. Chester is sitting quietly next to him munching on a lobster.
Chester- So what's your name?
Severus looks at him. Then looks out of the window. Chester prods him with his elbow.
Chester *a bit louder*- I said What's Your Name?
Severus- I'm not deaf you blithering idiot. I was pointedly ignoring you in a cool sarcastic fashion.
Chester- Oh.
He looks at Severus imploringly.
Severus- Oh for the love of...it's Snape. Professor Severus Snape.
Chester- I'm Chester B. Humpledincker.
Severus- *involuntarily flinches* So Chester, tell me what were you doing in You Know Who's secret lair.
Chester- You Know Who? You mean that skinny guy with eczema and breathing difficulties?
Severus- Yes him.
Chester- I thought his name was Volleyball or something?
Severus- Just get on with it.
Chester- Well I was driving a lorry full of jam and crashed, then got kidnapped by Tintin and Snowy who were planning on selling me to Volleyball. He's some sort of Dark lord / evil wizard. Really into cannibalism.
Severus- *ponders this for a moment, then*- You crashed, you say?
Chester- Yeah, funny thing about it is normally I have Wednesdays off. I can't for the life of me remember why I was driving or why I crashed.all I remember is it was something urgent, I had to get somewhere and warn someone...*Chester's face creases in concentration, not a good idea as it causes a few pustules to burst. Severus quickly avoids the cascading pus and watches in horror as it burns through the floor*
Chester- .and then suddenly I saw a figure in the road. Wearing black. Kinda dumpy looking.
Severus suddenly looks at him- Dumpy you say?
Chester- Yeah, and very dowdy. A bit of a frump really.
What little colour there is has drained from Snape's face. Sevvy grabs Chester by the cuff.
Severus- This is very important. Was the figure doing anything in particular that you thought. odd?
Chester- Well now you mention it, yeah. It was twiddling at its neck in a curious gesture.
Severus lets go of Chester and slumps.
Sev- Oh shhit.
