Howdy all. Sorry, I said this would be out a few days ago, but it wasn't. Still, it's here now, so enjoy.
Depression
Yamato strummed melancholically on his guitar as his thoughts occupied his mind.
He was supposed to be at band practice for their upcoming gig, but he'd called and said he was sick. Instead, he was sitting here, in the dark, thinking about how everything in his life was screwed up.
"Stupid Taichi," he muttered, the first thing he'd said since he'd called his band. That was hours ago. "How could he do that to me? A kiss? Doesn't he realise how much I would love to kiss him? I would love for it to mean something though. I don't want to kiss him just because everyone expects us to do it, or because he wants to make this fake relationship more believable." Yamato's eyes filled with sudden tears.
"How could he do this to me? I thought he was may friend." A single drop fell onto his hand. Yamato stared at it angrily and dashed a hand over his eyes to wipe away the moisture.
"So much for our vow. Nothing will come between us. I should have known better. Everything in my life screws up sooner or later." Yamato started strumming again, letting the angry fast music he played completely occupy his mind and drown out everything else.
* * *
Taichi stalked to his front door as the person behind it knocked furiously to get his attention.
"I'm coming!"
There was no one else home. Hikari was out somewhere with Takeru and his parents were at some work party of his mothers. Taichi didn't want to go anywhere, he was content to lie in his misery for as long as he could. But apparently his visitor didn't agree with his plan.
Taichi flung the door open and growled," What?"
"Is that any way to greet a friend?" Daisuke asked before he drew back his arm and punched Taichi on the nose.
"What the fuck was that for Davis?" Taichi glared at him as he backed towards the kitchen to get an icepack. Daisuke let himself in and sat down at the table.
"For lying to me." Taichi stiffened and his shoulders slumped. He turned away on the pretense of looking for the icepack, but both boys knew that it was a front to cover up how guilty Taichi felt.
"So you found out."
"Sora told me exactly what happened." Daisuke glared at Taichi, even though he knew his idol couldn't see. "She was really cut up about what you said."
"Well she deserved it!" Taichi turned around to return Daisuke's glare.
"This isn't all her fault Tai, you can't blame everything you said on her."
"If it wasn't for her and that stupid be I wouldn't be in this situation." Taichi gave up and sat down beside Daisuke. He was silent for a long time before he finally said, "I didn't want things to happen like this."
"Like what?"
"This. I promised Yama that nothing would break up our friendship and now look at us. Because of something stupid I said, we're no longer friends."
"What did you say?" Daisuke was being so kind, Taichi didn't have the heart to lie.
"I asked Yama to kiss me."
Daisuke's eyes widened. "But if you two were only pretending, then … woah, this is more serious than I thought!" Daisuke ran his fingers through his hair.
"How did you know me and Yama were only pretending? Even Sora thought we were for real."
Daisuke shrugged. "Obviously if it was real then Yamato wouldn't be angry with you for asking him to kiss you."
"You'd be surprised at the things Yama gets upset about." Taichi smiled wryly.
"I guess you'd know better than anyone how things would affect Yamato." Taichi looked over at Daisuke in puzzlement. What exactly does he mean by that? Daisuke returned the look with a raised eyebrow. "You are his best friend are you not?"
"Oh." So that's it. "Yeah, I am."
"Then shouldn't you have used that knowledge to try and predict how Yamato would react to a suggestion like that?"
"Well I didn't mean to ask him, but he just kept pestering me."
"Yamato?" Daisuke looked surprised. "I'm surprised that Matt would pester. I thought he'd leave you alone if you said you didn't want to talk about something."
"He usually does. Yama understands that sometimes people have to keep things to themselves for a while. With me, whenever something really big is bothering me though, he bugs me until I get so pissed off at him that I usually scream out whatever he wants to know so he'll leave me alone. Then of course he gives me a huge grin and helps me work out my problems." Taichi smiled. "He's such a pain in the ass."
Daisuke was looking at Taichi in amusement. Taichi frowned as he picked up on this. "What?"
"I can't believe how easily you would both throw away such a great relationship. This fight almost seems petty compared to some things I've seen you two fight over."
"It's not petty." Taichi got up and walked over to the refrigerator. He got a drink for himself and Daisuke and sat down again.
"Explain how this is any worse than some things I've seen."
Taichi looked down at the table and contemplated answering. "Davis, everything I'm about to tell you does not leave this room."
"Okay."
Taichi let out a breath and told Daisuke everything, from the plan about making a joke about the bet, to the confession that neither of them had ever been kissed. Then he went on to talk about his guilt over Daisuke's own predicament and how both he and Yamato were a bit unsure about still being in the fake relationship. Then he went on to tell Daisuke about the conversation about first kisses.
"What did you say?" Daisuke was still taking notice of everything Taichi was saying, meaning that he did actually acre about the mess.
"I didn't actually answer him."
"Why not?"
"I couldn't tell him my fantasy." Taichi started to blush.
"Why not?"
Taichi cleared his throat. "That's not really important. What's important is the fight we had later that day."
"The one about the kiss?"
"Yeah."
Daisuke nodded and thought over everything they had talked about. "Something still seems weird about the way you've been acting about all this."
"What do you mean?"
"I'm not quite sure, but I'll figure it out eventually." Daisuke thought some more then smiled as he apparently came up with a solution. "Hey Tai, did you know that every time you mentioned Yamato, you called him 'Yama'?"
Taichi's eyes widened. "I … what … I … uh …"
Daisuke smiled. "I think you actually like him."
Taichi's eyes widened even further if that was possible. "I …" I do! That's why I've been agonising over this so much. Taichi looked at Daisuke in relived acceptance. "I do. Gods, I do, I like him."
"And he has no idea."
"No, he can't know." Taichi looked at Daisuke pleadingly. "Please Dais, you can't tell him, I don't want to ruin things any more between us."
"Tai —"
"No Davis, please. Don't tell him."
"I won't, but I think you should."
"What's the point, he obviously doesn't like me in that way. He would have kissed me if he did."
"Maybe he didn't because you used the bet as an excuse to suggest kissing him as a way of getting close to him without revealing your heart and leaving it vulnerable to rejection." Daisuke sipped his drink as he finished his speech.
Taichi stared at him in amazement. "Wow. I never thought you'd come up with something that deep, and probably very true."
"Taichi, I've been agonising over my best friend longer than you have, I've had loads of time to think of things like this. Not to mention I've been watching those really bad teenage soap operas where things like this happen all the time. I'm practically an expert on the subject."
Taichi smiled. "Well thanks for your advice. It's probably true."
"Of course it's true, it came from the television. When do television shows ever lie?" And there's the normal Davis back, safe and sound. I seriously was beginning to think something bad had happened to him. Taichi smiled at his friend again.
"Look, Tai, all I can really say is that you should follow your own advice, the one you gave me."
"Just tell him because love strengthens a relationship it doesn't break it?"
Daisuke smiled. "That's the one. Yamato might surprise you."
"Maybe." Taichi still wasn't totally convinced, but he was more relieved about some things than before. "I really screwed up didn't I?"
"Big time. But by the same token, Yamato is at fault too."
"I guess. I still shouldn't have asked him to kiss me like that."
"Next time don't do it like that. Ask him and explain that you aren't doing it for a bet, but because you really want to. You never know, he might want to also." Daisuke got up. "I should be going. I have to meet Ken soon."
"Thanks for everything Davis."
"Hey, I'm just returning the favour." Taichi walked Daisuke to the door. "Oh, Tai, sorry about the punch."
Taichi reached up and touched his nose. It was still a little sore and there might be slight bruising but it wasn't serious. "I did deserve it. Besides, it wasn't that hard anyway."
"I'm still sorry."
"Say hi to Ken for me."
"Will do. See you Tai."
"Later."
Taichi closed the door behind his friend and leaned back against it.
"Now for the hard part," he muttered. "Apologising to Yama."
* * *
Yamato opened the door on the fifth knock. Ken was standing there, looking a bit unsure.
"Hi." Yamato was surprised. Ken rarely talked to the older digi-destined. "What's up Ken?"
"Can I talk to you about something?" Yamato moved aside and led the younger boy into his house. "Thanks."
"No problem. What's up?"
"I was just wondering about the fight you and Taichi had."
Yamato's eyes glazed over at the statement. Ken stared at him unconcerned and unafraid. Guess some of that cold confidence he had as the Digimon Emperor was actually his after all. "And why do you think I would tell you something about such a private matter?"
"Because I'm offering my help."
"Why?"
"You're someone I can relate to." Yamato stared at him and forgot the snide comment he was about to make.
"What?"
Ken looked at him. "Even if Takeru hadn't told me some of the things that happened to you — to all of you — in that first adventure to the digital world, I would have related to you more than any of the other older digi-destined." Ken sat down on the couch. "You have a certain air about you that's similar to my own."
"What kind of air?"
"An aloof demeanour. You keep people at a distance, hoping that they don't get close enough to see your flaws and hurt you. You hate being vulnerable so you act confident to hide your weakness."
Yamato arched an eyebrow. "You're naming things that can be attributed to a large number of teenagers. What makes me any different to them?"
"You fell in love with your best friend."
Yamato stared at him with wide eyes. "I don't know what you're talking about."
"Avoiding the subject won't help you."
"And what would you know?"
"I did the exact same thing. I fell in love with Davis the instant he offered me friendship. No one had ever done that for me before, offered something without anything to expect in return. I spent so long pining over him, wishing that he felt the same. I never acted for fear that I might lose his friendship, the one thing in my life that I could count on above everything else."
Yamato didn't respond to any of this, realising how much Ken's own problems related to him. Ken smiled as he saw this.
"I almost did lose everything, then Davis told me he was in love with me. Sometimes we're so busy holding onto things we have for fear of losing them that we don't realise that we can have more."
"But I don't know if Taichi feels the same way."
"Does it matter? He won't reject you just for what you feel. He cherishes your friendship as much as you."
"Then why did he try so hard to ruin it?" Yamato turned away angrily. "All he cares about is what everyone thinks. The only reason he asked me to kiss him is because of that stupid bet. He doesn't really want me."
"You don't know that."
"And I suppose you do?" Yamato turned back to his guest and glowered.
"No. But I do know that Taichi is in as much pain over this as you." Yamato looked at him in shock. He is? Taichi's actually hurting as much as I am?
Ken looked at Yamato seriously. "Yamato, don't let something like this ruin what you two have. You both made a mistake, but you shouldn't let something as stupid as this destroy your friendship." Ken got up. "Just remember, you can keep holding on or you can have more if you're willing to try." He let himself out, leaving Yamato there to ponder over everything he said.
"Well he was a genius, so there's got to be something to what he says." Yamato walked back into his dark room and threw back the curtains, letting light in. He picked up his guitar and smiled. "Guess I could see if Taichi wants more too."
