All of the secrets of which I wasn't allowed to speak, and all of the things that I wasn't supposed to feel were spilling from me without my control. Questions I'm afraid of refuse to remain unasked.
"What happened to him?" I choked on the words as I leaned over Sark threateningly, pulling away from his embrace. It was the first coherently strung thought regarding Vaughn that I had managed to voice. Even between sobs and without his name Sark knew who I was referring to.
"Sydney, please-" though he sounded completely calm, it was none the less a twisted and undeniable pleasure to have Sark pleading with me. An unusual change of events as the man who had made me plead for my own life- and Vaughn's as well- was now under my control.
Reflecting on the numerous times he had threatened my life, it was hard to believe I had just kissed him. He was dangerous, but then again, wasn't I as well?
"Answer me," my voice is not my own- icy and commanding like my mother's. The tears have long since stopped but leave a stinging sensation in my eyes. Straddling his legs, I pin him in the corner of the couch and lean closer, "I killed Vaughn, didn't I?"
He holds my eyes with his own and answers evenly, "I don't understand..."
"Yes you do! Just like Noah... Danny. I wasn't holding the gun, but I killed him. Will, you didn't send his world crashing down. That was all me- you just pulled the trigger!"
He looks away at the mention of shooting Will, but only momentarily. "Don't do this," he says quietly, and I'm not altogether sure of what he means.
"Do what?" I lean closer and feel his heart pounding wildly against my chest, "Do I frighten you?" Does it bother you to not be the one in control?"
He catches me off guard by grabbing my wrist and thrusting my hand in front of my face. I'm suprised to see it violently shaking, and I notice for the first time that my entire body is followig suit.
"You're not in control," he pushes me away from him, and I fall onto my back, looking up at him as he leans over me. "Look at yourself. You're not even in control of you!"
I would have been outraged at being thrown about like a ragdoll if I hadn't been completely enthralled by his expression. His eyes fixed on mine, lips slightly parted. I watched his chest rise and fall in a conscious effort to keep his breathing steady. He was just barely succeeding. The observation made my own breathing shallow, and my heart beat a little faster. Whether we acknowledged it or not, there was something undeniably changing between us. Or maybe it was there all along.
"Sydney, think about what you're saying. Vaughn chose this life. He knew the risks that went along with it- with you," I flinched, and he hesitated.
"The risks of being with me..." it was a statement, not a question, "Why are you associating yourself with such a danger? I've no doubt that you're capable of completing this mission without me."
I shift uncomfortably under his weight while I wait for answer, a role reversal of minutes before.
"Why did you so willingly leave with me before?" he retorts with a slight smile. This is very quickly becoming a torturous game- who will be the first to crack and admit to this thing that's been growing between us. "Must everything be crystal clear in black and white for you?" he presses on.
"Black and white? I never claimed any of this made sense. I ran with you to Russia, and I don't even know your name."
He grins and leans even closer, his body almost completely on top of mine. He lips are inches from my own, and he knows he knows that they're holding a coveted trinket just out of my reach- his name.
"My name? What would that change about your opinion of me? No name could undo any of the terrible things I've put you through," his accent smooths over the words and makes them all the more taunting. I shiver. He's having far too much fun with this.
It takes every drop of will power I possess not to reach up and bring his mouth to mine- pull his name from his lips with my own along with every other secret he possesses. It's as if knowing this carefully withheld secret of his would make my feelings for him make sense, and the undeniable attraction between us acceptable.
"Tell me," I close my eyes and whisper, unable to face the look in his eyes as I all but admit to the power he has over me.
"What happened to him?" I choked on the words as I leaned over Sark threateningly, pulling away from his embrace. It was the first coherently strung thought regarding Vaughn that I had managed to voice. Even between sobs and without his name Sark knew who I was referring to.
"Sydney, please-" though he sounded completely calm, it was none the less a twisted and undeniable pleasure to have Sark pleading with me. An unusual change of events as the man who had made me plead for my own life- and Vaughn's as well- was now under my control.
Reflecting on the numerous times he had threatened my life, it was hard to believe I had just kissed him. He was dangerous, but then again, wasn't I as well?
"Answer me," my voice is not my own- icy and commanding like my mother's. The tears have long since stopped but leave a stinging sensation in my eyes. Straddling his legs, I pin him in the corner of the couch and lean closer, "I killed Vaughn, didn't I?"
He holds my eyes with his own and answers evenly, "I don't understand..."
"Yes you do! Just like Noah... Danny. I wasn't holding the gun, but I killed him. Will, you didn't send his world crashing down. That was all me- you just pulled the trigger!"
He looks away at the mention of shooting Will, but only momentarily. "Don't do this," he says quietly, and I'm not altogether sure of what he means.
"Do what?" I lean closer and feel his heart pounding wildly against my chest, "Do I frighten you?" Does it bother you to not be the one in control?"
He catches me off guard by grabbing my wrist and thrusting my hand in front of my face. I'm suprised to see it violently shaking, and I notice for the first time that my entire body is followig suit.
"You're not in control," he pushes me away from him, and I fall onto my back, looking up at him as he leans over me. "Look at yourself. You're not even in control of you!"
I would have been outraged at being thrown about like a ragdoll if I hadn't been completely enthralled by his expression. His eyes fixed on mine, lips slightly parted. I watched his chest rise and fall in a conscious effort to keep his breathing steady. He was just barely succeeding. The observation made my own breathing shallow, and my heart beat a little faster. Whether we acknowledged it or not, there was something undeniably changing between us. Or maybe it was there all along.
"Sydney, think about what you're saying. Vaughn chose this life. He knew the risks that went along with it- with you," I flinched, and he hesitated.
"The risks of being with me..." it was a statement, not a question, "Why are you associating yourself with such a danger? I've no doubt that you're capable of completing this mission without me."
I shift uncomfortably under his weight while I wait for answer, a role reversal of minutes before.
"Why did you so willingly leave with me before?" he retorts with a slight smile. This is very quickly becoming a torturous game- who will be the first to crack and admit to this thing that's been growing between us. "Must everything be crystal clear in black and white for you?" he presses on.
"Black and white? I never claimed any of this made sense. I ran with you to Russia, and I don't even know your name."
He grins and leans even closer, his body almost completely on top of mine. He lips are inches from my own, and he knows he knows that they're holding a coveted trinket just out of my reach- his name.
"My name? What would that change about your opinion of me? No name could undo any of the terrible things I've put you through," his accent smooths over the words and makes them all the more taunting. I shiver. He's having far too much fun with this.
It takes every drop of will power I possess not to reach up and bring his mouth to mine- pull his name from his lips with my own along with every other secret he possesses. It's as if knowing this carefully withheld secret of his would make my feelings for him make sense, and the undeniable attraction between us acceptable.
"Tell me," I close my eyes and whisper, unable to face the look in his eyes as I all but admit to the power he has over me.
