Freaked Out Wizards II: Insanity Strikes Back
by Samuel de Bie
Good Mooooorning FF.net! This is Samuel de Bie speaking, live from Belgium! Let me tell you something about this story: this sublime piece of art (insert: junk) is a sequel to a former piece of junk of mine; JK Rowling and the Freaked Out Wizards. Maybe it would be nice if you checked out that story (URL = ) , you would then understand more of this one. But you can also read this story independently!! Oh yeah, another warning: this fic is, as the title indicates, VERY insane! Read at your own risk! And now, let's begin the story!
CHAPTER 1: LETTERS FROM SOME FAT OWL
It was a lovely day in Privet Drive 4. On his bed lay Harry Potter; the Boy Who Lived.
Young Harry was now 16 years old and a handsome young man. He was perfectly happy, because he was the good guy and thus loved by everybody . . . except by the bad guys, of course. But nothing is like it seems. For, Young Harry hadn't always been so good.
It all began with a misunderstood little boy, who wanted to grow up to be smarter than Albert Einstein and George W. Bush combined! But alas; everybody laughed at him and he lead a miserable youth. When he graduated from St. Nutters' University of Twisted Geniuses, he rented a deep dungeon to live in and with his only money left, he bought himself a big, big computer on which he could do computer-ish things all day! He then dedicated his life to only one thing: discover and understand all laws of nature, being able to change the past and future, become a god and having the ability to turn white cows pink! Okay, that were four things. Whatever!
He surfed the Internet, read science books and drunk family size bottles of Pepsi. He thought and thought, gained knowledge of about everything . . . and finally, he discovered how to go back in time and change all destiny! Finally, he had made his goal! Soon, he would be worshipped as a god! He would be more powerful than the prime minister of Switzerland could ever be! He would be the most powerful being on this planet!
And thus, with his knowledge, he went back to the beginning of the very universe: the Ancient Soup of All Life! He manipulated it to his own will, and threw in ingredients that didn't belong there, such as overripe tomatoes and onions that contained way too much cholesterol! When he had changed the Ancient Soup of All Life into his Evil Soup of All Insanity, he returned back to his own time . . . and watched with sick pleasure how the world had changed into a complete mess! The once so sweet, but misunderstood boy had turned into a twisted, soulless being. He changed his name into . . . the All Knowing Author! (insert thunder)
This change of the universe had also impact on the life of Harry and his friends. First, Harry had been the brave hero, but after this Grand Change, he had transformed into the Master of all Evil: Lord Potter. He was now a merciless overlord who wanted to conquer Hogwarts and control the whole Wizarding World! And that wasn't everything: the Dursleys had actually changed into nice people, Hermione into a scarlet woman, Ron into a brave knight, Dumbledore into a stoned hippie, Snape into a wussy who wore pink dresses, and . . . the once so feared Voldemort was now a pathetic little clown who tried to fight the feared Lord Potter!
But when Joanne Rowling came into the Wizarding World and when she restored peace and sanity in the galaxy, almost everything was turned back to normal. The All Knowing Author was defeated, and his dreams of creating an Ultimate Empire of Insanity were destroyed. But he swore that he would once take revenge on Rowling, and bring an even greater chaos to the world than was before!
But, now you know all about this crazy scientist, back to Harry; after Joanne Rowling had saved the world from being destroyed by its own craziness, Harry James Potter had been returned to his old self; good, brave, and a bit dorky. However, not everything had been returned exactly; the Dursleys were acting abnormally nice, and were constantly asking why Harry wasn't plotting some evil plan to conquer the world like before. Harry knew there must have been more things that hadn't returned to normal, and he was curious to know what. That's why he sat on his bed, thinking about Hogwarts, life, Cho Chang, and peanut butter.
Harry startled suddenly when a giant owl smacked against his face. Harry stood up, rubbing his head, and looking at the owl; as said before, it was a giant beast, and also really fat. Harry picked up the envelope that lay at the paws of the owl and read the letter in it:
"Dear Harry,
This is your best, best buddy on the whole wide world, Ronald Weasley. As you can see, I've got a new pet owl - his name is Twiggy. I thought that name fitted good with his personality. I'm sorry if he bumps against your head - he's not such a good flyer. I've had to set him on a diet before he was able to fly!
You may be wondering, why wasn't it Pig who delivered this message? Well, tragically enough, I have to say that he has suffered an identity crisis and is currently living on a pig farm! So Mum has bought me another owl for my birthday.
But now down to business; I'm inviting you to my wedding party! Yes, that's right; I've invited Hermione over to my house to replace my Chudley Cannons wallpaper, and we've fallen hopelessly in love and now we're completely smitten with each other! Although we're only 16, we want to marry before the new school year begins and have plenty of little kids! So, what do ya say mate? Wanna be my best man?
Greetings, Ronald Weasley"
Harry was very happy after receiving this letter, because he, the oh so smart Boy Who Lived, had always known that Ronald and Herms were meant for each other. I mean, it was so frickin' obvious! Harry wanted nothing but go to the Burrow and leave this stupid place! After all, he was treated like a 6-year old by the Dursleys!
So, Harry went downstairs and into the kitchen, where Dudley and Vernon were holding an eating contest.
"Er - uncle Vernon?", asked Harry. Uncle Vernon and Cousin Dudley immediately stopped eating and Vernon asked sweetly: "What is it, my dearest nephew?" Harry said: "I was wondering if I could go away for the last week of the holidays and be best man at the wedding of my best friends. So? Can I go? Can I can I can I?" Uncle Vernon thought. "Well, you know that you can do anything you want, my worshipful nephew, but you know I hate it to miss you. Your presence is so enlightening! I can already feel the Holy Nephew Vibes flowing through this kitchen! But, you can go. That is, under ONE condition."
"And what may that be?"
"That you do that evil laugh of yours again. It's so funny! And oh yeah, could you also fold your hands in that scarily DIABOLICAL way?"
Harry sighed. "Okay, Uncle Vernon. Ahem - MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Thunder struck.
"Bravo! Bravo!", yelled Uncle Vernon. "But it wasn't as good as the other times - this time, my hair wasn't turned all frizzy like the last time, and thunder didn't struck as loud as always. But, because you are my favorite nephew, you can go!" Harry shrieked of happiness and went upstairs as quickly as he could, knocking over Aunt Petunia. Like he cared. The Dursleys would still worship him after all! Young Harry packed all his stuff and picked his nicest tuxedo, and flew away on his new broomstick; the Nimbus 9999 ½, with extra room for luggage and a new futuristic power motor! He flew into the sunshine, not knowing that there were evil complots being plotted against him.
THE END . . . OF THIS CHAPTER.
Okay, if you didn't think that was weird, than you're as crazy as me. Okay, I take that back; NOTHING can be as insane as me! But, review anyway! May the Holy Nephew Vibes be with you!
by Samuel de Bie
Good Mooooorning FF.net! This is Samuel de Bie speaking, live from Belgium! Let me tell you something about this story: this sublime piece of art (insert: junk) is a sequel to a former piece of junk of mine; JK Rowling and the Freaked Out Wizards. Maybe it would be nice if you checked out that story (URL = ) , you would then understand more of this one. But you can also read this story independently!! Oh yeah, another warning: this fic is, as the title indicates, VERY insane! Read at your own risk! And now, let's begin the story!
CHAPTER 1: LETTERS FROM SOME FAT OWL
It was a lovely day in Privet Drive 4. On his bed lay Harry Potter; the Boy Who Lived.
Young Harry was now 16 years old and a handsome young man. He was perfectly happy, because he was the good guy and thus loved by everybody . . . except by the bad guys, of course. But nothing is like it seems. For, Young Harry hadn't always been so good.
It all began with a misunderstood little boy, who wanted to grow up to be smarter than Albert Einstein and George W. Bush combined! But alas; everybody laughed at him and he lead a miserable youth. When he graduated from St. Nutters' University of Twisted Geniuses, he rented a deep dungeon to live in and with his only money left, he bought himself a big, big computer on which he could do computer-ish things all day! He then dedicated his life to only one thing: discover and understand all laws of nature, being able to change the past and future, become a god and having the ability to turn white cows pink! Okay, that were four things. Whatever!
He surfed the Internet, read science books and drunk family size bottles of Pepsi. He thought and thought, gained knowledge of about everything . . . and finally, he discovered how to go back in time and change all destiny! Finally, he had made his goal! Soon, he would be worshipped as a god! He would be more powerful than the prime minister of Switzerland could ever be! He would be the most powerful being on this planet!
And thus, with his knowledge, he went back to the beginning of the very universe: the Ancient Soup of All Life! He manipulated it to his own will, and threw in ingredients that didn't belong there, such as overripe tomatoes and onions that contained way too much cholesterol! When he had changed the Ancient Soup of All Life into his Evil Soup of All Insanity, he returned back to his own time . . . and watched with sick pleasure how the world had changed into a complete mess! The once so sweet, but misunderstood boy had turned into a twisted, soulless being. He changed his name into . . . the All Knowing Author! (insert thunder)
This change of the universe had also impact on the life of Harry and his friends. First, Harry had been the brave hero, but after this Grand Change, he had transformed into the Master of all Evil: Lord Potter. He was now a merciless overlord who wanted to conquer Hogwarts and control the whole Wizarding World! And that wasn't everything: the Dursleys had actually changed into nice people, Hermione into a scarlet woman, Ron into a brave knight, Dumbledore into a stoned hippie, Snape into a wussy who wore pink dresses, and . . . the once so feared Voldemort was now a pathetic little clown who tried to fight the feared Lord Potter!
But when Joanne Rowling came into the Wizarding World and when she restored peace and sanity in the galaxy, almost everything was turned back to normal. The All Knowing Author was defeated, and his dreams of creating an Ultimate Empire of Insanity were destroyed. But he swore that he would once take revenge on Rowling, and bring an even greater chaos to the world than was before!
But, now you know all about this crazy scientist, back to Harry; after Joanne Rowling had saved the world from being destroyed by its own craziness, Harry James Potter had been returned to his old self; good, brave, and a bit dorky. However, not everything had been returned exactly; the Dursleys were acting abnormally nice, and were constantly asking why Harry wasn't plotting some evil plan to conquer the world like before. Harry knew there must have been more things that hadn't returned to normal, and he was curious to know what. That's why he sat on his bed, thinking about Hogwarts, life, Cho Chang, and peanut butter.
Harry startled suddenly when a giant owl smacked against his face. Harry stood up, rubbing his head, and looking at the owl; as said before, it was a giant beast, and also really fat. Harry picked up the envelope that lay at the paws of the owl and read the letter in it:
"Dear Harry,
This is your best, best buddy on the whole wide world, Ronald Weasley. As you can see, I've got a new pet owl - his name is Twiggy. I thought that name fitted good with his personality. I'm sorry if he bumps against your head - he's not such a good flyer. I've had to set him on a diet before he was able to fly!
You may be wondering, why wasn't it Pig who delivered this message? Well, tragically enough, I have to say that he has suffered an identity crisis and is currently living on a pig farm! So Mum has bought me another owl for my birthday.
But now down to business; I'm inviting you to my wedding party! Yes, that's right; I've invited Hermione over to my house to replace my Chudley Cannons wallpaper, and we've fallen hopelessly in love and now we're completely smitten with each other! Although we're only 16, we want to marry before the new school year begins and have plenty of little kids! So, what do ya say mate? Wanna be my best man?
Greetings, Ronald Weasley"
Harry was very happy after receiving this letter, because he, the oh so smart Boy Who Lived, had always known that Ronald and Herms were meant for each other. I mean, it was so frickin' obvious! Harry wanted nothing but go to the Burrow and leave this stupid place! After all, he was treated like a 6-year old by the Dursleys!
So, Harry went downstairs and into the kitchen, where Dudley and Vernon were holding an eating contest.
"Er - uncle Vernon?", asked Harry. Uncle Vernon and Cousin Dudley immediately stopped eating and Vernon asked sweetly: "What is it, my dearest nephew?" Harry said: "I was wondering if I could go away for the last week of the holidays and be best man at the wedding of my best friends. So? Can I go? Can I can I can I?" Uncle Vernon thought. "Well, you know that you can do anything you want, my worshipful nephew, but you know I hate it to miss you. Your presence is so enlightening! I can already feel the Holy Nephew Vibes flowing through this kitchen! But, you can go. That is, under ONE condition."
"And what may that be?"
"That you do that evil laugh of yours again. It's so funny! And oh yeah, could you also fold your hands in that scarily DIABOLICAL way?"
Harry sighed. "Okay, Uncle Vernon. Ahem - MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Thunder struck.
"Bravo! Bravo!", yelled Uncle Vernon. "But it wasn't as good as the other times - this time, my hair wasn't turned all frizzy like the last time, and thunder didn't struck as loud as always. But, because you are my favorite nephew, you can go!" Harry shrieked of happiness and went upstairs as quickly as he could, knocking over Aunt Petunia. Like he cared. The Dursleys would still worship him after all! Young Harry packed all his stuff and picked his nicest tuxedo, and flew away on his new broomstick; the Nimbus 9999 ½, with extra room for luggage and a new futuristic power motor! He flew into the sunshine, not knowing that there were evil complots being plotted against him.
THE END . . . OF THIS CHAPTER.
Okay, if you didn't think that was weird, than you're as crazy as me. Okay, I take that back; NOTHING can be as insane as me! But, review anyway! May the Holy Nephew Vibes be with you!
