This story is bad... very bad... I shouldn't be torturing you with this,
right? But heck, I'm not doing this for amusing someone other than myself!
So, here is chapter four! Read it at your own risk!
CHAPTER FOUR: THE PLOT THICKENS
It had been a while since Harry had arrived in the Burrow, and the beginning of the new schoolyear was coming closer... that's why Harry, Hermione and the Weasleys went to Diagon Alley.
When they arrived in Diagon Alley, Harry checked the list with all the books which he need.
"BOOKS NEEDED IN YEAR SIX:
The Three-Ton Book of Spells - by M. Erlinn
The Guide to Fighting Insane Megalomaniacs - by J. Buntt
How to Transform Yourself into a Brad Pitt look-a-like - by U.G. Lee
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets Sticker Book - by W. Brothers
The Big Algebra Book - by U.R. Stewpitt"
"What are we supposed to do with an Algebra Book?", said Ron in disbelief. "That's something for Muggles, not for us wizards!"
"Oh, how lovely", said Arthur Weasley. "I just love Muggly things. By the way, who's Al Gubbrah? A muslim leader or something?"
"Algebra is a part of mathematics, Mr. Weasley", said Hermione. "It's learned in Muggle Schools."
"Oh, it has something to do with Muggles! Groovy baby! That's rather shag- a-delic, isn't it?"
"He's saying those things all the time since he's seen Austin Powers in Goldmember", whispered Molly Weasley. "Now that he finally knows how a DVD- player works, he's seeing Muggle movies all the time. It's just depressing! He forced me to watch the whole 'Star Trek'-collection! And now he's trying to find arguments why Star Trek is better than Star Wars!"
"And am I wrong? I mean, the acting in 'Star Trek' is just so much better", said Arthur. "Say, don't you think that one of those actors looks remarkably like professor Snape?"
"Gee, I've never noticed that, Mr. Weasley," said Harry.
MEANWHILE, FAR AWAY IN A DEEP, GLOOMY PIT OF DARKNESS . . .
A pale, skinny, unhealthy looking man with rags for clothes sat in front of the only thing in the world he loved: his computer. He was angry. No, not the computer, but the man in front of it. As I was saying, he was angry. And you know why? No? Haven't you read the first chapter then, or what? Oh, you remember now. Yes, he was angry because his creation, his life dream, the one thing where he worked for so long, was destroyed. He had worked so many years for his only true life goal: to bring utter chaos to the pathetic little planet he lived on. And then, JK Rowling had ruined it for him.
He was known (actually he wasn't that well known, but still) and feared by the name of The All Knowing Author, but his real name was Humphrey. Yep, just Humphrey. No surname, no middle name, just Humphrey. Doesn't exactly scare you, now does it? It's a bit like with Tom Riddle, but Humphrey is even worse, it sounds funny. Tom, it's just your average name, there are millions of people called Tom, but Humphrey, it has a quirky sound about it, it isn't exactly one of the most popular baby names, is it? Nor is Voldemort or The All Knowing Author, but still, those names have something menacing about it.
But well, now you know a bit more about the name of Humphrey, let's get back into topic: The All Knowing Author was angry. What was more, he was boiling with rage. He wanted to take revange. On everybody, but the most on JK Rowling. He had to think of a plan, even greater and more evil than his last one. But what could possibly be greater and more evil than changing destiny and destroying all sanity in the world? But Humph- er, I mean, The All Knowing Author knew one thing: Jo Rowling would get her punishment. And, filled with resentment, he took a family-size bottle of Pepsi, drank it up in one gulp, and with his newly gained energy, he started thinking . . .
A FEW HOURS LATER, AT KING'S CROSS STATION, LONDON . . .
Harry, Hermione and the Weasleys arrived at King's Cross, packed with their newly bought books.
"Good, we're here, now hurry up everyone, the train leaves in 10 minutes!" said Mrs. Weasley. They went to the wall between platforms 9 and 10: the entrance to Platform 9 ¾, where the Hogwarts Express stopped and transported the Hogwarts Students to their beloved school.
"Who'll go first?" asked Mrs. Weasley.
"I'll go first baby, yeah," said Mr. Weasley in his Austin Powers-ish style and with a goofy smile (AN: hey, it rhymes again!). "Platform 9 ¾, here I come, baby!" He half-runned and danced towards the wall between platforms 9 and 10 . . . he came closer . . . he was almost there . . . he gained speed . . . and then . . .
BANG!!!
"OWWWWWWWWW!!", Mr. Weasley screamed so loudly that every single person in the Station could hear it.
"What's this? Are you allright, Arthur?" asked Mrs. Weasley worriedly. "How could this happen?"
"Maybe Dad should have read THIS first," said Fred Weasley, and he pointed to an enormous sign next to the place where Arthur Weasley had collided with the wall.
"For Wizards: due to technical problems, the entrance to Platform 9 ¾ is currently out of order. Hogwarts students can wait just outside King's Cross Station for a special Bus that leads to their school. For Muggles: forget that you've seen this and walk through like nothing's happened."
"Oh, I get it now!" laughed Mrs. Weasley. "We didn't see it, how silly!"
"You can say that, yeah," said Mr. Weasley grumpily, temporarily forgetting to imitate Austin Powers. Ron, Fred, George and Ginny helped Arthur to his feet, and then, they made of to wait for the mysterious "Special Bus" . . .
THE END . . . OF THIS CHAPTER
It was not as funny, was it? Or WAS it? Anyway, whether it was funny or not, I still think you must review. And if you don't, I'll... I'll... well, I'll do SOMETHING!
CHAPTER FOUR: THE PLOT THICKENS
It had been a while since Harry had arrived in the Burrow, and the beginning of the new schoolyear was coming closer... that's why Harry, Hermione and the Weasleys went to Diagon Alley.
When they arrived in Diagon Alley, Harry checked the list with all the books which he need.
"BOOKS NEEDED IN YEAR SIX:
The Three-Ton Book of Spells - by M. Erlinn
The Guide to Fighting Insane Megalomaniacs - by J. Buntt
How to Transform Yourself into a Brad Pitt look-a-like - by U.G. Lee
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets Sticker Book - by W. Brothers
The Big Algebra Book - by U.R. Stewpitt"
"What are we supposed to do with an Algebra Book?", said Ron in disbelief. "That's something for Muggles, not for us wizards!"
"Oh, how lovely", said Arthur Weasley. "I just love Muggly things. By the way, who's Al Gubbrah? A muslim leader or something?"
"Algebra is a part of mathematics, Mr. Weasley", said Hermione. "It's learned in Muggle Schools."
"Oh, it has something to do with Muggles! Groovy baby! That's rather shag- a-delic, isn't it?"
"He's saying those things all the time since he's seen Austin Powers in Goldmember", whispered Molly Weasley. "Now that he finally knows how a DVD- player works, he's seeing Muggle movies all the time. It's just depressing! He forced me to watch the whole 'Star Trek'-collection! And now he's trying to find arguments why Star Trek is better than Star Wars!"
"And am I wrong? I mean, the acting in 'Star Trek' is just so much better", said Arthur. "Say, don't you think that one of those actors looks remarkably like professor Snape?"
"Gee, I've never noticed that, Mr. Weasley," said Harry.
MEANWHILE, FAR AWAY IN A DEEP, GLOOMY PIT OF DARKNESS . . .
A pale, skinny, unhealthy looking man with rags for clothes sat in front of the only thing in the world he loved: his computer. He was angry. No, not the computer, but the man in front of it. As I was saying, he was angry. And you know why? No? Haven't you read the first chapter then, or what? Oh, you remember now. Yes, he was angry because his creation, his life dream, the one thing where he worked for so long, was destroyed. He had worked so many years for his only true life goal: to bring utter chaos to the pathetic little planet he lived on. And then, JK Rowling had ruined it for him.
He was known (actually he wasn't that well known, but still) and feared by the name of The All Knowing Author, but his real name was Humphrey. Yep, just Humphrey. No surname, no middle name, just Humphrey. Doesn't exactly scare you, now does it? It's a bit like with Tom Riddle, but Humphrey is even worse, it sounds funny. Tom, it's just your average name, there are millions of people called Tom, but Humphrey, it has a quirky sound about it, it isn't exactly one of the most popular baby names, is it? Nor is Voldemort or The All Knowing Author, but still, those names have something menacing about it.
But well, now you know a bit more about the name of Humphrey, let's get back into topic: The All Knowing Author was angry. What was more, he was boiling with rage. He wanted to take revange. On everybody, but the most on JK Rowling. He had to think of a plan, even greater and more evil than his last one. But what could possibly be greater and more evil than changing destiny and destroying all sanity in the world? But Humph- er, I mean, The All Knowing Author knew one thing: Jo Rowling would get her punishment. And, filled with resentment, he took a family-size bottle of Pepsi, drank it up in one gulp, and with his newly gained energy, he started thinking . . .
A FEW HOURS LATER, AT KING'S CROSS STATION, LONDON . . .
Harry, Hermione and the Weasleys arrived at King's Cross, packed with their newly bought books.
"Good, we're here, now hurry up everyone, the train leaves in 10 minutes!" said Mrs. Weasley. They went to the wall between platforms 9 and 10: the entrance to Platform 9 ¾, where the Hogwarts Express stopped and transported the Hogwarts Students to their beloved school.
"Who'll go first?" asked Mrs. Weasley.
"I'll go first baby, yeah," said Mr. Weasley in his Austin Powers-ish style and with a goofy smile (AN: hey, it rhymes again!). "Platform 9 ¾, here I come, baby!" He half-runned and danced towards the wall between platforms 9 and 10 . . . he came closer . . . he was almost there . . . he gained speed . . . and then . . .
BANG!!!
"OWWWWWWWWW!!", Mr. Weasley screamed so loudly that every single person in the Station could hear it.
"What's this? Are you allright, Arthur?" asked Mrs. Weasley worriedly. "How could this happen?"
"Maybe Dad should have read THIS first," said Fred Weasley, and he pointed to an enormous sign next to the place where Arthur Weasley had collided with the wall.
"For Wizards: due to technical problems, the entrance to Platform 9 ¾ is currently out of order. Hogwarts students can wait just outside King's Cross Station for a special Bus that leads to their school. For Muggles: forget that you've seen this and walk through like nothing's happened."
"Oh, I get it now!" laughed Mrs. Weasley. "We didn't see it, how silly!"
"You can say that, yeah," said Mr. Weasley grumpily, temporarily forgetting to imitate Austin Powers. Ron, Fred, George and Ginny helped Arthur to his feet, and then, they made of to wait for the mysterious "Special Bus" . . .
THE END . . . OF THIS CHAPTER
It was not as funny, was it? Or WAS it? Anyway, whether it was funny or not, I still think you must review. And if you don't, I'll... I'll... well, I'll do SOMETHING!
