Chapter 2: Chaos in the Dungeon

Before they left the castle to visit Hagrid, Hermione insisted that they go to class. Moaning and groaning, the boys picked up their books and followed Hermione to the dungeon. They made it just in time.

"Ah, the plucky Potter pals are here. How fantastic," Snape said dryly.

Just then the door burst open, and Draco entered, chin confidently raised, Crabbe and Goyle trudging behind him like the 2-dimensional boring characters they are.

"Mr. Malfoy...you're late," Snape said quietly, rubbing his chin thoughtfully.

"Sorry sir," Malfoy replied, and slid coolly into a seat, Crabbe and Goyle doing the same.

"Mr. Malfoy...I simply cannot tolerate lateness. For your punishment, you will have to conjure Mr. Potter a hat, so he can hide his God-awful hair under it."

The Slytherins erupted in laughter. "Good one Professor!" Malfoy hooted, and got up so he and Snape could do their special "Gryffindors suck handshake".

Harry felt like throwing something. He picked up Ron and was about to hurl him across the room but Hermione placed her hand firmly on Harry's shoulder and quietly demanded he regain control of himself. Harry quickly subdued his anger.

"Mr. Potter, I do believe that's the worst hair mishap I've ever seen in my life."

"You should talk," Harry mumbled.

"What was that?" Snape asked sharply.

"I said Blue is the chalk."

Snape stared curiously at Potter, but dismissed the remark as babble. No doubt he's on drugs, Snape thought to himself, although that kind of seemed like the pot calling the kettle black.

Potions class was a nightmare as usual for the Gryffindors. Neville managed to turn himself into a radish, set Snape's robe on fire, and melt the walls – all in the first five minutes. Seamus Finnigan and Lee Jordan could not stop laughing at Neville's mishaps and wound up collapsed on the floor, convulsing with giggles. Then Lee Jordan noticed he was in the wrong class because he isn't in Harry's grade, which makes one ponder why he was depicted as an eleven year old in the film. Dean Thomas was there too…doing his Dean Thomas thing. Pansy Parkinson was sending love notes to Draco, who was setting each one on fire with his wand. Crabbe and Goyle were banging their heads against their desks because they're that stupid. Paravati was pondering her bizarre name while Lavender [insert last name here because author can't remember] was asleep. Hermione was going crazy trying to help Neville, and Ron and Harry just stopped trying.

"Class, please settle-

Brown! Er, sorry for interrupting, I just remembered.

"May I continue then?"

Yes, Professor Snape.

"Thanks." Snape cleared his throat and glared angrily at the author. "As I was saying…"

Well, what are you waiting for?

"I need to get back into character!"

"Once again, I must say, the story is veering away from me-

Yeah, yeah, Potter, I hear you. Anyway Snape, do continue.

"Class, please settle down, or I'll detain you all for the rest of your young wizard lives!"

The class did not settle down, and Snape was true to his word. Almost. It took at least three hours to clean the dungeon up. By the time they were finished, dusk began to fall. But Harry still insisted upon seeing Hagrid.

"The Slytherins are sooo stupid!" Harry said angrily, as soon as they had walked a safe distance from Snape's room. "Your punishment is to conjure Mr. Potter a hat blah blah blah," Harry mimicked.

"Seriously Harry, your hair is out of control. It's getting worse by the minute. Do you want to stop at our rooms so you can borrow my Chudley Cannons helmet to wear?

"No Ron," Harry murmured through gritted teeth.

"Oh you two," Hermione said, for no reason at all but to say something.