Okay, you all asked for it. Which is very flattering and kind of you, but I warn you…I hope you enjoy it.

Harry woke up that morning with a terrible pain in his scar. He soon realized the pain was due to Hedwig, who was sitting on his face pecking at his forehead. Apparently, she had a letter to deliver to Harry, which she dropped on his chest, for young Potter would not wake up. After wrenching her away, he sat up in bed, saw the letter on his chest, and opened it. It said:

            "Dearest Harry Pootsie,

            Yesterday, I was washing my foot, and I realized that it hurt. It ached. It ached with love, my fuzzy pickle. It ached with love for you. I fear that if I don't see you soon, it will fall off! Tee hee!

I like guacamole!

I must see you, my little Boris Yeltsin. Meet me in the Quidditch shed on Friday, after practice. You'll know it's me because I'll be wearing a hat made of butter. And also, because I'll be the only one in the shed. And I'm not a broom, silly!

Love,

            Your Most Secret Most Special Love Bunny"

Harry crumpled the note in his hand, sighed, and set it on fire with his wand. Then he got dressed, careful not to upset his hair. He rubbed his sore head, deep in thought.

            "Morning, Harry," Ron greeted. "Any letters from your Secret Love Bunny?"

            "Ron!" Harry hissed. "Keep your voice down! And yes. I'm to meet her on Friday, in the Quidditch shed."

            "Sounds magical," Ron teased.

            Harry shoved Ron out the window.

            "Oh you really have NO sense of humour, Harry!" Ron yelled, from the rosebush bellow the window in which he fell in.

            Harry headed down to breakfast. After loading his plate with food, he sat down to eat beside Hermione.

            "Morning, Harry," she greeted, her face buried in a thick leathery book.

            "Reading already?"

            "Yes. Has Snape's potion taken any effect yet?"

            "No."

            "It will. Harry, I had an idea. Today is our day to go to Hogsmeade. I think a butterbeer will raise your spirits, and perhaps I can speak with some residents of the town who might know a little bit about your curse."

            "Sounds good."

            All of a sudden, a brilliant flash blinded Harry.

            "What the??"

            "Hullo, Harry! It's me, Colin!"

            "Oh…Colin why are you taking a picture of me?"

            "Well, I haven't been mentioned in the story yet…that and *Vanity Friar will give me twenty sickles for this picture!"

*note: I want you all to appreciate that it says "Vanity FRIAR" not "Vanity Fair". You get it??

            "Great," Harry deadpanned.

            "Hullo," Oliver greeted, sauntering over to Harry.

            "Oliver, I swear, if you step any closer…"

            "Easy there lad, I just wanted to inform you that we've got Quidditch practice today 'round four. There's a game Satruday. I'll be on my way now!"

            Oliver skipped back to his lone table.

            "Not even Quidditch can cheer me up now," Harry sighed.

            Hermione looked pensive. "Harry…erm…where's Ron?"

            "I shoved him out the window."

            "Harry!"

            "Relax, he's fine. I think he landed safely."

            Hermione slammed her book shut. "I'm going to check on him. How dare you treat your friend that way!"

            "How dare you leave me alone with Snape!"

            Miffed, Hermione gathered her book, rose out of her chair, huffed away.

            Harry rolled his eyes.

            "Well, look who's seated all by himself," came a snide little remark headed Harry's way.

            "I know. I'm always by me wee self," Oliver bemoaned.

            Draco rolled his eyes. "I wasn't TALKING to you." Crabbe and Goyle grunted appreciatively at Draco's cruel retort.

            Oliver burst into tears and ran away.

            "Malfoy, why did you have to do that?" Harry asked, rolling his eyes. "There really is no need to cause trouble. Why don't you just head back to your little Slytherin table and braid Professor Snape's hair…"

            Draco narrowed his eyes. "You're not so great, you know. Everyone thinks Harry James Potter is the cat's pajamas" Crabbe and Goyle glanced at each other with their usual look of puzzlement and shrugged "but how would they feel about the great Potter if he were covered in clam juice? Now!"

            At his command, Crabbe and Goyle procured open cans of clam juice from behind their back and heaved the contents at Harry, soaking him from head to toe in clammy goodness.

            "AHAHAHAHAHA," Draco laughed evilly.

            The Hall grew quieter, as everyone watched the Draco/Harry spectacle.

            "What in the blazes did you do that for?" Harry asked, royally pissed off. "You idiot! Really, what in the bloody hell did you do that for? Now I'm going to smell like clam juice for the rest of the day because there's no time to take a shower! You git!"

            "That was the point," Draco said proudly.

            "But how stupid! Anyone can chuck clam juice at someone! What cunning does that take?"

            Draco glanced down at the floor. "I dunno."

            "You naff! You're really thick, you know that?"

            Draco shuffled his feet uneasily as thousands of eyes stared at him, waiting for his clever retort.

"Draco away!" he finally commanded, and so Crabbe and Goyle hoisted him up carried him away. The spectators chuckled, shrugged, and went back to eating.

The doors of the Great Hall burst open, and in shuffled Ron, covered in thorns, held up by Hermione. They hobbled over to Harry, and sat down. "So what did I miss?" Ron asked.

"Draco had Crabbe and Goyle pourclam juice all over me," Harry replied sullenly.

Hermione and Ron burst into laughter and high fived each other. "You deserved it, you git," Ron laughed.

Harry darted up from his seat and strode away from his chuckling chums. He decided to head to Hagrid's class early. It was a rather pretty day. The sun was shining, but it wasn't hot. The sky was blue, the grass was green, the cloud were white, the lake was greenish-blue, the birds were brown, the roses were red, the castle was gray, the – well, you get the idea. Hagrid noticed Harry approaching, and waved him a hearty hello.

"Mornin' Harry!" Hagrid greeting cheerily. "Got some real interesting creatures to show yeh today that-FROSTY'S SNOW! HARRY, YOU SMELL BLOODY AWFUL!"

"Thanks Hagrid, morning," Harry mumbled.

"What happened to yeh?!"

"Crabbe and Goyle poured clam juice on me."

"Ach, I hate it when that happens! Tom Riddle did that ta me forty yars ago, he did! Only he poured cabbage water all over me head! Smelled for weeks!"

Harry stared at Hagrid, then walked over to a rock and sat on it. He decided to wait for class to start.

Finally, everyone was gathered on the grassy knoll for Hagrid's class. Hermione and Ron were staring smugly at Harry, who was staring beadily back. Neville was standing next to Hermione, discreetly sniffing her hair and sighing with happiness. Hermione looked over, noticed what he was doing, screamed, and hit him with eggplant parmesan. Draco, Crabbe, Goyle, and nearly the rest of the class were in muffled hysterics over Draco's prank.

            "All right class!" Hagrid shouted, rounding the class up, "today we're going to observe some very special, dangerous creatures."

            "Oooo," the class echoed in awe.

"Yes. 'Oooo' is right. Now I want yeh all to stand back. Yeh never know what kinda mood these things are in."

            The class took several nervous steps back from the crate. Hagrid cautiously approached it, and with a crow bar, he pried it open. The first creature stepped out, blinking into the sunlight, and with its mighty voice said,

            "Meow."

            The class stood dumbfounded, staring at the small fluffy kitten in front of them. Several more followed, all meowing sweetly.

            "Er, Hagrid? These are kittens," Ron explained.

            "Yes! Stay back!" Hagrid warned, and just to be safe, picked Ron up, walked back a few feet, and placed him down. "Whew! That was a close one!"

            "Hagrid's finally gone mad," Lavender audibly whispered to Parvati, who nodded in agreement.

            Justin Finch-Fletcherly, a Hufflepuff student, approached an orange striped tabby. He kneeled down. "Hello, kitty," he cooed.

            "NOOOO!!" yelled Hagrid. He thundered over to Justin, grabbed him, and jumped back to the rest of the class at the "safe distance". "GET DOWN! EVERYBODY GET DOWN!" Hagrid commanded, and everyone was so frightened or puzzled that they did. Hagrid flung himself into the earth, and plugged is fingers in his ears. He acted as though a bomb was about to explode at any moment.

            "Hagrid! Get a grip!" Hermione commanded, standing up.

            "No, Hermione, it's too dangerous!"

            "Hagrid, they won't hurt you!" She insisted.

            Hagrid, breathing heavily, stood up, dusted off his clothes, and grinned proudly at Hermione. "Good job, Hermione. Twenty points to Gryffindor. Class, yeh can all get up now."

            The students pulled themselves up, muttering, wondering what was going on.

            "Yeh see, Hermione followed my directions. That's one of the most important rules in this class. We might be dealing with some very dangerous creatures, and if yeh can't follow the rules, you're toast. Then, Hermione acted calm in a wild situation. Yeh should be very proud, Hermione."

            Hermione beamed.

            "Oh, no way," Ron protested. "This is beetle dung. Hagrid, you must have slipped something into your treacle fudge, because what just happened was utterly mad. And Hermione really didn't do anything! She just acted sane in an insane situation!"

            "Exactly," Hagrid replied.

            "But…but," sputtered Ron.

            "Hey, has anyone seen Neville?" asked Harry, noticing that he had left Hermione's side.

            The class looked around and realized that Neville wasn't there. They called for him.

            "Up here," he said weakly.

            Everyone looked up. Neville was in a tree.

            "I wanted to keep a safe distance from the dangerous creatures," was his embarrassed reply. "Now I can't get down."

            "Oh brother, this is ridiculous," said Ron. And then a leprechaun fell on his head.