Chapter 3
That Day
Jackie and Donna settled on a mid priced restaurant that was within walking distance from Red and Kitty's new apartment. Donna wasn't that hungry for lunch she was still recovering from her big breakfast but she still ordered a small chef salad and glass of spring water.
"I don't think we should have this talk. It's just too risky to talk about Eric and Hyde." Donna said as soon as the waiter put their order on the table.
"Why? Just because we are married to them? We've all known each other a very long time." Although, Jackie knew Donna, Steven, and Eric knew each other the longest. That used to matter when they were kids, but it didn't matter now.
"I just don't want us to wind up fighting." Donna replied
"We won't." Jackie pleaded
"Okay, we left off on you saying Hyde thinks Eric has no regrets regarding that-incident." It was no one's business in this restaurant what they were talking about.
"Yes."
"You're both wrong. He thinks about that everyday. You just have to trust me on what we said to each other. I cannot break Eric's confidence. I'm sorry if that offends you, Jackie."
Eric never talked about THAT DAY in specifics because the truth was he that didn't remember. His doctor's said it was common behavior for addicts or anyone else for that matter to commit a horrible act and block out the details as a coping mechanism. Donna hated seeing the weight Eric carried on his shoulders, sure he could disguise it and be everybody's friend at the office, the obsessed Star Wars fan that has to spend two hundred dollars on
Ebay for a comic book, and most importantly a wonderful husband, but the weight was still there. How could Hyde not know this? How could Hyde not see this? He knew Eric wasn't himself. Donna wished she could rewind the tape back to before herself and Eric started dating-everything could be perfect. Especially if she could go back in time knowing then what she knew now. Unfortunately you could not go back in time and you had to face each day as it happened for better or worse.
"It doesn't. Is there something you'd like to say, Donna?"
"Yes, what was Hyde thinking coming to St. Louis with-that stuff- what in the Hell was that about?"
"He wanted Eric to dispose of it like he did with you."
"A part of me can understand that, Jackie. I really can. But soon after that and although I know Eric would tell me he has to be responsible for his own actions-he started up soon after. I don't blame Hyde for all of that, just some of it. Especially when Eric had his first relapse."
Jackie sighed, "Don't blame Steven for Eric's problem."
"I'm not. This is why I didn't want to talk about this with you, Jackie. You want to freak out. And we didn't even touch the surface. He didn't have to put that stuff in his presence."
"While we're on that, Donna, I believe Eric was high," She whispered, "In front of Tiffany. That's why they were late coming home that day. Although, I am grateful he waited to come down before putting my baby in a car."
Donna wanted to tell Jackie that she saw Eric hold Tiffany in his arms crying over what he had done and how she witnessed Hyde call him "pathetic", but it would have done more harm than good.
"I don't know where this gets us? You and I."
"I just think it needs to be said-Steven thinks Eric has no regrets and okay, you two talked about it, and you say he has. Do you know how much that hurts Steven? I'm not talking about physically and the fact that he almost died. He and Eric were friends since Kindergarten. Steven helped Eric rebel a little and Eric helped keep Steven on the straight and narrow, most
of the time. Steven's not a wordy guy and he's not about to hold out his hands to Eric when he feels that Eric has no remorse."
"I'm sorry that Hyde feels that way. Didn't it speak to him when he---"
"Hit Brad with the golf club? Steven said that was much too little and much too late." Jackie thought that was a great gesture on Eric's part, but Steven wasn't having any of it.
"What about that phone message Eric overheard? Maybe you two wouldn't have remarried-maybe you wouldn't be pregnant right now-if Eric didn't. If you got to the machine first you'd have just erased it and you two probably would not be married right now. I really don't think this is a good idea to talk about this. We're going to wind up hating each other, Jackie because you love Hyde as much as I love Eric."
"You have no idea on how much I hated Eric when I found out what he did. But I was so grateful that Steven was alive and I knew Eric was strung out that he wasn't all there---and when you and I fought in the hospital- Donna, I'm just tired of it all." Jackie drank her decaf iced tea.
"And I'm not tired of it all, either? I realize most of this is my fault. Why did I have an affair with Hyde? I hope that---"
"It's all right, Donna, I'm not a frail china doll that's going to shatter in a million pieces just because you and Steven had sex a very long, long time ago-and that was way before Steven and I got back together. I wouldn't say what Eric did was your fault. He knows this, how come you don't?"
"Jackie, you're being too nice. In a way it's all my fault. I am the reason why all of this happened in the first place. Do you know why I shut Eric out during our first marriage? It broke my heart all the times he tried with baited breath to "save us"-I knew he wanted a family so I was giving him an easy out but rather than divorce we just stayed separated. -It wasn't until he found out about the affair-"
"I told him that." Jackie whispered
"Yeah, I know, what were you thinking?" There were many times that Donna wanted to tell Eric, but knowing how much it would have devastated him she chose not to.
"I thought Steven loved you and as much as it would have devastated me. I was trying to put you two together."
Donna had to laugh over that one, "You have some nerve."
"I was only trying to help."
"It was easy fantasizing about Hyde---are you sure you want to hear this?" Donna gently asked
"It's okay," She held up her left hand to remind Donna that she was Mrs. Jackie Hyde, "Go ahead."
"It was easy fantasizing about Hyde because I was running away from Eric. He was the one who demanded the divorce go through. I didn't want it as much as he didn't want it. It's crystal clear you only do hard drugs when you are depressed and bitter. Eric did Coke because he was broken hearted over us. That's why I will always say it's my fault. "
"Donna, you are too hard on yourself. Does Eric know that you blame yourself so often?"
"Yeah and he assures me it's not my fault, and I love him so much for that. But you cannot change facts. I just would like to see him and Hyde be friends again. We've all tried including Mrs. Forman to get them back on track again with no luck, then we all decide to let them be the ones to do it themselves, but they're men and they're stubborn. I know Eric misses having the real Steven Hyde in his life. Not the one who mumbles at him at the dinner table."
"Steven doesn't think Eric isn't remorseful. That's why he flipped out when he saw Eric and Tiffany asleep on the sofa."
"He didn't have to beat up on him while he was sleeping did he? And you don't have to worry about me blaming Hyde for Eric's Coke run that night. I'm not. I don't know if those two will ever be real friends again. It's worse than death because the hole that's there doesn't have to be. Because unlike death it is something that can be reversed." Donna replied in her writer's wisdom. She couldn't eat anymore and pushed her salad plate away.
"I hope I didn't say anything wrong, Donna, because I'm glad we're friends and I don't want to lose that just because our husbands aren't talking."
"We're fine, Jackie. We've spent far too long dancing around these topics. We needed to have this talk."
Jackie tried to smile, "I know you said you didn't want to go shopping seeing that it's black Friday but just one little trip in the mall-Steven found me a little plaque for my desk it says, "Shopping is good for the soul"."
"Oh brother," Donna laughed, "I suppose we could do a little bit of shopping."
Donna was the rare breed of women that did NOT like shopping. She shopped like a man she could be in and out of a store in fifteen minutes.
"That's the spirit! On our way here, I saw a cute little sweater for Tiffany in a shop window. I have to buy it. What are you buying Eric for Christmas?" Jackie asked flagging down the waiter for the check.
Jackie didn't want to tell Donna that Steven had said, "You already gave me my Christmas gift." referring to the pregnancy. She knew Donna was still hurting over not being able to have a baby that she didn't want to rub salt in her wounds.
"I don't know. How do I top his birthday when I bought him a car and tickets to a Star Wars convention?"
She didn't want to give him a material possession. A baby would have made the perfect Christmas gift. She wasn't going to get all emotional and start crying, but it would have made them both so happy.
"I know! Donna, you should buy Eric a dirty board game. Steven and I play ours all the time!"
Jackie and Hyde play dirty board games? It was almost like seeing your parents having sex in the backyard hammock. Eww. Donna didn't need that mental picture.
"Um, no thanks. Eric and I have a great sex life, thank you."
"I have to know," Jackie whispered as the waiter put the check on the table and quickly left, "Does Eric still have two key moves?"
"Jackie! He's graduated up to four. He almost had five, but that was too disgusting even for him to try. Can we please change the subject?" Donna blushed.
"Hey, I saw the two of you on my kitchen floor wrapped in my favorite tablecloth." Which Jackie had to have dry cleaned before she gave it away to one of the women she worked with.
Donna picked up the check, "I'll pay." Anything to get off the subject. Donna didn't want to be rude but the older she got in this world the more she just wanted her time with Eric to be special and private. For no one else but them not for anyone's no matter how well meaning verbal entertainment.
"I was going to be nice and pay."
"Next time. Think of the money you'll save. Now you can buy an overpriced eyeliner."
"Cute. Don't forget the tip, Mrs. Forman." Jackie replied in-jest.
A few hours later
Eric was in the shower but that didn't stop Donna from barging in. Being together this long had its advantages such as no more awkward adolescence insecurities.
"Donna, is that you?"
She peeked in the curtain. She'd have jumped right in but Red and Kitty wanted to treat both young couples to a dinner out. "Are you sure you go the gym, Eric? Because I don't see any evidence." Donna giggled
Eric playfully closed the curtain back "Just for that no sex for you tonight."
"Take this, Eric." Donna went to the sink and put the cold water on that ought to get him for being snappy.
There was no response from him. It felt like time stood still. Donna had no idea that today, the day that he picked her up and brought her back up, she was going to have to do the same for him. She had no idea that today was going to be the day that Eric remembered THAT DAY.
"Eric, I was only-" She heard the bar of soap hit the tub with such a loud bang that her heart was in her throat. "Eric, are you all right?" Sh**. What if he was having a heart attack?
Donna opened the curtain to find Eric standing in the same spot, wet and freezing.
"Eric, what's wrong?" If it wasn't her turmoil it was his. Were they turning into Jackie and Hyde where everyday seemed to be a soap opera?
"C-old."
She grabbed the biggest towel from the rack, took off her shoes, and went in the shower with him wrapping the towel around his body.
"C-old w-water. I re-member." He wanted to slide down the shower and sit in the tub but Donna wouldn't let him.
"Eric, what do you remember?" Donna asked, trying to make sure he was warm.
"I was taking a shower in the old house and Hyde put the cold water on from downstairs--" Donna figured it would be better if they did sit down after all.
Was Eric remembering THAT DAY? He never talked about that day. The only thing that he ever mentioned about it was that he was sorry for what he had done and that he felt very bad about it. He only knew what Red and Kitty told him and they weren't there when it happened. It was Hyde once he was released from the hospital who told the Forman's what their drugged out son did to him.
"It's okay, Eric, take your time---" Donna whispered
"No, I have to. I remember it all now. I can't remember all the words. I came downstairs to bitch at whoever turned the hot water off. Hyde and I had a fight about rehab. I went upstairs. I tried to lock my room door but he got in before I could. He had my bag of Coke, this is hard, Donna---"
She squeezed his hand. "Go ahead, Eric, it's all right."
"I don't remember the actual words, but I remember I wasn't leaving that room without it. I saw my trophy -Donna, it's my turn to cry---I can't talk about the rest. I remember what I did." He looked down rather than face her. How could he ever face her?
"Eric, you can't keep it inside," She hugged him, "It's been haunting you for years now-" He couldn't lock it up again after he started opening up his soul. She was convinced he'd go back to Cocaine again if he came this far only to bury his feelings.
"I hit Hyde on the side of the head with the trophy with all the force I had-look at me, the only way I could be that strong would be if I was on something. He was surprised that I hit him. He tried fighting back-This was not some play fighting on the basement sofa-he had my Coke and there was nothing I wouldn't do to get it back-I turned the trophy around to the pointy part and used it like a knife on my best friend, lunging it in him, like a murderer -he was out cold and I kept on stabbing him," Eric's eyes filled with tears, "Stabbing and stabbing him-I couldn't stop. I wanted him to be DEAD. I had no emotion on my face. This could have been anybody-my Mom, my Dad---even YOU. I grabbed my bag-and did half of it, as if he wasn't lying there clinging for his life -I don't remember how I got dressed and how I even left the house. Donna---" Eric cried in his wife's arms.
"It's going to be all right, Eric. I love you," Donna tried to reassure him, "You must be freezing by now, let's get you dressed." Donna said
He was there for her this very morning when she needed it and she wanted to be here for him when he needed it. She hoped that she was enough and that she was saying the right words, holding him when he needed to be held, and kissing him when he needed to be kissed. She wondered if Red and Kitty would be offended if they didn't go out with them. Donna was also worried about Eric facing Hyde. They were in this bathroom a very long time and it was like an episode of the Twilight Zone there were no noises coming from outside. No Red yelling for them to hurry up, that they had "reservations". Did they leave without them?
"Looks like today was the day for both us to breakdown." Eric replied.
It amazed him how much that they were in synch. There was a time way back when, and not just during adolescence, they weren't. He wished he could go back in time and do it all over again with the knowledge of this future existence. He'd never push her, demand that she promise things that she wasn't ready to promise, and he'd have his friendship with Hyde. He missed those lying on the hood of the Vista Cruiser with Donna times. How they seemed like a lifetime ago. Yet here they were in the year 2000 and they still had each other. He let Donna comb his hair. Didn't they have plans with his parents? He didn't want to go but he would put on a good face and go anyway. He would force something to eat down his throat so his Mother wouldn't worry if he was all right or not. He also had to prove to his Father that he never was going to take drugs again. Actually, he had to prove that to himself first.
Donna kissed him softly on the lips, "I want you to realize something, Eric. You weren't in your right mind. You were high and had a terrible dependency problem. You were not your normal self." She helped him get dressed. She put her shoes back on.
"I love you, I'm sorry for putting this all on your shoulders---" He put his hands on her shoulders and pulled her close. He'd move Heaven and Earth for this woman. He embraced her tight, trying not to cry again. He wondered if there was going to be a full moon tonight? How odd for the both of them to be going through their own collective Hells on the very same day.
"I love you, Donna-I'm so sorry that I gave you this burden." He caressed her cheek with his hand.
"Ssh-you didn't put anything on my shoulders, Eric."
Donna was relieved that Eric finally got this out of his system. It was important for his lifelong recovery. Even if he and Hyde never got back to where they once belonged, airing this out and having this intimate talk with her was good for his psyche. She almost didn't want him to tell his therapist or anyone in his twice a week support group but she knew he had to. He has told her some horror stories about the people in his support group, he couldn't say their names, but the people that never received real support and bailed on the whole system were the ones that would be dead within six months. Donna was going to make sure whenever he had any normal insecure doubts that he knew he had friends and family around him who cared about him. She loved him too much to see him fall. She always knew Eric Forman could be the man that he always wanted to be even on the days he didn't believe in himself.
"I was this close to killing my best friend. Whether I was high or not does not justify my actions. Thank god it was 'just below the heart'-that's what everyone told me--but Donna, if Hyde died we'd be having this conversation on a prison phone. And that's only if I didn't OD first. I think that's what I was trying to do to myself. Oh my god-I meant all the times I said I was sorry and I realized everything everybody told me, but to remember it and see it in your mind is a different thing. Some people will say that I'm a victim too, because of the Coke, but that doesn't wash with me. Hyde's the real victim, he was the one I left for dead lying in his own blood, he was the one lying in the hospital bed hooked up to all those machines not me. If I were Hyde, I'd hate my guts forever, too." All she could do was tell him that it would be "all right", and that she loved him.
Finally
It was at that moment that Donna and Eric realized that they were not alone. She could've sworn that she closed the door all the way, but standing there in the doorway was Steven Hyde who overheard their conversation. Donna was just as frozen by the window as Eric was in the shower; she knew it wouldn't come to blows. They've both proven that they were beyond fighting and could be civil. She didn't know if Hyde would accept everything he must have overheard or was Eric not remorseful enough? Would Eric go in denial mode and put the wall up because men didn't have the same type of friendships as women did? They looked like two guys in a Western movie ready to go face-to-face at High Noon. Each man afraid to make a move until the other man drew first.
"Forman,"
Hyde hated words, other than telling Jackie how much he loved her he had no use for words, but how could he deny Eric words? He wasn't crying, maybe he would cry later on when no one was looking, he'd hide in the bathroom, but if he did that Jackie would know. All this time he thought Eric wasn't remorseful enough when it turned out he had the most terrible day of both their lives blocked out of his memory. What could Hyde say? He hated words, but he didn't hate Eric. He told Jackie that when she asked, he told Eric that when he went to his apartment. He made the excuse about Eric's alleged "selling out" as to why he didn't want to be his friend but that was a lie. He hoped Eric would say something next.
"Hyde,"
Donna bit her lip; she suddenly felt uncomfortable, almost claustrophobic in this bathroom and wanted to be outside with the others. At that moment she felt like an outsider-Eric and Hyde should be having this moment alone, but she didn't want to interrupt them to get to the door. Eric was more comfortable with words than Hyde but under the circumstances Donna realized why he couldn't get passed his name.
"I don't know what to say to you," Hyde admitted
Hyde wished right then and there that he had Jackie's gift of gab, but he couldn't change who he was. He couldn't be what he wasn't. It was hard for him to talk. He realized that Eric didn't attack him on purpose. If Eric wanted to deny that he was also a victim, because he valued what their friendship meant to him then that was okay. There was nothing he could say that would add to what he overheard Eric tell Donna. All he could do was hug him hoping that their wounds would heal and that they would be best friends once more.
Jackie and Donna settled on a mid priced restaurant that was within walking distance from Red and Kitty's new apartment. Donna wasn't that hungry for lunch she was still recovering from her big breakfast but she still ordered a small chef salad and glass of spring water.
"I don't think we should have this talk. It's just too risky to talk about Eric and Hyde." Donna said as soon as the waiter put their order on the table.
"Why? Just because we are married to them? We've all known each other a very long time." Although, Jackie knew Donna, Steven, and Eric knew each other the longest. That used to matter when they were kids, but it didn't matter now.
"I just don't want us to wind up fighting." Donna replied
"We won't." Jackie pleaded
"Okay, we left off on you saying Hyde thinks Eric has no regrets regarding that-incident." It was no one's business in this restaurant what they were talking about.
"Yes."
"You're both wrong. He thinks about that everyday. You just have to trust me on what we said to each other. I cannot break Eric's confidence. I'm sorry if that offends you, Jackie."
Eric never talked about THAT DAY in specifics because the truth was he that didn't remember. His doctor's said it was common behavior for addicts or anyone else for that matter to commit a horrible act and block out the details as a coping mechanism. Donna hated seeing the weight Eric carried on his shoulders, sure he could disguise it and be everybody's friend at the office, the obsessed Star Wars fan that has to spend two hundred dollars on
Ebay for a comic book, and most importantly a wonderful husband, but the weight was still there. How could Hyde not know this? How could Hyde not see this? He knew Eric wasn't himself. Donna wished she could rewind the tape back to before herself and Eric started dating-everything could be perfect. Especially if she could go back in time knowing then what she knew now. Unfortunately you could not go back in time and you had to face each day as it happened for better or worse.
"It doesn't. Is there something you'd like to say, Donna?"
"Yes, what was Hyde thinking coming to St. Louis with-that stuff- what in the Hell was that about?"
"He wanted Eric to dispose of it like he did with you."
"A part of me can understand that, Jackie. I really can. But soon after that and although I know Eric would tell me he has to be responsible for his own actions-he started up soon after. I don't blame Hyde for all of that, just some of it. Especially when Eric had his first relapse."
Jackie sighed, "Don't blame Steven for Eric's problem."
"I'm not. This is why I didn't want to talk about this with you, Jackie. You want to freak out. And we didn't even touch the surface. He didn't have to put that stuff in his presence."
"While we're on that, Donna, I believe Eric was high," She whispered, "In front of Tiffany. That's why they were late coming home that day. Although, I am grateful he waited to come down before putting my baby in a car."
Donna wanted to tell Jackie that she saw Eric hold Tiffany in his arms crying over what he had done and how she witnessed Hyde call him "pathetic", but it would have done more harm than good.
"I don't know where this gets us? You and I."
"I just think it needs to be said-Steven thinks Eric has no regrets and okay, you two talked about it, and you say he has. Do you know how much that hurts Steven? I'm not talking about physically and the fact that he almost died. He and Eric were friends since Kindergarten. Steven helped Eric rebel a little and Eric helped keep Steven on the straight and narrow, most
of the time. Steven's not a wordy guy and he's not about to hold out his hands to Eric when he feels that Eric has no remorse."
"I'm sorry that Hyde feels that way. Didn't it speak to him when he---"
"Hit Brad with the golf club? Steven said that was much too little and much too late." Jackie thought that was a great gesture on Eric's part, but Steven wasn't having any of it.
"What about that phone message Eric overheard? Maybe you two wouldn't have remarried-maybe you wouldn't be pregnant right now-if Eric didn't. If you got to the machine first you'd have just erased it and you two probably would not be married right now. I really don't think this is a good idea to talk about this. We're going to wind up hating each other, Jackie because you love Hyde as much as I love Eric."
"You have no idea on how much I hated Eric when I found out what he did. But I was so grateful that Steven was alive and I knew Eric was strung out that he wasn't all there---and when you and I fought in the hospital- Donna, I'm just tired of it all." Jackie drank her decaf iced tea.
"And I'm not tired of it all, either? I realize most of this is my fault. Why did I have an affair with Hyde? I hope that---"
"It's all right, Donna, I'm not a frail china doll that's going to shatter in a million pieces just because you and Steven had sex a very long, long time ago-and that was way before Steven and I got back together. I wouldn't say what Eric did was your fault. He knows this, how come you don't?"
"Jackie, you're being too nice. In a way it's all my fault. I am the reason why all of this happened in the first place. Do you know why I shut Eric out during our first marriage? It broke my heart all the times he tried with baited breath to "save us"-I knew he wanted a family so I was giving him an easy out but rather than divorce we just stayed separated. -It wasn't until he found out about the affair-"
"I told him that." Jackie whispered
"Yeah, I know, what were you thinking?" There were many times that Donna wanted to tell Eric, but knowing how much it would have devastated him she chose not to.
"I thought Steven loved you and as much as it would have devastated me. I was trying to put you two together."
Donna had to laugh over that one, "You have some nerve."
"I was only trying to help."
"It was easy fantasizing about Hyde---are you sure you want to hear this?" Donna gently asked
"It's okay," She held up her left hand to remind Donna that she was Mrs. Jackie Hyde, "Go ahead."
"It was easy fantasizing about Hyde because I was running away from Eric. He was the one who demanded the divorce go through. I didn't want it as much as he didn't want it. It's crystal clear you only do hard drugs when you are depressed and bitter. Eric did Coke because he was broken hearted over us. That's why I will always say it's my fault. "
"Donna, you are too hard on yourself. Does Eric know that you blame yourself so often?"
"Yeah and he assures me it's not my fault, and I love him so much for that. But you cannot change facts. I just would like to see him and Hyde be friends again. We've all tried including Mrs. Forman to get them back on track again with no luck, then we all decide to let them be the ones to do it themselves, but they're men and they're stubborn. I know Eric misses having the real Steven Hyde in his life. Not the one who mumbles at him at the dinner table."
"Steven doesn't think Eric isn't remorseful. That's why he flipped out when he saw Eric and Tiffany asleep on the sofa."
"He didn't have to beat up on him while he was sleeping did he? And you don't have to worry about me blaming Hyde for Eric's Coke run that night. I'm not. I don't know if those two will ever be real friends again. It's worse than death because the hole that's there doesn't have to be. Because unlike death it is something that can be reversed." Donna replied in her writer's wisdom. She couldn't eat anymore and pushed her salad plate away.
"I hope I didn't say anything wrong, Donna, because I'm glad we're friends and I don't want to lose that just because our husbands aren't talking."
"We're fine, Jackie. We've spent far too long dancing around these topics. We needed to have this talk."
Jackie tried to smile, "I know you said you didn't want to go shopping seeing that it's black Friday but just one little trip in the mall-Steven found me a little plaque for my desk it says, "Shopping is good for the soul"."
"Oh brother," Donna laughed, "I suppose we could do a little bit of shopping."
Donna was the rare breed of women that did NOT like shopping. She shopped like a man she could be in and out of a store in fifteen minutes.
"That's the spirit! On our way here, I saw a cute little sweater for Tiffany in a shop window. I have to buy it. What are you buying Eric for Christmas?" Jackie asked flagging down the waiter for the check.
Jackie didn't want to tell Donna that Steven had said, "You already gave me my Christmas gift." referring to the pregnancy. She knew Donna was still hurting over not being able to have a baby that she didn't want to rub salt in her wounds.
"I don't know. How do I top his birthday when I bought him a car and tickets to a Star Wars convention?"
She didn't want to give him a material possession. A baby would have made the perfect Christmas gift. She wasn't going to get all emotional and start crying, but it would have made them both so happy.
"I know! Donna, you should buy Eric a dirty board game. Steven and I play ours all the time!"
Jackie and Hyde play dirty board games? It was almost like seeing your parents having sex in the backyard hammock. Eww. Donna didn't need that mental picture.
"Um, no thanks. Eric and I have a great sex life, thank you."
"I have to know," Jackie whispered as the waiter put the check on the table and quickly left, "Does Eric still have two key moves?"
"Jackie! He's graduated up to four. He almost had five, but that was too disgusting even for him to try. Can we please change the subject?" Donna blushed.
"Hey, I saw the two of you on my kitchen floor wrapped in my favorite tablecloth." Which Jackie had to have dry cleaned before she gave it away to one of the women she worked with.
Donna picked up the check, "I'll pay." Anything to get off the subject. Donna didn't want to be rude but the older she got in this world the more she just wanted her time with Eric to be special and private. For no one else but them not for anyone's no matter how well meaning verbal entertainment.
"I was going to be nice and pay."
"Next time. Think of the money you'll save. Now you can buy an overpriced eyeliner."
"Cute. Don't forget the tip, Mrs. Forman." Jackie replied in-jest.
A few hours later
Eric was in the shower but that didn't stop Donna from barging in. Being together this long had its advantages such as no more awkward adolescence insecurities.
"Donna, is that you?"
She peeked in the curtain. She'd have jumped right in but Red and Kitty wanted to treat both young couples to a dinner out. "Are you sure you go the gym, Eric? Because I don't see any evidence." Donna giggled
Eric playfully closed the curtain back "Just for that no sex for you tonight."
"Take this, Eric." Donna went to the sink and put the cold water on that ought to get him for being snappy.
There was no response from him. It felt like time stood still. Donna had no idea that today, the day that he picked her up and brought her back up, she was going to have to do the same for him. She had no idea that today was going to be the day that Eric remembered THAT DAY.
"Eric, I was only-" She heard the bar of soap hit the tub with such a loud bang that her heart was in her throat. "Eric, are you all right?" Sh**. What if he was having a heart attack?
Donna opened the curtain to find Eric standing in the same spot, wet and freezing.
"Eric, what's wrong?" If it wasn't her turmoil it was his. Were they turning into Jackie and Hyde where everyday seemed to be a soap opera?
"C-old."
She grabbed the biggest towel from the rack, took off her shoes, and went in the shower with him wrapping the towel around his body.
"C-old w-water. I re-member." He wanted to slide down the shower and sit in the tub but Donna wouldn't let him.
"Eric, what do you remember?" Donna asked, trying to make sure he was warm.
"I was taking a shower in the old house and Hyde put the cold water on from downstairs--" Donna figured it would be better if they did sit down after all.
Was Eric remembering THAT DAY? He never talked about that day. The only thing that he ever mentioned about it was that he was sorry for what he had done and that he felt very bad about it. He only knew what Red and Kitty told him and they weren't there when it happened. It was Hyde once he was released from the hospital who told the Forman's what their drugged out son did to him.
"It's okay, Eric, take your time---" Donna whispered
"No, I have to. I remember it all now. I can't remember all the words. I came downstairs to bitch at whoever turned the hot water off. Hyde and I had a fight about rehab. I went upstairs. I tried to lock my room door but he got in before I could. He had my bag of Coke, this is hard, Donna---"
She squeezed his hand. "Go ahead, Eric, it's all right."
"I don't remember the actual words, but I remember I wasn't leaving that room without it. I saw my trophy -Donna, it's my turn to cry---I can't talk about the rest. I remember what I did." He looked down rather than face her. How could he ever face her?
"Eric, you can't keep it inside," She hugged him, "It's been haunting you for years now-" He couldn't lock it up again after he started opening up his soul. She was convinced he'd go back to Cocaine again if he came this far only to bury his feelings.
"I hit Hyde on the side of the head with the trophy with all the force I had-look at me, the only way I could be that strong would be if I was on something. He was surprised that I hit him. He tried fighting back-This was not some play fighting on the basement sofa-he had my Coke and there was nothing I wouldn't do to get it back-I turned the trophy around to the pointy part and used it like a knife on my best friend, lunging it in him, like a murderer -he was out cold and I kept on stabbing him," Eric's eyes filled with tears, "Stabbing and stabbing him-I couldn't stop. I wanted him to be DEAD. I had no emotion on my face. This could have been anybody-my Mom, my Dad---even YOU. I grabbed my bag-and did half of it, as if he wasn't lying there clinging for his life -I don't remember how I got dressed and how I even left the house. Donna---" Eric cried in his wife's arms.
"It's going to be all right, Eric. I love you," Donna tried to reassure him, "You must be freezing by now, let's get you dressed." Donna said
He was there for her this very morning when she needed it and she wanted to be here for him when he needed it. She hoped that she was enough and that she was saying the right words, holding him when he needed to be held, and kissing him when he needed to be kissed. She wondered if Red and Kitty would be offended if they didn't go out with them. Donna was also worried about Eric facing Hyde. They were in this bathroom a very long time and it was like an episode of the Twilight Zone there were no noises coming from outside. No Red yelling for them to hurry up, that they had "reservations". Did they leave without them?
"Looks like today was the day for both us to breakdown." Eric replied.
It amazed him how much that they were in synch. There was a time way back when, and not just during adolescence, they weren't. He wished he could go back in time and do it all over again with the knowledge of this future existence. He'd never push her, demand that she promise things that she wasn't ready to promise, and he'd have his friendship with Hyde. He missed those lying on the hood of the Vista Cruiser with Donna times. How they seemed like a lifetime ago. Yet here they were in the year 2000 and they still had each other. He let Donna comb his hair. Didn't they have plans with his parents? He didn't want to go but he would put on a good face and go anyway. He would force something to eat down his throat so his Mother wouldn't worry if he was all right or not. He also had to prove to his Father that he never was going to take drugs again. Actually, he had to prove that to himself first.
Donna kissed him softly on the lips, "I want you to realize something, Eric. You weren't in your right mind. You were high and had a terrible dependency problem. You were not your normal self." She helped him get dressed. She put her shoes back on.
"I love you, I'm sorry for putting this all on your shoulders---" He put his hands on her shoulders and pulled her close. He'd move Heaven and Earth for this woman. He embraced her tight, trying not to cry again. He wondered if there was going to be a full moon tonight? How odd for the both of them to be going through their own collective Hells on the very same day.
"I love you, Donna-I'm so sorry that I gave you this burden." He caressed her cheek with his hand.
"Ssh-you didn't put anything on my shoulders, Eric."
Donna was relieved that Eric finally got this out of his system. It was important for his lifelong recovery. Even if he and Hyde never got back to where they once belonged, airing this out and having this intimate talk with her was good for his psyche. She almost didn't want him to tell his therapist or anyone in his twice a week support group but she knew he had to. He has told her some horror stories about the people in his support group, he couldn't say their names, but the people that never received real support and bailed on the whole system were the ones that would be dead within six months. Donna was going to make sure whenever he had any normal insecure doubts that he knew he had friends and family around him who cared about him. She loved him too much to see him fall. She always knew Eric Forman could be the man that he always wanted to be even on the days he didn't believe in himself.
"I was this close to killing my best friend. Whether I was high or not does not justify my actions. Thank god it was 'just below the heart'-that's what everyone told me--but Donna, if Hyde died we'd be having this conversation on a prison phone. And that's only if I didn't OD first. I think that's what I was trying to do to myself. Oh my god-I meant all the times I said I was sorry and I realized everything everybody told me, but to remember it and see it in your mind is a different thing. Some people will say that I'm a victim too, because of the Coke, but that doesn't wash with me. Hyde's the real victim, he was the one I left for dead lying in his own blood, he was the one lying in the hospital bed hooked up to all those machines not me. If I were Hyde, I'd hate my guts forever, too." All she could do was tell him that it would be "all right", and that she loved him.
Finally
It was at that moment that Donna and Eric realized that they were not alone. She could've sworn that she closed the door all the way, but standing there in the doorway was Steven Hyde who overheard their conversation. Donna was just as frozen by the window as Eric was in the shower; she knew it wouldn't come to blows. They've both proven that they were beyond fighting and could be civil. She didn't know if Hyde would accept everything he must have overheard or was Eric not remorseful enough? Would Eric go in denial mode and put the wall up because men didn't have the same type of friendships as women did? They looked like two guys in a Western movie ready to go face-to-face at High Noon. Each man afraid to make a move until the other man drew first.
"Forman,"
Hyde hated words, other than telling Jackie how much he loved her he had no use for words, but how could he deny Eric words? He wasn't crying, maybe he would cry later on when no one was looking, he'd hide in the bathroom, but if he did that Jackie would know. All this time he thought Eric wasn't remorseful enough when it turned out he had the most terrible day of both their lives blocked out of his memory. What could Hyde say? He hated words, but he didn't hate Eric. He told Jackie that when she asked, he told Eric that when he went to his apartment. He made the excuse about Eric's alleged "selling out" as to why he didn't want to be his friend but that was a lie. He hoped Eric would say something next.
"Hyde,"
Donna bit her lip; she suddenly felt uncomfortable, almost claustrophobic in this bathroom and wanted to be outside with the others. At that moment she felt like an outsider-Eric and Hyde should be having this moment alone, but she didn't want to interrupt them to get to the door. Eric was more comfortable with words than Hyde but under the circumstances Donna realized why he couldn't get passed his name.
"I don't know what to say to you," Hyde admitted
Hyde wished right then and there that he had Jackie's gift of gab, but he couldn't change who he was. He couldn't be what he wasn't. It was hard for him to talk. He realized that Eric didn't attack him on purpose. If Eric wanted to deny that he was also a victim, because he valued what their friendship meant to him then that was okay. There was nothing he could say that would add to what he overheard Eric tell Donna. All he could do was hug him hoping that their wounds would heal and that they would be best friends once more.
