Chapter 10 Perfect

Early August 2001 NYC

Jackie quietly walked to her drawer and took out her camera as Hyde fell asleep holding Hannah, while her brother was sleeping in the nursery. Hyde didn't make it that far, a copy of "Goodnight, Moon" on their end table. Steven finally had the family he wanted. Their angst was finally OVER and done with. The only thing left was getting out from the pile of legal papers so Tiffany could legally be Steven's daughter. She was thankful that Brad wasn't the one stalling it was just the slow official process. She couldn't imagine them having anymore problems other than the normal bickering that happens in a marriage, just as long as they didn't become stale. She would hate that. They were the perfect family, they didn't let money be their backdrop and Jackie could've sworn she curbed her shopping habits, okay she still had to buy those candles from France with the French spellings of the flowers on the glass holders but she sent two of them to Donna so it was technically a gift. She was the happiest she had ever been in her life, although tired, it wasn't easy dealing with two three month olds not to mention her big little girl. He wasn't so angry at the world anymore. Even though he still believed the government was out to stop the poor from getting ahead and he still believed marriage was invented purely for economical reasons, which was part of why he never registered to vote. He allowed himself to be happy and was elated that he and Jackie somehow got back together despite all the odds that were stacked against them. Jackie stood back and made sure the flash wasn't on and took the picture. The sound of the camera clicking woke Hyde up anyway.

"Steven, you look so adorable that I had to take your picture."

He looked down to see his daughter sleeping in his arms. Children were awesome they loved you unconditionally, you didn't have to buy their love or hire a Governess to take care of them while you jet setted to the islands. All they wanted was your touch.

"We didn't make it to the nursery."

"I can see that," She went over to kiss them both, "I have to take Tiffany to the dentist."

"We'll be fine," Hyde replied, "and Jackie do you think you can resist the urge to shop while you're out?"

"Hey, I don't go shopping all the time, and the last time I bought you a present."

"White boxers with red hearts on them." They had fun with those!

"Mommy!" Tiffany called out from the other room.

"I'm coming, sweetie," Jackie threw her lipstick and keys in her purse and quickly headed out the door after saying goodbye to her husband and two babies while Tiffany waited by the elevator. She did like the babies, but they were still pains. She couldn't help wanting to be number one.

MO

Donna closed the cupboard softly resisting the urge to slam it. "Eric, I wish you wouldn't speak for me."

"I thought I was doing the right thing-you saw the film how could I ask you to even consider this?

It's just me being selfish again." As long as they didn't go to bed angry, he hated that.

"I know it's going to be tough and I know you put it in your head all of a sudden that maybe it's not a good idea after all because you're worried about how I'll cope caring for a drug addicted baby. I love you and am also annoyed with you for it. At the end of the day we will both do fine." She put her hands on his shoulders and kissed his neck.

"I'm sorry, Donna. I was just worried about the baby not being perfect," He stood up, "I mean they would be perfect to us and we both would be great parents, but a lot of them, we've read the websites, we've read the books, talked to experts, and you and I both know this child is going to have a tough road ahead. Sure, some appear normal, and it depends a lot on the Coke usage. And I'll tell you being a man who indulged, I never even had to think about pregnancy not that the women did either, they just wanted to get high, too."

"That is why we have to cope and not get caught up into the latest research study. That means absolutely nothing to the babies who need love. Now you and I are keeping our lunchtime appointment at the hospital. Don't worry about me. You never would have been chosen for this program if your counselor didn't believe in you, Eric."

He kissed her and tasted sugar from her lip stain, "I love you, Donna, I don't know if I wanted that 'out' for you or myself."

"I'm just as scared as you are." All they fought and talked about for years was starting a family, let alone to even think about adopting a drug addicted baby. It was frightening no wonder he wanted an 'out' due to his own experiences with the drug. She kissed his hands, a tad envious of the seemingly 'perfect' Hyde family.

NYC

This was Steven Hyde's life fixing Jackie's hand held facial machine as his babies watched him from their little carriers. To the outside observer it would seem that this was a man who lost his ideals who did the same "selling out" that he falsely accused his best friend of. However, that outside observer would be wrong. While Hyde was not as emotional as Eric, they both had the love of great women in their lives. Hyde remembered once telling Mrs. Forman that he couldn't love Jackie (way before they embarked on a serious relationship) because she represented what he found intolerable but he didn't think she deserved being called a "bitch" like that. Beneath the money, shallow exterior, and popular girl was a very vulnerable little girl. He hated how they were separated for many years and it was only because of her nosy nature and trying to push him and Donna (!) together that led them back on the long and winding bumpy road where they were brought back into the drama that encapsulated the early essence of their relationship. Here they were finally married and he was a Father to three children. Jackie was no longer that scared below the surface little girl now. She was a woman in the true sense of the word. She was still zany, still loved to shop, and she did claim the master bathroom for herself two hours in the morning, and one at night, but he didn't care. When he was off in London wondering whatever became of Jackie Burkhart after the sex scenes that played in his head he would picture himself fixing household objects, her car, and her life. Yet, she fixed his life, staying by his bedside while he was in his coma. They told him he was briefly dead and although he didn't remember anyone calling him "to come into the white light"; he knew it was her love that pulled him though. Tiffany came through the door first with her bright smile and holding another toy car. He loved how whenever Jackie would try to feminize her daughter she rejected it. Hyde put the machine down on the table to help Jackie with the inevitable sight of shopping bags, but three of them were food bags so he couldn't get too angry. Not that he would be truly angry over it. Tiffany showed her brother and sister her little toy car from the dentist's office but as they were only three months old and didn't care.

"You're down to five bags a day, you're cutting your habit in half." Hyde smiled

"Funny, Steven. I bought you the chips you like."

They went in the kitchen to put away the groceries, Tiffany followed to help.

"How was your trip to the dentist?" Hyde asked

"No cavities." Tiffany replied

"Here, I'll put the cereal away, why don't you go play with your creepy crawly set and make your Mother some gummy spiders?"

"Eww." Jackie smirked in her familiar way.

"Okay. They're fun. I scared Dad's secretary last week when I used the black gummy mix, it looked like a real spider."

Now Jackie could and did find that funny. Served the little tart right working for her ass of an ex-husband.

"I think you just wanted Tiffany to go and play so you could be captured by my beauty." Jackie said to Hyde when she left the room.

He smiled inward as he opened his bag of chips

"I'm almost done fixing your little gadget."

"Steven, it's not a little gadget it's a mini facial machine! They don't make that model anymore and I can't get my hands on another one."

"More candles? How many does a house need?"

"Plenty. And they're for the cottage, smarty." She stuck out her tongue at him. She loved putting all of her feminine touches on their country home.

"I love you, Jackie." He wasn't afraid to say it anymore.

She kissed him on the lips, "I love you, too. Now go back and fix my machine, I wanted to use it tonight, it makes my face as soft as a baby's bottom!"

"I never understood why a woman would want her face to be as soft as a babies ass." Hyde quietly replied.

"Never mind, you don't understand women stuff." She put the grocery bags in the nook and grabbed the remaining of her shopping bags.

"I understand you're all weird." Hyde joked. He was blissful to have the great woman known as Jackie in his life.

MO Baby X

Eric and Donna sat in a café a block from the hospital. They didn't know what to say to each other. He stirred his coffee and she cut the top off her blueberry muffin. They had their first contact with the little girl who was eventually going to be their daughter. They had a meeting with Eric's counselor, the person whose idea it was to place the addicted babies with former users, and various doctors and nurses. They had to wear sanitary coverings and surgical masks. She was very small and if you were able to hold her she'd fit in the palm of your hand. They were allowed to put their surgical gloved hands in the small circular openings of the incubator and were shown how touch her positively. They were going to be foster parents until the official paperwork could be drawn up for them to be Baby X's adoptive parents. They were given papers, manuals, and books to read. Eric had more pressure on him when the other person who was to take part in this same program relapsed for the fifth time because he didn't have the support structure that Eric had. He broke the silence first.

"You know what pisses me off?" Eric said

"What?" Donna asked

"The card on the incubator said 'Baby X'-no one thought to give her a name and I think it's disgusting." Eric thought someone on the hospital staff would have sought to give her something so basic as a NAME.

"Megan." Donna didn't know where it came from; it just came out of her mouth.

"Megan Forman," Eric smiled, "I like that."

She was the most fragile being the both of them had ever seen. Her birth Mother not only did the traditional snort and blow but also freebased and if that weren't enough in the final month she thought shooting up heroin would be a good idea. The Father was a dealer in Chicago and wound up with five bullets in his back. It was a miracle that the baby even survived. The Mother OD'd soon after the baby's birth. They seemed to talk in buzzwords before they even could see the baby. The withdrawals, the sensitivity to sound and light, left side of the brain motor skills meant mentally delayed but not necessarily retarded, trouble with the sucking reflex which was common with addicted babies, serious asthma attacks that in the future could be taken care of, and rage. She could also have other medical problems down the line which were too early to diagnose and there was no sense worrying about what they didn't know when there was plenty of things to be concerned about that they already knew. The social worker was going to go through their apartment as "part of the process" it still felt like a violation, especially if an ultra conservative type was chosen who would look for any little thing that wasn't sanitized and conformed to someone else's norm. They had nothing in their apartment that a social worker could even deem inappropriate still she asked Eric the night before if he had any of those magazines hidden that he better throw them away. He said he didn't have them anymore, but all guys had a stash of dirty magazines somewhere. Jackie found Hyde's in the wall safe of their cottage and she knew her Dad had his pile, too. She was tired of carrying the feminist torch; sometimes it was best to let the men simply be men. Besides there was a great deal of male bashing going on over the last few decades that Donna did not agree with. Not all men were vermin. Eric only needed a few minor what she called "tweaks" over the years, he wasn't intrinsically bad.

"I think we should tell our parents."

"But we aren't parents-yet." Eric cautioned

"They'll understand, I think they'd be angry at us if we kept it from them, no matter our reasons."

It was then that Donna felt her youth slip away, she was never one to care about her age and she loved Eric very much but being a Mother to drug addicted baby with health problems was going to be the most difficult task she was ever going to encounter. She thought of almost leaving Eric again when she needed time to think about being a Mother to one of Jackie's twins. Who was to say she wouldn't leave Eric and the baby in the middle of the night? She pushed Eric to stay on course, but it was her who needed the pushing herself. She wouldn't leave. It was just a nervous thought. She didn't want to be labeled as Eric's wife (even if he didn't do that anymore, others would and did) or Megan's mom (and they would).

"Donna, are you okay?" Eric asked sensing something.

"I'm fine, just tired. " How could she look at that sweet face of her Husband and tell him he deserved a better woman for a wife.

"Are you sure?"

"Eric, let's go home, I want to read over some of these things and then I want to take a long hot bath."

They were becoming their parents and it scared her. It frightened her a great deal. Jackie handled parenthood well. She might have wanted Tiffany to be a Mini-me but her daughter had other independent ideas. She didn't mind taking care of twin infants. Jackie would never run, would never consider running. Christ, maybe Jackie was the genius! Donna didn't mean to selfishly think as the baby fought to live another day in the hospital that if the baby did pass and they did grieve, it would almost be a relief. She liked to travel. She couldn't do that as often if she had to be a stay at home Mom and Eric knew something was up. She tried faking it with tiredness, which actually was only a half-lie because she was tired. If she ran away she'd never regain Eric's trust, he'd go on without her especially if he had a baby to raise. Infact, it'd be that baby that would keep him from being a wreck. She wasn't going to leave. It was thinking about leaving that frightened her, it was her age that was limiting her, and it was seeing Jackie and Hyde be so goddamn flawless.

"Okay. Do you want to talk about anything?" Eric asked, he was more talkative than most guys.

"I'm fine," She took the check from his hands, "This one's on me."

He looked at her mute. 'Donna wants to run. Yet she told me this morning not to speak to her about forgetting the plan to adopt.'

'If she goes, I'll be a single parent.'

"Er-"

"You don't have to say anything, Donna. Listen, if you plan on leaving can you do it AFTER the papers are signed? That way I'll be a Father and you'll have your freedom." He said without raising his voice, almost surprised when she opened the car door and didn't tell him to go 'F' himself and hail a cab.

"Eric, I'm not leaving, but I did think about it. I don't want to have an unnecessary argument with you."

"How does one think about leaving when they're in the process of finally having a child in their lives? How does one think about leaving after spending all that time in the hospital? That's a very cold side of you, Donna, but you're right let's not have this unnecessary argument. After all you told me to not speak for you today and correct me if I'm wrong but didn't you tell me not ten minutes ago we should tell our parents about our plans? But hell, if you can even think about running, it tells me you are just saying and doing things just for me. If you want 'the out' you better tell me now, Donna-but I'm adopting this child with or without you." This was his last chance to be a Father and he wasn't going to let anyone stop that from happening. Even his wife. He couldn't reject that tiny infant in the hospital who was already rejected by her blood parents. He just couldn't. No matter what the cost to his marriage.

NYC

Jackie read an article in a magazine while Tiffany was in the dentist that asked the question was ending up with your high school/college sweetheart normal? Technically, Steven wasn't her high school sweetheart. Michael was. For most of the time she was in high school anyway. Then they were separated for many years and she was in and out of Kelso and then of course: The Brad Factor. Her mind shifted to Donna and Eric they were together before they even together. Jackie didn't know if that was a good or bad thing. Only a small section of the population could qualify to be married to the person they knew infinity.

"Steven," Jackie called from their office, she had just put the babies down again and wanted to check her email.

"What?"

"Did you hear from Donna or Eric lately?"

"No, why?"

"I don't know. There's no email from Donna-and we talk more than you and Eric."

"I'm sure they're fine, Jackie. I fixed your little machine."

"Thanks, honey. "

"You know you could always call Donna if you are concerned." He advised.

This wasn't like Donna, she always took the time to send her a quick email and they talked on telephone at least once a week. If she didn't have two infants she'd get on the plane and give Donna and Eric a surprise visit, but she couldn't do that now. Maybe it was always like Donna to give her the shaft.

~Jackie's flashback~

With her parents leaving her alone in the big house again. Jackie was excited to have a slumber party. She invited her cheerleading friends and Donna. Who might have been a fish out of water, but she said when she saw Jackie in the hall that she'd stop by. Because she needed "a break" from Eric whatever that meant, because although Jackie couldn't admit it to anyone yet. He was a better boyfriend to Donna than the cheating Michael was to her. Sometimes she didn't get Donna at all. Sure, Eric wasn't much to look at and was one of those A-V geeks in Jackie's opinion but he was nice to his girlfriend and he didn't cheat on her. Jackie thought Donna read too much MS and not enough Cosmopolitan. It wouldn't have killed her to dress a little more feminine and wear some real make up. Jackie feigned interest when they all showed up in one big swoop. There was the usual screaming and cackling around the large living room floor. The giggling getting on her nerves. She thought it was stupid to have dreams of marrying Donny or Leif as the popcorn, pretzels, and chips littered the Burkhart floor, Jackie didn't care she didn't have to clean it up. When the girls put on a horror movie Jackie snuck upstairs to her room and dialed Donna's number. Her Father answered.

"Hello, Mr. Pinciotti. Is Donna there?"

"No, she's not, may I take a message?"

"No, thanks, bye." Jackie hung up.

Sometimes Jackie did not get Donna at all.

~End flashback~

MO

Eric couldn't go in the apartment with her after all it was just a "useless argument". He parked the car and just walked away, he couldn't remember if she called after him or not. He didn't hear her. Or maybe in one rare instance Eric was not listening for Donna. She was always this unpredictable force of nature. What pulled at her to say and act so contradictory? He was done chasing her. Done. If he walked back to that apartment and she was gone, that was it. Maybe he was testing to her to see if she wanted to leave but yet somehow he was supposed to pick up the telephone and tell his parents that they are adopting a baby? Man what drugs was she on? Even at his worst he never thought that warped. How could she even think about leaving? Didn't thinking mean one night she would just bail? Did she think he would let her hurt his baby? Okay, the baby wasn't his yet. She f***ing agreed to this when he brought up at the fourth of July when his parents were having their little party. Did she know what she wanted? The stupid high school promise, damn, be careful what you wish for it could come true. Did she want their lives to be more exciting? Who exactly lived these exciting lives? Everyone was boring to some extent. What was Donna looking for? He wanted a family with her for as long as he could remember and if she was going to bail as soon as it was starting to happen. Let her bail. But he was going to be that little girl's Father. She was right when she said he would probably accept Tiffany if Jackie just dropped her off at the door. In fantasy speak he would. He would never do that to Hyde. He didn't realize how far he walked when he realized he was two miles from the Arch. If he knew then how Jackie turned out in 2001 he would have pursued her instead. Donna was an on going challenge. They were a complete yin and yang that seemed to mesh with each other perfectly. She inspired him to get a spine where Red was concerned and to stand up to his domineering Father. He gave her consistency in a world that wasn't with her constant fighting and trend-hopping parents. Eric didn't know whether to turn around and go back or to grab something to drink. She bailed on him when he was in rehab, but he was a jerk so he couldn't fault her for that one too much. Their first marriage was a joke and this one was fairing no better. Sure they could have some great sex, but god for someone you've known since like FOREVER you'd think there'd be no angst. No more problems. It wasn't going to be easy raising a baby with all these health problems, but they could do it. He knew something was up with her at the café when she was so silent. She was probably thinking of ways to leave her lover. The only thing that didn't make him crawl and die was knowing there was a sweet baby in the hospital counting on someone's love. He didn't envision being a single parent. That baby deserved two loving parents. However, they could survive quite nicely if she left. But if she left that was it. He wasn't going to chase her and there'd be no reunion. He would leave her cold the way Jackie got rid of Kelso. Eric decided to skip the drink, he couldn't have a beer so why bother? But there was a small movie theatre down the street and they were showing some old Western from the 1960's and whatever was waiting for him back home the problem or the solution he would face it after the movie. It wasn't going anywhere. Imagine that it was Steven Hyde who had the perfect family after all. Not that Eric didn't want Hyde to be happy; he just thought that he and Donna were supposed to be happier. Yes, he knew it was juvenile, yes, he knew it was petty, and yes, he knew that it was quite frankly stupid, but he and Donna were supposed to be the disgustingly happy couple that pissed off their friends in a good-natured way because they were so in love. Was it because Eric thought as he sat in the back row not wanting to be bothered by anybody in the theatre, was it because the baby wasn't perfect? Was it because Donna couldn't handle being a Mother to a baby who was going to need more care than the average child? Was it some of her feminist crap that was giving Donna permission to run? 'Well,' Eric thought, 'Let her run. But I'm not running after her. Not anymore.'

NYC

Perfect is in the eye of the Beholder

Jackie did her facial but she wasn't going to get the best results because the slight tears were sticking to her face. She just assumed Steven would stay in New York but as soon as the phone rang during supper for a band he produced a few years ago wanted his services for their second album to be recorded in of all places India she almost had a fit at the table but wanted to set a good example for Tiffany. It's not that she didn't expect that either one of them would travel here and there for their careers but India! She had three children to worry about. It's not like they needed the money and he could have denied his services and really what did a record producer actually do that he had to be the one to leave the kids and her to go all the way to India?! A quick flight to Los Angeles was one thing but India. She didn't fight with him she wanted to be over the bridge where her and Steven fought. She just calmly walked into the master bathroom and locked the door shut. Now it was an hour later and she calmly opened the door as she saw her Husband pack his suitcase.

"Steven, why do you have to go? Can't you recommend another producer?" Jackie wasted no time. She wanted him to stay.

"Jackie, producing records is what I do. And you didn't give me the chance to tell you how MUCH I'll miss YOU and the kids."

"I don't want you to go." She put her hands on his shoulders to stop him from folding his shirts.

"I'm sorry, honey, you act like I'm doing this to intentionally hurt you, I'm not. I'll phone you everyday and I'll be able to send you emails."

She wrapped her arms around him tight, "Okay, you go, but don't you tell me that I have to like it, Steven, because I don't."

He kissed her head it smelled like roses. "I don't like it, either. But if you got the phone call I wouldn't stop you from going."

"Yeah, but I wouldn't be going to India. It's so far away, Steven. The babies are going to know you are gone. They can pick up on that you know. Tiffany is going to miss you, too."

"Jackie we're all going to miss each other, I think we covered that."

She sighed, "Okay. I don't want us to spend this time fighting when we can spend it in other, more productive ways."

He kissed her on the lips, "I'll check on the babies make sure they're sleeping and you tuck Tiffany in."

Jackie looked at the clock it was still a little early for Tiffany to be going to bed, but she'd stay in her room and play with her toys.

"Okay. This will be your bon voyage party, but I cannot wait to give you welcome home party."

"Me too. I love you Jackie and you should know that I would never leave you on purpose."

"I know that, Steven."

He held her hand; "I want to spend all night making love to you."

She smiled but in heart of hearts knew she was never going to be one of those wives who loved it when her husband was away. It was different with that idiot Brad. This was Steven Hyde the love of her life. She never thought of his traveling this far for his job. She read in one of his music magazines that sometimes bands were fussy and they spent years on one album and although you wouldn't stay "on location" that long you were still supposed to fly in at a moments notice if the band needed you. Donna and Eric were lucky that they didn't have this problem. Donna didn't have to worry about Eric flying all over the world on business and Eric didn't have to worry about Donna traipsing the globe all over because she could do all her writing on her home computer in St. Louis. Damn, those perfect Forman's.

MO

Eric was happy to put the key in the lock there really is no place like home. He really had no interest in the movie and thought of getting up twice to come back home but he figured he better give Donna her space. He was tired and all he wanted to was put on his Star Wars t-shirt and go to bed.

"Donna, I'm home," The room had an eerie silence over it, it was like standing in an empty stadium hours before kick off, "Donna---"

Eric checked all the rooms she wasn't in any of them. There was no note on the refrigerator or anywhere else that he might see it. F***. She bailed. He gave her the opportunity and she literally ran with it. He backtracked to their bedroom closet and opened the door, her suitcases were still here, and her personal effects were also still present. Was she that upset that she only left with the clothes on her back and her wallet? 'but quick' Eric thought smartly, 'let me call my parents with the happy news'. If this were even a month ago he would have thrown himself in a ball on the sofa and cried for days, praying for the strength to not go near drugs. He had to be strong for the baby. The baby Megan that Donna had named as she was having doubts. Her contradictory behavior made him sick. He didn't know what to do as he noticed all the literature they were given was in a neat untouched pile on the counter. At least that was a clue that she came home. There was no sign that she even took her long hot bath. He kept thinking he was in a nightmare but no it was all too real for him. All too typically Donna. Oh to be high and in a daze. Eric wasn't going to do it, he couldn't, not that he didn't feel the itch to score some Coke. The phone rang and Eric thought defiantly 'I'm not going to answer it, let her have her f***ing space' when the voice on the answering machine said they were from the hospital he ran to the phone and picked up the receiver. The baby had a seizure and they wanted him to come to the hospital to be with her and to help calm her down. It was part of the bonding and therapy process. It was as if the thought of Donna exited his skull and was never there to begin with. He ran to his car and sped away to the hospital. His little girl needed him. If gaining a child meant his marriage to Donna was over than so be it. It broke his heart but there was an innocent child in her tiny incubator clinging for dear life that too broke his heart. All of a sudden it seemed as if every car in the city of St. Louis had to be on the road at the same time as him.

"Damn," Eric slammed his hands on the steering wheel and beeped the horn out of frustration; the guy in front of him gave him the middle finger, "Screw you, man!"

While Eric was in the small traffic jam he silently prayed that God or whoever, he wasn't one for religion but hoped that baby Megan would be all right. There was a risk with drug addicted babies that they wouldn't make it, that their little bodies would give up the fight to live. He didn't pray to see Donna again; he prayed that the baby would make it. She was too precious to die. It pulled at his heart to even think it-Donna did not matter. Not this time.