Chapter 13 A Matter Of [Part One]

The Hyde family made their way up the pristine white stairs. The elegant black stiletto, the melancholy Mary Jane, and the solid dress boot. The last gasp of September wind at their backs as Jackie opened up the door. She was thankful for the private view. If she had to deal with the pompous and snotty today she was going to lose her composure. At that moment she thought of herself as a sort-of, kind-of, but not really Jackie O. Hyde coughed when they stood in the lobby. He put his arms on Tiffany's shoulders and asked her one question.

"Are you sure you want to?"

They explained it to her the best way they could under the circumstances last night.

"Yeah, Steven." 'So, we're back to that'

Hyde looked up and saw Jackie's mind briefly drift away, he caressed her hand with his and asked her if she wanted to go in.

"Yes." She couldn't let Tiffany go in by herself. Besides, these things were a piece of cake once you got used to them. The levity really didn't work and she knew was just a self-imposed rouse.

They all held hands as they walked down the hall. Hyde thought it was odd that there was no one present to greet them, which suited him just fine. But you'd think just one of the collared would have come out at least to check on the little girl. Jackie's knees buckled as she got closer, she wanted to hold her daughter's hand tighter but she broke free. Hyde reached for her hand, but she rejected it. Just like she had been rejecting him lately ever since he came home from India, ever since forces beyond their control changed lives forever.

"Tiffany," Jackie started to say in a quiet voice, only the words didn't come.

The little girl took one look inside the box, staring for a moment before taking out her play car from her dentists visit out from her coat pocket and pushed it along the edges of the high polished black coffin.

"Tiffany, put that away." Jackie whispered

"Why?" And in one of those you'll-be-laughing-at-it-in-years-time moments it fell on the inside behind the head pillow.

"Steven-"

"You've got to be kidding."

Jackie was afraid her daughter would have a tantrum right then and there if she didn't get her car back.

"Get my car, Steven."

"Oh-all right, but the both of you better turn around."

Steven Hyde could not believe that he had to touch Jackie's dead ex-husband even for a few minor seconds just to get a little toy car that was going to wind up in another child's toy box a few years later. The odd thing that Hyde noticed was that the jerk did seem at peace and he ironically looked approachable. They found out that he was outside on that historical day observing what was going on around him when it started to rain steel and debris which was why he was one of the few lucky ones to be able to have an open casket. Jackie never would have agreed to this if that weren't the case. Her daughter's closure was not going to come at the expense of another nightmare.

"Thanks, Steven." Tiffany said when Hyde gave her back her car.

"Do you want to say goodbye to your Dad?" Jackie asked, almost shedding a tear herself.

Tiffany put her car back in her pocket and fumbled with her green yo-yo and Stormtrooper key chain that were in the other pocket of her formal coat with the Peter Pan collar and small bow. She looked at her Father's non- moving body with the strange face, she never remembered him smiling much and stood on her heels for a second trying to scuff the floor. She turned in a small circle before sitting down on the floor and starting to cry.

"Come here," Hyde scooped her up; she was getting to be past the carrying stage, "Sweetie." She wrapped her little arms around his neck and continued to cry.

Hyde was about to carry her out but she said through her tears that she wanted to be put down. She took the yo-yo out of her pocket and gave it to her Mother before taking Hyde's hand to go back to the car. Jackie didn't know what to do or say.

"I don't know what to say to you, Brad," Jackie began, "You weren't a very good Husband or Father-you weren't even a friend to me. I will say you were too young to die and I hope you loved your daughter, but I'm not really sure you ever did," Jackie started to cry, she wiped her eyes, " She loved you. You didn't deserve your end. No one did. I think Tiffany wants you to have her yo-yo." Jackie knew if she put it where it was visible one of the Worthington's would have taken her daughter's kind gesture and threw it away. She carefully opened up his suit jacket and put it in the inside pocket and buttoned it up again, barely breathing as she did it. "I hope you are a happier person in the next life. I wonder how many children you left behind?" She didn't know where that thought came from but she was sure there had to be one or two he knew about but didn't tell her. "I wish you saw that Steven is a good man, and maybe where you are now you know that. I love him very much. I'll sign the book before I leave. Goodbye, Brad." Jackie quickly touched his folded over hands and turned around on her own heels not looking behind her. She signed the book to represent the Hyde family-Tiffany first (it was only proper), Jackie, and Steven. She took two remembrance cards and placed them in her purse before going outside to rejoin her Husband and daughter. She looked at her gold watch they were going to have to get a move on if they didn't want to cross paths with Brad's family. Jackie was glad to feel the cool air on her face when she opened the door. Hyde was back to carrying Tiffany and he pointed to the fast food place that was down the block. He left the keys on the hood for Jackie to join them as Tiffany wanted Hyde to carry her, through in and out tears, to the restaurant.

"Thanks, Steven." Jackie said stirring her tea with the white plastic swizzle stick.

"For what?" he asked as they watched Tiffany slowly eat one French fry, finding a shell in her body to retreat to that she didn't know she had.

"For getting a table in the back." She didn't need to see the car procession.

"I didn't even think of that. I'm glad my subconscious did."

"What's a sub-con-scious?" Tiffany asked, her little body trying to reject self-imposed walls that were coming around her.

"It's when your mind knows something that you aren't aware of." Jackie explained.

Jackie and Hyde discussed what they called 'the plan' while they were in bed last night was that after they got something to eat that they would ask Tiffany if she wanted to go to their cottage. Tiffany was in a rather progressive school, which the only thing Hyde could find wrong with it was the quarterly expense for the kind of school that every child in America should be able to go to. They had very liberal schedules it was encouraged if the child wanted to observe Mom and/or Dad at work they could, if they had some other organized activity that was approved by the school such as piano lessons, it counted as part of the school day. That's why all the thoughts Jackie had about the future of their family always boomeranged back to her daughter, she didn't want to pull her out of a good school. She was scarred enough. The school did phone her to say that they would understand if she needed to take "a leave of absence". Jackie didn't know if that was the right thing to do. Sometimes it is better to keep your routine and stay busy, especially if you are a child, but then there are other times when you need to put the brakes on. Hyde suggested to let Tiffany decide the time after all they were doing it for her benefit so she should have a say in things.

"Tiffany," Hyde gently asked, as she looked up at him with her Mother's eyes

"What?" She swirled her second French fry in a ketchup circle that she made on the imprinted napkin.

"Would you like to go to our cottage for the weekend?" He asked her

Jackie didn't go into overdrive about "how fun" it would be. How could it? It was just to get her out of New York City like they originally planned it before finding out her Father did indeed die.

She sighed, "I guess."

"Do you want a strawberry milkshake?" Hyde offered, he knew she was going through a lot and it was a great deal of information to process. He just hoped that she would come out of it all right.

"Can I buy it, Steven?" She held out her hand for him to drop the quarters in.

"Sure." He gave her a dollar twenty five and she was glad to have the opportunity to run to the counter without well meaning adults trying to soothe her.

"My poor baby," Jackie whispered, "I hope we get through this, Steven." She held his hand.

"We will. Are you surprised that she agreed to go?"

"A little. You can pick up the twins tomorrow morning, I don't want to be alone tonight." She also didn't want Tiffany to think Steven "wasn't going to come back".

He nodded and kissed her hands.

"Did you talk to Donna, before we left?"

"Yeah. The card that her and Eric sent was beautiful The poem that she wrote made me cry. I'm going to put that in the box."

Not only did Donna and Eric send a card but they also sent Tiffany a silver pin in the shape of a dove with her initial on it. Jackie was glad to have friends like Donna and Eric who cared about her daughter and what she was going through.

"What box?" He asked

"The box I want to make for Tiffany so when she's older, she'll understand."

"You're a great Mother, Jackie." Hyde never would have thought of doing something like that. A Mother always went the extra distance.

"I wouldn't go that far. It's harder the older she gets."

"I would go that far."

She tried to smile, but it was difficult. Tiffany came back walking instead of running with her milkshake she sat next to Hyde in the booth.

"How's the milkshake?" Hyde asked, he wanted to keep her talking; he was afraid she'd crawl into herself and never speak again.

"Good."

"I'll be right back, I have to use the ladies room." Jackie said, kissing both her Husband and her daughter.

Jackie felt bad that she fibbed. She didn't have to use the restroom. She went out the side exit and walked back towards the funeral home to make sure it was all over. She didn't want Tiffany to see the car procession or her snooty old cow of a Grandmother, even though Jackie felt terrible that she had to bury her son. They were in that restaurant for an eternity and Jackie even ate food that she wasn't hungry for. Not because it was fast food, but because she really didn't have an appetite, but she figured if Tiffany saw her eat, that she would keep her normal eating habits as well. Jackie didn't know why she didn't tell Hyde but she did send flowers in Tiffany's name, she was going to have to tell him tonight because she didn't want to keep secrets from the only man that she has ever truly loved in her soul. The parking area was empty. She was sure that he had quite a turn out but Brad didn't have many true friends, Jackie wasn't sure if he had ANY. Apart from blood relatives just The Young/Old Boys Network and many dubious affairs. Still, if she were a stranger in all this and just a casual observer who read the New York Times obituary she would have thought, "Wow, that Brad Worthington must have been an important man." At one time he was important to HER. Jackie thought that if she were in contact with Donna in the years that they lost touch, that she probably would NOT have married Brad. She thought in a rather naïve way that she could have made him stop his womanizing ways and be faithful to her, she thought having a baby would make them "stronger" and maybe if it was a "Timothy" and not a" Tiffany" it would have on some level. That was why she wasn't sure if he really loved his own flesh and blood offspring or not. She really had no proof. She never once heard him say that he loved her, for god's sake. She had no proof that he didn't buy those little Christmas ornaments but she knew he didn't, she wanted her daughter to have at least some good memories of the man. She couldn't think of any. If you could base someone loving a person by how much money they spend on them, then Brad did love Tiffany in spades. She was very grateful that he put her on the subway train. That was the only honorable thing he ever did. She didn't even want to think about the thought of her own daughter dead. That part of her life was finally over. She looked up at the sky and headed back to the restaurant, like the flowers, she would tell Steven about this little jaunt later and hoped that he understood.

"Where were you, Jackie?" Hyde quietly asked when Jackie returned; Tiffany still didn't make a dent in her milkshake. He was beginning to think they were going to get kicked out of the restaurant for being here too long. Not that he cared, he just thought.

"In the ladies room." She replied

Tiffany looked at her and wondered why her Mother was lying, "You weren't there, when I was."

Hyde raised his eyebrow. He wasn't angry; he just didn't want what he used to refer to "Jackie Mind Games" --especially not today.

"I'm sorry," Jackie apologized to the both of them, "I just wanted to see if -" She raised her eyebrow to Hyde; she didn't want to say the rest in front of Tiffany.

"If Grandma was gone." Tiffany replied quietly before Hyde could

"That's right, sweetie." Now that she figured it out, Jackie didn't want to insult Tiffany by lying to her face.

Tiffany looked the floor; the dirty circular pattern seemed interesting so she crawled under the table with her milkshake. If this were a year ago Jackie would have made a fuss about her "getting her dress dirty", now it didn't seem to matter. The dry cleaner could take care of it.

"I'm sorry, Steven, I was going to tell you about it later."

"Jackie, you didn't do anything wrong, you were just concerned."

She whispered in his ear about the flowers and hoped that Tiffany didn't hear the whispering because she didn't want her daughter to crumble and to think they were "keeping things" from her.

Hyde smiled, the needless things Jackie worried about, she was beginning to act like Forman for crying out loud.

"Tiffany, are you okay under there?" Jackie peeked

"Yes, Mommy." She was counting the mini circles that were patterned in the big circles on the decade's old worn floor.

"This time I really DO need to use the ladies room. Do you want to come with me, Tiffany?"

"No." She sucked on her milkshake.

"Why don't you sit down next to me?" Hyde asked, when Jackie left

"No."

They were starting to grow root at this restaurant and Hyde thought they really should go. It wasn't the traffic he was worried about it was his daughter. Since the funeral was over there was no need to still be here and once they got back on the highway there wouldn't be a risk of seeing people that Jackie didn't want to see. Hyde didn't even know anyone who would have been there and he didn't want to see them, either. For the first time he allowed himself to think of the slow pace of the adoption proceedings. There was no love lost he hated Brad for a great many reasons but now he wasn't in the way. He might be able to legally be Tiffany's Father sooner than planned. He was afraid to push the issue since she regressed into calling him "Steven". He tried not to be affected by it but he was. He knew she was hurting and was a confused child. He could only hope that she would accept him as her Father someday. The twins were great, but they were new and somehow would be easier to raise, because they were biologically his and only infants. He didn't love Tiffany any less. Before the twins came he never loved anyone so small before. She was a good kid that was normally free spirited and would run around and make her own decisions like preferring the boys toys to the girl ones. Not wanting to be a mini-Jackie, but a big Tiffany. He wondered how she was going to be as a teenager. He could feel his hair go gray at the very thought of it, not out of bitterness, just out of a knowledge that if she acts anything like her Mother, it was going to be déjà vu all over again. He couldn't see Tiffany being a cheerleader Hell bent on being popular and Hyde knew Jackie wouldn't want her daughter to be that, well maybe the cheerleader part but not the snobby, shallow part that unfortunately went with the territory. He believed kids should be themselves but at the same time if you catch your kids in a Circle do you break it up because you are "the parent"? If you do and they find your stash then you become a hypocrite and that's worse. He didn't want to think too far into the future when the present was what counted. The present consisted out of getting out of the restaurant before people started to think that they owned the place and they could set off for Pennsylvania and now he understood why Jackie bought all the candles and soft, cozy bedding. She wanted to make that more of a home. Hyde thought they should sell the New York City apartment and make the cottage their real home. If Jackie wanted to work there a million things she could do. If she didn't want to work, he'd support her the same. Tiffany could get dirty, which was part of his goal when he purchased the cottage, she could play freely and not rely on scheduled trips to the park when her own house would be her own park. He wanted to buy a horse. There was nothing in those stables but lofts of hay. There was just enough room for their family and he could add on to the property if he wanted to. Hyde really wasn't cut out for New York City, on many levels it was cool, but just because Hyde was a been there- seen it all-done-it-all survivor type didn't mean he wanted to live in Gotham for the rest of his life. He remembered the simplicity of boring little Point Place, Wisconsin. He almost envied Forman, but he didn't need the house it really did belong to Eric. Whether it be Point Place, Wisconsin or the Pennsylvania countryside both were great, solid places to raise a family. You really couldn't do that in big cities. Tiffany was a great kid before he got there but there was something about being "a big city kid" that didn't sit right with him. New York City was the kind of place you went to on class trips or business trips but live to there where all buildings went up and not across was wrong. He's had those thoughts all of his life, he was never a man to succumb to fear, although the airplane experience returning from India was more aggravating then when he started the trip. He was done searching, from now on his career came to him, not the other way around and if he couldn't take a return fight home the next day he wasn't going to do it. Not anymore. Tiffany was tired from sitting on the floor under the booth and bored from counting the circles so she sat on the booth, almost at the bottom of her milkshake, which Hyde thought they would all start applauding soon that they were ready to leave the restaurant. Jackie returned dropping a button on the table.

"My button fell off my blouse! I don't have my emergency sewing kit with me and this is a good blouse." Jackie remarked like the "old Jackie".

"Are we almost ready to go, sweetie?" Hyde asked Tiffany, she nodded what looked like a 'yes'.

"I'll meet you two in the car. I want to call Mrs. Andrews and check on the twins." Jackie smiled at Tiffany.

"Are you done with your milkshake?" Hyde asked

Tiffany slurped the straw around the perimeter of her cup and not stopping until she got to the very end.

"Yeah."

She stood up to stand on the booth so she could jump off and then went to the other side to stand where her Mother was seated. Hyde grabbed her coat that fell on the floor. He dusted it off with his hands before helping Tiffany put it on.

"I want you to know you were very good today." Although she could button it by herself she didn't mind it when he did it for her.

"Yeah. When are we going to be in Pennsylvania?" She yawned

"A few hours, you can sleep in the car. We packed your pillow and blanket."

Tiffany was still standing on the booth when he put on his own jacket.

"Can I have cookies for the ride?" How could he say 'no' to that?

Hyde was beginning to think at this rate that they were going to be sleeping in this restaurant.

"Sure." He handed the money to her, but she shook her head 'no', she wanted him to buy them for her.

He could see Jackie from the window holding up her arm and pointing to her watch and making her delightful smirky face. Of course, there would be a line of a family of six and only one register open; you think the dill holes would have let him go first. He couldn't wait to put his head on the pillow tonight, while his wife would rest her head on his chest. This day couldn't end fast enough. When it was Hyde's turn he got Tiffany her box of cookies and a "thank-god-you-people-are-finally-leaving" look. Hyde didn't care about impressing that idiot with the paper hat and striped shirt.

"Okay, Tiffany, I got your cookies." He handed her the box as she stayed standing on the booth.

"Can I have one now?"

"Sure. But only one." He sorted the garbage on the brown tray and put it through the trash dispenser.

"I can't open the bag." Tiffany handed Hyde the box.

He opened the bag and just to make sure she would only take one cookie, he closed the box before handing it back to her.

"Can I eat the rest in the car?"

"Sure," He held out his hand so she would jump off the booth and they could finally leave this popsicle stand and head out for the four-hour drive to Pennsylvania to their safe and warm cottage.

"Thanks," Tiffany looked at the floor and then straight at him, "Daddy."

Hyde smiled as they left the restaurant, hand-in-hand certain that this was finally the time that it was going to stick.

END [Of Part One]

Eric and Donna's chapter will be Part Two and the end of this installment, but I wanted to give each couple the same amount of pages for the storyline. Hence the two parter.