Lord of the Thing
Nobody quite knows what it is...
Chapter 1
"Welcome to Sloppy Joe's"
Nobody knew exactly what it was. Some claimed it was a rock, others a rare gem. Still others thought that it was a spice, or just a plain ol' clump of dirt. It was round like a circle, yet squarish, too. It was a shade of reddish-green and was about two inches long. The one thing everyone did know was that Bobo Buthead found it under the french fry machine in his restaurant one day. He claimed that it was his secret ingredient to all of his foods.
"Just chip off a grain of this and put it in whatever you're making, and you'll have customers lining up for miles!" he would tell whoever would listen. And he wasn't completely wrong, either: Bobo's fast food restaurant, Sloppy Joe's, was rated the best in Potatoville.
Bobo's head fry-cook was his nephew, Afrodo. ("Afrodo" isn't pronounced "uh-frodo" but rather "afro-dough." And this name really fits him: he's got a lot of hair, although maybe not enough to qualify as an afro.) Afrodo was in charge of other fry-cooks, including his friends Mary and Poppins. Contrary to popular belief, these two were not girls but just had bizarre names. (But who in this story doesn't?)
Our story begins on a sunny day in April. The birds were chirping, the flowers were blooming, and bunnies were frolicking in the grass. (Aprils in Potatoville sure are annoying, aren't they?) Afrodo arrived at Sloppy Joe's and opened the door to the kitchen. Mary and Poppins were already hard at work baking cookies to put in the Midget Meals.
"Hey, Pop?" asked Mary. "Could you hand me a spoonful of sugar?"
"Sure thing, " replied Poppins as he piled sugar over the top of a soup ladle and handed it to Mary. "By the way," he added, "today we're making chocolate chip cookies. Don't forget to add the cockroaches!"
Mary's face turned the color of the roses outside of the window. "Don't you tell me what to do!" the enraged Mary yelled as he flung a handful of the bugs at Poppins. Poppins hurled a whole bowl of them back at Mary.
"GUYS! GUYS!" yelled Afrodo. "Calm down! You guys have to be on extra good behavior today!"
Mary and Poppins abruptly stopped in mid-throw and stared at their boss. "Why?" they asked simultaneously.
"Someone's coming in for a job interview. Name's Spamdumb. I've got to show him around the place. AND IF EITHER OF YOU ACT UP..." He made a cutting gesture across his throat.
The two hobbits shrunk to the floor like scolded dogs. "We'll behave..." started Mary.
"We promise!" ended Poppins.
"Good," said Afrodo. "And would somebody make those birds shut up?"
"Sure thing, boss!" Poppins replied cheerily. He picked up a handful of cockroaches and flung one out the window. "This is for being so darned annoying!" He flung another. "And this is for pooing all over the place, and this is for..."
Just then he was interrupted by a knock on the door. Bobo and a person they had never seen before walked in.
"Hello everyone!" Bobo started. "This is Spamdumb, but you can call him 'Spam.'" Spam attempted a small wave in their direction but ended up waving at the bowl of cookie dough because he was looking at the floor. "This," Bobo continued, "is Afrodo, my head fry-cook, and Mary and Poppins."
"Hey, Bobo?" shouted Poppins. "Since your name is Spanish for 'silly', can we call you silly? Please? Please?" Bobo glared at Poppins and prowled over to him.
"Don't mind them," mumbled Afrodo to Spam. "They've said that to him every day since last month. Every once in a while they change what their favorite foreign language is. Last time it was Spanish. This time it's French, so I don't know why they even bother him with that anymore."
"Is Bobo your dad?" asked Spam.
"Nah, I don't have any parents."
"Really?"
"When I was very young, they died in a freak llama accident."
"Oh..." Spam looked back at the floor.
"It couldn't be helped. The llamas just stampeded. I don't really remember them anyway."
"Oh."
Bobo came back from arguing with Mary and Poppins. "So, Spam!" he said. "Welcome to my restaurant! I hope you like your first impression!"
Spam looked around the kitchen. Mary and Poppins were wrestling on the floor, there were cockroaches and cookie dough everywhere, and Afrodo had gone over to stir a bowl of what looked like mud. "Um, it's all right," Spam mumbled.
"Good, I'm glad." Bobo beamed. "But, if you end up working here, there is one rule that you need to know."
"What's that?"
"Only I touch the Thing," he stated as he drew the Thing from his pocket and showed it to Spam. "There are many people who would kill for this." He paused and smiled at Spam. Spam glanced uneasily at the floor. Bobo's smile wasn't exactly pretty. "You know what, Spam? I like you. Welcome to Sloppy Joe's." Bobo said as he handed Spam a uniform. "Now get to work!"
Nobody quite knows what it is...
Chapter 1
"Welcome to Sloppy Joe's"
Nobody knew exactly what it was. Some claimed it was a rock, others a rare gem. Still others thought that it was a spice, or just a plain ol' clump of dirt. It was round like a circle, yet squarish, too. It was a shade of reddish-green and was about two inches long. The one thing everyone did know was that Bobo Buthead found it under the french fry machine in his restaurant one day. He claimed that it was his secret ingredient to all of his foods.
"Just chip off a grain of this and put it in whatever you're making, and you'll have customers lining up for miles!" he would tell whoever would listen. And he wasn't completely wrong, either: Bobo's fast food restaurant, Sloppy Joe's, was rated the best in Potatoville.
Bobo's head fry-cook was his nephew, Afrodo. ("Afrodo" isn't pronounced "uh-frodo" but rather "afro-dough." And this name really fits him: he's got a lot of hair, although maybe not enough to qualify as an afro.) Afrodo was in charge of other fry-cooks, including his friends Mary and Poppins. Contrary to popular belief, these two were not girls but just had bizarre names. (But who in this story doesn't?)
Our story begins on a sunny day in April. The birds were chirping, the flowers were blooming, and bunnies were frolicking in the grass. (Aprils in Potatoville sure are annoying, aren't they?) Afrodo arrived at Sloppy Joe's and opened the door to the kitchen. Mary and Poppins were already hard at work baking cookies to put in the Midget Meals.
"Hey, Pop?" asked Mary. "Could you hand me a spoonful of sugar?"
"Sure thing, " replied Poppins as he piled sugar over the top of a soup ladle and handed it to Mary. "By the way," he added, "today we're making chocolate chip cookies. Don't forget to add the cockroaches!"
Mary's face turned the color of the roses outside of the window. "Don't you tell me what to do!" the enraged Mary yelled as he flung a handful of the bugs at Poppins. Poppins hurled a whole bowl of them back at Mary.
"GUYS! GUYS!" yelled Afrodo. "Calm down! You guys have to be on extra good behavior today!"
Mary and Poppins abruptly stopped in mid-throw and stared at their boss. "Why?" they asked simultaneously.
"Someone's coming in for a job interview. Name's Spamdumb. I've got to show him around the place. AND IF EITHER OF YOU ACT UP..." He made a cutting gesture across his throat.
The two hobbits shrunk to the floor like scolded dogs. "We'll behave..." started Mary.
"We promise!" ended Poppins.
"Good," said Afrodo. "And would somebody make those birds shut up?"
"Sure thing, boss!" Poppins replied cheerily. He picked up a handful of cockroaches and flung one out the window. "This is for being so darned annoying!" He flung another. "And this is for pooing all over the place, and this is for..."
Just then he was interrupted by a knock on the door. Bobo and a person they had never seen before walked in.
"Hello everyone!" Bobo started. "This is Spamdumb, but you can call him 'Spam.'" Spam attempted a small wave in their direction but ended up waving at the bowl of cookie dough because he was looking at the floor. "This," Bobo continued, "is Afrodo, my head fry-cook, and Mary and Poppins."
"Hey, Bobo?" shouted Poppins. "Since your name is Spanish for 'silly', can we call you silly? Please? Please?" Bobo glared at Poppins and prowled over to him.
"Don't mind them," mumbled Afrodo to Spam. "They've said that to him every day since last month. Every once in a while they change what their favorite foreign language is. Last time it was Spanish. This time it's French, so I don't know why they even bother him with that anymore."
"Is Bobo your dad?" asked Spam.
"Nah, I don't have any parents."
"Really?"
"When I was very young, they died in a freak llama accident."
"Oh..." Spam looked back at the floor.
"It couldn't be helped. The llamas just stampeded. I don't really remember them anyway."
"Oh."
Bobo came back from arguing with Mary and Poppins. "So, Spam!" he said. "Welcome to my restaurant! I hope you like your first impression!"
Spam looked around the kitchen. Mary and Poppins were wrestling on the floor, there were cockroaches and cookie dough everywhere, and Afrodo had gone over to stir a bowl of what looked like mud. "Um, it's all right," Spam mumbled.
"Good, I'm glad." Bobo beamed. "But, if you end up working here, there is one rule that you need to know."
"What's that?"
"Only I touch the Thing," he stated as he drew the Thing from his pocket and showed it to Spam. "There are many people who would kill for this." He paused and smiled at Spam. Spam glanced uneasily at the floor. Bobo's smile wasn't exactly pretty. "You know what, Spam? I like you. Welcome to Sloppy Joe's." Bobo said as he handed Spam a uniform. "Now get to work!"
