Chapter 14 A Matter Of [Part Two]
Early October 2001 MO
Life
Eric and Donna finally got the phone call that they were waiting for. They could actually hold their baby today. For real, not touching her through the holes in the incubator but actually holding her in a rocking chair. Even though Eric was the one who wanted the child the longest, he thought it should be Donna to be the first one to actually hold her. They had to take a class it was only them and two other couples for the basic care of a 'special needs' infant. The drug addiction part was another class and part of the program they were in. Donna supposed one good thing did come out of Eric's Coke use when they finally put Megan in her arms for the first time and they didn't have to wear surgical masks around her because her respiratory system was functioning better. She tried not to cry, but she couldn't help it. She was holding HER baby, she may not have given birth to this baby, but she was still HERS, which reminded her of Hyde and Tiffany. He may not have been her biological Father but he was still her Daddy. Who would have thought that something good, so pure and sweet could come from a habit so terrible? The innocent child didn't choose to get high her birth Mother chose that route. Yet, between Eric's problem and that of Megan's real Mother it made it possible for Donna to be sitting in this rocking chair holding the girl who really was her daughter. She couldn't wait for the paperwork to be signed, as she was almost surprised at herself for feeling a bond with her.
"Eric, she's so pretty."
"I know," he couldn't help the tears, either, "She's beautiful."
Donna kissed her tiny hand. How come she didn't want one of these little beings sooner? Was having a career that important? Of course all bets were off when she had her abortion-other women get to have their own children after that, but she had to be part of the one thousand or so women that couldn't have their own children after the procedure. Why were some women so Hell bent on being anti-child? The world was different now for women than when Donna and Jackie were teenagers. The ERA was not ratified but even still many women were CEOS and could do things that they weren't raised to even think of being as an option. Part of the reason why her parents marriage failed was because her Father's Mother was a stay-at-home cook, clean, and take care of the kids kind of woman, so of course he'd be against Midge trying to better her self. Still, she shouldn't have left like that, that was cowardice. She wondered how it was that Red Forman of all people accepted his wife working? But Kitty was stubborn as an ox and she was always there for Laurie and Eric and all the neighborhood kids that trampled through their house. The house that was going to be theirs. Donna had some ideas in mind to re-do the place otherwise it would be despite everything really like they were playing house. It had to be Donna and Eric's house not Red and Kitty's house. She hated to undo all the remodeling that they paid for years ago, but she thought the basement should be a bedroom and the laundry room could go in that little nook/den- ish type area that was off to the front door. She didn't know where their bedroom should be if they used the basement as Megan's room she was going to need a lot of space with her wheelchair. They could get rid of the staircase in the basement and put up a ramp; she knew Eric wouldn't mind that. They would have to widen the doorways that needed to be so she could get in and out with her chair. They were going to need the garage to be a garage and they were going to have to get a specially equipped van. This was going to cost a fortune, but she had a pretty good savings account, as did Eric as well as their joint checking account that they used to pay the monthly bills with and they did have some small amount in investments and she wouldn't be surprised if Eric had money put away for her college fund already. She wanted to be Megan's legal Mother and hoped their adoption process would go smoothly. Since it was through a special program to place the addicted baby with the addicted parent (Donna always had to put the word 'former' in there, she knew Eric would never touch the stuff again. Knock on wood.) as a foster parent first and then the adoptive parent it should go more easily then Hyde's adoption of Tiffany. Which should be an easier process now for them she thought. She lightly kissed her on the head before carefully getting up so Eric could sit down and hold her.
"Hi, Megan," Sometimes she would make eye contact, sometimes she wouldn't.
"Donna-"
"Yeah?"
"Can you get the book out of my knapsack?"
"What book?" She questioned as she went to get it-She smiled when she saw the orange sherbet color cover of "Pat the Bunny".
She couldn't believe it, here she was the writer of the family, and he's the one who thought to buy a children's book!
"Eric, that's so sweet," she kissed him on the cheek
"Pull over a chair, we'll read to her together." It was important to keep her mind stimulated.
"You've been planning this in your mind for ages." Donna whispered she didn't want the in and out nurses to hear their conversation.
"Somewhat."
It was true he wanted a child for the longest time but when he looked into her blue eyes he realized there had to be a reason for the longest wait ever and also a reason why he took Cocaine in the first place. Eric thought it was interesting that Megan and Hyde and Jackie's twins were around the same age group. He hoped that they would be friends, especially Hannah. It was important for girls to have a best friend. That was why Donna opened up to Jackie as the years went on when they were teenagers because women needed friends, more so than guys, and Eric wanted his daughter to have lots of friends. He knew there would be some jerks out there that would take pleasure on teasing the "girl in the wheelchair" but if they ever did it in front of him they'd be talking out of the other side of their ass. He knew he couldn't shield Megan from all the ills in the world but he was going to do his damndest to try. That was one of the reasons why Eric wanted Megan to have a best friend because there were going to be too many people in the outside world who would treat her cruel or the just as bad the people that treat all handicapped people as pity cases with no minds of their own, she needed a friend to share life experiences with apart from her parents just like any other kid. And also to defend her just in case she needed defending.
He knew she couldn't comprehend the activities in the book, but it was important for her understand texture like squeaking the teddy bear and touching the shoelaces.
"I've been so busy buying clothes and other necessities, I didn't think of books." Donna said
"It's okay. I just thought of buying a baby book yesterday afternoon." He stroked her cheek with his hand; he couldn't tell if she smiled.
A nurse gave them some good advice recently. Think of Megan as a cup and you as her parents have to fill that cup with love and as the cup gets full she will respond and in turn the only problematic thing down the line would be her paralysis and even that will develop into a routine over time. The doctor's said with the proper therapies and schooling there was absolutely no reason that she couldn't live a productive life. A nurse witnessed them reading to Megan and thought that Eric and Donna would be great parents. There was a lot of love they needed to give to a child to complete their circle. When they were done reading to the baby they took turns holding her and walking around the nursery talking to her.
"Your Mommy and I can't wait to take you HOME." Eric said, kissing her nose
And Kitty couldn't wait to get on the first plane out to see her Granddaughter she never got to see Laurie's son it felt like she didn't have any Grandkids at all until Eric unveiled his wonderful news of bringing a new baby into the Forman family.
"I love you," He kissed her on the forehead and handed her to Donna to hold.
"Eric, I've come to a conclusion."
"What's that?"
"That we're going to be kick-ass parents."
"I know. That's not pretentious of us, is it?"
She smiled in a way that was most becoming but Eric didn't want to be labeled "sexist" by admitting to his wife that she looked beautiful holding a baby. Words always got him into trouble.
"No, she needs a little bit of that pretentious attitude in her corner."
She was starting to fall asleep again and their time with her was almost over. Although there were times when they'd be woken out of a sound sleep to come to the hospital, there were absolutely no time restrictions for this program. If the baby needed you, that was that.
"Did you want to go out to eat after?"
"Eric, don't we always?"
"If you'd rather not-" 'See' Eric thought, 'It's always words that get me in so much trouble'
"That's not what I meant by 'don't we always', I meant yes, because I don't feel like cooking tonight-and you shouldn't be allowed into a kitchen."
"Donna, what was wrong with my pasta Forman?"
Donna laughed and rubbed Megan's cheek against hers so she could get an inkling on what a laugh felt like.
"The pasta was overcooked and the sauce had no kick-but there's other rooms where you excel in."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can I hold her before we go?" He asked
"Of course," She transferred the baby to Eric, "Do you think we can bring a camera in here?"
"I don't know, but I'd rather wait for the day when we can have a normal family portrait." Eric admitted to his wife.
He pictured a Christmas or a birthday situation where they could stand in front of the camera and then they could make the cards on their computer and send them out to all of their friends and family, whether they wanted the cards or not. Of course Kitty would probably wallpaper a small room with them!
They both said their goodbyes to the baby and the staff before heading out to the café to sit in the their usual booth like they always did after their visits with their daughter and with the small progress she was making she might be able to come home before Thanksgiving they all hoped. That's all Eric and Donna wanted-to take their baby home, to become a family.
5 days later
The rain pounded on the windows as a thunderstorm raged against the greater St. Louis area as Donna typed with her laptop actually on her lap, she sprained her ankle yesterday when trying to reach on a high bookshelf to put away things for storage so when they were ready to move back to Point Place they wouldn't have to spend all their time packing. Donna wanted to go to the hospital to see Megan but Eric told her what the doctor told her, that she needed to stay off her ankle just for a few days. Her heart wasn't in her writing for the longest time maybe Eric was right when he said to her in the heat of an argument once long ago that she did write "fluff pieces", with all of the uncertainty going on in the world today it didn't seem interesting or fulfilling to write about rock groups or the piece she had to write about people who garden as their relaxation hobby. She didn't have any assignments forced or otherwise, she was just writing her ongoing never-to-be-published book about Eric. It was ten thirty when she fell asleep. Donna woke up at eleven when she saw Eric sitting on the chair, with his hands in his face. She had a lump her throat and was prepared for the worst. 'Please, don't'.
"Eric, what's wrong?" She tried standing up. He didn't look so good. His eyes were red, his hair a mess, and not to mention the smell coming off his now dirty shirt.
"Donna, sit down, you know you are supposed to stay off that ankle."
She sat back down on the sofa and he joined her so she wouldn't be tempted to stand.
"What happened at the hospital? Is Megan all right?"
"It started out a nice visit, Donna. They let me feed her and they were confident she could handle the increased amount of the formula-" He stopped for a minute, he thought he was going to cry again but something in him wouldn't let him
"Go on, Eric." She held his hands
"She got sick-she puked all over me and I held her the way they taught us- so she wouldn't choke and that was when the nurse took her off me. They put her back on the feeding tube. This is hard-"
"F***, there's more?"
"Yes, she went into another seizure and is in a coma," Eric thought this had to be payback for what he unconsciously did to Hyde while he was strung out.
"Oh, God." They shared a teary embrace before Eric got up and proceeded to put his jacket back on.
"I don't have time to cry. I have to go back to the hospital. My baby wants to give up and if I'm not there, Donna, -I'll feel that she'll-I don't want to say it."
Donna got up and accidentally stood on the hurt ankle.
"I'm coming, too."
"But your ankle."
"A sprained ankle is nothing. Besides I have a cane."
"What cane?"
"My wonderful scrawny adorable husband," She kissed him on the lips, "I'm sorry that you had to go through all that alone tonight, you must have been so scared."
"Megan was more scared. Hasn't she suffered enough, Donna?"
That poor baby has been through so much in a very short period of time. All they wanted was for her to be healthy and happy.
"I understand, Eric."
"I called Red and Kitty so if one of our cells should ring-"
"We can't have them on in the nursery." But Donna was sure they'd leave a message. It must have broken their hearts to know they had a Granddaughter out there that was in so much pain.
"Donna, what if she-I don't want to say it, I don't want to think it-but what if?"
They were in the elevator to go down to the parking garage.
"Eric, I refuse to believe in 'what if'-We have to be strong for her. You said it yourself, we have to be there for her."
In the backseat of Eric's car was a small white teddy bear with a blue bow around its neck; he never got to give it to his daughter that night to celebrate her recovery process. He was so worried for her that he forgot about it until he went to put his jacket on when he left the hospital.
"What's in the gift bag?" Donna asked noticing the rain starting to let up.
"A teddy bear. I was going to give it to Megan tonight after our visit, but things didn't go as planned." His eyes stung from all the crying he did.
"I don't see why we can't give it to her now?"
Even if they were back to surgical masks and sterilized everything, the nurses could still put it somewhere in the room for her to look at until she was able to have it in the incubator with her.
"You are truly the best, Donna-I know I have said it before, but you are a great Mother."
She smiled a little, "I'd like to make a stop before we go the nursery." She said in a quiet voice
"Where?" Eric asked despising the traffic; he never had a problem with metro city traffic until he had someone he loved very much in the hospital.
"To the hospital chapel."
Donna and Eric were like so many people who did not really believe in an 'organized religion', Kitty always wanted her family to attend services but the older everyone got and that included her Husband the more difficult it was to get them inside a church.
"That's a good idea."
But Eric had to wonder if there really was a God, why did he/she/it make a point of making innocent people suffer? It wasn't very just to him. Donna put her hand on Eric's knee as he drove and smoothed his hair down with her hands.
"Donna, " He kissed her when they parked in the hospital parking area, "I love you, so much, and it's not many women who would undergo all this."
"I love you too, Eric," She unbuckled her seat belt and tried to get the teddy bear from the backseat.
"I'll get it, now stay in the car, until I come around. I know you don't care what the doctor said but he told you to stay off your ankle. -well as much as possible."
He got the gift bag out of the backseat and helped Donna out of the car hoping to believe in miracles.
They held each other's hands when they entered the nursery, each of them silently half expecting to have someone tell them that Megan did not make it. They were both relieved when they were told while she was still in a coma her condition wasn't critical. The staff although they did not say a word to Eric thought what a dedicated person he must be as he was just here but he had that spark to come back and visit her rather than satisfy the urge to sleep. They did not have to wear surgical masks and she wasn't on a breathing tube like when they met her for the first time. They didn't want to ask any doctor or nurse questions they just wanted to have this quiet time with their baby. She was in a normal halved incubator but she still couldn't have her teddy bear. The nurse assured them they'd find a place for it. Eric and Donna talked to her and did the positive touching hoping that it would somehow like the ten minutes they spent in the chapel would reach her. They lit a candle for her. That was Grandma Kitty's suggestion when she spoke to Eric on the phone earlier so how ironic that it was Donna that had the idea to go the chapel tonight. Eric bent down and lightly kissed Megan's cheek, as he didn't want to hurt her.
"I need something to drink, do you want me to bring you anything?"
"No, thanks, Eric."
Donna thought this would be a good time for some Mother/Daughter bonding. She would see Jackie interact with Tiffany and she loved their rapport with each other. Always wanting her own daughter to talk to and here she was so small and fragile, clinging for her life.
"Now that your Daddy's gone, it gives us a little bit of time to get to know each other a little better."
Donna held Megan's hand, the hospital band around her tiny wrist.
"Your Daddy and I both love you very much. We only want you to be healthy and happy. I know your little body keeps rejecting itself, sweetie. The nurses call you 'The Little Fighter' and you are, baby. You don't realize how 'strong' you are. You do want to live but there's something inside of you trying to stop that. That is why your Daddy came back tonight. That is why even though my doctor said I'm not supposed to be on my sprained ankle, I had to see you anyway. And I know you can't hear me and even if you could I know you don't understand a word I am saying right now. -but I love you, Megan," Donna let the tears flow, "I've wanted a baby for so long-and I really screwed this area of my life up-all I know is both your Daddy and I want you in our lives. We can't imagine a life without you. You just have to make it, sweetie. I know others gave up on you but your Daddy and I have no intention of ever doing that to you."
She tried not to make much noise when she cried she didn't want to frighten Megan, she was too precious and Eric was right hadn't she suffered enough? Donna flinched a bit when she felt Eric gently rest his hands on her shoulders.
"E-Eric," She wiped her eyes, "How long were you standing there?"
He kissed her neck, softly. "You are a special woman, Donna."
They said their goodbyes to Megan with soft words and tender kisses. This child was their last chance to have the family they both wanted and the both of them knew that as they left the hospital and got in the car.
"I'm going into work late tomorrow," Eric yawned
"I'm glad, Eric. We can visit Megan before you have to go to the office."
"Donna, do you think she's going to make it? I can't deny that there isn't a chance she won't make it, we were told that when we signed onto the program."
Eric didn't want to think everything was "going to be all right" when she might not make it. That was a reality that they both had to face.
"We can only hope our prayers will be answered."
"She's such a sweet girl, I really don't want to pay for her death," Eric tried not to cry again, there was just something about a child's ill health that made any person with an ounce of compassion feel awful, "I opened up an account for her. I had to do it in my name, but it's her money. I want to pay for her life."
Donna tried to smile, "I knew you were going to do that."
"Do you think this is God's revenge on me for what I did to Hyde?"
"No, Eric, I don't. You weren't you when you did that and you are very remorseful. Don't blame yourself for Megan's condition. We need to be strong for her. Yes, we know the risks, but we've read many accounts of drug addicted babies that were worse off and they pulled through to become healthy kids, we have to believe that. For Megan's sake."
He kissed her on the cheek when they got to a traffic light.
"When you said to Megan we can't imagine a life without her-it's true. I can't. If I saw images of these drug-addicted babies long ago I NEVER would have touched the stuff. Look what her birth Mother's habit DID TO HER-"
Donna's phone rang, "It's probably your Mother."
She didn't even look at the caller ID, she just started talking.
"Hello? Really? I'll tell him. Thank you for calling. You know we are. Bye."
"Donna, who was that?"
"Turn the car around, Eric," Donna folded her phone and put it in her pocket, "Megan opened up her eyes."
[song lyrics removed]
END
