Lord of the Thing
Chapter 4
Life is a Road...
The journey started out well enough. Dandruff, in the front riding Ben, led the Entourage. Whenever the others were afraid that they were off- course, he would always reassure them by telling them he "knows these woods like the dandruff on my head." (Let's just say that he doesn't know his dandruff that well.) Behind him, Eggymess rode on Tonto. Tonto was a rather large brown and white horse. Like a good packhorse, his favorite thing to do is follow the horse in front of him. Because of this, Eggymess didn't have to do anything except sit. He could even catch a nap if he needed to. (And sometimes the trail was so boring, there was nothing better to do.) After Eggymess came Dimli on Indy. Indy was a young, spunky horse. For this reason, she loved to buck. When she'd buck, Dimli and all of the supplies would topple to the ground. After a while, Dimli was covered so much in black and blues that you couldn't tell what the original color of his skin was. Bore Me came next on Orli. The horse's long mane proved a nuisance - it got caught on every tree that they came across. Thus, Bore Me spent a lot of his free time at night pulling out twigs and thorns instead of sleeping - causing him to be cranky during the day. Dandruff threatened a few times to "send him to his room." After that came Airhorn and Marc. Airhorn spent much of the time on the trail giggling uncontrollably like a two-year-old whenever Marc took a dump and it landed on Mary. This happened about once every hour, so Airhorn was kept entertained. Of course, Mary wasn't too pleased. He spent most of his time wiping horse poo off of his face so that he could see the road ahead. It was pretty gross. When he wasn't wiping his face, he was planning ways to get back at Dandruff for making him ride such a short horse behind such a "poo- machine." Afrodo was content riding Colette. She was a smooth ride and never bumped him around on the rough terrain like the other horses often did. The only downside was that Afrodo had to put up with many a rendition of the "Qui est-ce? C'est Colette!" song from Poppins. Spam and Blue made a good pair, but Poppins and Annie did not. Annie was a huge, gray horse, taller than any of the other horses. Poppins also happened to be the shortest hobbit. Because of this, it was hard to control Annie and she often wandered off of the path. Poppins got swept off of her by any low branches that happened to be there. "Are we lost?" Poppins asked Dandruff after getting swept off of Annie for the third time in an hour. "No, don't worry." He replied. "I know these woods like the dandruff on my head." Poppins rolled his eyes and climbed the tree nearest to him and sat on one of the lower branches. Because Annie was so tall, Poppins had to do this whenever he had to get on her. He pushed himself off of the branch and onto Annie's back. Annie squirmed but didn't buck. "How much longer are we going to ride today?" Spam whined. "And when we stop," asked Mary, "will there be a stream where I can take a bath?" "Eww!" cried Poppins. "We'll have to drink that water! We won't want to if you've taken a bath in it!" "Well, there'll be more for me to drink then!" Mary replied. "Before or after you take the bath?" asked Poppins. "SILENCE!" cried Dandruff. "If you guys keep on making such a racket, then the Forks will find us!" "Why do those Forks think Nameless is so great?" whined Afrodo. "Sushi isn't that good for you! Do you know how many carbs are in rice?" "No, and I don't need to know," replied Dandruff. "And to answer your question, Spam, we will be stopping in an hour. And, yes, Mary, there will be a stream." "Yeah!" cried Mary at the same time everyone else groaned. "And Afrodo," continued Dandruff, "is the Thing still safe?" "Yeah, yeah, it's in my pocket," he replied. "I don't get it. Why don't we just eat it? Nameless won't be able to get it while it's inside our bodies." "Yes," Airhorn interrupted, "but what about when it comes out? He'll be able to get it then." "I didn't think about that," Afrodo said. "That's right," replied Airhorn. He then burst into a fit of giggles. Marc had taken another dump. "Grrr..." growled Mary. "Why don't you go to the back of the line? You won't be pooing on anyone there." "Because Dandruff put me here," he answered. "And who am I to argue with him?" Suddenly, Orli reared. Bore Me clung onto his neck like a sack of potatoes clings on to the side of a house. (He fell off.) Orli trotted off into the woods. "You darned horse!" cried Bore Me, running after Orli. "There are tons of thorn bushes in there! I'll be fixing your hair all night!" "Now, now," said Dimli. "Calm down! You're driving us all crazy! Don't you agree with me, Eggymess?" Eggymess didn't answer - he was fast asleep on the back of Tonto. "Now how much longer will we be riding?" asked Spam. "I already told you! It hasn't changed in the past few seconds!" Dandruff replied. "Now all of you shut up!" They obeyed. The Entourage of the Thing rode on for a while more. Finally, they came to a clearing in the woods. "Hey, look!" cried Poppins. "There are TWO streams! Mary can take a bath in one, and we can drink from the other!" "Hallelujah!" everyone cried. "Now if you'll excuse me," said Mary, "I have a bath to take." He ran to the stream. "I don't know about you," said Eggymess, waking up from his nap, "but I'm hungry! Let's get something to eat!" "Okay!" they all agreed.
Chapter 4
Life is a Road...
The journey started out well enough. Dandruff, in the front riding Ben, led the Entourage. Whenever the others were afraid that they were off- course, he would always reassure them by telling them he "knows these woods like the dandruff on my head." (Let's just say that he doesn't know his dandruff that well.) Behind him, Eggymess rode on Tonto. Tonto was a rather large brown and white horse. Like a good packhorse, his favorite thing to do is follow the horse in front of him. Because of this, Eggymess didn't have to do anything except sit. He could even catch a nap if he needed to. (And sometimes the trail was so boring, there was nothing better to do.) After Eggymess came Dimli on Indy. Indy was a young, spunky horse. For this reason, she loved to buck. When she'd buck, Dimli and all of the supplies would topple to the ground. After a while, Dimli was covered so much in black and blues that you couldn't tell what the original color of his skin was. Bore Me came next on Orli. The horse's long mane proved a nuisance - it got caught on every tree that they came across. Thus, Bore Me spent a lot of his free time at night pulling out twigs and thorns instead of sleeping - causing him to be cranky during the day. Dandruff threatened a few times to "send him to his room." After that came Airhorn and Marc. Airhorn spent much of the time on the trail giggling uncontrollably like a two-year-old whenever Marc took a dump and it landed on Mary. This happened about once every hour, so Airhorn was kept entertained. Of course, Mary wasn't too pleased. He spent most of his time wiping horse poo off of his face so that he could see the road ahead. It was pretty gross. When he wasn't wiping his face, he was planning ways to get back at Dandruff for making him ride such a short horse behind such a "poo- machine." Afrodo was content riding Colette. She was a smooth ride and never bumped him around on the rough terrain like the other horses often did. The only downside was that Afrodo had to put up with many a rendition of the "Qui est-ce? C'est Colette!" song from Poppins. Spam and Blue made a good pair, but Poppins and Annie did not. Annie was a huge, gray horse, taller than any of the other horses. Poppins also happened to be the shortest hobbit. Because of this, it was hard to control Annie and she often wandered off of the path. Poppins got swept off of her by any low branches that happened to be there. "Are we lost?" Poppins asked Dandruff after getting swept off of Annie for the third time in an hour. "No, don't worry." He replied. "I know these woods like the dandruff on my head." Poppins rolled his eyes and climbed the tree nearest to him and sat on one of the lower branches. Because Annie was so tall, Poppins had to do this whenever he had to get on her. He pushed himself off of the branch and onto Annie's back. Annie squirmed but didn't buck. "How much longer are we going to ride today?" Spam whined. "And when we stop," asked Mary, "will there be a stream where I can take a bath?" "Eww!" cried Poppins. "We'll have to drink that water! We won't want to if you've taken a bath in it!" "Well, there'll be more for me to drink then!" Mary replied. "Before or after you take the bath?" asked Poppins. "SILENCE!" cried Dandruff. "If you guys keep on making such a racket, then the Forks will find us!" "Why do those Forks think Nameless is so great?" whined Afrodo. "Sushi isn't that good for you! Do you know how many carbs are in rice?" "No, and I don't need to know," replied Dandruff. "And to answer your question, Spam, we will be stopping in an hour. And, yes, Mary, there will be a stream." "Yeah!" cried Mary at the same time everyone else groaned. "And Afrodo," continued Dandruff, "is the Thing still safe?" "Yeah, yeah, it's in my pocket," he replied. "I don't get it. Why don't we just eat it? Nameless won't be able to get it while it's inside our bodies." "Yes," Airhorn interrupted, "but what about when it comes out? He'll be able to get it then." "I didn't think about that," Afrodo said. "That's right," replied Airhorn. He then burst into a fit of giggles. Marc had taken another dump. "Grrr..." growled Mary. "Why don't you go to the back of the line? You won't be pooing on anyone there." "Because Dandruff put me here," he answered. "And who am I to argue with him?" Suddenly, Orli reared. Bore Me clung onto his neck like a sack of potatoes clings on to the side of a house. (He fell off.) Orli trotted off into the woods. "You darned horse!" cried Bore Me, running after Orli. "There are tons of thorn bushes in there! I'll be fixing your hair all night!" "Now, now," said Dimli. "Calm down! You're driving us all crazy! Don't you agree with me, Eggymess?" Eggymess didn't answer - he was fast asleep on the back of Tonto. "Now how much longer will we be riding?" asked Spam. "I already told you! It hasn't changed in the past few seconds!" Dandruff replied. "Now all of you shut up!" They obeyed. The Entourage of the Thing rode on for a while more. Finally, they came to a clearing in the woods. "Hey, look!" cried Poppins. "There are TWO streams! Mary can take a bath in one, and we can drink from the other!" "Hallelujah!" everyone cried. "Now if you'll excuse me," said Mary, "I have a bath to take." He ran to the stream. "I don't know about you," said Eggymess, waking up from his nap, "but I'm hungry! Let's get something to eat!" "Okay!" they all agreed.
