Lord of the Thing
Nobody quite knows what it is...

Chapter 5

A Fork in the Dark

Everyone bustled about to prepare dinner. Dandruff and Eggymess prepared the food while Bore Me and Airhorn took the hobbits to find firewood.
"Why can't we just order a pizza?" whined Mary as he picked up a twig. "I hate to cook our own food on a fire! That bacon's tainted I tell you!"
"We can't argue with Dandruff," replied Airhorn. "And plus, the nearest restaurant is miles away! And I tried that bacon today - it's not too bad!"
"But we didn't cook that bacon yet," replied Mary.
The group trudged on in the forest, picking up sticks and logs. By the time none of them could carry any more, their stomachs were all growling like Bobo when Mary and Poppins throw french fries at each other. They went back to camp.
Dandruff and Eggymess had unwrapped the food (no, there was no bacon. Airhorn had eaten it all) and had started, or should I say tried to start, a small fire with a log they found. The log was too wet to light. Marc had taken a dump on it.
The food took a while to cook, but finally it was ready. The Entourage sat in a ring on the ground, attempting to eat their spaghetti with their fingers.
"Why can't we eat with forks?" whined Afrodo. "My fingers are a mess!"
"We can't bring forks with us," replied Dandruff, "because they might rebel against us."
"Forks?" asked Afrodo. "Rebel?"
"Yes. The Forks have bewitched all forks to destroy fast food and those who make fast food. If we brought forks with us, then they would try to destroy us."
"That's absurd!" Afrodo cried. "Forks? Destroy us? That's a laugh!"
"You laugh now," replied Dandruff, "but not when the Forks attack."
"Whatever," answered Afrodo as he went back to his food.

After dinner, Afrodo went for a stroll behind camp as the rest of the Entourage worked their butts off to put up tents.
He came across a clearing in the woods. The moon shone down onto the grass and caught a slight glimmer on the ground. Afrodo walked up to it. It was a fork.
"Yes!" he whispered. "Now I won't have to use my hands!" But Dandruff's words resounded in his head. He bent down to pick it up, but stopped.
"You know what Dandruff said," he told himself. "But still..." He picked it up. It was silver with a shimmery look about it. The shapes of flowers were carved into it. "I'll keep it," he said. "HA! Forks rebelling my foot!" He went back to camp.