Lord of the Thing
Nobody quite knows what it is...

Chapter 10

Rice, Rice Everywhere

Afrodo and Spam were still glaring at each other when Zoe walked over with two bowls of rice. They didn't even notice her at first. She looked at them. "Uh, are you two all right?" she asked uncertainly.
Afrodo and Spam relaxed and looked away from each. "Yeah...just fine..." stuttered Afrodo.
"Well, I brought some rice for you two," she told them as she handed a bowl to each of them. Then she looked at Afrodo with a concerned look on her face. "Are you sure everything is fine?" she asked the two hobbits. "It doesn't seem like it..."
"Everything's fine," said Spam through clenched teeth.
Zoe shrugged. "Okay, if you insist." She began to walk away, but stopped and turned back to them. "If either of you need anything, feel free to ask..."
"Thank you, Zoe," replied Afrodo with a forced smile. Zoe smiled back and walked away. "I don't believe you, Spam," Afrodo continued. "After all of these years that we've been friends..."
"Afrodo," said Spam, starting to calm down. "We've only known each other for a few weeks - since Bobo hired me at Sloppy Joe's - not 'years'."
Afrodo stood up in rage, his eyes bulging and his face redder than his hat. "FINE!" he cried. "HAVE IT YOUR WAY! ALWAYS YOUR WAY! NEVER MINE! WHY WERE WE EVER FRIENDS IN THE FIRST PLACE? FINE - I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU AFTER ALL OF THESE WEEKS THAT WE'VE BEEN FRIENDS! ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?!"

He plopped down exhaustedly on the cot. It collapsed under the sudden weight, tossing him onto the floor. "THIS DARNED COT!" he cried getting up and kicking it.
He turned around. The whole room was staring at him. "Uh, just practicing for a play audition..." he mumbled to the room, trying to save face. "It's, uh, called, 'I Hate My Friends and, uh, My Cot'." Everybody looked strangely at him. "Hey!" he said. "I didn't write it, I'm just auditioning for it! Right, Spam?" He looked in his direction. Spam grunted.
Dandruff stood up. "There's no point in practicing for the audition," he said. "We may be on this journey for longer than we expected."
"Oh," Afrodo faked. "Darn." He sat back down onto the collapsed cot. Spam stood up. "I think I'll go sit with Bore Me today," he said, walking over to the other side of he bunk with his bowl of rice.
Mary and Poppins came over and sat next to Afrodo. "What's up?" Mary asked.
"Nothing too much," lied Afrodo. "But can I trust you with a secret?" he added with a low voice.
"Sure," replied Poppins.
"Okay." Afrodo took a deep breath. "You know Zoe?"
"Yes..." replied Mary.
"I, er, sort of like her, if you get my drift." He finished his sentence, took in a deep breath, and let it out. Mary and Poppins looked at each other, hiding smiles. "There, I said it." said Afrodo, relieved. "But you have to promise not to tell anybody."
Mary and Poppins attempted to mute their giggles. "Of course," replied Poppins. "We * giggle* - won't - *giggle* - tell anyone..."
"I know I can trust you," answered Afrodo. "After all of these YEARS, not WEEKS like a certain somebody I know, that we've been friends, I'd trust you with my life."
"I'm glad - * giggle* " replied Mary.
Afrodo got up and walked away.
"Do you believe this?" Poppins asked Mary. "Should we try to get them together?"
"Nah," replied Mary. "Both of them told us not to tell anyone. And we can't break our promise, can we? Plus, Afrodo says he'd trust us with his life."
"He must not love his life that much if he's trusting us with it!" replied Poppins.
Suddenly Spam came over with a look on his face that spelled S-O-M-E- T-H-I-N-G I-S G-R-O-S-S. "Eww," he said. "They don't know how to use chopsticks over there. There's rice all over the place - on the bunks, on the floor, falling out of their mouths - it's just disgusting."
"Gross," replied Mary.
"Yeah," answered Spam. "Do you guys mind if I sit here with you?"
"Of course not," replied Poppins.
"Good," said Spam. "Plus, I have a secret to tell you. You can't tell anyone, okay?"
Nods from Mary and Poppins.
Spam took a deep breath. "You know Zoe? Well..."

"...and now Afrodo is getting all worked up. I think he's a bit too obsessed. But I still like her, you know? And you can't tell anyone, especially Zoe." After finishing, Spam got up and walked away. He mumbled something about going to the bathroom because he'd eaten too much rice.
Mary and Poppins looked at each other. "Oh boy," said Mary. "Now what?"
"I don't know," replied Poppins. "I sort of think we should spill the beans, but I don't have the heart to tell Spam that he doesn't stand a chance."
"I know," answered Mary. "But let's not tell anyone."
"Why not?" asked Poppins.
"Simple - it'll be way to entertaining if we leave it," replied Mary.
"Ah," answered Poppins. "I like your thinking."
"So do I," replied Mary.