Lord of the Thing
Nobody quite knows what it is...
Chapter 12
One Day as I Was Walking...
The sun blazed down from overhead. No shadows, the sun was right above the Entourage. Noon.
"I'm hungry," whine Poppins. "We haven't eaten for a long time!"
"We just ate a half-hour ago, smart one," replied Airhorn.
"That's a long time for a hobbit!" Poppins cried back. "Can't we eat?"
"My god!" cried an aggravated Bore Me. "What's wrong with you hobbits? Small stomachs?"
"What do you expect?" answered Mary. "We're only three feet tall!"
"I'm three feet and two inches," replied Poppins. "Unlike some others I know." He shot a menacing glance towards Mary. If they weren't riding horses, the two hobbits probably would have run into the woods and found something sticky to throw at each other. Unfortunately there was no cockroaches, cookie dough, or soy sauce in sight, and they were riding horses so if they tried to jump off of, they would possible die a slow and painful death. (AKA be trampled by horse hoofs.)
"Just shut up already," said Bore Me. "You're really annoying me. Don't you agree, Eggymess?"
"Whatever," he replied. Taking his hands off the reins (acting stupider than the hobbits), he pulled a magazine out of his pack and fingered through it. Dimli looked over his shoulder.
"Uh, Eggymess?" he asked. "Are you OK?"
"Yes. Why do you ask?"
"You're looking at a magazine for teenage girls. You don't find that all strange?"
"Stupid! I'm not reading it! Just looking at the pictures."
"Pictures?"
"Yes, there's an article on me." He held up the magazine as proof. Sure enough, there was an article titled Long Hair, Blue Eyes, What More Could a Girl Want? There were pictures of Eggymess in various poses: horseback riding, sunbathing on the beach, at the hair cutter's (caption: A rare occurrence for Eggymess), and eating at Captain Nick's All-You-Can-Eat Seafood Buffet.
"Oh, all right," replied Dimli. "I began to get a little nervous there."
Meanwhile, in the back of the line, Poppins was kept well entertained. It was funny to watch Zoe and Afrodo flirt, but not as funny as Spam's lame attempts.
"Afrodo?" asked Zoe. Are you all right up there?"
"Yep," replied Afrodo. "And you?"
"Great," she answered. "Watch out!" Sam, the S Brother who Zoe had been leading next to her, suddenly launched a kick in Colette's direction. Colette, frightened, leaped a step to the side. Too bad for Afrodo. He didn't go to the side with her.
The line of horses stopped at the 'thump' of Afrodo hitting the ground. Zoe leaped off Huck and landed on the ground. Motioning for Huck to stay put, she rushed over to Afrodo. He was covered with dirt and dust and his hair was a mess. He looked a bit shocked. You would be too, if one second you're on a horse and the next you're on the ground. At least he didn't hit a fence.
"Are you okay?" she asked with obvious concern in her voice. She knelt on the ground next to the hobbit and looked over him, panicked. "Did you break anything? Quick, Bore Me! Get a splint! And a bandage! Eggymess! Get some painkiller! Airhorn! Get a comb and some hair spray!"
"No, no!" said Afrodo, sitting up. "I'm fine. I just had a bit of a shock."
Zoe relaxed, relieved. "I'm glad," she said. "I was worried."
Afrodo smiled at her. "Thank you, but really, I'm all right."
"Good," the girl responded. "Now, let's get on our horses everybody!" Nobody, except Afrodo, obeyed for the simple reason that Zoe was the only one that had gotten off her horse.
They rode on. After about an hour, the hobbits were still hungry. Their stomachs were growling like the mountain lions that they were afraid they would meet on their journey.
"I'm hungry," whined Mary. "My stomach is growling like the mountain lions that I'm afraid we'll meet on this journey."
"Ah, quit your bellyaching!" cried Bore Me. "We'll eat in time!"
"But I want to eat now!" cried Mary. "I may have a small stomach, but it can get pretty empty!"
"Sheesh," sighed Bore Me. "If I'd known hobbits were such whiny-pants then I wouldn't have come on this trip! I could've gone to Jamaica or Guatemala instead!"
"Guacamole?" asked Poppins.
"No, Guatemala," sighed Bore Me. "You all drive me crazy!"
"I know something that will drive you even crazier!" said Mary. "This song has the ability to drive all that hear it mentally insane!"
"Great, just what I need," replied Bore Me. "More insanity."
"Here goes!" said Mary cheerily.
"One day as I was walking!
Along a clear and sunny stream!
I saw a trout so dashing!
An arrow it did seem!
This quick, magnificent creature!
Entranced me as I stood!
Such beauty found in nature!
Is all so fair and good!
Such beauty found in nature - "
"OKAY! OKAY! I SURRENDER!" interrupted Bore Me. "Enough! For once, you guy were right! It did drive me insane! If not officially insane, than close to it!"
"I knew it," smirked Mary. "I can sing that song whenever you're mean to me or Poppins."
"Now that we're done singing it - " said Bore Me, as politely as he could which turned out not to be that polite.
"I'm hungry," interrupted Poppins.
"JUST SHUT UP!" cried Bore Me with a face as red as a red delicious apple.
Mary frowned. "I warned you..." he said. Then at the top of his lungs, he sang "ONE DAY AS I WAS WALKING - " Birds in nearby tree branches took flight, probably to spare themselves from insanity or Mary's awful voice.
"OKAY!" cried Bore Me. "I'll stop as long as it spares my sanity!"
Mary turned to Afrodo. "Now I've got him under complete control," he said. "This is going to be fun..."
Nobody quite knows what it is...
Chapter 12
One Day as I Was Walking...
The sun blazed down from overhead. No shadows, the sun was right above the Entourage. Noon.
"I'm hungry," whine Poppins. "We haven't eaten for a long time!"
"We just ate a half-hour ago, smart one," replied Airhorn.
"That's a long time for a hobbit!" Poppins cried back. "Can't we eat?"
"My god!" cried an aggravated Bore Me. "What's wrong with you hobbits? Small stomachs?"
"What do you expect?" answered Mary. "We're only three feet tall!"
"I'm three feet and two inches," replied Poppins. "Unlike some others I know." He shot a menacing glance towards Mary. If they weren't riding horses, the two hobbits probably would have run into the woods and found something sticky to throw at each other. Unfortunately there was no cockroaches, cookie dough, or soy sauce in sight, and they were riding horses so if they tried to jump off of, they would possible die a slow and painful death. (AKA be trampled by horse hoofs.)
"Just shut up already," said Bore Me. "You're really annoying me. Don't you agree, Eggymess?"
"Whatever," he replied. Taking his hands off the reins (acting stupider than the hobbits), he pulled a magazine out of his pack and fingered through it. Dimli looked over his shoulder.
"Uh, Eggymess?" he asked. "Are you OK?"
"Yes. Why do you ask?"
"You're looking at a magazine for teenage girls. You don't find that all strange?"
"Stupid! I'm not reading it! Just looking at the pictures."
"Pictures?"
"Yes, there's an article on me." He held up the magazine as proof. Sure enough, there was an article titled Long Hair, Blue Eyes, What More Could a Girl Want? There were pictures of Eggymess in various poses: horseback riding, sunbathing on the beach, at the hair cutter's (caption: A rare occurrence for Eggymess), and eating at Captain Nick's All-You-Can-Eat Seafood Buffet.
"Oh, all right," replied Dimli. "I began to get a little nervous there."
Meanwhile, in the back of the line, Poppins was kept well entertained. It was funny to watch Zoe and Afrodo flirt, but not as funny as Spam's lame attempts.
"Afrodo?" asked Zoe. Are you all right up there?"
"Yep," replied Afrodo. "And you?"
"Great," she answered. "Watch out!" Sam, the S Brother who Zoe had been leading next to her, suddenly launched a kick in Colette's direction. Colette, frightened, leaped a step to the side. Too bad for Afrodo. He didn't go to the side with her.
The line of horses stopped at the 'thump' of Afrodo hitting the ground. Zoe leaped off Huck and landed on the ground. Motioning for Huck to stay put, she rushed over to Afrodo. He was covered with dirt and dust and his hair was a mess. He looked a bit shocked. You would be too, if one second you're on a horse and the next you're on the ground. At least he didn't hit a fence.
"Are you okay?" she asked with obvious concern in her voice. She knelt on the ground next to the hobbit and looked over him, panicked. "Did you break anything? Quick, Bore Me! Get a splint! And a bandage! Eggymess! Get some painkiller! Airhorn! Get a comb and some hair spray!"
"No, no!" said Afrodo, sitting up. "I'm fine. I just had a bit of a shock."
Zoe relaxed, relieved. "I'm glad," she said. "I was worried."
Afrodo smiled at her. "Thank you, but really, I'm all right."
"Good," the girl responded. "Now, let's get on our horses everybody!" Nobody, except Afrodo, obeyed for the simple reason that Zoe was the only one that had gotten off her horse.
They rode on. After about an hour, the hobbits were still hungry. Their stomachs were growling like the mountain lions that they were afraid they would meet on their journey.
"I'm hungry," whined Mary. "My stomach is growling like the mountain lions that I'm afraid we'll meet on this journey."
"Ah, quit your bellyaching!" cried Bore Me. "We'll eat in time!"
"But I want to eat now!" cried Mary. "I may have a small stomach, but it can get pretty empty!"
"Sheesh," sighed Bore Me. "If I'd known hobbits were such whiny-pants then I wouldn't have come on this trip! I could've gone to Jamaica or Guatemala instead!"
"Guacamole?" asked Poppins.
"No, Guatemala," sighed Bore Me. "You all drive me crazy!"
"I know something that will drive you even crazier!" said Mary. "This song has the ability to drive all that hear it mentally insane!"
"Great, just what I need," replied Bore Me. "More insanity."
"Here goes!" said Mary cheerily.
"One day as I was walking!
Along a clear and sunny stream!
I saw a trout so dashing!
An arrow it did seem!
This quick, magnificent creature!
Entranced me as I stood!
Such beauty found in nature!
Is all so fair and good!
Such beauty found in nature - "
"OKAY! OKAY! I SURRENDER!" interrupted Bore Me. "Enough! For once, you guy were right! It did drive me insane! If not officially insane, than close to it!"
"I knew it," smirked Mary. "I can sing that song whenever you're mean to me or Poppins."
"Now that we're done singing it - " said Bore Me, as politely as he could which turned out not to be that polite.
"I'm hungry," interrupted Poppins.
"JUST SHUT UP!" cried Bore Me with a face as red as a red delicious apple.
Mary frowned. "I warned you..." he said. Then at the top of his lungs, he sang "ONE DAY AS I WAS WALKING - " Birds in nearby tree branches took flight, probably to spare themselves from insanity or Mary's awful voice.
"OKAY!" cried Bore Me. "I'll stop as long as it spares my sanity!"
Mary turned to Afrodo. "Now I've got him under complete control," he said. "This is going to be fun..."
