Chapter 5: Still
Chandler silently pushed open the door to Samantha's room and treaded quietly over to the bed. He smiled at the small, sleeping form. She always looked so peaceful when she was asleep. He pulled the blanket back up, covering her shoulders and lightly kissed her forehead before backing out of the room and closing the door behind him.
He and Samantha had been living in New York for three months now and he found he loved being a father. He had put her to bed hours ago, but tonight, like most nights, he would check on her before going to bed himself. He had had her room painted yellow, which was her favorite color, and decorated to her choice.
Chandler walked down the hall and collapsed onto the bed in his room. He had only had Samantha for a few short months, but already he couldn't remember, nor imagine, his life without her. He was determined he would be the best father to her that he could. He would give her the best life possible. He could already see a difference in her. She was more outgoing and she was happy. She was no longer quiet and timid. He hoped that with time she would forget her earlier fears.
That night Chandler fell asleep and dreamt of a life he would never have. He dreamt that the gang was still alive, that he and Monica were still together, Samantha was their daughter and they were a family. They were happy. Life was perfect. Chandler woke up crying and rolled over to stare at the small, framed picture on his nightstand. It was the one memory he had left of his friends. H sighed sadly and eventually fell back into a restless sleep.
* * * * *
Two months later, Samantha celebrated her fifth birthday. Chandler had a party for her and a few friends she had made at pre-school. He watched as she played with her friends and opened her presents, watched her make a wish and blow out her candles.
Chandler heard a knock at the door and got up to answer it. He recognized one of Samantha's friends mom.
"Hello," Chandler said. "You're Vanessa's mom, right?"
She nodded. "I'm Shirley."
"Chandler," he said, holding out his hand.
She shook hands and he motioned for her to come in.
"I know I'm a bit early, but I wanted to talk to you," she said. "Vanessa and Samantha have become very close and Vanessa would like to invite Samantha up to our cottage next weekend. Would that be alright with you?"
"I don't see a problem," Chandler said, smiling. "I want her to make friends and go and do stuff with them. It'll be good for her."
Shirley nodded. "It's hard on a child when they have to move. Did she have to leave friends when you moved?"
Chandler shook his head. "She only lived there for a few weeks."
"Oh."
Chandler sighed, knowing he would have to tell the story. "I didn't know about her until about six months ago. Her mom showed up out of the blue and gave me full custody. I was already preparing to move here, so she came with. We started over together."
"Started over?" Shirley asked.
Chandler sighed. "I was hit by a car and after being in the hospital for three months I had to go live with my mom. They had to replace me at work and my apartment…well, I couldn't go back there."
Shirley shook her head. "That's terrible!" She paused for a moment. "If you don't mind me asking, what happened to Samantha's mom?"
Chandler sighed, sadly. "She decided to get married, and didn't want Samantha to be a part of her new family. She threatened to give her up for adoption."
Shirley looked shocked. "That's awful. How could she do that?"
Chandler shook his head. "That's what I said." He glanced over at Samantha, who was happily playing with her friends. "I don't see how anyone couldn't love her."
Shirley offered him a small smile. "Were you and her mother close?"
Chandler shook his head. "Not really. We went out for a bit, a few years ago, until she cheated on me and took off. I didn't see her again until she showed up with Sam."
"So you two aren't involved?" She asked. Chandler shook his head. "Are you seeing anyone?"
Again, Chandler shook his head.
"Well," Shirley said, smiling, "I have this friend…"
Chandler cut her off by raising a hand, motioning for her to stop. "Thanks, but I'm really not ready to start a relationship."
"Why not?" Shirley asked, pushing. "You've been here for a couple months. Both you and Samantha are settled. I don't think it would be a problem."
Chandler smiled sadly. "I know it doesn't look like a problem, but that's not it. Emotionally, I'm not ready."
"Oh," Shirley asked, immediately backing off. "I'm sorry. I pushed too far, I do that sometimes. I'm sorry," she repeated.
Chandler offered a smile. "Don't worry about it."
Shirley stayed silent, but Chandler could tell she was struggling with whether or not to ask why. He decided to save her the stress.
"I was part of a pretty close group of friends. My girlfriend, who I was living with, her brother and two best friends, and my old roommate. We all lived really close and hung out all the time. We could completely trust each other. I never realized how much I needed them, especially Monica. We were together for a year and a half and I was happy, you know? For the first time in my life I saw myself having a future with someone…" Chandler trailed off, taking a moment to regain control over his emotions. Shirley stayed silent, giving him time. "I was working late one day. There was afire at out building. They didn't make it."
Shirley paled slightly. "Oh, Chandler. I'm so sorry. That must have been so awful for you."
Chandler nodded. "Oh, it was."
"I'm so sorry," Shirley repeated.
Chandler shrugged and sighed. He still missed them so much.
* * * * *
A month later, Chandler found himself somewhere he really didn't want to be. He was leading Samantha down the sidewalk in downtown New York where he used to live. He had told Samantha about his old life and now, on the day of the anniversary of the fire, here he was, showing her.
He stopped her and stared up at the obviously new building sitting in the same spot as the old one, the same place he had been happy and loved…and lost.
"Daddy's old home was right here," Chandler told Samantha, who was staring up at him.
"The one that burned down?" Samantha asked.
Chandler nodded, smiling at her grammar. "That's the one." He continued down the street to the small, friendly coffeehouse he had spent so much of his previous life in. He paused before opening the door, trying to work up the courage to walk in. He felt Samantha squeeze his hand. He knew she didn't understand, but was grateful she had wanted to come with him. Chandler took a deep breath and opened the door. This was something he had to do.
He led Samantha over to the all-to-familiar orange couch, which he thanked God was empty. He was somewhat disappointed he didn't see Gunther there. A waitress came over and he ordered a coffee and chocolate milk for Samantha. They were silent before Samantha broke the silence.
"I like it here," she said. "It's nice."
Chandler smiled at her. "I like it, too," he said. "Daddy and his old friends used to come here all of the time."
Samantha looked up at him. "I'm sorry you miss your friends, Daddy," she said.
Chandler felt tears come to his eyes and he fought to blink them back. Samantha didn't understand what he was going through, but she knew he was hurting and she was trying to help. Just the knowledge that he was trying to help was enough to make Chandler feel better. He wasn't alone anymore.
Two chocolate milks later, Samantha announced she had to go to the bathroom. Chandler pointed her in the right direction and waited until she was out of sight before turning back and burying his face in his hands. He took a deep breath and nodded his head, as if telling himself he was okay. He sighed and decided to go to the bathroom himself. He stood up, pivoting as he did so around the corner of the couch. As he stood fully up, he came face to face with…
"Monica?" He asked in shock.
AN: Well? Surprised? You didn't really think I would kill Monica, did you? Anyway, please let me know what you think.
