Chapter 13

Krazy Koboi

Opal Koboi giggled like a loon as she crawled through the muck of the tunnel. Loon. She liked that word. Loony, loony, loony. She giggled more. High pitched. Now low pitched. Mix it up, and repeat. Hee hee, this was fun!

Opal's mad giggling had several benefits.

First of all, it let R'hal know where she was, and that she was following the right track. He was no fool, he had made several detour paths. His figuring was, if she tried to go it alone, she'd get lost and he'd be able to find her at some point. He had not, however, thought that she was crazy enough to take the correct paths just because they looked weird. That, in a nutshell, was her plan. Take the most desolate paths, wind up in a desolate location.

That nutshell happened to be her head. Unfortunate, but true.

Second, the giggling kept her busy and she stayed occupied for lengths of time. If it hadn't so enthralled her, she may have given up and R'hal would catch up to her. And dwarves in rages, as he was, tend to crunch things in their molars. Not pleasant.

So, it was a good thing that things stayed the way they were. For the time being.

Root nearly exploded. First the neandathol [A/N: I hope you can figure that word through my minced spelling] Mud Men, now their potentially most dangerous criminal escaped and on the run.

Where was Lady Luck when you needed her? She certainly wasn't up for much these days. He called up Foaly again.

The Howler's Peak officers thought they had the only cameras in the cells. They thought wrong. As the police, Foaly thought the LEP was entitled to their own surveilance gadgets. And he wasn't as polite as them when it came to putting them in bathrooms, though he angled them to face away from the toilets and showers, so they were pretty much showing up the doors and sinks.

"Foaly! Gimme the footage from Howler's Peaker, Cell #1 in the max security unit ON THE DOUBLE!"

"Well if it isn't my favorite beet-complexioned commander."

"No, it isn't. Gimme the tapes."

"Touche, touche. Someone's got a bad case of the gimme's"

"Where are the-" He was, again, cut off by the somewhat unexpected arrival of the required footage.

Foaly really was asking for trouble. "Foaly, this is the film from LAST MONTH!"

Foaly put on a hurt face. "Well, sir, you never specified the date or time- "

"You know what I meant, Foaly. Now, put in the tape. for today, starting in the morning."

"Yessir, Mr. Julius, sir."

"Shuttup and give me-" The video started up on the moniter. Opal was moping on her cot. "Thank you. Now, fast forward about three hours."

The centuar obediently did so. You don't get thank-yous everyday in this business.

"Two more." The film flashed in front of him, and the commander saw something. "Hold it! Wait, wait! Rewind, very slowly." The pixie had been flying all over the room in a fury, then got up and walked sedately to the bathroom. "Give me the bathroom cam starting at that moment."

The bathroom door opened, and Koboi walked in, turned on the water in the sink, and kept turning the handle until it fell off in her hand, and there was a big red button there. She pressed it. A trap door opened underneath her, she crawled through, and soon vanished out of the camera's sight line.

"Foaly, did you see that?"

"Sure did. It would appear she has an accomplice who she bribed into making the escape trapdoor. Very good mechanics. She must've designed them herself when she was still sane."

"What I want to know is, why didn't the Howler's Peak guys catch this?"

"My guess is that her accomplice rigged the tapes for the cameras he knew about, and they were only seeing those. My tapes could not have been rigged. Once again, you should be thanking me."

"You're not fired."

"You're welcome."

"So, what else- hold it, there's something." A dwarf in guard uniform strode into the bathroom. He saw the trapdoor, snarled, and climbed in himself, after replacing the sink handle and, once inside the tunnel, the trap door itself. "Her accomplice."

"You bet."

"Well, who can we put on this job?"

"One detail I forgot to mention. I ran ground scans on the the Peak, and it would appear that the tunneled escape route leads to Fowl Manor. Simplifies things a bit, don't you think?"

"Well, I don't see why Holly can't get on this case, do you?"

"Not a tad. Her clumsiness is done, I think. She certainly seemed pretty agile at the shuttleport, and she hasn't had an orange yet today. And even so, she's the only one with the standing invite, so it wouldn't matter even if she wasn't okay."

"Send her in, then. This case will suit her fine."

"Will do, Julius."

"Good. And since whe have we been on a first name basis? I've warned you about that, Foaly."

"You call me Foaly."

"Well, you're an inferior. Get her in here, now if not-" Holly walked in. "- sooner."

Holly grinned. "You wanted to see me, Commander?"

"Captain. Opal Koboi has escaped from Howler's Peak. You'll have to ask Foaly for the footage of her escape, go to the location she'll be at a certain time, and recapture her. Now, go watch the tapes, gear up, and move out. You've got time. If you've got any questions, ask Foaly. He gives you lip, smack him. Hard. Even if he doesn't, smack him for me."

Holly suppressed a smile. "Yessir. On my way, sir."

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Butler drove up to the hospital, letting Juliet and the two fairies out.

While he parked, they went in and Trouble, apon seeing the fairy receptionist, fell into deep conversation that Juliet presumed to be in some fairy language.

That had been the part of their shuttleport adventure that had worried her the most. She and Butler only knew English and other human languages, and knew that fairies usually spoke in gnomish. They could only read the symbols. But Mulch had said that if she claimed to have been born aboveground, to a family that had lived there for long enough, she could get away with only knowing aboveground tongues. It had worked, too, and she supposed that the underground had known a lot of things like that to happen.

When Butler came back in, Trouble wrapped up their conversation and turned to Juliet.

"Old girlfriend?" Mulch teased, grinning.

"Yes, actually. Training Academy, first year. But she had news on Artemis." Trouble looked at Mulch, who turned a rosy shade of pink as the receptionist also glared at him.

"Go on."

"Well, Artemis has regained his memory, and is doing slightly better. Sleeping a lot better. And so, since there is still risk of coma, I'd better get in there fast."

Butler nodded. As they all started to troop into the hospital corridor, he leaned over the receptionist's desk and whispered his gratitude, and to please excuse the dwarf, he was still acting like a troll baby. The elf nodded and grinned back. Word from the shuttleport had reached her already.

When they walked into Artemis' room, Artemis could not quite believe his eyes. There was a mutant troll baby, a Juliet who looked like she had gone goth, and Butler's head on what he hoped was not a permanent body. And then an elf, who he did not think looked like Holly, even on a good day.

Needless to say, he passed out.

Angeline and Artemis Sr. stood up and stared at them. And stared. And stared a bit more, before leaving the room. Some things were better off not knowing.

Trouble set right to work. He put his hands on Artemis' temples, and muttered, "Heal."

Blue sparks sank straight down into the boy's head, illuminating his head and making it glow. Though it was undoubtably humorous, no one could even smile.

Gradually the sparks spread over more of Artemis' frame. His head still glowed blue, but now more of him did. Still, no one smiled.

Artemis' body began to shake and hurl itself around, and it was all Trouble could do to hold him down. Artemis thrashed and screeched, and Butler wondered why no doctors were running in to check on the screaming. He figured the receptionist had something to do with it.

As the crashing died down, Artemis slowly stopped moving. He opened his eyes. Everyone in the room smiled. It had worked!

"Holly?"

Trouble stood up. "Nope, she wasn't available. Captain Trouble Kelp, and now I have to record you swearing that you will not have anything further to do with the people."

Artemis looked down at his hands, then back up. "Very well. I suppose it is only-" He was cut off by Trouble's waistband ringing. Trouble pulled a small handset from his belt, and answered with, "Captain Trouble Kelp.

"Captain Kelp. Do not get Artemis' oath yet. We need him. Put me on speaker. You all need to hear this."

"You are, sir."

"Good. Now, you are all forbidden to come back to the Haven or anywhere underground."

Trouble gasped. "But- Commander-"

"Not permanantly, Kelp, just until further notice. Now, Opal Koboi has escaped Howler's Peak, and is at large. Captain Short has pinpointed her location to be in Fowl Manor as of tommorow morning or later today."

Artemis blanched. "You're kidding."

"Not at all. Well, apparently her accomplice, a dwarf named R'hal, tunneled a way out for her. At a price, I'm sure, but he led the tunnel to a place that had already been broken into, and he knew that the place was rich. He doesn't know that it's Fowl Manor, and is thinking that it'll be easy wealth."

"R'hal?" Mulch perked up. "I know him."

"Why am I not surprised. You criminal dwarves stick together."

"Not at all. He's a relative, not that I'm bragging. We were on the Koboi building project together. He's a bit of an odd bird, y'see. He's no kind of friend- stabs you in the back,literally. With whatever happens to be closest to hand."

"Imagine, someone trying to kill you."

Mulch shugged. "He wasn't a nice guy. Nice guys don't try to decapitate you with blunt objects, in my book."

"Well, that at least lets us know what we're up against."

"You have no idea. There was supposed to be another dwarf on the project, and he scared him away. Presumably with force, but I'm not supposed to know that. He tried to get me off it, too, so he wouldn't have to share the pay, but our supervisor wised up and told him off. I'd have been better off without the job. He's a creep."

"What was he doing trying to get Koboi free?"

"My guess? I'd say since she was the brains of a huge scheme that failed only because of an incompetant partner. The deal must've been that he come along, and they share whatever wealth they encounter. A good deal for him, if she had remembered. But as she didn't, he's probably really mad. Am I right?"

"He certainly followed her with an unpleasant expression."

"So he did follow her. I'm not surprised. I'm prepared to bet that when he catches up to her, there won't be much left but a mark on the floor."

"That could have several translations."

Mulch shrugged again. "Dice it up any way you want. But the R'hal I know would not let her live for long if he wasn't happy with her."

"Ok, well, now we know something about her pursuer. What were you saying, Root?" Butler intervened. They could discuss the mind of angry dwarves for hours, but it wouldn't get anything done.

Root blinked. What had they been discussing, anyway? Cursed fungal cigars.

Trouble saw the commander's train of thought run off a cliff and came to his rescue, with "And so, since they will be ending up in Fowl Manor, some sort of action must be taken."

Root blinked again, then shook his head and snapped back into reality. "Yes, yes, of course. Well, Holly is already flying to the Manor, but since she doesn't remember you and will not be able to remember you for at least two months, don't treat her like you know her. She doesn't need any more stress."

Butler, Juliet and Artemis nodded and replied at the same time. "Understood."

Artemis closed his eyes in thought. How did this happen? He had gotten sick out of the blue, some kind of feverish dreams had broken into the blocked off portion of his brain. Then he tried to tell his parents he saved his father and confess to actually shooting him... what was wrong with him? Butler and Mulch were dressed like they were impersonating trolls, for the love of Frond, and Butler looked like a female. Scary, but what had Juliet done to her hair? She was either trying to go gothic or Halloween early. But she had dyed her hair. Bright red, how... tacky. There was obviously a story behind this. And then there was that Holly had been mindwiped.

What had happened to his world?

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Review, please! Sorry, I just realized that my last chapter had a couple errors- there should have been a dividing line between the Root and Koboi part. Sorry! I hope this one works better! I put the lines in, but apparently some unseen force is acting against me... Why won't this tinfoil hat work once in a while? Review review review!

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Ok, since i am trying to really work on chapter length, I'm not even gonna bother with answering reviews and scip ahead to the next chapter. The chapter I had right to this point was 4 pages, which isn't too outrageously bad, but I'll add the next. Happy reading! And remember to review!

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Holly set the acceleration thrusters into really, really fast as she soared through the great blue sky.

Ok, Holly needed to unwind a bit. It struck her as odd that she would feel so stressed after having such an easy time at work, but there you had it. Not every thing was easy. But the wierdest thing to happen was undoubtably that someone had attempted to kidnap her.

Kidnapping. The idea made her laugh. There had only been one successful kidnapping in the history of the people, and the fairy had been mindwiped because of a severe case of Stockholm Syndrome. Sad, she supposed, but the fairy should never have been off guard. She snorted. What kind of officer would be careless enough to get kidnapped, then be unhappy about her captors' deaths? Not any self respecting fairy she knew of, that was for sure.

She set her wings on autopilot, to a certain "Fowl Manor" place. She snorted again. Fowl Manor. What did they have there, chickens?

She stopped thinking and watched the scenery. Irish countryside was the most breathtaking, no doubt about it. She closed her eyes, thinking again.

She knew this Opal Koboi, she was the only other prominent female fairy in history. But that was their only similarity. Opal was a pixie, prone to losing control, and needing a male to share her plans. She gave herself a little smile. Holly bet she never did a thing that did not involve a masculine power. She had only gotten her technology status if she wasn't proving her father wrong, never would have controlled the Haven if Cudgeon hadn't gotten them that far.

Holly wondered how the pixie had gotten out in the first place. No doubt she had bribed some male officer. Whoever would fall for the promises of a mad pixie needed professional help. And if he was already getting it, he needed to stop seeing the quacks like Argon and Cumulous.

A series of beeps brought her back to the current world. When she opened her eyes, she saw a huge stone manor. By the looks of the sign in front of the fence surrounding it, she would guess it was Fowl Manor. Hardly a place for chickens.

She clicked off autopilot and scooped low, grazing a horrendously ugly gargoyle on the way. She grimiced in distaste. Any chickens here would be most likely deformed.

She shook her mind clear of chickens and thought back to what Root had told her. They had already procured the invitation, but she should still go shielded, as not all the family would take kindly to her being there.

She landed, trying not to inspect the gargoyle in her immediate vicinity, choosing instead to flip down her visor, veiw a blueprint of the manor and pinpoint where Koboi was most likely to surface.

Another liberty Foaly took with Howler's Peak top security was that he had each prisoner microchipped, so, on the off chance that they did escape, they could be traced. Holly saw the blue flashing dot in the corner of the manor, turned the blueprint to vertical, and saw that Opal was going to come through in the wine cellar.

She zoomed through the actual house in her helmet visor. She saw that she would have to sneak through the deliveries door, to the nearest cellar door which was probably in the kitchen.

She landed, kept the shield on, and crept through the back door labeled, "Deliveries". She found herself in the kitchen, or so she gathered from the various kitchen appliances that seemed to be too clean and expensive to be used. She saw a door right next to the refrigerator. Opening it, she decided that it was most definitely not the cellar. It was could hardly be called a pantry, it was that huge. More like an uncooked buffet hall. She could barely even see the end of the thing.

Hurridly shutting that door, she looked around for another one. The only other doors, upon later inspection, led to the hall and dining room. She sighed. The only other place a cellar door might logically be would be the pantry, so she explored there next. Walking past mounds of fish roe, caviar, pastrias and other rare Mud delacacies, she finally met the end of the room, and there was the door, which she soon discovered to be the cellar door. Pulling on the light, she walked down the stairs and waited.

She hadn't waited long before the door opened again.

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Artemis and his company were heading toward Fowl Manor, and, since Butler did not feel like risking their necks on this ride, Mulch did it for him.

Mulch had lots of fun squealing down the country road that was not much dirt by the time he was done. Only the heaviest sediment and largest potholes passed the front wheels, so it stood to reasoning that the passengers in the backseat were very bruised by the end, and the poor soul riding shotgun was sure wishing for such an item. [A/N: If that was too corny for you, the "item" would be a shotgun. Haha]

"Why do you always end up driving?" Juliet moaned.

"You mean this isn't the first time you've let him 'drive'?" Trouble croaked. "How thick do you come?"

Artemis raised an eyebrow. "It seemed to me you would be more qualified, by since you made no offer, I took it you enjoyed his driving."

Trouble shook his head, turning slightly green with motion sickness. "He drove me once before. Just once. And I was guessing that you knew about his disregard for safety and enjoyed it."

Butler said nothing, but the look on his face explained quite a lot. Think murderous, ill, uncomfortable, very green. Then place that head on a female troll's body. You'll understand Butler's day and forgive his mood.

Juliet reemerged from the bushes with a sour expression on her face. "I still can't believe we let him drive."

Trouble nodded at her this time. "I think it's more than slightly dangerous to public health. That got him on at least three of the LEP Most Dangerous Lists."

"I believe it."

"At least we're here in good time." Artemis intervened. "And I would suggest -and invite our new friend Trouble Kelp- we head down to the wine cellar."

There was scattered agreement, and they all went in the mansion. Artemis unlocked the door, leading them all inside.

Trouble looked up. Turning slightly green again, he quickly looked back down. The last time he had been here, he had thrown up all over the entry hall he was about to be allowed into. He tottered on the threshold for a moment, then took a deep breath and walked in.

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