A/N: OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO! It's me! No, not Megumi, MoMo-ChAn! I have come to bestow upon you all . . . THE HIKO AND OKINA CHAPTER! Yes, I know, didn't we already do Hiko-sama? Yes, but then we changed the chapter so it would be Saitou and Chou. NOW WATCH AS HIKO AND OKINA GET DRUNK! By the way, this is the Ten card. Next is the Jack. Then Queen. Then King (K standing for Kaoru and Kenshin).
Disclaimer: I don't own RK. Aku-chan doesn't own RK. And whatever or whomever you think don't belong to us (Sephiroth, Vincent, Kupo-chan, etc.) then they probably DON'T belong to us.
**Quote of the Day** (just for the hell of it) "The heart, look. I can see its heart. The heart beats." - Pandora/Lydia, from Pandora by Anne Rice
Kimodameshi: a collaboration fic between aku-chan and MoMo-ChAn
Chapter whatever-it-is
"SHISHOU!" cried Kenshin. "OKINA-DONO!"
"Kenshin?" asked Kaoru.
"Hai?"
"What are you doing?"
Kenshin looked at her as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "MoMo-ChAn and aku-chan said that they needed to find Okina-dono and Shishou, de gozaru. So I'm helping, de gozaru yo."
Kaoru looked at Kenshin like he was an idiot. "You realize those two will make those two walk that path and do horrible things to them?"
Kenshin pondered this statement for a minute. "Sou da ne." Then he cheered up and went around in a circle, shouting, "SHISHOU! WHERE ARE YOU SHISHOU?!"
There was a loud gunshot not ten feet away from Kenshin's position. His eyes narrowed and he drew his sakabatou. Instinctively, he moved closer to Kaoru, knowing that everyone attacks her. Just then, aku-chan walked through the bushes, shaking one of those guns that people shoot in order to start a race.
"Damn," she muttered, now hitting it softly against her palm, "It worked a second ago . . ."
Kenshin ran at her and put the sakabatou against her neck. Noticing the shiny blade, aku-chan screamed. Like, really loud. Like so loud, it would break your computer monitor if it were real. Answering to the scream, MoMo appeared in a poof of strawberry-scented smoke.
"Make it scented," MoMo coughed, "That'll make it better my . . . Oh Kenshin? What are you doing?"
Kenshin turned to look at her, the sakabatou (that's a fun word, sakabatou) still against aku-chan's neck. "I'm making sure she doesn't shoot anybody, de gozaru yo."
MoMo shook her head. "No Kenshin, that gun isn't loaded. She just pulls a trigger and a loud-"
BANG! The gun went off in aku's hand, making Kenshin drop his sakabatou (Sakabatou, sakabatou, I wish I had a sakabatou!) in alarm. Aku took advantage of this and hid behind MoMo. MoMo clucked at her.
"By the gods, you have magic you know."
Aku-chan merely trembled. "I . . . I know that."
"So why were you playing with the starting gun?"
"Because it's fun, doofus."
MoMo merely shook her head.
"Ano . . ." Kenshin said, "have you found Shishou and Okina-dono?"
"NOPE!" shouted a suddenly happy Aku-chan.
Kaoru frowned. "Why do you do this to us?!"
Aku and MoMo responded at the same time: "BECAUSE IT'S FUN!"
Vincent appeared next to aku-chan as if by magic. Maybe he is magic. Maybe that son-of-a- oops, sorry about that. Can't get off the topic. Anyway, Vincent said softly, "Sephiroth and Kupo have found Hiko and Okina."
"Hiko-sama, Vinnie," aku-chan said, "Hiko-SAMA."
"Right."
Kenshin stepped forward. "Ano, where are Shishou and Okina-dono?"
Vincent turned and gestured to all of them to follow him. So, like they were supposed to, they followed him. Yes, even the untrusting Kaoru followed him. Soon they came to the dollhouse. MoMo whispered to aku, "I told you we shouldn't have got it from BarbieĀ®. Damn rich folks. I swear they cheated us." Vincent gestured to the root cellar doors. You know, one of those things that you go into when there's gonna be a tornado.
"Why are you pointing at the root cellar Vinnie?"
Vincent cringed at the nickname and said, "Because that's where they are." In his head, he thought, "Can't turn into Chaos and kill them . . . Must atone for sins . . . Think of . . . Lucrecia!"
Happily ignoring Vincent's obvious disapproval of the nickname, aku opened the cellar door to reveal . . .
A big sign saying, "DO NOT DISTURB. DRINKING IN PROCESS."
After reading the sign, aku turned around and begain to walk away. MoMo called after her, "Where are you going?"
Aku looked at her. "The sign said 'Do not disturb'. Who am I to argue with the sign?"
Everyone facefaulted. The sign was pushed aside to reveal Sephiroth and Kupo-chan.
"SEPHIROTH-SAMA!" gasped MoMo. "I didn't know you drank alcohol!"
"I don't really. Makes one's movements too slow."
Kupo-chan did a backflip in the air (Moogles can fly, you know) and said, "Hiko-sama and Okina are drinking wine down here!" He fluttered down the steps and everyone obviously followed him except for Sephiroth and Vincent. Sephiroth stared at Vincent for a few seconds and then said, "She called you Vinnie again, didn't she?"
Vincent grimaced at the hated nickname. "How'd you know?"
"It was obvious you wanted to kill her."
"That was Chaos, not me."
"Yeah, sure it was."
Meanwhile aku, MoMo, Kupo, Kenshin, and Kaoru had met up with the somewhat quarter drunk Hiko-sama, a fully drunk Okina-dono, and tied up Enishi who was looking as if he was going to cry until he saw Kenshin.
"BATTOUSAI! I'LL -"
Unfortunately for Enishi, MoMo had chosen that time to give Enishi a big piece of sponge cake.
"Oro?" said Kenshin, eyes widening.
"Kenshin, who is that guy?" Kaoru pressed.
"Um . . . Sessha doesn't know, de gozaru yo!"
Kaoru, being Kaoru, accepted the excuse. Aku and Kupo, however, were inspecting the bottles of wine that the two had consumed.
"NOT THE VINTAGE 1933!" yelled aku. "THAT ONE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE SERVED AT THE BIRTH OF MY FIRST CHILD!"
Hearing this, Enishi gave a muffled scream of terror (muffled because of the sponge cake) and tried to flee. Of course, the poor man was tied up and merely fell over. Kaoru gave Enishi a look.
"Why'd he do that?" Kaoru asked.
"Why, because aku forced him into marriage with herself, de gozaru," MoMo said.
"You're doing it again, de gozaru ka."
"Doing what again, Kenshin?"
"Copying me, de gozaru ka."
Kupo looked at Hiko first and held up seven Kupo Nuts. "How many Kupo Nuts are in my hand, Hiko?"
Hiko looked at the nuts. "Seven." Hiko is not very drunk.
"Okina-dono, how many Kupo nuts do I have?"
"WOO, LOOKIT ALL THE PRETTY NUTS!! SPEAKING OF NUTS, DID I EVER TELL YOU ABOUT THE GREAT NUT HUNT?! I WAS A LAD OF-" Okina is fully drunk. Kupo looked worried.
"We can't send Okina like this. We'll just have to do something with them here. What do you say masters?"
"OH GODS, YOU BROKE THE 1952 BOTTLE OF CHAMPAGNE THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE SERVED AT MY SISTER'S WEDDING!"
"What do you say Master MoMo?"
"NO OKINA, DON'T TAKE OFF YOUR CLOTHES!"
"Um . . . I'll take that as a yes."
"NUTS! AOSHI NEVER TOUCHES NUTS! WHY DON'T YOU LIKE NUTS BOY?!" shouted Okina at Enishi, pulling at his poor cheeks.
"That's one interesting drunk," said Hiko amusedly. Aku turned on him. "I SUPPOSE YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY?!"
"Yes, yes I do."
Hiko turned on his Hiko charm and aku melted. "Oh, that's good, I hope you're have a good time, is there anything I can get you?"
"Some real sake."
"RIGHT AWAY! RED MANTLE!"
Red Mantle appears, does what aku says, disappears on a green ostrich. MoMo and Kupo watch him disappear into the horizon. "Why does Black Tiger keep letting him use his damned animals?!"
"Because they're buddies and Black Tiger doesn't like keeping them at the Tower of Fang?"
"Eh, good enough."
"Um, Okina-san, what are you doing?" asked Kaoru as she watched the old man's hand snake around her waist.
Okina's face was very, very red. "I is just gonna have a little fun is all," he slurred, giving her a lecherous grin.
"AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! KENSHIN!"
Kenshin, being his heroic self, rushed to Kaoru's side, grabbed her, and held his sakabatou to Okina's neck. "I will not let you harm Kaoru-dono, de gozaru yo."
Thinks the ever-hopeless Kaoru, Oh Kenshin, you're so sweet . . .
"Because if anything happens to Kaoru-dono, just think of all the people who will be disappointed!"
Kenshin?
"Yahiko won't have anywhere to live, de gozaru. And Sano won't have anyone to mooch off of, de gozaru! And I'll have to go back to being a -ORO?!"
There was a big WHACK! as Kenshin flew across the other side of the room. Cried a demonic looking Kaoru, "KENSHIN NO BAKA!"
Okina laughed and wobbled over to Hiko. "Thaz one strong an' weird chick, huh drinking buddy?"
Hiko nodded and drank some sake. "I don't know what my baka deishi sees in her."
"She cute?"
"Yeah, I guess." Swig.
"I wan' some sake."
"No, this is mine."
"How come's you isn't drunky-wunky?"
"What the hell is drunky-wunky?"
"You know, drunk."
"Because I don't get drunk. My level of tolerance is very high."
"Wow," marveled Okina, "You gotta be Super Tolerance-Man!"
Eyeing Okina suspiciously, Hiko nodded. "Yeah, OK, sure . . ."
"I know a guy, Shinomori Aoshi, can't drink. Not a drop of sake. I dunno why. Too bad he don't gots your tolerance."
"Yes, too bad."
Okina hiccuped. Smiling stupidly, he said, "I'm a gonna go get some more bottle stuff, what's it called . . ."
Hiko cannot read English. He cannot read French. He cannot read German. But, dangit, when it comes to alcohol, he can read, speak, and write ANYTHING. "It's called wine Okina."
"HEY, WHO'RE YOU CALLING OKINA?!" So saying this, Okina stood up, wobbled, and then fell over in a drunk stupor.
Hiko swigged his sake and smiled and nudged the unconscious man with his foot. Limp as a wet rag. "I think we're done now."
Aku is too busy crying over the completed bottle of vintage 1933 and holding onto Enishi, saying that her plan was ruined. MoMo and Kupo were trying to hold Kaoru off of Kenshin. Kenshin was oroing and being swirly-eyed. No one seemed to care that Okina was down and out. So what does Hiko do?
He swigs his sake, that's what he does.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
MoMo: That one was new.
Aku: How come you're first in the conversation?!
MoMo: Because I'M the one typing the damned chapter.
Aku: Why do you curse so much?
MoMo: Why do you love Enishi so much?
Aku: Why do you love Sephiroth so much?
MoMo: Because he is God.
Sephiroth: That's right, I am God.
Vincent: And to think, I am your father . . .
Sephiroth: WHAT?!
Kupo: That's enough of that . . .
Ayame: SUGAR!
Suzume: Sugar, sugar!
NEXT CHAPPIE: SUGAR-SWEET AYAME AND SUZUME!
