Disclaimer:
Goku: pinkdragonflame does not own Saiyuki (thank the three gods) or anything else that doesn't belong to her. If she did, I wouldn't be very alive…and neither would she… -_-;;; *stares at Sanzo, who is cursing in the distance*
GDBV: *somewhat fuzzily* We have got chapter two…
Kougaiji: Amazing! It actually spoke less than ten words for a change!
GDBV: Shut up…
Kougaiji: WHAT DID YOU SAY??!!!!! *grabs Doku's sword* SHHHIIINEEEEEE!!!!!!!!
~Hehe^^ the poor guy never gets a break…~
(It is a cold, rainy evening in the realm of GM, and our so-called heroes have decided to seek shelter in a deserted cave. Sanzo is currently being an exemplary role model of what a priest should be like, and is levitating, cross-legged off the ground, meditating in prefect harmony with the world while everyone watches in awe. Yeah right *rolls eyes*…like he'd ever do that…*hands out bullet-proof vests to readers*)
Sanzo: -__-+
Goku: Mou…
Sanzo: -__-++
Goku: Sanzo…
Sanzo: -__-+++
Goku: D'ya think it'll ever stop-
Gojyo: Don't say it!
Goku: Raining?
Sanzo: -_____-++++++ URUSAI!! SHINEEEE!!! *WHAP*
Goku: @_@ ITAI!! What did I DOOO??!!
Gojyo: *smirks* You said the "r" word. Bad move…especially on a rainy day…
Sanzo: YOU DIE TOO!! *WHAP*
Gojyo: SHIT!! Stupid corrupt monk!!!
Sanzo: *now has his gun out as well* I dare you to repeat that…
Gojyo: oO
Goku: Haha!! XD
Gojyo: -_-++ *whacks Goku on head with a conveniently-placed metal pole*
Goku: ITAI!! Saaanzooooo!!
Sanzo: Urusai…*WHAP*
Goku: ;___;
Hakkai: Maa maa…^^;;; *sips tea*
Gojyo: I think he's getting addicted to that stuff…
Sanzo: Not my problem…*lights cigarette*
Goku: *tries to get the muffin bag without being noticed*
Sanzo: ….*shoots without even looking up*
Goku: *gets a "OO" look on his face as the bullet whizzes by his ear*
Gojyo: Bakasaru…
Goku: I am not a saru!!! *jumps on Gojyo*
Sanzo: -_-+++
(Just then, Kougaiji & Dokukakuji appear looking extremely tipsy)
Kougaiji: WHHHEERRR *hic* AAREE *hic* THHE CCCOOOOWSS? *hic hic*
Dokukakuji: OOOOOOH….*hic* PWETTY STAAARRSSS…*hic*
Sanzo: What the heck are you two doing here?
Kougaiji: Wanna dwink? *hic* I wanna dwink…*takes swig from coke bottle* yaaarrr…dwink…*hic*
Goku: oO Eh? What's up with them?
Gojyo: It's the effects of too-much-sugar syndrome…
Goku: OO AHHHHHH!!! *runs of out cave, screaming insanely*
Hakkai: Heh^^;;;…
Sanzo: BAKA!! *WHAP* Now we've gotta go looking for him all over again!
Gojyo: ITAI…;___;
Hakkai: Mou daijoubu…we'll find him…
Gojyo: Eventually…)
Sanzo: -_-++ Want another whack??
Gojyo: Fine…fine…
Kougaiji: *suddenly sane* Oh yeah…I almost forgot…GIMME THAT THERE SUTRA!!!
Sanzo: Make me…
Kougaiji: Alright then, we will! Isn't that right, Dokukakuji?
(Doku, who does possess Kougaiji's amazing ability to go from drunk-to-sober in a nanosecond, is snoring in a secluded corner)
Kougaiji: -_-+++
Gojyo: Heh…So much for backup…
Kougaiji: Urusai! I thought of this! I know exactly what to do!!!
-1 hr later-
Gojyo: *polishing weapon*
Sanzo: *reading newspaper*
Hakkai: *drinking tea with Hakuryuu*
Kougaiji: *still thinking*
Dokukakuji: *snoring*
-2 ½ hrs later-
Sanzo: *smoking*
Hakkai: *drinking tea with Hakuryuu*
Kougaiji: *still thinking*
Dokukakuji/Gojyo: *snoring*
-4 ¾ hrs later-
Hakkai: *drinking tea with Hakuryuu*
Kougaiji: *still thinking*
Dokukakuji/Gojyo/Sanzo: *snoring*
Well, you get the picture^^.
-6 hrs and 100000000087 cups of tea later-
Kougaiji: I've got it!! *summons a giant evil Hello Kitty demon* Haha!! You're going down!!!
(He is responded by assorted snores)
Kougaiji: FIINE! Just ignore me…
(Everyone does just that)
Kougaiji: -_-+++ HEY, LOOK! GYAKUMEN'S STRIP TEASING ON A CLOUD!!
Hakkai: *wakes up and spills tea all over himself*
Sanzo: What the fuck??!!!
Gojyo: OO WHERE??!!!
(Long pause)
Sanzo: *lighting cigarette* Perverted freak…
Hakkai: Ano…that's not very nice…^^;;;
Kougaiji: oO You'd actually want to see her strip??!!
Gojyo: *turns redder than his hair* NO! OF COURSE NOT!!!!
All ( -Dokukakuji): YEAH RIGHT!!!
Gojyo: IT'S THE TRUTH!!!!!!!
Kougaiji: *snickers* I'll be sure to give her the message…in the meantime, *impressive, battle-type music plays* I challenge Son Goku-
Sanzo: He's not here…*death glare at Gojyo*
Kougaiji: Right…then, I challenge Cho Hakkai-
Hakkai: *looking up from tea* Ore?
Kougaiji: To a-
Gojyo: To a what?
Kougaiji: Oh will you stop interrupting already??!! I challenge Cho Hakkai to a Coke-drinking contest!!
(Dramatic silence)
Sanzo: That's it??
Kougaiji: Shut up…*drags Hakkai off to a table that magically appeared out of thin air* OI! Waiter-boys!!
(The 3 gods appear in 3 different POOFs of light)
Shien: Hai?
Zeon: *muttering* Notcokenotcokenotcoke…
Homura: *notices muffin bag* Heeey…muffins!! *takes a step forward*
Sanzo: *whipping out gun* Touch and die…
Homura: OO *freezes*
Zeon: Ch'…you call that a gun? *hauls out bazooka* Now this is a gun!
Gojyo: He has got a point there…
Sanzo: Urusai…
Shien: *chipping Homura out of ice block* What do you want, Kougaiji-san?
Kougaiji: Oh right…Glasses-boy here is gonna have a Coke-*ignores Zeon's spluttering* drinking contest. Think you can handle it?
Homura: Do we have a choice?
Kougaiji: No…not really.
Homura: Then why do you ask?
Kougaiji: Just felt like it.
Zeon: I'll kill them all…
Shien: Iie, Zeon-san…that would not be a very good idea…
Homura: Unless, of course, you fancy the idea of living on birdseed for all eternity.
Zeon: -_-;;; *shoves bazooka back in pocket*
Kougaiji: *smug smile* Alrighty then…now that we've reached an agreement…LET THE CONTEST BEGIN!!
Homura: This is so degrading…*snaps fingers and two bottles of Coke appear in front of each contestant*
Shien: Sou de…
Gojyo: *staring as Hakkai and Kougaiji literally inhale the sugary liquid* How long d'ya think they'll last?
Zeon: I bet 50 bucks the demon'll be out cold in 15 mins, 21 seconds flat.
Gojyo: You're on!!
-15 mins and 21 seconds later-
Kougaiji: *falls to floor* zzzzzzzzzz
Zeon: Ha! I win!! Pay up, flower-hair!!!
Gojyo: Darn…*hands over money*
Sanzo: How'd you get that?
Gojyo:…..
Sanzo: *accusingly* You took it from my wallet, didn't you??!
Gojyo: …Nooo…
Zeon: That is so bloody fake…
Homura: Even I could do a better job…
Sanzo: Big surprise.
Homura:…
Sanzo: *points gun at Gojyo* You'd better have an alibi…
Gojyo: Erm…I thought you had enough…and I really wanted those magazines in the last town…so I swiped a hundred off you when you were bashing those youkai…
Zeon: *rolls eyes* Way to go, Gojyo…
Homura: That was such a great alibi!
Zeon: No one will ever know what you did now!
(The two snicker evilly as Gojyo awaits his impending doom)
Sanzo: ……-_-+++++++++++++
Homura: *looks up* Wow! That's a lotta "+"-es
Sanzo: I'm pissed…so sue me…*takes out gun* ANYTHING BREATHING IN THIS ROOM IS DEAD!!! *begins firing randomly*
Zeon/Homura: *start running* What did we doooooo???
Shien: *having tea with Hakkai* Do you prefer sugar or milk?
Hakkai: Sugar please.
Shien: *tilts head slightly, allowing a stray bullet to whiz by* Sou ka…
Gojyo: *hiding behind Zeon, who is hiding behind Homura, who is using Hakuryuu as a dragon shield* Ch'…baka…
Sanzo: -_-++++ *BANG BANG BANG*
Homura: OO *ducks* Is he supposed to be a monk or an executioner?
Hakuryuu: Kyuuuuu!!! *flies away*
Sanzo: *grows about 20 ft and looms in front of his three victims*
Zeon: *clutching on to Gojyo* Mommy!!!
Gojyo: *clutching back* Hellp…
Homura: He's…angry…
Sanzo: URUSAI!!!! *BANG BANG BANG BANG*
=And so, the day ends pointlessly with Gojyo, Zeon and Homura running off the screen at the speed of light, Shien having tea with Hakkai, and Nataku playing checkers with Jiroshin=
Nataku:………
Jiroshin: Ano…
Nataku:……
Jiroshin: *twitch* Nataku-sama…could you make your move? It's been two hours already…
Nataku: Matte! I need to think…
Jiroshin: ^^;;;;
Nataku:……
Jiroshin: ^^+++
Nataku:……
Jiroshin: Ahhh!! I can't take it anymore!!! *flees from room, singing the entire chorus of "Open Up Your Mind" ten times backwards*
Nataku: *blink blink* Was it something I said?
*Gojyo walks out in a huge ice-cream costume*
*Gojyo: I'd better get paid for this…-_-;;*
—End fic—
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