Disclaimer: The only things about Saiyuki that is owned by me are the pointless ideas drifting about my empty head…

GDBV: And now, (after centuries of being put on hold) we have the second episode of Meet-The-Saiyuki! Yaaaaaaay! *plays the clapping sequence recycled from the last episode* Today's guest star is Miaka, again from Fushigi Yuugi, with Goku and Homura as the interviewers! Wow! How exciting!

Homura: *rolls eyes*

Goku: Boooooring…*falls asleep*

Miaka: *appears clutching a plate of chocolate-coated noodles* Mmmmf?

Homura: Chocolate!

Goku: *suddenly wide awake* Noodles!!

Miaka: *eating* Yeach…whoch areh yoush?

Homura/Goku: Who cares???! *jump on her and try to wrestle the food away*

Miaka: Aiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeee!!! Tamahooooomeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!! *rolls around trying to keep it for herself*

Suzaku: *appears in a flash of red light and snatches the entire plate away* Muahahaha! It's mine at last! Mine! All miiiine!! XD *disappears*

Homura: *blinks* Huh?

Goku: *stares* Nani?

Miaka: *starts crying* Tamahome!!!!

GDBV: Ummm…well, that went well…let's have a round of applause for Miaka, the Suzaku No Miko! *plays clapping sequence*


~School is evil…exams are eviler…therefore, I should be reporting my homework to the police and getting my teachers arrested! *runs this theory to my mom who slaps glue on my head and sticks it to my math book* T__T~

(It's a sparkly day in the realm of GM! Note the shiny cellophane sun, foil-covered trees and sequin-encrusted dirt roads! *Hands out sunglasses* Yep…sparkly is gooooooood….)

Hakkai: *with a circle of newspaper taped to his monocle* Ano…this isn't good…I can't see very well with this on…

Sanzo: *with reading glasses spray painted black* It's better than getting blinded by this ridiculous source of light, isn't it?

Hakkai: Ah…sou desune...^^

Gojyo: *with bandana across eyes* This stinks…how am I gonna see any hot chicks out there?

Goku: *has Sanzo's fan folded into paper spectacles* That's not so bad…but how am I supposed to see any food??!

Sanzo: *lighting a cigarette* Starve…

Goku: *sobs into Gojyo's shirt* That's not fair!!!

Gojyo:…I'd hit your head if I could see where it was…

Goku: *laughs and hops up and down on the seat* Hahaha! Serves you right, ero kappa!

Gojyo: Urusai! Bakasaru! *tries to punch Goku, but-*

Sanzo: -_-++++ *has Gojyo's fist rammed in the left side of his head*

Gojyo:...That silence…it could only mean-

Sanzo: *has gun out within a fraction of a nanosecond* SHINEEEE!!! *BANG BANG BANG BANG*

(Naturally, since he is currently visually impaired…he misses on all his shots. Terribly.)

(Up in the clouds)

Jiroshin: *is playing chess with Nataku* Check…

Nataku: Check what? Is one of my pieces in the wrong place or something?

Jiroshin: Ah…iie, Nataku-sama …it means that your king is in danger.

Nataku: *stares at the piece* But it looks fine to me.

Jiroshin: *twitch* Sou desune…but it is about to get killed by my rook…

(A bullet whizzes through the floor and puts a hole through Jiroshin's king)

Jiroshin: *stares at it in utter disbelief*

Nataku: Alright! I win! *dances on the chessboard* I guess you should have "checked" your pieces as well, Jiroshin-san! ^__^

(Back with the raving lunatic blind man)

Sanzo: *is still shooting away* DIIIIEEEEE!!!

Gojyo: *cautiously lifts up one corner of his bandana* Is he missing, or am I already dead?

Hakkai: You're not dead, Gojyo. Not yet, anyway…^_^

Gojyo: Now that's encouraging…

Hakkai: You're welcome. ^.^

Gojyo:…Bleh…*replaces his bandana with an iron helmet*

(There s a brief pause while the sparkly-ness abruptly groups together to for a giant, multicoloured parrot and flies away)

Hakkai: *takes off the newspaper* Ah…that's better ne?^^

Sanzo: *takes off glasses* Wouldn't say so…looks just the same as it did yesterday…

Goku: Pull over! Hurry!!!

(There is a strange screeching noise that sounds vaguely like a dragon in distress)

Hakuryuu: Kyuu!! O.O'' *swerves to avoid a large rock*

Sanzo: *has his head impaled upon the door handle* -_-++ Goku…you have two seconds to explain this…and counting…

Goku: I smell food! *leaps out of the car*

Sanzo:…-__-++++++ Hakkai…

Hakkai: Ah…but he did explain it^^;…

Sanzo:…It wasn't exactly the explanation I was looking for…

Gojyo: Aiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeee!!! *goes flying headfirst into the large rock. Which, of course, just happens to be made of--*

Sanzo/Hakkai: Lodestone…*both laugh. Or rather, Sanzo laughs and Hakkai tries to look like he's just coughing*

Gojyo: Darnit monk! This isn't funny! Now stop laughing and get me down from here!

Sanzo: No, I don't think I will…*lights a cigarette*

Hakkai: Ano…don't you find it strange that your lighter isn't flying over to the rock as well? It's metal, isn't it? And what about your gun?

Sanzo: *smokes* This, my dear Hakkai, is no ordinary magnet. *grins evilly* It's a very rare, one-of-a-kind…Gojyo Magnet.

Hakkai: Ah…Fate is very cruel to him, isn't it?

Sanzo: Not as cruel as those three are…*jerks his thumb in the direction of the Homura-tachi*.

Hakkai: Ah…I take it as he hasn't paid you back for the muffins yet…

Sanzo: I've got all the muffins I need. I just feel the need to watch him squirm in impending agony.

Hakkai: Sou desune…^^;;;

(The Trio of Dastardly Idiots walks up in sunglasses, flowery shorts and straw hats)

Homura: *grins*Aloha, Konzen. Uh…*peers over glasses* Your kappa's stuck on a rock…

Sanzo: Yeah, I know. You wanna get at him?

Homura:…*eyes him* You'd let me do that?

Sanzo: I'm feeling evil today…

Zeon: *mutters* You're always evil…

Sanzo: *death glare* You wanna negotiate with a pulse or not?

Zeon: *gulps* With one…I'm rather attached to it…

Shien:…*rolls eyes. Which would be pretty hard, if you stop to think about it…* Tea?

Hakkai: Hai^^. *gets out a teapot and a couple of scones*

Homura:…Do those two ever get tired of doing that?

Sanzo: No. And don't go off-topic.

Homura: Oh yeah…*stares at the flailing Gojyo* I guess it would be kinda fun to land a couple of choice blows upon his helpless head…But what's it gonna cost us?

Sanzo: Good point…*thinks*

Zeon: It had better not be anything even remotely related to dollar signs; we're flat-out broke!

Sanzo: I don't need money…I don't need a car *glances at the dazed Hakuryuu*…I don't need a babysitter *glances at Hakkai*…I don't need servants *glances at Gojyo*…and a don't need a pet *glances at Goku, who has found a gingerbread mansion and is chewing it to the ground*…

Homura:…Your saru's eating the fabled Palace of the Gods…Ritouden's gonna slaughter him…

Sanzo: So?

Homura:…Good point…anyways, name your price!

Sanzo: *glances over to the twenty-tonne sack of muffins that he has made Hakuryuu tow*…And I don't need muffins…*pauses* What the heck do I need? 

Zeon: You're asking us??!

(Just then, the trusty quartet of Gyakumen's Angels takes to appearing out of a magic lamp)

Kougaiji: We are-

Dokukakuji: The Gyakumen Angels-

Yaone: Give us the sutra-

Lirin: And no one will get hurt! *waves* Hello! Baldie Sanzo!

Kougaiji: Lirin…don't call our enemy names…only I get to do that! Now hand over the Evil sutra, you sadistic excuse for a holy man! I must warn you- *holds up coffee maker* I'm armed!

Homura/Zeon: *start laughing*

Lirin: Hey! Don't insult my onnichan! *waves fist around*

Zeon: *snickers* Why not? He deserves it!

Homura: The deadly coffee maker! Help us; we're all doomed!

Kougaiji:…So I was a little short of funds…go ahead; rub it in, why dontcha? At least I was creative.

Homura: *wiping away tears* There's a difference between creative and desperate, y'know?

Zeon: *is wearing an oxygen mask and laughing non stop* Air…need air…*continues laughing*

Kougaiji: *turns red* Enough of this idle talk! Doku! Fetch me my Really Big And Powerful Weapon That Is Never Mentioned Because It Is Too Great And Powerful!

Dokukakuji:…It's name is even longer than mine…

Kougaiji: I know…Weird, isn't it?

Dokukakuji: Yup…*shrugs and hauls it out*

Zeon: *stares*…It's a chocolate bar…

Sanzo:…Cadburys…pathetic, but tasty…

Homura: CHOCOLATE! GIMME!!!! *zaps Doku to the World Beyond and swallows the 20 ft Cadbury bar alive* 

Yaone: Ah…well at least Kougaiji-sama always has a backup plan! ^^

Kougaiji:…

Yaone: *looks at him* You do have a backup plan, don't you?

Kougaiji: Ahaha…of course I do…um…my plan is to uh…hold Sanzo's newspaper for ransom! *runs up and grabs the paper* Now, give me the Evil Sutra or the paper gets burnt!

Sanzo:…Go ahead…that's yesterday's paper; I was going to throw it away anyway.

Kougaiji: Oh damn it! Why don't my plans ever work?

Sanzo: Because you're mentally retarded?

Homura: And psychologically unstable…

Zeon: And about to be eaten by a giant jelly monster…

Kougaiji: OO; Lirin! I thought I told you not to go fooling around in that wacko Nii's lab!

Lirin: *cheerfully* You did, but since when did I ever listen to you?

Monster: *bubbles up and promptly steals Kougaiji's earrings*

Kougaiji: Heeeeey! Those are mine! Hey! *glares* Come back here! *chases after the monster*

Lirin: Well…I guess we're off again, ne Yaone-san?

Yaone: Hai…^^ We're always off again…

(The two leave with the hopes of catching up with Kougaiji before he catches up with the monster)

Shien:…*sips tea* Well…that was pointless…as always…

Hakkai: *nibbles on a scone* Sou desune…but we lead pointless lives anyway, so I guess I'm kind of used to it…^^

Homura: Oh well…*takes out the Holy Sutra and starts redecorating it with Magic Markers*

Sanzo: *stares at him* What's it say anyways?

Homura: This? Something about purple sheep and flying llamas feeding on radioactive gummibears…

Sanzo:…And we're killing each other over a sheet filled with nonsensical gibberish?

Homura: Technically, I'm not actually trying to kill you at the moment, but yeah…I guess we are.

Sanzo:…And Kougaiji needs it to revive that oversized father of his?

Homura: Demons and livestock…what can I say?

Sanzo:… I'm not even going to try to understand…*turns back to Gojyo*

Gojyo: Moooooonnnnnk!!!!! GET ME DOWN!!!!

Sanzo: You know what…I think I'll be nice today…I'll let you beat up the kappa for free.

Zeon: Seriously?

Sanzo: No. But it will be for free until I think of something I want from you guys…

Homura: That's good enough for me! *hops up* You coming Shien?

Shien:…Iie…violence is not my cup of tea…*looks at his cup* Yes…definitely not…

Zeon: Suit yourself…*shrugs*

Gojyo: Uh…Sanzo? Monk? Buddy?? Don't let them do this!! *struggles fanatically* NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Sanzo: *gets out muffins and watches* That's for Kero, you bakakappa…

=And so, the day ends pointlessly with Gojyo's face getting remodeled, Gyakumen learning how to waltz, and Nataku skulking around talking pictures without anyone noticing=

Jiroshin: Hm…*is modeling in front of a mirror wearing one of Kanzeon's more err…revealing…dresses* I still think this is a bit much, even for a fancy dress party…

Rojun: Whatever…*is in high heels and a frilly skirt* Let's just get this over with and hope everyone else will be too embarrassed by their own costumes to notice…

(There is a bright flash and a whirring click)

Rojun: *blinks* What the heck was that?

Jiroshin: I dunno…aliens?

Rojun:…So they are out there…I knew it! And they told me I was delirious…

Jiroshin:…-_-;;

*The Jelly Monster slobbers up and wobbles slightly, leaving behind a trail of slime that strangely resembles Kougaiji*

*Jelly monster: Blorp!*

~Ah…gomen, gomen…I know I haven't been writing in ages! ^^;; Just been too darned lazy to get my fingers working again…that and the evil exams that are creeping up on me…but they won't take me alive! They won't! *hides behind a fortress made of marshmallow and arms herself with tomato pudding* Never! Bwahahahahaha! On a saner note, I might have to bar myself from ff.net in the near future…sometime around June-ish to late November. One of those nasty do-well-or-die scenarios…But I haven't been on that often anyways, so it prolly won't make that much of a diff…^^; I can promise that when I do get back into fic writing, I keep this updated as often as possible. Might even try my hand at a sensible fic or two…any suggestions? =P neways, arigatou for reading this, and may the insanity always be with you.~

—End fic—

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