"Please can I sit in your class? I'll be good! You won't even know I'm there!" Tirza begged. Snape doubted it was possible to not know when she was around. "Please!!" "Only if you bring a book to read so you do not interrupt my lessons." She hugged him tight and ran to her room to find one. Snape sat her on a stool beside his desk and she opened her book about famous magical children. Snape was surprised at how quiet she was as he set everything up for his first class. 'This might work after all,' he thought. Ten minutes later, his first class, Gryffindor and Slytherin, entered the dungeon. "As usual Mr. Longbottom, you could not have been more wrong with this potion!" Snape thundered at poor Neville. "Your incompetence is frightening." Tirza shot Neville a look of sympathy. Snape was so busy yelling that he did not notice the liquid that started to spill over the sides. Tirza watched as the orange liquid began to pool on the floor, not sure if she should say anything or not. A moment later, it was too late; Snape had stepped in the orange puddle and his shoes and robe became an electric orange. The class sat silent, knowing if they laughed or said anything, Snape would take points away. Tirza, however, did not have to be concerned with points and started laughing. She laughed so hard she fell right off the stool and made a loud SMACK on the floor. Snape turned and scowled at her, then looked back at Neville. Tirza sat back down on her stool and stuck her tongue out at Snape's back. The students began laughing at the little girl who dared to stick her tongue out at him. "Silence!" he roared and whirled around to see what was so funny. Luckily, Tirza had suddenly become very interested in her book. Draco Malfoy smiled; what a perfect opportunity to get the little brat into trouble!

"Sir, she stuck her tongue out at you!" Tirza looked at him, a scowl much like Snape's on her face. "Rat fink!" she yelled. "Bebete mauvais garcon!" Malfoy shrieked. "She's trying to curse me!" The students and Tirza laughed. "I wish I could vampire boy!" "SILENCE!" Snape yelled. He grabbed Tirza and tucked her under his arm, heading for the hallway. "Yo man, what you doin?" she asked, kicking her feet as he held her. He set her on the floor and crouched down, looking her in the eye. "Are you truly unable to be in the same room as Malfoy without causing a scene?" Tirza stomped and pushed the stray curls out of her face. "He started it!" "I do not care who started it," Snape snarled. "And what in Merlin's name did you yell at him?" She giggled. "It's French for stupid evil boy!" He shook his head. "Who taught you that?" "AJ's mom; she was a language teacher at the big high school." "We're going back in and I do not want to you to disturb my class again!" She rolled her eyes and followed him back inside. "Yeah, yeah, yeah."

Tirza sat beside Snape, sipping her hot chocolate, her dark eyes glued to Malfoy. "I hope you are not thinking up any ideas to use against him, child. I don't want you near him," Snape interrupted her thoughts. "Ew, why would I want to be around him? He's got cooties!" Tirza had out grown 'cooties' in third grade, but was pretty sure it was an international thing. The look Snape gave her was priceless; she had guessed right. She giggled. "Just kidding, I don't believe it cooties. Just wanted to see your face!" Snape groaned and McGonagall chuckled. "All though it would be so much fun if Malfoy was covered in lice." "Do not get any ideas," he warned. "Yuck, I wouldn't touch lice to save my life. I had them once and it was so gross; they kept crawling around on my head and were so itchy and then they started laying eggs! Mommy had to use vinegar or something in my hair and stung like crazy, but then they went away and the eggs all died. The whole thing was Tiffany's fault; mommy said she shouldn't have come to school with lice." By now, McGonagall and Snape had lost their appetites. "Tirza, that is hardly appropriate conversation at lunch," he scolded. "Oh; but still, can't you just imagine Malfoy covered in lice?" She giggled hysterically. "Oh, I don't wanna sit in your class anymore; you're really cranky when you teach! All your yelling gave me a big headache." McGonagall chuckled and Snape glared at her. "Well, oh wise little child, how else do you suggest I get my students to listen to me?" he sneered. "You could try being nice every once in a while; it's not like it would kill ya or anything. My teacher, Mrs. Murphy was so nice, we just loved her! Everyone listened and she made it so much fun!" Tirza nodded, enthusiastically, her pony tail bobbing. "School is not supposed to be fun," Snape replied. Tirza's eyes widened in shock. "Are you serious?" He nodded. "Yo man, that is wack! Glad you're not my teacher!" "Enjoy your free time while you have it child; next year I will be." Tirza shook her head. "Nah, I'm not worried. By next year, I will have worked my magical charms on you and you won't be a cranky vampire anymore!" Snape rolled his eyes and McGonagall chuckled. "I wish you well, my dear; your father is a difficult man to change."

Tirza shivered as she walked onto the quidditch field. 'Damn it's cold!' She waved to the players and sat on the grass on the edge of the field. The wheels and gears in her mind were turning as she watched the Gryffindor team practice for tonight's game. 'There's gotta be some kinda trick I can play on Malfoy; he's such a freakin' jerk, he deserves the worst. But I don't want to get caught.' Deep in thought of devilish pranks, she suddenly felt someone touch her shoulder and screamed. She quickly turned around, her hands clenched in fists, just itching to punch. Oliver Wood gave her a funny look and she breathed a sigh of relief. "What was that all about?" he asked. "God, you scared me. Don't sneak up on me like that," Tirza told him. "What brings you out here all by yourself?" Tirza shrugged. "Just wanted to be outside for a while." She shivered and rubbed her hands together. "I forgot how cold it's been lately." Oliver laughed and took off his robe. "Here, put this on; you don't want to get sick again." She flashed him a smile and gratefully accepted the warm robe. "What about you though?" The boy shook his head. "Don't worry about me; the exercise will keep me warm." With that, he mounted his broom again and flew into the air. Tirza watched him fly away and sighed. "God he's hot." Tirza watched the practice for a while, nice and warm in Oliver's robe, which smelled of the cologne he wore. She yawned, and her eyes grew heavy; her body was still trying to catch up on all the sleep she missed.

After practice, Oliver and Harry headed over to where Tirza sat. Only she wasn't sitting anymore; she was curled up in a ball, huddled inside Oliver's robe. Oliver saw that she was fast asleep and chuckled. "Is Tirza okay?" Harry asked. Oliver nodded. "She's sleeping." Both boys chuckled. "What are we going to do with her?" Harry asked. "Well it's not like we can leave her out here." Oliver handed his broom to Harry and bent down, scooping the tiny girl into his arms. "Mmmmm," she mumbled and leaned her head against his chest. "I'll take her in to Snape." He pulled his robed tighter around Tirza, hoping the cold would not wake her. Oliver made the long walk to the dungeons slowly, though it became apparent that Tirza was a sound sleeper as the noise of the hallways didn't even cause her to stir. He was surprised at how little she actually weighed; she felt lighter to carry than his book bag! He finally arrived at the dungeons and shifted her weight so that he could knock on the door. "Go away!" Snape shouted from inside. The only person that he wanted to see was Tirza and she knew the password. Oliver sighed and knocked again, harder this time. Snape growled as he threw the door open and saw Tirza cradled in Oliver's arms. "Merlin, what did she do to herself this time?" Oliver chuckled. "Nothing, sir. She fell asleep while watching us practice, so I carried her back." Snape was relieved; he did not want to go see Poppy again and have her lecture him on the responsibilities a child entailed. He gently took Tirza from Oliver's arms and frowned at the robe. "She was cold sir, so I told her to wear it." Snape sighed; Tirza was incredibly forgetful at times. He handed the robe back to Oliver and shut the door in the boy's face.

Snape gently rubbed the little girl's shoulders. "Tirza, do you want to go to supper or sleep?" Tirza suddenly sat up and looked around the room, her eyes wild. "Whoa, how'd I get here?" "Apparently, you decided to take a nap on the grass and Mr. Wood carried you back," he answered. She stretched her arms above her head and took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. "That's why I smell so nice." She smiled at him and rubbed her eyes. "Now what did ya want?" "Do you want to sleep or are you hungry?" The little girl rubbed her stomach. "I'm starving!" Snape was very relieved to hear her say that. "Can I have ice cream for supper?" "No!" She shook her head. "Damn; mom never fell for that either." Tirza rolled out of bed and looked at herself in the mirror; her clothes were badly wrinkled. "Aw, who cares about a few wrinkles?" Suddenly her mind wondered to Oliver; she liked him a lot. Did she want him to see her like this? "How long until supper?" "Fifteen minutes," Snape told her. "Plenty of time. Now you go away; I need to be beautiful." He raised an eyebrow, but left the room. Tirza dug under her bed and pulled out the box of play clothes; she threw all the clothes on the floor and grabbed the blue flowered bag at the bottom. Tirza emerged from her room in a soft pink t-shirt, a gray hooded jacket that said New York in pink letters across the front and black jeans; she had two glittery pink butterfly clips in her hair. Severus smiled at her. That is, until he saw her face. "What is THAT?" "Uh, it's called make-up, duh!" Her eyes were outlined in black and surrounded by a bright blue gel; her lips and cheeks were a dark red. "You are not going anywhere looking like that!" "Why not?" she asked, hands on her hips. "Because I said so, that is why." She groaned. "That's stupid." He pointed towards the bathroom. "Go wash that off, now!" Tirza glared defiantly at him. "Nope." "Fine," he retorted. He pulled out his wand and with a small flick, the make up was gone. "Dad, you're gonna ruin everything!" she yelled. "And what, pray tell, is that?" "Never mind; you're a boy and boys don't understand these things."

That night, Tirza couldn't sleep. She couldn't stop thinking about tomorrow morning, when she would put her brilliant plan into action. Dman that Malfoy! She'd get him back for causing those nasty flash backs and for telling on her. He did not know who he was messing with! She kept going over the plan in her head, making sure it was flawless. It wasn't worry that kept her awake; it was excitement. Finally, she drifted into a peaceful sleep.

'Relax, you're gonna be fine!' she ordered herself the next morning as she eat. Tirza had remembered to bring everything she needed. Just to be sure, she went over the plan again. Step One: Set dung bomb. Step Two: "Accidentally" bump into him, placing the bomb in his book bag and switch his wand for the fake. Step Three: When bomb explodes, make sure he knows it was you. Step Four: Laugh hysterically, while pointing his wand at him, when he realizes the wand in his hand is a fake. She smiled to herself; this was gonna be a great day! "I need to prepare my classroom, are you finished yet, Tirza?" Snape asked, interrupting her thoughts. "I'm gonna head to the library and I'm not done yet. I'll catch you later, alright?" Snape looked closely at her face; he had the distinct feeling that she was up to something. "Alright, just behave yourself." She nodded and took another bite of toast. As soon as Tirza estimated Snape was far enough away, she went into the hall to set the bomb. Within minutes, the Slytherins began to exit the Great Hall. Tirza giggled, and then ran down the hallway after Draco. She ran into him, pushing them both against the wall. "Sorry," she mumbled and gently slipped his wand from his pocket, replacing it with the fake. Draco looked disgusted as he gathered a few papers from the floor; Tirza took the opportunity to put the bomb in his bag. He dumped the papers into the bag while glaring at her. "Watch where you're going, stupid!" "You have a great day, Draco; I know I will," she said with a wink. Draco gave her a funny look and continued down the hall.

Tirza followed at a distance, counting down the sixty seconds until the bomb exploded. "Five, four, three, two..." Draco's bag erupted, showering him and anyone standing in a foot of him with dung*. The smell was nearly overpowering. Draco looked at the shreds of the bag and its contents on the ground and at himself, his nose wrinkling in disgust. Everyone was shocked and looked at each other, wondering who had done this, seeing as the Weasley twins were no where in sight. A soft giggle touched Draco's ear and began to grow louder; he looked at the direction of the laughter and saw Tirza who could hardly walk she was laughing so hard. "You!" he screamed. "You did this, you little brat!" She came and stood just two feet in front of him, putting on an innocent look. "Who, me?" she said, batting her eyelashes. "You mudblood, I'll fix you!" Draco reached into his dirty robes and pulled out his wand. Tirza pretended to look terrified. "No, please," she begged. 'I am so good at this,' she thought. "Crucio!" he yelled. Suddenly, his wand began to tremble; he looked at Tirza who stood there laughing and dropped the wand. It continued to tremble, finally turning into a moth that flew away. "Aw, did your wand break little boy?" Draco looked at Tirza, menacingly. "Oh wait, what's this?" She slowly pulled his wand out of her back pocket, where it had been covered by her sweater. Draco's face turned dark red with fury. "Well Draco Malfoy, in the words of a very wise dude who will forever be known as The New Guy, 'Who's the be- yotch now!" Tirza laughed as Draco began to shake from anger. "How... how..." "If you are asking how I did it; that is very simple. Remember when I bumped you, knocking you into the wall? I happen to be a very good pick- pocket, Mr. Malfoy," she answered.

Draco lunged at Tirza, knocking her to the ground. The wand flew away, unnoticed by both, and none of the spectators bothered it get it. The two rolled over several times as the other first year Slytherins watched. "You jerk! I'll teach you to ever put your dirty hands on me again!" Tirza yelled. They stopped rolling, and she threw a punch at Draco, who she was sitting on top of. She missed as Draco shifted his weight, rolling on top of her. 'This wasn't the way it was supposed to work,' Tirza thought as he pinned her. Draco, an evil smile on his pale face, covered her mouth with his hand. "Now I'll teach you," he growled. The crowd disappeared, not wanting to be involved in a fight. Tirza bit his hand and Malfoy screamed, than leaned hard on his right knee, crushing her arm. "Fuck!" she yelled and struggled against him. Panic set in as she realized that in this position, all her karate wasn't going to help. She rolled and kicked and moved every which way she could, but she was stuck. Still crushing her arm, Draco slapped her across the face and punched her in the chest. Tirza started to cry, scared to death of what he was going to do to her; he was completely in control. "Please, let me go. I'll never bother you again, I swear!" She begged. Draco only laughed and punched her chest again. "Please, I'll do anything." She knew there was only so much time before she would start to black out from the flash back. "I'm sorry!" she moaned. As tempting as her offer of 'anything' was, Draco was having too much fun. Her sobs shaking her tiny body, he quickly flipped her onto her stomach and pinned her arms behind her back, sitting on her legs. "Now, what shall I do to you?"

By this time, the Slytherins had found their way to Potions class. "Why are you late?" Snape demanded. His piercing eyes scanned the silent group. "And where is Mr. Malfoy?" "In the hallway, sir," a boy quietly told him. "Take your seats and I want total silence until I return." Snape exited the room, his robes swirling around him.

Draco pressed his knees into the little girl's back. Merlin was this fun! And the little brat deserved it too! Tirza had stopped begging and just lay there sobbing as Draco crushed or hit her legs and back. "Merlin, what is going on here?" Snape yelled as he came around the corner. "Daddy!" Tirza screamed. At Snape's appearance, Draco released Tirza and she ran to him, throwing her arms around him. "What is the meaning of this?" Draco pointed at Tirza. "She put a dung bomb in my school bag and stole my wand to use against me!" Snape didn't want to believe this, but Tirza wasn't yelling a denial. He crouched down to her level and held her at shoulders length. "Is this true?" Snape's voice was dangerously low. More scared than hurt, Tirza's sobs had subsided. "Yes," she whispered. She knew by the look on his face that he was furious and she was going to regret this. "Clean yourself up and get back to class," Snape ordered Draco, who took off towards his dorm. Snape tucked Tirza under his arm and stalked towards his office. "Daddy, you don't know what he did to me though! The other night...." "SILENCE!" He roared. "You are in the worst trouble of your life and I do not want to hear a word from you!" He slammed the door of his office open and then shut behind him. "Words cannot describe how angry I am with you right now!" he yelled. Tirza just cried, to upset to say anything in her own defense. He sat at his desk and laid her across his knees. "Noooooo!" she yelled. "I do not like doing this, but it seems to be the only way to get through to you." "The kids will hear!" "You should have thought of the consequences before, young lady," Snape said, raising his hand.

Draco had changed and washed his face in time to make it back to the dungeon to hear the happenings inside Snape's office. Everyone could hear, and Draco was the only one who didn't feel bad for her. He wasn't there long, when the door opened and a crying Tirza was led in by Snape. "Apologize to Mr. Malfoy," Snape ordered. She shook her head no. "Do we need to have another discussion in my office?" He had no intention of spanking her again, but she did not know that and quickly shook her head no. "I'm sorry I took your wand and made your bag explode." Draco stuck his nose in the air. "Your apology is not accepted!" Tirza glared at him as Snape ushered her back into his office. He looked at the clock, and then turned to his class. "Evidently, there is not enough time to brew any potions, so there will be a pop quiz." The students groaned.

At lunch, Tirza carried her other fake wand and the trick pieces of candy to where the Weasley twins sat. "I want you guys to have these. I won't be playing anymore tricks; my days as a prankster are over," she told them softly. George put his arm around her and she sat beside him. "Yeah, we heard about that." She slapped her forehead. "God, are there no secrets here?" The twins laughed. "Not very often." Tirza blushed. "I'm so embarrassed." "Don't worry about it, there's never a shortage of happenings here. By tomorrow, everyone'll be talking about something else." Tirza nodded. "I gotta go sit by my dad. I'm on 'probation' and if I'm not good, then I can't go to Hogsmeade this weekend." The boys nodded and wished her luck with her probation and she headed back to the teachers table, hoping none of the teachers would bring up what happened.

A/N: Good lord, Tirza always seems to be into something, doesn't she? Well, that's why she's so much fun! Of course more adventures are on the way, but I'm sure she'll avoid Malfoy like the plague from now on. Here's a question to all my readers: I've been thinking about how to end this story (not that I am planning on it anytime in the near future) and one of the things I came up with was that a new DADA teacher comes and Tirza likes her and tries to set her and Snape up. Anyone like that idea? Anyone hate it? Please let me know! If everyone hates it, I'll try to think of something else and run it past you all.