Chapter Twenty Three - Rainy Days

It had been three days since Gamma died. It was strange for John, he wished she'd been there to see him finally happy. But she knew really, deep down he looked as happy as he had ever been, and she knew it was down to one thing, or one person. Abby stayed at his side that whole night, he cried for hours, but she stayed with him. If she moved involuntarily he would cling to her, as if she was leaving him. She would reassure him, saying she wasn't going anywhere. He wanted to thank her for being there, but that night it was too much. It was all too much. He didn't think he had ever felt that happy then that sad within a day. His world seemed perfect, then God went and put a spin on it again. He knew Gamma would die someday, but why when he was so happy. He felt guilty for not being there before it happened, maybe he could have helped in some way. But that was the past, she was gone, and there was nothing he could do to change that.

Today was the funeral. The day he had dreaded ever since Gamma died. Funerals always sucked. But this time it would suck even more. His favourite person, except one, had died and he had to stand up there in front of god knows how many people and pretend he was okay and everything was alright. He didn't think he could do it. He spent all the night before worrying about it, Abby could feel he was restless. He tossed and turned all night long, never finding a comfortable position. He tried to comfort him in any way she could. She had reached over to him, so far away, but at the touch of his skin he flinched. He was sweating like mad and she didn't know what to make of it.

"John? John sweetie you're really hot." She quietly said to him.

He ignored her and carried on shaking profusely.

"Honey talk to me." She tried again.

She turned the bedside lamp on and moved over closer to him. The gap in between them felt so cold, she didn't like it. When she reached him he slowly turned over to face her. His face was white as a sheet but he was hot and shaking. She was really worried now, but it wasn't her who needed help now, it was him. She smoothed her hand down the side of his face, trying to calm him. He lifted his hand to hers as she moved it along his face and clutched it as if he needed her hand to hold.

"Talk to me John. Please." She asked again.

It was the third night they had slept so far away from each other, but this time she couldn't let it happen again. At least he wasn't ignoring her now like the night before.

"I can't sleep." He stuttered suddenly.

"I know honey. Is there anything I ca do for you?"

"You're great just there Abby." He muttered again.

His teeth were chattering at this point, but Abby kept close. She pulled him over towards him, to the middle of the huge bed. The space that had separated them was now warm from their bodies and she hugged him close to her so he knew she was there. After what seemed like forever, Carter's breathing began to steady and his teeth were now motionless. He stopped sweating now and colour began to fade into his white cheeks. Abby really was a miracle worker he thought.

"Thank you." He said silently as he was lulling off to sleep by Abby's warm embrace and soft kisses every now and then on his damp, but drying, head.

"Anytime." She whispered.

She could see now he was sleeping. He'd given her quite a scare. For the rest of the night she held him. He hung onto her waist tightly all night, not wanting to let go. It was like if he let go, he would lose control again. She stayed close to him too, not wanting to let go. It scared her to see him in this way, but he was okay now, until the morning. She knew he would wake up and start to worry again, but there was nothing she could do about that until the time came.

That time had come. They got up. He had a shower, helped by Abby washing him. It was weird, he felt weak all the time, he couldn't bring himself to wash. Now, it was time.

Slowly, he got to his feet. He could feel hundreds of eyes on him, all those who were there in mourning of his Grand Mother. They had no right to be there, but he just smiled sweetly when he welcomed the guests to the 'party' at the mansion afterwards. The only person he thought should be there was him and Abby. But instead, he had to entertain 500 guests at his Grand Mother's funeral. The walk up to the stand was the hardest. The longer it went on the more he panicked. When he reached the front, he stepped up to the microphone, and got out his crumpled paper with his 'speech' on. A speech. A speech was the last thing he wanted to do right now, but it was his duty apparently. He wasn't allowed to mourn; he just had to act as if everything was alright, and basically hold the whole thing together.

He opened his mouth to speak, but it was dry. The crumpled paper shook in his unsteady hands, and he couldn't bring himself to read it. His eyes lifted to see the crowd in front of him. He looked around at all the faces, mostly strangers, some he knew, some he liked, some he didn't. Some he loved. He looked at Abby, she was looking down. She always did that when she was nervous, she was nervous, for him. He smiled slightly at her twitching. She finally looked up and saw him staring at her. She looked deep into his eyes, and somewhere, he found strength.

His mouth opened once more to speak, and this time, the words came out.

"Some of you know what it's like to lose someone you love. It's not easy is it? But we all have to get through somehow. A lot of you knew Gamma through charity. She pledged a lot of her life into helping people. Every year she would organise charity events at glamorous places, and raise a lot of money so she could help people. Others of you knew Gamma through work, and others just from being friends. But some of us, knew her as family. A Mom, sister, Grand Mother, Grand Mother In-law. The list is endless."

He stopped, some people were listening intently, some were trying to listen but couldn't because they had to concentrate on not crying. He began again.

"In my life, I've had.a lot of problems, as I'm sure many of you know about. But I don't think I could have got over that if it weren't for her. She believed in me. In fact she was the only one who believed in me. She took care of me as if I was her own son, and for that, I'm eternally grateful. Gamma was a fixer. She was always helping people, trying to make them better, and maybe, that wasn't the best thing to do at the time, but in the end, it was."

He took another deep breath. Come on John a couple more lines.

"What I'm trying to say is that Gamma, she was a good person. One of the best. I know a lot of us will miss her, but maybe, she's gone to somewhere where she can help more people. Thank you."

He sighed, that was it. He'd done it. Successfully with no falls, coughs, long breaks and no crying interruptions. He walked slowly back to his seat, looking briefly at his Mom and Dad who sat together at the front. Jack nodded smiling a little at John, he'd done well.

Carter sat down next to Abby and folded up his speech and put it back in his pocket. Abby looked at him and smiled. He looked exhausted and nervous. She placed her hand on his and squeezed it a little. He looked down to see her hand on his and smiled. He looked at her and mouthed 'thank you' to her. He guessed she was an angel in disguise a long time ago, but he knew now, she definitely was.

The after party was nothing spectacular. It was much like his Grand Father's. Everybody went back to the mansion and had weird looking appetisers in the garden whilst joining in inane conversation. Carter ignored his Mother's requests to go and talk to the guests and decided he'd go upstairs and watch some TV. Abby stayed downstairs for a while, she felt that if she did then maybe Eleanor would accept her a little more than she had done in the past. It was strange, a little déjà vu she felt whilst she stood alone in the garden sipping a glass of water. She began to walk towards the house, having enough of standing around like a piece of furniture, when she heard a voice calling her.

"Abigail, would you hang on a moment?"

Abby turned to see Eleanor walking towards her grasping a glass of sherry.

"I just wanted to say thank you for being here. I know John appreciates it, just a shame he felt he couldn't be down here with the rest of us."

"I think he's a little tired actually. I was about to go check on him."

"Oh no don't be silly stay here and talk to us. I know Jack wanted a word with you, it seems you haven't had the pleasure of meeting him yet."

"I haven't but I felt I should wait for a more appropriate time."

"Of course. Well go to John then and we can catch up later." She touched Abby's arm gently and smiled at her, then spotted another person she felt she could talk crap to and called out to them.

Abby walked into the mansion and up the stairs to the room she knew John was staying in. She was smiling to herself although she knew she shouldn't on such a day. She removed the smile from her face before entering the room, then opened the door slowly to see John asleep on the bed with the TV on. She walked slowly over to him, removing the remote from the tight grip he held on it. She switched off the TV, then put the remote on the side table. He was so cute when he was sleeping, but he looked restless. He looked tired, drained even. She wished she could just wish away all his problems but she knew that would be too easy. It was going to be hard, she knew that, but through it all she knew he would have to stay strong. It's not like the normal situation, he was a recovering addict. Alcohol and narcotics. That was it. Simple, but not. He couldn't let this get to him, and she knew she had to be strong for him now. It was her turn to save him this time.

She remembered how persistent he was about going to a meeting when she got drunk at the bar when Mark died, and now she was grateful for it. She hoped he would be grateful to her if he needed her help. She hoped it wouldn't get to the stage where she would need to hope he was grateful. She hoped he would wake up and act like he was before Gamma died. She hoped he would forget. She hoped a lot of things, but she knew he wouldn't forget, she knew he wouldn't wake up and be like he was before. She knew a lot of things.

She decided she'd had enough of the day. She didn't want to go and talk to Jack. Even though it did seem strange that she had never met her Father-in- Law, but regardless, she was tired, and she wanted to be near Carter. So she undressed and climbed slowly into bed. She covered Carter with the duvet, and moved closer to him. She needed to be free with him that night. She didn't know Gamma as well as John, but somehow she felt close to her. Gamma told John she liked Abby, and that pleased her. But now, she was gone, and there was nobody else who liked her in John's family. Not really anyway. Her thoughts were interrupted when Carter stirred next to her, blinking slightly to focus on the body lying close to him.

"Hey." He whispered coarsely.

"Sorry did I wake you?"

"No no, I was kind of awake."

"Kind of?"

"I could hear you thinking."

"What?!" She laughed a little, and began her staring contest with the ceiling.

"You think too much." He commented as he moved a little to get comfortable, wrapping his legs around hers and nestling his face into her neck.

"Do I?" She said sarcastically.

"Yep." He answered. "Go to sleep Abby." He said before his breathing became slower and he started to fall back to sleep.

She smiled at his comment. It was true. She did think too much. But that was her way to working through problems, problems she couldn't talk to him about right now. They were about him, helping him. Somewhere in between her thoughts, she drifted off to sleep. Guess she took his advice.