Cut to the scene of the Long-Expected party, where we see Gandalf setting off fireworks, and the hobbits stuffing themselves silly.

Narrator: On the day of Bilbo Baggin's One-hundred and eleventh birthday party, there was much preparation to be found in Hobbiton. Gandalf the wizard had arrived, and had agreed to provide the entertainment for the evening.

We see Frodo and Sam together, and Rosie Cotton dancing in the background.

Frodo: Go on Sam, go on and have a dance with Rosie!

Sam: I just think I'll have another drink…

Frodo: Sam. Do you realise where a dance with Rosie could lead? You could get your end away eventually!

Sam promptly stands and runs over to Rosie, and starts dancing – very sexily – with her. Frodo laughs.

Processions of hobbits in blue uniforms enter, and walk over to Bilbo.

Shirrif: Mr. Baggins?

Bilbo: Ah, yes?

Shirrif: Are you the sole supplier of the food here at this party?

Bilbo: Er, yes I am.

Shirrif: Shirrif Parrot and I are from the hygiene squad…

Bilbo: [Apparently unconcerned] Oh, yes.

Shirrif: …and we'd like to have a word with you about some of the "delicacies" that you have supplied for your birthday party.

Bilbo: Ah, yes very good.

Shirrif: If I may begin at the beginning. First, there is the Cherry fondue. Now this is extremely nasty, but we can't prosecute you for that!

Bilbo: Agreed.

Shirrif: Now we have number four on your catering list, 'Crunchy Frog'.

Bilbo: Ah yes.

Shirrif: Am I right in thinking that there's a real frog in here?

Bilbo: Yes, only a little one.

Shirrif: Is it cooked?

Bilbo: No! How preposterous!

Shirrif: A raw frog?

Bilbo: I use only the finest baby frogs, dew picked and delivered from the Misty Mountains, cleansed in the finest quality spring water, lightly killed, and sealed in a succulent Bree quintuple smooth full cream treble milk chocolate envelope, and lovingly frosted with sugar!

Shirrif: That's as maybe, but it's still a frog!

Bilbo: Well what else would it be?

Shirrif: Don't you even take the bones out?

Bilbo: If I took the bones out they wouldn't be crunchy would they?

Shirrif: Shirrif parrot ate one of those!

Shirrif Parrot: Would you excuse me for a moment sir?

Shirrif: Yes, parrot.

Bilbo: Well it says 'Crunchy Frog' quite clearly.

Shirrif: that's neither here nor there Baggins; we have to protect the Shire folk. Hobbits aren't going to think there's a real frog in there. The Mayor thought it was an almond whirl. They're bound to think it's some sort of mock frog.

Bilbo: Mock frog?? I use no artificial preservatives or additives of any kind!

Shirrif: Nevertheless, I advise you in future to replace the words 'Crunchy Frog' with 'Crunchy, raw, unboned, real, dead frog' If you want to avoid being put in the stocks.

Bilbo: Nobody will eat that!

Shirrif: I don't give a damn about that. We have to protect the Shire folk! And what's this one? 'Spring Surprise?'

Bilbo: Ah, that's the dwarf speciality! Covered in the darkest, velvety smooth chocolate, when you pop it in your mouth, iron bolts spring out and punch straight through both cheeks!

Shirrif Parrot: [vomit]

Shirrif: If people pop a nice chocky in their mouth they don't expect to get their cheeks pierced! In any case, it is an inadequate description of the sweetmeat! I shall have to ask you to accompany me to the lock-house.

Bilbo: But my guests!

Shirrif: Oh all right, I'll give you five minutes.

Cut to scene – Bilbo giving his farewell speech. He stands upon a platform, handcuffs around his wrists, with each and every hobbit looking at him, somewhat bemused. The Shirrifs keep watch behind him.

Bilbo: My dear Bagginses and Boffins, Bagginses and Boffins cheer Tooks and Brandybucks, Tooks and Brandybucks cheer Grubbs, Grubbs cheer Chubbs, Chubbs cheer Hornblowers, Hornblowers cheer Bolgers, Bolgers cheer Bracegirdles, Bracegirdles cheer and Proudfoots.

Mr. Proudfoot: Proudfeet! hobbits laugh, Bilbo waves dismissively

Bilbo: Today is my one hundred and eleventh birthday!

Hobbits: Happy Birthday!

Bilbo: Alas, eleventy-one years is far too short a time to live among such excellent and admirable hobbits. Hobbits cheer I don't know half of you as well as I should like, and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve. Dead silence

Bilbo: [Sees stern look from the Shirrif] I, uh, I h-have things to do. Fidgets with the ring

Bilbo: [Whispers] Now is the time Bilbo, it's this or the stocks for you. I wonder if the Shirrif has any more of these handcuffs…

Bilbo: I regret to announce that this is the end. I am going now. I bid you all a very fond farewell. Goodbye.

The Shirrifs approach Bilbo, ready to take him away, but to their shock he has disappeared!

Hobbit (shocked): Ooh!

Gandalf: [Stands] Hobbits of the Shire, Bilbo Baggins has LEFT the meadow!