Narrator: And so Sam did go along with Frodo to Bree. Soon after, they were joined by Merry and Pippin, who decided it might be fun to go and pay the Prancing Pony a visit. Sly little buggers…

Scene: As the four hobbits journey on their way to Bree, they are approached by three elves…

Elf #1: Ahem.

Pippin: Ohhh! Who are you?

Elf #1: We are wise elves.

Sam: What?

Elf #1: We are wise elves.

Pippin: Well, what are you doing creeping about a dark forest at two o'clock in the morning? That doesn't sound very wise to me.

Elf #3: We are astrologers on our way to the Grey Havens.

Elf #1: We have come from Rivendell.

Sam: Is this some kind of joke?

Elf #2: We wish to praise the Ring bearer.

Elf #1: We must pay homage to him.

Frodo: Homage? You're all drunk. It's disgusting. Be gone, the lot of ya!

Elf #1: No-

Sam: Bursting through the trees with tales about elvish fortune-tellers. Come on. Off with ya!

Elf #2: No, no. We must see him!

Sam: Go and praise someone else's Ring bearer! Go on!

Elf #2: We-

Elf #1: A star led us.

Sam: Or led by a bottle, more like. Go on. Be gone!

Elf #1: Well- well, we must see him. We have brought presents!

Sam: Go!

Elf #2: Miruvor. Lembas. Some ale we pinched from Bree!

Pippin: [Excited] Well, why didn't you say so? He's right here! [Thrusts Frodo forward] Sorry he's a bit of a mess… well, what is Miruvor, anyway?

Elf #3: It is a valuable cordial.

Pippin: A cordial? What are you giving him a cordial for? It might bite him!

Elf #3: What?

Pippin: That's a dangerous animal. Quick! Throw it in the brush.

Elf #1: No, it isn't!

Merry: Yes, it is. It's a great, big... Umm…

Elf #3: No, no, no. It is a drink that improves health.

Pippin: Aww, there is an animal called a cordial, right Merry? [Merry nods emphatically] Well, whatever… So, you're astrologers, are you? What is he then?

[Points at Frodo]

Elf #2: Hmm?

Merry: What star sign is he?

Elf #2: Uh, Virgo.

Sam: Oh, Virgo, eh? What are they like?

Elf #2: Ooh, but… he is the Ring bearer, our only hope in the struggle against the Dark Lord.

Elf #1: He carries the One Ring.

Pippin: And that's a Virgo, is it?

Elf #2: Uh, no, no, no. That's just him.

Pippin: Ohh, I was going to say, 'Otherwise, there'd not be a lot of them.' [Sniffs]

Elf #1: By what name are you calling him?

Pippin: Uh, 'Frodo'.

Sam: [fwaps Pippin] No, we're calling him Mr. Underhill, remember?

Pippin: Oh, right…

Elf #1: [Kneels in front of Frodo] We worship you, O Frodo… Mr. Underhill… whatever… anyway, you who has the will to carry out this journey. Praise unto you, and to your little hobbit friends with whom you journey. Amen… or whatever.

Merry: Do you do a lot of this, then?

Elf #2: What?

Merry: This praising.

Elf #1, 2 & 3: No, no. No, no.

Pippin: Err, well, um, if you're dropping by again, do stop by. Heh. And thanks a lot for the Lembas and the ale, uh, but don't worry too much about the Miruvor next time. All right? Right. Thank you, good-bye!

[Elves leave, rather bewildered…]

Sam: Well, weren't they nice? Hmm. Out of their bloody minds, but still…

[Elves return and grab presents]

Pippin: Oi, oi! Here, that- that's mine!! Oi! Hey, you just gave us that!

[Elves wrestle the gifts away from Pippin]

[The hobbits continue on their journey…]