The Fellowship is asleep. Galadriel walks by. Frodo wakes up with a start and proceeds to follow her. Galadriel descends to her garden and fills the ewer with water. She turns towards Frodo

Frodo: Bit late for a bath, isn't it? And how do you fit in there, anyway? It's barely big enough for me, you see. Do you wash a bit at a time, or...

Galadriel: Shut up. Will you look into the mirror?

Frodo: I bet my hair is a mess again, isn't it? Damn! Mind you, you did wake me up in the middle of the night, so I can't be blamed. Is there icky stuff on my face again? I'm quite proud of that actually, takes make-up AGES to get it right, adds a bit of gritty realism, Pete says. Anyway, I think... Frodo notices that the conversation is a little one-sided. He looks up, notices the look on Galadriel's face, stammers, flushes, stammers some more and finally realises that this is an important plot element and that he should sort himself out, double-time. Masterfully he regains his exposure and the next lines of the script What will I see?

Galadriel: Even the wisest cannot tell. For the mirror shows many things. She begins to pour the water into the silver basin

Galadriel: Things that were, things that are and some things... empties the ewerthat have not yet come to pass. Did I mention things that might be? I did? Right. Oh, and things. You know, things in general. I suppose, now that I say it to myself, it doesn't sound very helpful, but we have 10 minutes of film to use, so there you go. Sometimes you can see a shadow of a queen… talking about some kind of mirror on a wall… but that might be crossed lines. British Telecom has a lot to answer for.

Frodo steps up to the mirror to take a look. He peers down and sees nothing but his reflection. The suddenly the mirror clears and shows a vision of Legolas, Merry and Pippin flirting insanely, then Sam, giving Frodo a meaningful look. He sees Bag End, then the burning of Hobbiton, the enslavement of the Hobbits and the destruction of the Shire. He sees the first four seconds of Eastenders but almost collapses from the sheer depressing nature of the program...then the Eye of Sauron fills the mirror. The Ring hanging from his neck pulls him closer to the water. Steam begins to curl up from the basin as Sauron speaks to Frodo in Black Speech.

Sauron: Twiddly piggly, Fidgedy doo (I was watching that, you little sod, when I rule EVERY household shall have a palantir and be forced to view the most depressing show of all time! Such shall their will be broken! Such shall I charge a Kings ransom for a licence to own a palantir! Evil! Evil! Ahaha! Anyway... er... I see you.... yet again. Your hair looks nice, very natural.)

Terrified, he grabs the Ring and jerks back, throwing himself off the step and landing on his back on the forest floor

Galadriel: I know what it is you saw, for it is also in my mind. speaks to Frodo telepathically It is what will come to pass if you should fail. Nobody wants to be Sauron's sex-slave, but I am afraid that for you, it will be so. The Fellowship is breaking. It has already begun. He will try to take the Ring. You know of whom I speak. One by one it will destroy them all. Bet you wish that Frodo's mum had a headache that night, didn't you? Aren't you glad you came?

Frodo (telepathically): If you ask it of me, I will give you the One Ring. It clashes with my eyes and, to be utterly truthful, it's pissing me right off now. Opening his hand, he offers the Ring to her

Galadriel: You offer it to me freely. I do not deny that my heart has greatly desired this, as the gold sovereign I wear now looks cheap and is very tacky looking. Plus, I have an interesting piercing in which it would look simply divine...not that everyone will see it, but I'LL know it's there...She lets out a lascivious giggle and approaches Frodo placing her hand over the Ring. Her image begins to change

Galadriel (grows tall and inhuman): In place OF A DARK LORD, YOU WILL HAVE A QUEEN! NOT DARK BUT BEAUTIFUL AND TERRIBLE AS THE DAWN! WHICH IS TERRIBLE, MIND YOU! TREACHEROUS AS THE SEA, AND ALMOST AS MOIST! STRONGER THAN THE FOUNDATIONS OF THE EARTH! ALL SHALL LOVE ME AND DESPAIR! Well, at least I HOPE they all love me...I SHALL RULE THE CATWALKS! MY SENSE OF FASHION WILL SPREAD THROUGHOUT MIDDLE-EARTH! NONE SHALL ESCAPE MY BLACK BIN-BAG DRESSES AND PINK FLUFFLY SHOES! I WILL RULE! WHY IS THIS THE CHEAPEST SPECIAL EFFECT IN THE WHOLE MOVIE? NEVER MIND! FEAR ME! AND LUUUUURVE ME.... BUAHAHAHAHAAA! Galadriel's image returns to normal

Galadriel: I pass the test! I will diminish, and go into the West, and remain Galadriel. If I had gone to the east, I would be called Bob. The West is an infinitely more pleasurable prospect... mmmm, pleasurable... she begins to drool

Frodo: I cannot do this alone.

Galadriel: You are a Ring bearer, Frodo. To bear a Ring of power is to be alone. This task was appointed to you and if you do not find a way, no one will. Plus, no-one else is enough of a mug to do it, really.

Frodo: Then I know what I must do. It's just... I'm afraid to do it.

Galadriel bends down to meet him at eye level

Galadriel: Even the smallest person can change the course of the future. Look at Ronnie Corbett, and that bloke in the Austin Powers movies.