Haruka stared at the clock. 1:00 am. She hadn't slept well since...since the incident. 10 months, and she still saw it clear as day.
~Flashback~
"But...I didn't know.." Her voice trembled. "I didn't want to hurt anyone, I didn't know what I was doing.."
"Didn't know?!" Ami yelled. "How could you NOT know?! You've been forcing the fact that you're gay on us, Haruka. We don't bring up being straight every five seconds do we?"
Haruka trembled. Of course they didn't, they were normal...no one ever assumed wrong about them. They weren't alone. They had no reason to remind people of what they were.
"I..I love her. Usagi..I love you. Please.." She turned to the girl who had captured her heart, only to see her turn away. "Don't hate me.." Her eyes filled with tears.
~End of Flashback~
"Please don't leave." Haruka wiped her eyes. Damn memory, damn girl. Before Usagi, she had never cried. That girl had captured her heart, and broken it. Making her weak, robbing her of her sleep. Of her life.
Haruka sighed. She might as well get up. She stumbled to the light switch and turned it on. Turning, she looked in the mirror. Tears welled up in her eyes again, adding a red tinge above the dark circles under her eyes. With her eyes always raw from crying, and the dark circles only adding to her too-pale skin, she looked like hell.
Of course, she looked like hell even when she was well.(AN: That rhymed!) No wonder Usagi had left, no girl could love someone like her. The only thing about her she liked was her weight, because after Usagi left, she stopped eating, effectively slimming her down.
Closing her eyes to shut out the physical, she focused on the emotional. She was filled with pain, guilt, and hatred. Pain where her heart had been broken, guilt for not seeing how she'd hurt Usagi until too late, and hatred for herself, the mistake who hurt anyone she was close to.
A human mistake. Her eyes fell of the bottle of pills she wished she would just take. If she wasn't so scared of pain, she could be dead right now. But she was too cowardly to even rid the world of the mistake she was.
Shaking, she turned out the light and went back to her bed. She lay there for a long time, staring at the ceiling, before she finally fell asleep.
The next morning she woke up with a start when her alarm went off at 5:30. She really ought to turn the damn thing off, it was summer now. But she relished being able to fall asleep quickly as she never could at night. This morning though, that small pleasure eluded her. She sighed, and dragged herself out of bed.
She stumbled the familiar steps to her computer, and stared at it a long time after she'd turned it on. But she finally clicked to connect to the internet. She quickly clapped her hands to her ears, trying to drown out the sound, but it was futile. This sound haunted her every waking moment.
Internet. Where she and Usagi had talked most, where she had unconsciously flirted with Usagi enough to drive her to the breaking point.
She put her fingers on the keys, and they typed the letters they knew so well, the url to the site Usagi had introduced her too. She watched it come up, everything painfully familiar. After she'd gone more than a little crazy, she'd been banned and had never dared to come back. Until now. She clicked to join, and her mouth went dry with fear.
Trembling, she typed in her name. Her new name. 'No more Ruka-chan anymore,' she thought bitterly. 'Now I'm Kumochan. Devil-friend.'
~Two Weeks Later~
Despite the awkwardness of being back, she had gotten back into her old home-away-from-home relatively well. After telling everone who she had been, and who she now was, she took on her new life as Kumochan. Ruka-chan was dead.
What helped her fit in so well was her new friend, Michiru. They'd hit it off despite the fact that they lived thousands of miles away from each other. Miciru was a bouncy girl, who was almost always happy, her optimistic personality the total opposite of Haruka's pessimistic one. And, against all odds, the two rapidly grew to be good friends.
But, despite the fact that Michiru promised that Haruka's sexual orientation didn't bother her, and that she wouldn't hurt her, Haruka continued to stay a 'safe' distance away emotionally. After all, Usagi had said the same thing.
This went on for so long that Michiru would abandon her, but when a few months passed and she didn't, Haruka gave her trust to Michiru by giving her something she had written. Her thoughts and feelings were layed out in the open in the letter.
'If she still says she loves me after this,' Haruka thought, 'maybe it's safe. Safe to admit that I love her...'
She let the thought trail off when Michiru responded with love so feverently she stopped all thoughts but one. 'She's the one.'
Not that she told Michiru of course, even though Michiru had found out that she was attracted to her. After all, she was still so far away...
THAT all changed when she got on AOL one day to find Michiru virtually *bouncing* with joy. After finally asking what in the world was going on, Michiru let out the great news. She was moving to Haruka's town and school.
~First Day of School~
Haruka shifted nervously. She would see Michiru for the first time today, and she prayed that she didn't miss Michiru. Michiru's description of her long, sea-green hair left little room for doubt, but doubt she did.
Watching closely, she saw a green-haired girl walking out of the crowd. Girl? Goddess was more like it. She took a deep breath and stepped to intercept Michiru.
Michiru stared at her, startled. "Hi, I'm Haruka Tenoh," Haruka said, and extended her hand. When Michiru didn't take it, she was sure her appearance had put Michiru off.
"I..I thought you were a girl," Michiru stammered, bewildered. Haruka burst out laughing.
"Oh trust me, I am," she said between gasps for air. At that, Michiru blushed deeply, causing a stirring in Haruka's groin - which, she told herself, was-to-be-ignored, and Haruka smiled.
~Later~
The past few weeks with Michiru had been oblivion. The girl had made her life so much better, in giving her a best friend equal to what Usagi had been. She couldn't remember ever being so happy. And even better, Michiru had turned down no few guys, giving Haruka a little hope..
When Michiru found her in the locker room and said she wanted to talk, Haruka hoped it would be the longed for proffesion of returned attraction.
Michiru tried and failed a few times when the words finally came out. "Haruka..I..you, well you've been kinda, um, flirting," she said slowly. "I know you didn't mean it!" she added quickly, but it was too late. Haruka's legs had given out, and she was on the floor sobbing.
Michiru knelt down and tried to comfort her, but Haruka couldn't be convinced that she wasn't a horrible best friend.
That was how Usagi walked in on them. Michiru turned on her with pure hatred in her eyes. "You," she managed to get out, the one word so full of venom Haruka stopped crying to listen. "You are the bitch that did this to her. Couldn't comfort her, could you? Couldn't help her, could you? You had to break her fucking heart. " Michiru began to walk towards Usagi, puncuating every word with a step. "And if you EVER go near my girlfriend again, I'll kill you."
Haruka's head snapped up. "What did you say?" she asked slowly.
"Girlfriend," Michiru said smiling, "I said girlfriend."
She helped Haruka up and kissed her gently on the lips.
Usagi froze. No, no, no..she backed up quickly, biting her lip. When the kiss grew more heated, Usagi gave up keeping control, and let out an ear-shattering scream. And when Haruka's hands found their way under Michiru's shirt, she fainted dead away.
None of which the couple noticed. They finally broke the kiss, and Haruka smiled shyly at her new girlfriend.
"You see, that was what I was going to tell you, Haruka," Michiru said. "I became attracted to you when you flirted, and then..I fell in love with you."
And then the couple said the magic words together. "I love you."
AWWW. (J/K)
END.
~Flashback~
"But...I didn't know.." Her voice trembled. "I didn't want to hurt anyone, I didn't know what I was doing.."
"Didn't know?!" Ami yelled. "How could you NOT know?! You've been forcing the fact that you're gay on us, Haruka. We don't bring up being straight every five seconds do we?"
Haruka trembled. Of course they didn't, they were normal...no one ever assumed wrong about them. They weren't alone. They had no reason to remind people of what they were.
"I..I love her. Usagi..I love you. Please.." She turned to the girl who had captured her heart, only to see her turn away. "Don't hate me.." Her eyes filled with tears.
~End of Flashback~
"Please don't leave." Haruka wiped her eyes. Damn memory, damn girl. Before Usagi, she had never cried. That girl had captured her heart, and broken it. Making her weak, robbing her of her sleep. Of her life.
Haruka sighed. She might as well get up. She stumbled to the light switch and turned it on. Turning, she looked in the mirror. Tears welled up in her eyes again, adding a red tinge above the dark circles under her eyes. With her eyes always raw from crying, and the dark circles only adding to her too-pale skin, she looked like hell.
Of course, she looked like hell even when she was well.(AN: That rhymed!) No wonder Usagi had left, no girl could love someone like her. The only thing about her she liked was her weight, because after Usagi left, she stopped eating, effectively slimming her down.
Closing her eyes to shut out the physical, she focused on the emotional. She was filled with pain, guilt, and hatred. Pain where her heart had been broken, guilt for not seeing how she'd hurt Usagi until too late, and hatred for herself, the mistake who hurt anyone she was close to.
A human mistake. Her eyes fell of the bottle of pills she wished she would just take. If she wasn't so scared of pain, she could be dead right now. But she was too cowardly to even rid the world of the mistake she was.
Shaking, she turned out the light and went back to her bed. She lay there for a long time, staring at the ceiling, before she finally fell asleep.
The next morning she woke up with a start when her alarm went off at 5:30. She really ought to turn the damn thing off, it was summer now. But she relished being able to fall asleep quickly as she never could at night. This morning though, that small pleasure eluded her. She sighed, and dragged herself out of bed.
She stumbled the familiar steps to her computer, and stared at it a long time after she'd turned it on. But she finally clicked to connect to the internet. She quickly clapped her hands to her ears, trying to drown out the sound, but it was futile. This sound haunted her every waking moment.
Internet. Where she and Usagi had talked most, where she had unconsciously flirted with Usagi enough to drive her to the breaking point.
She put her fingers on the keys, and they typed the letters they knew so well, the url to the site Usagi had introduced her too. She watched it come up, everything painfully familiar. After she'd gone more than a little crazy, she'd been banned and had never dared to come back. Until now. She clicked to join, and her mouth went dry with fear.
Trembling, she typed in her name. Her new name. 'No more Ruka-chan anymore,' she thought bitterly. 'Now I'm Kumochan. Devil-friend.'
~Two Weeks Later~
Despite the awkwardness of being back, she had gotten back into her old home-away-from-home relatively well. After telling everone who she had been, and who she now was, she took on her new life as Kumochan. Ruka-chan was dead.
What helped her fit in so well was her new friend, Michiru. They'd hit it off despite the fact that they lived thousands of miles away from each other. Miciru was a bouncy girl, who was almost always happy, her optimistic personality the total opposite of Haruka's pessimistic one. And, against all odds, the two rapidly grew to be good friends.
But, despite the fact that Michiru promised that Haruka's sexual orientation didn't bother her, and that she wouldn't hurt her, Haruka continued to stay a 'safe' distance away emotionally. After all, Usagi had said the same thing.
This went on for so long that Michiru would abandon her, but when a few months passed and she didn't, Haruka gave her trust to Michiru by giving her something she had written. Her thoughts and feelings were layed out in the open in the letter.
'If she still says she loves me after this,' Haruka thought, 'maybe it's safe. Safe to admit that I love her...'
She let the thought trail off when Michiru responded with love so feverently she stopped all thoughts but one. 'She's the one.'
Not that she told Michiru of course, even though Michiru had found out that she was attracted to her. After all, she was still so far away...
THAT all changed when she got on AOL one day to find Michiru virtually *bouncing* with joy. After finally asking what in the world was going on, Michiru let out the great news. She was moving to Haruka's town and school.
~First Day of School~
Haruka shifted nervously. She would see Michiru for the first time today, and she prayed that she didn't miss Michiru. Michiru's description of her long, sea-green hair left little room for doubt, but doubt she did.
Watching closely, she saw a green-haired girl walking out of the crowd. Girl? Goddess was more like it. She took a deep breath and stepped to intercept Michiru.
Michiru stared at her, startled. "Hi, I'm Haruka Tenoh," Haruka said, and extended her hand. When Michiru didn't take it, she was sure her appearance had put Michiru off.
"I..I thought you were a girl," Michiru stammered, bewildered. Haruka burst out laughing.
"Oh trust me, I am," she said between gasps for air. At that, Michiru blushed deeply, causing a stirring in Haruka's groin - which, she told herself, was-to-be-ignored, and Haruka smiled.
~Later~
The past few weeks with Michiru had been oblivion. The girl had made her life so much better, in giving her a best friend equal to what Usagi had been. She couldn't remember ever being so happy. And even better, Michiru had turned down no few guys, giving Haruka a little hope..
When Michiru found her in the locker room and said she wanted to talk, Haruka hoped it would be the longed for proffesion of returned attraction.
Michiru tried and failed a few times when the words finally came out. "Haruka..I..you, well you've been kinda, um, flirting," she said slowly. "I know you didn't mean it!" she added quickly, but it was too late. Haruka's legs had given out, and she was on the floor sobbing.
Michiru knelt down and tried to comfort her, but Haruka couldn't be convinced that she wasn't a horrible best friend.
That was how Usagi walked in on them. Michiru turned on her with pure hatred in her eyes. "You," she managed to get out, the one word so full of venom Haruka stopped crying to listen. "You are the bitch that did this to her. Couldn't comfort her, could you? Couldn't help her, could you? You had to break her fucking heart. " Michiru began to walk towards Usagi, puncuating every word with a step. "And if you EVER go near my girlfriend again, I'll kill you."
Haruka's head snapped up. "What did you say?" she asked slowly.
"Girlfriend," Michiru said smiling, "I said girlfriend."
She helped Haruka up and kissed her gently on the lips.
Usagi froze. No, no, no..she backed up quickly, biting her lip. When the kiss grew more heated, Usagi gave up keeping control, and let out an ear-shattering scream. And when Haruka's hands found their way under Michiru's shirt, she fainted dead away.
None of which the couple noticed. They finally broke the kiss, and Haruka smiled shyly at her new girlfriend.
"You see, that was what I was going to tell you, Haruka," Michiru said. "I became attracted to you when you flirted, and then..I fell in love with you."
And then the couple said the magic words together. "I love you."
AWWW. (J/K)
END.
