Reader 1: Hooray! An epilogue!
Writer: Well, so many people requested one, and who am I to deny my audience?
Reader 2: This better be good.
Writer: Or what??? You're gonna leave me a bad review?
Reader 2: Yeah!
Writer: *pout* Meanie poo head. :*(
Harry and Draco had to keep their love a secret, but after graduating from Hogwarts, they got married and had 2.5 kids.
Reader 2: HOW?!!
Writer: My goodness. You're stopping me after the first sentence??
Reader 2: They both lack female genitalia. How did they have kids? And what's with the .5?? Was it missing limbs?
Writer: Hm...how about this for an answer, "Shut your pie hole!"
Reader 1: Yeah, you tell her! On with the smutlogue!
Writer: Smutlogue?
Reader 1: Yeah. Smutty epilogue.
Writer: Nice.
They went their separate ways after twenty years. Of course they hooked up with all the main characters, male and female. For some reason Harry and Snape hooked up quite a few times. Draco even ended up with his father once (Yeah, and whoever wrote that fic needs help). After years apart, Harry ran into Draco--
Reader 2: Wait...so that makes them how old now?
Writer: Um...fifty?
Reader 2: Are you asking or telling?
Writer: Oh, wait...no, they are like seventy years old now.
Reader 2: Seventy?! How did that happen?!
Writer: I said they went their separate ways after twenty years, which puts them close to forty, and then they spent years apart having meaningless sex with other people.
Reader 2: Thirty years of meaningless sex? Wow. They've got stamina!
Writer: It's Harry and Draco. They keep going and going and going...
Reader 1: Don't forget, they are wizards. They live a lot longer. So seventy for them is like forty for us.
Reader 2: Oh, yeah. Good point.
Writer: Aw, damn! I wanted them to be old!!!!! Ugh. Make that sixty years of meaningless sex. That puts them to about a hundred years old, so that's like seventy for us.
Reader 2: And why do they have to be old?
Writer: You'll see...*wink wink nudge nudge*
"It's been so long," said Draco, still with his shiny blonde hair intact, although it might have been gray and one could not distinguish, but whatever.
"Yeah. Sixty years. What have you been doing?" asked Harry.
"Having meaning less sex," said Dra--
Writer: Hey! Stop that! Don't mess with my story! *pushes Reader 2 out of her chair*
Reader 2: Just trying to help.
Writer: Draco wouldn't just come right out and say that! Oh, for heaven's sake.
"Yeah. Sixty years. What have you been doing?" asked Harry.
"Desperately pining for you!!!! Oh, Harry!!!!!!!!--"
Writer: What?! You leave my fanfic alone! *smacks Reader 1 away from her*
Reader 1: Well, you aren't getting to the smut soon enough!
Reader 2: Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold up. Smut? They are one hundred years old!!
Writer and Reader 1: Your point being?
"Yeah. Sixty years. What have you been doing?" asked Harry.
"Not much. I thought about you a lot," said Draco, looking deeply into Harry's eyes.
"Me, too." It was as if the last sixty years had not happened. Harry still had the same feelings for Draco.
A smirk crossed over Draco's slightly aged face. "How about a quickie for old times sake?" he said with a sly grin.
Reader 1: Oh! I get it! Old times!!! LOL!
Reader 2: Wow...you're a quick one.
They headed over to Draco's mansion, the one he had inherited twenty years ago. In Draco's old bedroom, Harry said, "Wow. This is just like when we were back in Hogwarts."
Draco took a seat on his old bed. "Yeah. We had a lot of fun back then, didn't we?"
"We can still have fun," said Harry.
Reader 2: Oh, god. You can't be serious. They're...they might break a hip!
Writer: You are so agist. *scoff*
In no time at all, Harry was on Draco and they were making out. Draco moved his hands into Harry's pants. He started rubbing Harry's old balls.
Reader 1: Harry old balls!!!!!!!!!! LMAO!!!!!!!!!
Reader 2: Oh, god.
Writer: :o)
Just then they heard a knock on the door.
"Draco, darling, are you in there?" Pansy called from the other side of the door.
Draco rolled his eyes. "No. Go away." He resumed kissing Harry.
"You can't trick me with that again!" cried Pansy. "That's it," she said after waiting a moment, "I'm coming in there. Alohomora!" The door clicked and she stormed in there. Pansy let out a gasp. "What? What is this, Draco?" She looked like she was on the verge of tears. "You told me you were impotent!" she wailed.
"Only with you, dear," Draco said, coldly.
Then there was a loud cracking sound, and Ginny was standing in the room looking worried.
"Harry! I've been looking everywhere for you. Someone told me they saw you with Draco, so I thought I'd check here, but I didn't think you'd actually be here. Especially...um..." Ginny turned a shade of red to match her hair.
"I...um..." Harry was at a loss for words. "Well, um...you're welcome to join us," he said, smiling weakly.
Ginny's face went slack. "Oh, well in that case..." She hopped in to bed with the two of them.
"What about me?" Pansy asked, still blubbering.
"Ugh. If you must," Draco resigned.
Then they heard a bunch of cracking sounds. Practically everyone Draco and Harry had had meaningless sex with suddenly appeared in the room. All except for those who were dead of course...that's just gross.
"The Ministry was alerted to a wizarding orgy taking place here," said Blaise.
Draco and Harry looked at each other. Though they had wanted to have a good shag alone, neither could resist a full blown orgy. So all the wizards and witches went to it, the orgy to which all the smutfics had been culminating.
Writer: The end.
Reader 1: Hm...
Reader 2: Yeah, my thoughts exactly.
Writer: What? You didn't like the massive senior orgy at the end?
Reader 1: No comment.
Reader 2: Ditto for me.
Writer: Oh, come on!
Reader 1: You didn't describe any smut! Where was the smut?! Where was the love? Where was the thrusting and the bucking???
Reader 2: Yeah, where was the bdsm?
*crickets*
Writer:...um...well, the love and stuff, that was in the main fic. This was just an epilogue.
Reader 1: Very disappointing.
Reader 2: Extremely.
Writer: Fine. Let's see the two of you come up with a better epilogue then!
Reader 1: Alright...
Reader 2: Oh, it'll be much better. You'll see...*wink*
