Chapter Nine
It all came rushing back to Faith in a series of memory flashes. How she woke up in the middle of the night, the voice calling her name, the way it beckoned toward her, and how it bore the promise of safety…And Faith should have felt safe.
But as she sat there, staring at her mother, all she could feel was exposed and afraid.
"What?" she breathed, every bone in her body locking.
Her mother blinked, taken slightly aback. "I-I know it's hard to believe, but I believe that I can heal you…"
Faith's temples throbbed, scattering her thoughts. "No," Faith snapped on impulse. Her voice shook with fear. "No, I won't let you."
Hurt engulfed Jackie's form. She had imagined a million responses to her strange proposal – but never this one. Why wasn't she happy? She was going to heal her for Christ's sake! She was going to make her better, to give Faith her old life back so she would be happy. So now why was she backing away from her like Jackie'd told her she was going to brutally murder her or something?
"But Faith-"
"No," she repeated, stubbornly as her voice began to quiver. "I won't listen to this. I don't want you to heal me." She awkwardly swallowed backward, wanting to cry. "I don't want you to heal me." Faith felt something inside her stomach tighten. All she wanted to do was run into her room, close the door, stay in there for a few days, and by the time she came out, everything that had happened within the past week would be forgotten and over…Her mother wouldn't be able to heal her, and even if she could… The physical therapy, the machines that hurt her knees, the strange view from a wheelchair, the surgery – she'd put her faith in those things, and they'd all failed. Why did this have to happen to her? She hadn't done anything to deserve this…
Her mother looked upon her, bewildered. "Why not? Don't you want to be better? To be healed? To not have to worry about any of this anymore?"
Faith sighed. That was EXACTLY what she wanted. But Faith's trust had been stripped of her; she simply had no more to give. "No," she declared. "No, I don't want you to." She took a deep breath, trying to keep herself collected.
But it wasn't working.
Faith went bolt upright and started to leave.
"Faith."
It was a command, not a request. But Faith just kept stalking away, determined to get far enough for her mother not to come running after her. Why couldn't her mother understand? She couldn't heal her. No one could heal her, even though they'd told her from the beginning they would be able to.
"Faith, come back here."
Faith slammed the door behind her, her breath coming out in high-pitched gasps. The room began to spin. What was her mother talking about? It was crazy. Faith didn't want her to heal her, even if she could. She just couldn't take the false hope anymore… She was doomed to a life without walking, and there was nothing – not doctors, not her mother, and not anyone could do about it. Gazing upward, her eyes found the crucifix above her bedpost. Faith scowled at it bitterly.
God had had his chance to heal her. She'd begged for him to come save her, pleaded with him for the past two years. And where had he been then? Nowhere. And now he wanted to? When Faith had given up hope on everything? Perfect timing. Faith's entire body shook as she lie, clutching her bed covers. No way in hell was she about to give him that kind of control over her life. God only came when it was convenient for him, not for Faith. Didn't he know ever since she was little her biggest fear had been rejection? So why had her drowned her in it? Tortured, she gave a long, loud shriek, not caring who heard her.
Her cries rose into the night, echoing throughout the house and the woods that surrounded them. She wasn't crazy. Just broken. In that moment, the false hope that had encompassed Faith claimed her. She wasn't about to let her mother heal her, and she wasn't about to put anymore of the precious little faith she had left in a fair-weather deity who had destroyed her life and was now half-heartedly trying to put the pieces back together…
* * * * *
Faith stayed in her room all night long, half-crying, half-sleeping. Her bewildered parents tried to get her to come out and tried to reason with her, but Faith ignored them.
Jackie was a mess. It had taken all of her will power to confront her daughter with God's message. Jackie could barely believe it herself, and to be rejected so harshly…she wasn't sure if she was ready for what lie ahead.
Maybe she could just let it pass. Her daughter didn't want to be healed. Wasn't that a key part of it? Would it work if Faith didn't want it to? Jackie had worked her entire life for her daughter to keep her trust in her, and now, she could see it slowly fading away. Jackie shook her head, brushing stubborn tears from the corners of her eyes. Failing to heal her would only make things worse. It would kill her daughter, and how could she do that? What kind of mother would she be if she did?
…But…Jackie sighed…What kind of mother would she be if she didn't try to heal her in the first place?
With nowhere to turn to, Faith's mother folded her hands in prayer, bolting her eyes shut. Dear God, please help me to know what to do. I only want to follow your will and cure my daughter. Please, help me to do the right thing.
And no sooner had the thoughts left her mind than Jackie felt a surge of power birthed between the spaces of her fingers. She could feel it glow – even though it sent forth no light. It was warm, euphoric, and it needed, wanted to get out of her hands.
Jackie nodded. She knew she had the power to heal her daughter…but the only
question in her mind was: did she have the faith…
