At The Opera
by Rainsong
A/N: Act One (second chapter) finally here! I really enjoyed writing this chapter, too. I guess its just a really fun format to use. Anyway, ff.n is back up, so expect a little more work from me in the next week, since I wrote a lot during the down period. Thanks to those who reviewed: Emily, Crystalite 104, and Canadianna.
~~~~
Act One
~~~~
SIRIUS: Is it supposed to do that?
LILY: Yes, Sirius, they're just moving the curtains back.
REMUS: And you have no idea what language this is in, Lily?
LILY: Not a clue.
JAMES: I wonder if this place is empty on weekdays.
SIRIUS: And why do you wonder that, Prongs?
JAMES: It looks like it would be an interesting place to fly.
LILY: The security guards would probably catch you.
JAMES: Or, more likely, think they're drunk and go home totally bewildered.
REMUS: The architecture here is stunning, though. I can't imagine painting all of those designs on the ceiling without magic.
SIRIUS: I'd look, but its dark, and I doubt we can see the admirable ceiling anymore.
PETER: The music is starting.
JAMES: Sounds German.
SIRIUS: Nah. French.
JAMES: Do we have a bet?
SIRIUS: Fine. A Sickle.
JAMES: Thats it?
SIRIUS: Its all I have, currently.
JAMES: What'd you do with the rest of your money?
SIRIUS: *snickers*
JAMES: I no longer want to know.
SIRIUS: Be that way. Its your loss.
PETER: Actually, it's yours, Sirius. You spent the money.
SIRIUS: But, my dear Wormtail, I gained something. Something that James can no longer benefit from because he doesn't trust me.
PETER: We ran out of snacks.
SIRIUS: Yeah, I noticed that. Lily, do we get refills here?
LILY: If you want, I suppose. But I wouldn't use the term 'refill'. This is a opera house, not a cinema.
*Blank stares*
LILY: Nevermind..
REMUS: But if you're looking for the snack man, you definitely won't see him again.
SIRIUS: Can it, Remington, you're discouraging me.
JAMES: Remington?
SIRIUS: Creative, isn't it?
REMUS: More like a product of incurable boredom.
SIRIUS: Actually, I only thought of it a moment ago, and I wasn't really bored at all.
REMUS: Either way, its pathetic.
SIRIUS: Are you asking for a different nickname, Remington?
PETER: I would stop talking right about now, Remus.
LILY: The opera has begun, if anyone cares to notice.
JAMES: I noticed that it's in German. Pay up, Padfoot.
SIRIUS: Fine, fine..
REMUS: Don't spend it all in one place, James.
JAMES: Don't worry, I'm quite the investor.
LILY: Isn't there some sort of universal ettique that says "Shut up during musical productions?"
REMUS: Not really, especially since we're dealing with Sirius and James. 'Universal' is a foreign concept. Its always about them.
LILY: Well, when you come up with some fabulously cliche life drama that shortens your view of the world, owl them and you can join the club, Remus.
JAMES: Since when are Sirius and I absorbed in our own life dramas?
SIRIUS: Especially when I doubt we have any..
LILY: Does the term 'egomaniacs' register with either of you?
SIRIUS: Nah. We just recognize how *special* we are.
LILY: Every time I try to say something...
JAMES: What is that?
REMUS: What's what?
JAMES: On stage, currently. Male or female?
SIRIUS: You know, you're right. It is sort of androgynous.
PETER: But guys, its wearing a leotard.
SIRIUS: But Peter, it also has facial hair that surpasses that of all the creepy aunts in the world.
REMUS: Well, it appears as though that..person sort of..erm...'bulges' in the chest area.
JAMES: That not the only place it bulges.
REMUS: Oh yeah..
LILY: Well, at least you're all paying attention to the opera.
PETER: Maybe we can stay behind after the show to get a better look.
SIRIUS: Maybe we can ask!
REMUS: That'd be rude.
LILY: Has rudeness ever stopped Padfoot before?
JAMES: No, but only because he views it from his own self-centered perspective. As long as he never sees this individual again, it doesn't matter what he says or does.
SIRIUS: True. And I'm sure that particular individual gets it all the time.
LILY: Thats really not funny, to purposely make fun of someone.
JAMES: Unless you throw in some Yiddish words. That technique makes practically anything funny.
REMUS: Hang on, what's going on now? How did we move from a German thing in a leotard to yodellers on a mountain?
PETER: Don't know, but the props are sort of neat. Thats quite a cardboard mountain.
LILY: I think its supposed to be Everest.
JAMES: How do you figure that?
LILY: I caught something that sounded remotely like 'Everest' in the jumble of German.
JAMES: All right, so we've determined so far that this is a German opera about climbing Mt. Everest.
PETER: Not very many people have climbed Everest, have they?
REMUS: No, I don't believe so, though quite a few Muggles have died trying. I wonder if any witches or wizards have climbed to the top?
LILY: If they have, its not much of a feat, is it? They'd use magic.
SIRIUS: Maybe I can be the first wizard to climb Everest.
PETER: Thats a lofty goal.
JAMES: You wouldn't get much recognition, either, since people have done it before without things like air, or warmth, or shelter..
SIRIUS: Sure, a bunch of people have climbed Mt. Everest without supplemental oxygen, but I bet hardly anyone has done it without pants.
LILY: And won't we all be proud to say we know the moron who accomplished that?
SIRIUS: I would hope that you would be, especially if everything is intact afterwards.
REMUS: Can we not take this conversation any futher?
JAMES: Excellent idea, Moony.
SIRIUS: Fine, no one shares my vision. Then obviously I have a very unique hobby.
JAMES: There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
SIRIUS: Shut up, Prongs.
PETER: I don't know about anyone else, but I'm getting really hungry again.
REMUS: Like I said, can we all drop the idea about ever getting food again? Its dark, and the Flight of the Snack Man has officially ended. Even if he is still on duty, I doubt he'd come back to our box, what with Padfoot here and all.
SIRIUS: Maybe he couldn't help being seduced by my charms, and he's in a bathroom somewhere trying to collect himself with the help of some trusty Dippity-Do.
LILY: Pardon my intrusion, but where have you heard of Dippity Do, Sirius? Its a strictly Muggle thing.
SIRIUS: I saw some poor old bloke in the lobby sneaking a glob while his date's back was turned. Honestly, not even in the wizarding world do we have hair gel that strong.
JAMES: Are you thinking about ever buying some?
SIRIUS: Well, come to think of it..
REMUS: Wouldn't your other hair products be jealous?
SIRIUS: I don't have hair products!
REMUS: Oh, right. So then whats been clogging the bathroom sink?
SIRIUS: *snickers*
JAMES: Alright, the whole conspiratorial laughter thing is getting very, very creepy.
SIRIUS: Fear my illicit actions, Prongs?
JAMES: Trembling, Padfoot.
SIRIUS: If you want to talk hair products, you should have taken Snape to this opera thing instead of me.
JAMES: Good point. Either he uses way too much of them, or way too little.
SIRIUS: I'm going to bet that the greasiness is au natural, but what do I know about Slytherin fashion? It could be on the dungeon runways.
JAMES: We should chop off a lock for experimentation!
SIRIUS: Right! And if it spontaneously combusts..
JAMES: We'll know whether or not he uses hair products..
SIRIUS: And the Great Joke of the Universe shall be discovered!
LILY: AGH!! Shut up, both of you!
JAMES: Sorry, Lily, were we babbling?
LILY: Oh, maybe a little bit!
SIRIUS: No need to get sarcastic.
SNACK MAN: Anything off the tray?
SIRIUS: Ha! Victory is mine, Remington!
REMUS: I hardly call that a victory..
SIRIUS: O Glorious Snack Man, may we keep the whole tray?
SNACK MAN: I suppose, as long as you don't advertise it to the other guests.
SIRIUS: Thanks. What are those?
SNACK MAN: A seafood delicacy.
JAMES: That translates into "If I tell you, you'll have no apetite for the next three weeks."
SNACK MAN: More or less.
SIRIUS: Snack Man, do they pay you well for this honorable service?
SNACK MAN: I should say not! This is only a cut above minimum wage; if my wife didn't have such excellent employment, I'd be on the dole by now.
SIRIUS: Can we write you a recommendation for higher salary?
SNACK MAN: Wh-Why of course! That'd be wonderful!
JAMES: In turn, will you bring us snacks every 43 minutes?
SNACK MAN: Yes, yes, of course!
SIRIUS: Thanks, mate!
*SNACK MAN exits*
REMUS: Are you really going to write him a recommendation?
SIRIUS: Yeah, I have a Quick Quotes Quill with me that I can spew out some compliments for Snack Man.
LILY: And why 43 minutes, James?
JAMES: I reckon it'll give him something to do. He has to time it exactly. 45 minutes is unacceptable.
PETER: I think the mountain climbers are dying of hypothermia.
JAMES: So it appears. I like the way that one guy is painted purple and blue. Its sort of festive.
SIRIUS: Though I don't know why he's clutching his throat. Did he choke on something in an attempt to become cannabalistic to survive?
REMUS: I don't think so, since all of the climbers are still there.
LILY: Actually, one of them fell down right before they started to climb. But I don't think they ate him.
REMUS: This opera is really dragging on.
LILY: I have to agree. I didn't expect it to be some educational experience, but the lack of plot is really taxing on my nerves.
JAMES: Well, it is in German. Maybe the language barrier takes away from the plot elements a bit.
LILY: Possibly. But really, who writes an opera about mountain climbing?
SIRIUS: Germans.
JAMES: In the northernmost part of Germany.
LILY: Alright, lets end this possibly mindless conversation now, shall we?
JAMES: Certainly. Hey, Wormtail. Haven't heard anything out of you in awhile. What're you doing?
PETER: Dis 'ood is stuck 'o 'a 'oof 'o me 'outh.
REMUS: Didn't quite catch that.
SIRIUS: The food is stuck to the roof of his mouth.
REMUS: Oh..what'd you eat, Peter?
PETER: Da wi'll sea'ood ting.
REMUS: Sirius? Translation, please?
SIRIUS: The little seafood thing.
JAMES: I thought they looked a little overly gooey.
SIRIUS: When the Snack Man returns, we'll ask for a glass of water.
PETER: But dats in four-free minoots.
SIRIUS: If you don't feel like waiting, squirt some water into your mouth with your wand.
PETER: Ugh! Siwius!
REMUS: He can't pronounce words when his mouth is glued like that, Sirius.
SIRIUS: Oh, right..
REMUS: Here, Peter.
PETER: Much better, thanks Remus. I didn't remember that spell, anyway.
JAMES: Is it over?
LILY: I don't think so..
REMUS: Its just a brief interlude while they sort out the set for the second act.
JAMES: How many different sets can they have for an opera that takes place on top of a mountain?
SIRIUS: Let us hope that question is never answered.
~~~~~
Act II coming soon! Please Review!
by Rainsong
A/N: Act One (second chapter) finally here! I really enjoyed writing this chapter, too. I guess its just a really fun format to use. Anyway, ff.n is back up, so expect a little more work from me in the next week, since I wrote a lot during the down period. Thanks to those who reviewed: Emily, Crystalite 104, and Canadianna.
~~~~
Act One
~~~~
SIRIUS: Is it supposed to do that?
LILY: Yes, Sirius, they're just moving the curtains back.
REMUS: And you have no idea what language this is in, Lily?
LILY: Not a clue.
JAMES: I wonder if this place is empty on weekdays.
SIRIUS: And why do you wonder that, Prongs?
JAMES: It looks like it would be an interesting place to fly.
LILY: The security guards would probably catch you.
JAMES: Or, more likely, think they're drunk and go home totally bewildered.
REMUS: The architecture here is stunning, though. I can't imagine painting all of those designs on the ceiling without magic.
SIRIUS: I'd look, but its dark, and I doubt we can see the admirable ceiling anymore.
PETER: The music is starting.
JAMES: Sounds German.
SIRIUS: Nah. French.
JAMES: Do we have a bet?
SIRIUS: Fine. A Sickle.
JAMES: Thats it?
SIRIUS: Its all I have, currently.
JAMES: What'd you do with the rest of your money?
SIRIUS: *snickers*
JAMES: I no longer want to know.
SIRIUS: Be that way. Its your loss.
PETER: Actually, it's yours, Sirius. You spent the money.
SIRIUS: But, my dear Wormtail, I gained something. Something that James can no longer benefit from because he doesn't trust me.
PETER: We ran out of snacks.
SIRIUS: Yeah, I noticed that. Lily, do we get refills here?
LILY: If you want, I suppose. But I wouldn't use the term 'refill'. This is a opera house, not a cinema.
*Blank stares*
LILY: Nevermind..
REMUS: But if you're looking for the snack man, you definitely won't see him again.
SIRIUS: Can it, Remington, you're discouraging me.
JAMES: Remington?
SIRIUS: Creative, isn't it?
REMUS: More like a product of incurable boredom.
SIRIUS: Actually, I only thought of it a moment ago, and I wasn't really bored at all.
REMUS: Either way, its pathetic.
SIRIUS: Are you asking for a different nickname, Remington?
PETER: I would stop talking right about now, Remus.
LILY: The opera has begun, if anyone cares to notice.
JAMES: I noticed that it's in German. Pay up, Padfoot.
SIRIUS: Fine, fine..
REMUS: Don't spend it all in one place, James.
JAMES: Don't worry, I'm quite the investor.
LILY: Isn't there some sort of universal ettique that says "Shut up during musical productions?"
REMUS: Not really, especially since we're dealing with Sirius and James. 'Universal' is a foreign concept. Its always about them.
LILY: Well, when you come up with some fabulously cliche life drama that shortens your view of the world, owl them and you can join the club, Remus.
JAMES: Since when are Sirius and I absorbed in our own life dramas?
SIRIUS: Especially when I doubt we have any..
LILY: Does the term 'egomaniacs' register with either of you?
SIRIUS: Nah. We just recognize how *special* we are.
LILY: Every time I try to say something...
JAMES: What is that?
REMUS: What's what?
JAMES: On stage, currently. Male or female?
SIRIUS: You know, you're right. It is sort of androgynous.
PETER: But guys, its wearing a leotard.
SIRIUS: But Peter, it also has facial hair that surpasses that of all the creepy aunts in the world.
REMUS: Well, it appears as though that..person sort of..erm...'bulges' in the chest area.
JAMES: That not the only place it bulges.
REMUS: Oh yeah..
LILY: Well, at least you're all paying attention to the opera.
PETER: Maybe we can stay behind after the show to get a better look.
SIRIUS: Maybe we can ask!
REMUS: That'd be rude.
LILY: Has rudeness ever stopped Padfoot before?
JAMES: No, but only because he views it from his own self-centered perspective. As long as he never sees this individual again, it doesn't matter what he says or does.
SIRIUS: True. And I'm sure that particular individual gets it all the time.
LILY: Thats really not funny, to purposely make fun of someone.
JAMES: Unless you throw in some Yiddish words. That technique makes practically anything funny.
REMUS: Hang on, what's going on now? How did we move from a German thing in a leotard to yodellers on a mountain?
PETER: Don't know, but the props are sort of neat. Thats quite a cardboard mountain.
LILY: I think its supposed to be Everest.
JAMES: How do you figure that?
LILY: I caught something that sounded remotely like 'Everest' in the jumble of German.
JAMES: All right, so we've determined so far that this is a German opera about climbing Mt. Everest.
PETER: Not very many people have climbed Everest, have they?
REMUS: No, I don't believe so, though quite a few Muggles have died trying. I wonder if any witches or wizards have climbed to the top?
LILY: If they have, its not much of a feat, is it? They'd use magic.
SIRIUS: Maybe I can be the first wizard to climb Everest.
PETER: Thats a lofty goal.
JAMES: You wouldn't get much recognition, either, since people have done it before without things like air, or warmth, or shelter..
SIRIUS: Sure, a bunch of people have climbed Mt. Everest without supplemental oxygen, but I bet hardly anyone has done it without pants.
LILY: And won't we all be proud to say we know the moron who accomplished that?
SIRIUS: I would hope that you would be, especially if everything is intact afterwards.
REMUS: Can we not take this conversation any futher?
JAMES: Excellent idea, Moony.
SIRIUS: Fine, no one shares my vision. Then obviously I have a very unique hobby.
JAMES: There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
SIRIUS: Shut up, Prongs.
PETER: I don't know about anyone else, but I'm getting really hungry again.
REMUS: Like I said, can we all drop the idea about ever getting food again? Its dark, and the Flight of the Snack Man has officially ended. Even if he is still on duty, I doubt he'd come back to our box, what with Padfoot here and all.
SIRIUS: Maybe he couldn't help being seduced by my charms, and he's in a bathroom somewhere trying to collect himself with the help of some trusty Dippity-Do.
LILY: Pardon my intrusion, but where have you heard of Dippity Do, Sirius? Its a strictly Muggle thing.
SIRIUS: I saw some poor old bloke in the lobby sneaking a glob while his date's back was turned. Honestly, not even in the wizarding world do we have hair gel that strong.
JAMES: Are you thinking about ever buying some?
SIRIUS: Well, come to think of it..
REMUS: Wouldn't your other hair products be jealous?
SIRIUS: I don't have hair products!
REMUS: Oh, right. So then whats been clogging the bathroom sink?
SIRIUS: *snickers*
JAMES: Alright, the whole conspiratorial laughter thing is getting very, very creepy.
SIRIUS: Fear my illicit actions, Prongs?
JAMES: Trembling, Padfoot.
SIRIUS: If you want to talk hair products, you should have taken Snape to this opera thing instead of me.
JAMES: Good point. Either he uses way too much of them, or way too little.
SIRIUS: I'm going to bet that the greasiness is au natural, but what do I know about Slytherin fashion? It could be on the dungeon runways.
JAMES: We should chop off a lock for experimentation!
SIRIUS: Right! And if it spontaneously combusts..
JAMES: We'll know whether or not he uses hair products..
SIRIUS: And the Great Joke of the Universe shall be discovered!
LILY: AGH!! Shut up, both of you!
JAMES: Sorry, Lily, were we babbling?
LILY: Oh, maybe a little bit!
SIRIUS: No need to get sarcastic.
SNACK MAN: Anything off the tray?
SIRIUS: Ha! Victory is mine, Remington!
REMUS: I hardly call that a victory..
SIRIUS: O Glorious Snack Man, may we keep the whole tray?
SNACK MAN: I suppose, as long as you don't advertise it to the other guests.
SIRIUS: Thanks. What are those?
SNACK MAN: A seafood delicacy.
JAMES: That translates into "If I tell you, you'll have no apetite for the next three weeks."
SNACK MAN: More or less.
SIRIUS: Snack Man, do they pay you well for this honorable service?
SNACK MAN: I should say not! This is only a cut above minimum wage; if my wife didn't have such excellent employment, I'd be on the dole by now.
SIRIUS: Can we write you a recommendation for higher salary?
SNACK MAN: Wh-Why of course! That'd be wonderful!
JAMES: In turn, will you bring us snacks every 43 minutes?
SNACK MAN: Yes, yes, of course!
SIRIUS: Thanks, mate!
*SNACK MAN exits*
REMUS: Are you really going to write him a recommendation?
SIRIUS: Yeah, I have a Quick Quotes Quill with me that I can spew out some compliments for Snack Man.
LILY: And why 43 minutes, James?
JAMES: I reckon it'll give him something to do. He has to time it exactly. 45 minutes is unacceptable.
PETER: I think the mountain climbers are dying of hypothermia.
JAMES: So it appears. I like the way that one guy is painted purple and blue. Its sort of festive.
SIRIUS: Though I don't know why he's clutching his throat. Did he choke on something in an attempt to become cannabalistic to survive?
REMUS: I don't think so, since all of the climbers are still there.
LILY: Actually, one of them fell down right before they started to climb. But I don't think they ate him.
REMUS: This opera is really dragging on.
LILY: I have to agree. I didn't expect it to be some educational experience, but the lack of plot is really taxing on my nerves.
JAMES: Well, it is in German. Maybe the language barrier takes away from the plot elements a bit.
LILY: Possibly. But really, who writes an opera about mountain climbing?
SIRIUS: Germans.
JAMES: In the northernmost part of Germany.
LILY: Alright, lets end this possibly mindless conversation now, shall we?
JAMES: Certainly. Hey, Wormtail. Haven't heard anything out of you in awhile. What're you doing?
PETER: Dis 'ood is stuck 'o 'a 'oof 'o me 'outh.
REMUS: Didn't quite catch that.
SIRIUS: The food is stuck to the roof of his mouth.
REMUS: Oh..what'd you eat, Peter?
PETER: Da wi'll sea'ood ting.
REMUS: Sirius? Translation, please?
SIRIUS: The little seafood thing.
JAMES: I thought they looked a little overly gooey.
SIRIUS: When the Snack Man returns, we'll ask for a glass of water.
PETER: But dats in four-free minoots.
SIRIUS: If you don't feel like waiting, squirt some water into your mouth with your wand.
PETER: Ugh! Siwius!
REMUS: He can't pronounce words when his mouth is glued like that, Sirius.
SIRIUS: Oh, right..
REMUS: Here, Peter.
PETER: Much better, thanks Remus. I didn't remember that spell, anyway.
JAMES: Is it over?
LILY: I don't think so..
REMUS: Its just a brief interlude while they sort out the set for the second act.
JAMES: How many different sets can they have for an opera that takes place on top of a mountain?
SIRIUS: Let us hope that question is never answered.
~~~~~
Act II coming soon! Please Review!
