At The Opera
by Rainsong


A/N: Act One (second chapter) finally here! I really enjoyed writing this chapter, too. I guess its just a really fun format to use. Anyway, ff.n is back up, so expect a little more work from me in the next week, since I wrote a lot during the down period. Thanks to those who reviewed: Emily, Crystalite 104, and Canadianna.

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Act One
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SIRIUS: Is it supposed to do that?

LILY: Yes, Sirius, they're just moving the curtains back.

REMUS: And you have no idea what language this is in, Lily?

LILY: Not a clue.

JAMES: I wonder if this place is empty on weekdays.

SIRIUS: And why do you wonder that, Prongs?

JAMES: It looks like it would be an interesting place to fly.

LILY: The security guards would probably catch you.

JAMES: Or, more likely, think they're drunk and go home totally bewildered.

REMUS: The architecture here is stunning, though. I can't imagine painting all of those designs on the ceiling without magic.

SIRIUS: I'd look, but its dark, and I doubt we can see the admirable ceiling anymore.

PETER: The music is starting.

JAMES: Sounds German.

SIRIUS: Nah. French.

JAMES: Do we have a bet?

SIRIUS: Fine. A Sickle.

JAMES: Thats it?

SIRIUS: Its all I have, currently.

JAMES: What'd you do with the rest of your money?

SIRIUS: *snickers*

JAMES: I no longer want to know.

SIRIUS: Be that way. Its your loss.

PETER: Actually, it's yours, Sirius. You spent the money.

SIRIUS: But, my dear Wormtail, I gained something. Something that James can no longer benefit from because he doesn't trust me.

PETER: We ran out of snacks.

SIRIUS: Yeah, I noticed that. Lily, do we get refills here?

LILY: If you want, I suppose. But I wouldn't use the term 'refill'. This is a opera house, not a cinema.

*Blank stares*

LILY: Nevermind..

REMUS: But if you're looking for the snack man, you definitely won't see him again.

SIRIUS: Can it, Remington, you're discouraging me.

JAMES: Remington?

SIRIUS: Creative, isn't it?

REMUS: More like a product of incurable boredom.

SIRIUS: Actually, I only thought of it a moment ago, and I wasn't really bored at all.

REMUS: Either way, its pathetic.

SIRIUS: Are you asking for a different nickname, Remington?

PETER: I would stop talking right about now, Remus.

LILY: The opera has begun, if anyone cares to notice.

JAMES: I noticed that it's in German. Pay up, Padfoot.

SIRIUS: Fine, fine..

REMUS: Don't spend it all in one place, James.

JAMES: Don't worry, I'm quite the investor.

LILY: Isn't there some sort of universal ettique that says "Shut up during musical productions?"

REMUS: Not really, especially since we're dealing with Sirius and James. 'Universal' is a foreign concept. Its always about them.

LILY: Well, when you come up with some fabulously cliche life drama that shortens your view of the world, owl them and you can join the club, Remus.

JAMES: Since when are Sirius and I absorbed in our own life dramas?

SIRIUS: Especially when I doubt we have any..

LILY: Does the term 'egomaniacs' register with either of you?

SIRIUS: Nah. We just recognize how *special* we are.

LILY: Every time I try to say something...

JAMES: What is that?

REMUS: What's what?

JAMES: On stage, currently. Male or female?

SIRIUS: You know, you're right. It is sort of androgynous.

PETER: But guys, its wearing a leotard.

SIRIUS: But Peter, it also has facial hair that surpasses that of all the creepy aunts in the world.

REMUS: Well, it appears as though that..person sort of..erm...'bulges' in the chest area.

JAMES: That not the only place it bulges.

REMUS: Oh yeah..

LILY: Well, at least you're all paying attention to the opera.

PETER: Maybe we can stay behind after the show to get a better look.

SIRIUS: Maybe we can ask!

REMUS: That'd be rude.

LILY: Has rudeness ever stopped Padfoot before?

JAMES: No, but only because he views it from his own self-centered perspective. As long as he never sees this individual again, it doesn't matter what he says or does.

SIRIUS: True. And I'm sure that particular individual gets it all the time.

LILY: Thats really not funny, to purposely make fun of someone.

JAMES: Unless you throw in some Yiddish words. That technique makes practically anything funny.

REMUS: Hang on, what's going on now? How did we move from a German thing in a leotard to yodellers on a mountain?

PETER: Don't know, but the props are sort of neat. Thats quite a cardboard mountain.

LILY: I think its supposed to be Everest.

JAMES: How do you figure that?

LILY: I caught something that sounded remotely like 'Everest' in the jumble of German.

JAMES: All right, so we've determined so far that this is a German opera about climbing Mt. Everest.

PETER: Not very many people have climbed Everest, have they?

REMUS: No, I don't believe so, though quite a few Muggles have died trying. I wonder if any witches or wizards have climbed to the top?

LILY: If they have, its not much of a feat, is it? They'd use magic.

SIRIUS: Maybe I can be the first wizard to climb Everest.

PETER: Thats a lofty goal.

JAMES: You wouldn't get much recognition, either, since people have done it before without things like air, or warmth, or shelter..

SIRIUS: Sure, a bunch of people have climbed Mt. Everest without supplemental oxygen, but I bet hardly anyone has done it without pants.

LILY: And won't we all be proud to say we know the moron who accomplished that?

SIRIUS: I would hope that you would be, especially if everything is intact afterwards.

REMUS: Can we not take this conversation any futher?

JAMES: Excellent idea, Moony.

SIRIUS: Fine, no one shares my vision. Then obviously I have a very unique hobby.

JAMES: There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

SIRIUS: Shut up, Prongs.

PETER: I don't know about anyone else, but I'm getting really hungry again.

REMUS: Like I said, can we all drop the idea about ever getting food again? Its dark, and the Flight of the Snack Man has officially ended. Even if he is still on duty, I doubt he'd come back to our box, what with Padfoot here and all.

SIRIUS: Maybe he couldn't help being seduced by my charms, and he's in a bathroom somewhere trying to collect himself with the help of some trusty Dippity-Do.

LILY: Pardon my intrusion, but where have you heard of Dippity Do, Sirius? Its a strictly Muggle thing.

SIRIUS: I saw some poor old bloke in the lobby sneaking a glob while his date's back was turned. Honestly, not even in the wizarding world do we have hair gel that strong.

JAMES: Are you thinking about ever buying some?

SIRIUS: Well, come to think of it..

REMUS: Wouldn't your other hair products be jealous?

SIRIUS: I don't have hair products!

REMUS: Oh, right. So then whats been clogging the bathroom sink?

SIRIUS: *snickers*

JAMES: Alright, the whole conspiratorial laughter thing is getting very, very creepy.

SIRIUS: Fear my illicit actions, Prongs?

JAMES: Trembling, Padfoot.

SIRIUS: If you want to talk hair products, you should have taken Snape to this opera thing instead of me.

JAMES: Good point. Either he uses way too much of them, or way too little.

SIRIUS: I'm going to bet that the greasiness is au natural, but what do I know about Slytherin fashion? It could be on the dungeon runways.

JAMES: We should chop off a lock for experimentation!

SIRIUS: Right! And if it spontaneously combusts..

JAMES: We'll know whether or not he uses hair products..

SIRIUS: And the Great Joke of the Universe shall be discovered!

LILY: AGH!! Shut up, both of you!

JAMES: Sorry, Lily, were we babbling?

LILY: Oh, maybe a little bit!

SIRIUS: No need to get sarcastic.

SNACK MAN: Anything off the tray?

SIRIUS: Ha! Victory is mine, Remington!

REMUS: I hardly call that a victory..

SIRIUS: O Glorious Snack Man, may we keep the whole tray?

SNACK MAN: I suppose, as long as you don't advertise it to the other guests.

SIRIUS: Thanks. What are those?

SNACK MAN: A seafood delicacy.

JAMES: That translates into "If I tell you, you'll have no apetite for the next three weeks."

SNACK MAN: More or less.

SIRIUS: Snack Man, do they pay you well for this honorable service?

SNACK MAN: I should say not! This is only a cut above minimum wage; if my wife didn't have such excellent employment, I'd be on the dole by now.

SIRIUS: Can we write you a recommendation for higher salary?

SNACK MAN: Wh-Why of course! That'd be wonderful!

JAMES: In turn, will you bring us snacks every 43 minutes?

SNACK MAN: Yes, yes, of course!

SIRIUS: Thanks, mate!

*SNACK MAN exits*

REMUS: Are you really going to write him a recommendation?

SIRIUS: Yeah, I have a Quick Quotes Quill with me that I can spew out some compliments for Snack Man.

LILY: And why 43 minutes, James?

JAMES: I reckon it'll give him something to do. He has to time it exactly. 45 minutes is unacceptable.

PETER: I think the mountain climbers are dying of hypothermia.

JAMES: So it appears. I like the way that one guy is painted purple and blue. Its sort of festive.

SIRIUS: Though I don't know why he's clutching his throat. Did he choke on something in an attempt to become cannabalistic to survive?

REMUS: I don't think so, since all of the climbers are still there.

LILY: Actually, one of them fell down right before they started to climb. But I don't think they ate him.

REMUS: This opera is really dragging on.

LILY: I have to agree. I didn't expect it to be some educational experience, but the lack of plot is really taxing on my nerves.

JAMES: Well, it is in German. Maybe the language barrier takes away from the plot elements a bit.

LILY: Possibly. But really, who writes an opera about mountain climbing?

SIRIUS: Germans.

JAMES: In the northernmost part of Germany.

LILY: Alright, lets end this possibly mindless conversation now, shall we?

JAMES: Certainly. Hey, Wormtail. Haven't heard anything out of you in awhile. What're you doing?

PETER: Dis 'ood is stuck 'o 'a 'oof 'o me 'outh.

REMUS: Didn't quite catch that.

SIRIUS: The food is stuck to the roof of his mouth.

REMUS: Oh..what'd you eat, Peter?

PETER: Da wi'll sea'ood ting.

REMUS: Sirius? Translation, please?

SIRIUS: The little seafood thing.

JAMES: I thought they looked a little overly gooey.

SIRIUS: When the Snack Man returns, we'll ask for a glass of water.

PETER: But dats in four-free minoots.

SIRIUS: If you don't feel like waiting, squirt some water into your mouth with your wand.

PETER: Ugh! Siwius!

REMUS: He can't pronounce words when his mouth is glued like that, Sirius.

SIRIUS: Oh, right..

REMUS: Here, Peter.

PETER: Much better, thanks Remus. I didn't remember that spell, anyway.

JAMES: Is it over?

LILY: I don't think so..

REMUS: Its just a brief interlude while they sort out the set for the second act.

JAMES: How many different sets can they have for an opera that takes place on top of a mountain?

SIRIUS: Let us hope that question is never answered.



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Act II coming soon! Please Review!