DISREGARDED

Chapter Ten

Faith avoided her mother in the morning, skipping breakfast and running out the door to catch the bus just in time.  It was Jackie's pained face that caught her eye and burned in her soul before her father's truck pulled out of the driveway.  It haunted her on the bus ride, in homeroom, and throughout her day.  Faith's own face caved in as she felt deep regret and guilt. 

But what could she possibly have said or done?  She wasn't ready to speak to her mother, or anyone for that matter, about the past weeks' events.  How could Faith put to words what she could barely put to thoughts? 

Throughout the bus ride and all her morning classes, Faith ignored hellos and lessons, distracted and troubled by what was and what would be.  No matter how she mixed and matched the outcomes of each life decision, none were any that she wanted to etch in her personal history, much less her memory bank.

Lunch was the same.  She brought her paper bag.  The geeks assembled.  Her newfound friends from biology class made 'Clarky' cat-calls and jokes until they resorted to the other forms of entertainment at their disposal.  Faith crumpled the paper bag, and Ramona asked her questions before reluctantly agreed to stop badgering Faith for answers she would not receive.

Papers were handed in; lectures were disregarded.  The clock was watched with great vigilance.

In her last class, Faith was in the midst of a rather pleasant daydream starring the mysteriously irresistible Chad Richardson, when Sr. Grace's voice came over the intercom, startling her.

"May I have your attention, please."  You may, Faith thought, relaxing back into her chair, as if the principal of her school needed her permission to continue.

 "The annual communion breakfast will take place two weeks from now, and as always, you are all encouraged to attend.  We will be needing eucharistic ministers, lectors, alter servers, and of course, music ministers for the mass.  There will be a meeting this Wednesday in the chapel for all interested."  There was a short pause.  "I would also like to take this time to announce that the women's cross country team won their meet 16-13."  Light cheering echoed around Faith.  Members of the team, she figured as she studied the lithe bodies the clapping hands belonged to.  There was a sport she'd never belong to. "And on a side note, as so not to keep you in any unnecessary suspense…your board members of the semi-formal committee ARE…"  There were gasps and held breaths all around as Faith paid attention.  "Jezebel Declay.  Patricia Green.  Kylie Smith, and Sabrina Rosencrantz."

Faith smirked to herself.  Why had she even cared enough to listen?  She knew no one on semi-formal committee; they were all seniors.  More over, Faith would probably never even attend a semi-formal, let alone one day be elected on the official decorating committee.  She laughed cynically to herself.  Especially, if Ramona had anything to say about it.

Accordingly, the reactions of the class ranged from unrestrained joy to sour disdain to Faith's brand of vodka – sudden disinterest.

Then, Faith, if you remain so apathetic, a voice so closely linked with her own nagged, why do you feel a deep-seated disappointment and bitterness growing inside of you?

The question posed to her only made her that much more sick to her stomach.

Disturbed and frowning, Faith decided then and there that the best way to deal with the strange changes going on around and inside her would be to completely ignore them for as long as humanly possible.  She would listen to no more voices, and take part in no more delusions of grandeur.

As the last bell sounded, Faith had a strange and sudden urgent need to see Ramona.  She needed to talk to someone.  She needed to feel some sort of kinship with her peers and feel reassured that she was loved and acknowledged.  She would tell Ramona that she was sorry.  She would tell her that she was going through difficult times, and that above all else she merely needed a friend to accept her.  Resolving to explain herself to her friend, Faith took off out of her seat and was the first to leave class.

So determined was Faith to reach the lockers before Ramona left for the weekend that she didn't even take a moment to lift her gaze to the surging masses.

It was one that cost her.  She collided with a body in motion, dropping all of her books and falling into a heap.  The passerby fell on top of her, and darting her eyes upward, Faith met the eyes of the unfortunate victim of her clumsiness and gasped.