At The Opera by Rainsong

A/N: The much anticipated (at least by my friends) chapter in which we find out exactly how Sirius didn't die. Simple pleasures, simple pleasures. Also, you may notice that I introduce a little bit of AU in this chapter. Lily, James, and Sirius have ancient prophecies, villains, and world-savin' under their belts by now. Wondering if this is a platform for future schnoogle? Possibly..possibly.

Thanks to my lovely reviewers:



** Act Three **

*Mutual screams from everyone. Our remaining three (Peter's still sleeping) dash over to the balcony, looking desperately for their spork-loving companion. They find him hovering a few feet below the balcony, looking pleasantly amused at the shocked looks on their faces.*

SIRIUS: Oh come on, did you really think I'd throw myself over a balcony?

REMUS: Yes, and it gaves us quite a fright.

JAMES: You stupid bas- Wait. You're hovering.

SIRIUS: Yes, I'm hovering. I'm one to hover. Hoverable, Hover-savvy, hover- compatible, hover-

JAMES: Enough! How are you doing that?

SIRIUS: Hang on..

*Sirius grabs balcony railing, pulls himself up, over, and back into the safety of the box. He pulls out a small, glittering object that looks like some sort of talisman.*

SIRIUS: I bought it in Hogsmeade. It'll allow you to hang in mid air for a maximum of thirty minutes. Nifty little bugger.

REMUS: So nifty that you find time to misuse it?

SIRIUS: Oh, come on. You're not all going to be angry at me now, are you?

REMUS: I'm not angry. Just-

SIRIUS: Disappointed? Come on, you're not my mother.

REMUS: I was going to say that I thought you were more mindful of your actions than to scare your friends into thinking that you had committed suicide over a flexible piece of plastic.

SIRIUS: I assumed that you were smart enough to know that I wouldn't do such a thing..unless the spork was multi-colored. Then we're on a whole different level.

REMUS: Sirius..

SIRIUS: Look, sorry. I thought you'd be amused by my neat little gadget.

JAMES: I actually think its excellent. But don't do that again.

SIRIUS: I solemnly swear. I wonder if I could fall asleep _above_ my bed using this thing..

JAMES: You should try it. Or maybe you could use it to scare Snape. Float into his room disguised as a ghost the dead of night, muttering something about floral patterns and how he belongs in Hufflepuff. He'll be clutching his Dark Arts collection for weeks after that one.

SIRIUS: Brilliant!

JAMES: Thank you.

SIRIUS: What happened to Lily?

LILY: Oh, I'm still here. I just refuse to talk to you.

SIRIUS: Why?

LILY: Your behavior was thoughtless and atrocious.

SIRIUS: Look, I already apologized.

LILY: To Remus. Not to me.

SIRIUS: Fine then. I'm sorry, Lily.

LILY: Thats better. Don't ever do that again. Ever.

SIRIUS: Like I said before; I solemnly swear.

REMUS: Oh, look. The mountain climbers are meeting their families.

JAMES: The same families that have no idea about their risque rendevous?

SIRIUS: Looks like it.

LILY: If I were slightly less decent, I think I'd walk out of this opera house right now. How long can this possibly continue?

SIRIUS: I'll be saying the same thing if we end up at the bookstore for the next three hours.

JAMES: We should go somewhere tomorrow, then.

LILY: I'm in.

SIRIUS: Me too.

REMUS: Wish I could, but I've got homework in Wizarding Relations.

SIRIUS: I don't know why you took that class.

REMUS: Its good to be updated on what's going on between wizarding communities around the world.

JAMES: Thats what the Daily Prophet is for.

REMUS: Yes, but the Daily Prophet is so nondescript.

JAMES: Maybe you're just picky.

REMUS: Maybe I am. But may I remind you that my pickiness has saved our necks on quite a few occasions.

SIRIUS: Such as?

REMUS: Such as the time we had to choose between Door One and Door Two, and I was the one who didn't want to pull the handle on Door One because it was covered in sticky liquid. Which, we later discovered, was residue from a poisonous gas that we very well could have walked in to.

SIRIUS: Alright, that time it was helpful.

JAMES: And we get in situations like that so often. So Remus is quite a factor in our overall pranking success rate.

SIRIUS: Possibly survival rate, also.

LILY: Thats another thing. I'm sick and tired of all of your crazy little adventures.

JAMES: They're neither crazy nor little, though I suppose thats not the point you're trying to convey.

LILY: Can't you avoid them, though?

SIRIUS: Nah. Its in the cards.

LILY: Forget it. I'm not going to get an answer anyway. But honestly, couldn't you send something like dwarves to tread through the Forbidden Forest in your place?

SIRIUS: I suppose we could, but what would that do? They're not very bright, dwarves.

JAMES: Yeah. All dwarves have beards and wear up to twelve layers of clothing. Gender is more or less optional.

LILY: There you go. Send them out.

JAMES: That would take all of the fun out of it.

LILY: Too bad. You must sacrifice for safety.

JAMES: Do we sit here and complain about the obvious very often?

SIRIUS: No. Lily's just naturally irritable. Which brings us to the age-old question: How have Lily and James kept a steady relationship all through our Hogwarts years?

REMUS: That again?

SIRIUS: Yes. And its more fun if you limit the answers to verbs and adjectives.

JAMES: Which we are NOT doing this time.

SIRIUS: Oh, come on, it was fun!

JAMES: No, it was obscene.

SIRIUS: That was entirely Remus' fault.

REMUS: How so? I didn't even participate in that conversation.

SIRIUS: Yes, you did. It was late at night at the Three Broomsticks and...oh, I see your point.

JAMES: There was no conclusion to the conversation, either.

SIRIUS: Yes, there was. I ended it by saying how nice it is when you find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

LILY: James and I don't annoy each other.

SNACK MAN: Anything off the trolley?

JAMES: Could I have a glass of sparkling cider, with one of those cute little umbrellas?

SIRIUS: That was..descriptive.

JAMES: A red umbrella, preferably. Hey, I think I've done my share of world- saving. I deserve a red umbrella.

SIRIUS: The next time Snack Man wheels around, could you throw in the whole ancient prophecy thing and get me something, as well?

JAMES: Certainly.

LILY: I hate it when you two use that to your advantage. You haven't even begun Auror school yet, and you're already talking like you've saved the universe.

SIRIUS: My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fiber, and that I am therefore excused from saving universes.

LILY: Oh, very funny. Really witty.

SIRIUS: Oh, come on. You can't say your not amused by being able to say things like, "Nothing special. Saved a couple of universes, overthrown a few dictatorships, turned down a heapful of marriage proposals, and had my highlights done."

LILY: Well..

SIRIUS: Well, I enjoy it. The universe needs a chap to look up to. Someone to right wrongs, just generally be brave, handsome and all-round magnificent.

*Mutual gagging sounds*

SIRIUS: Come on, everyone. Don't discourage a good thing.

JAMES: Some good things need to be discouraged because they're only good in the eye of the beholder. Like Quodpot, for instance.

LILY: Must we complain about Quodpot?

SIRIUS: There's always time to complain about Quodpot.

JAMES: Like what kind of imbocile thinks that Quodpot's got anything on Quidditch?

SIRIUS: And who ever decided that it was a good idea to turn a freak accident into a sport?

JAMES: And what's a wizarding game without a *snitch*?

SIRIUS: Or a Quaffle?

JAMES: Or Bludgers?

SIRIUS: Or any resemblance of sanity?

LILY: I suppose it's Quodpot.

SIRIUS: That's the core of our dilemma.

LILY: American wizards are a little different, I must say.

JAMES: Its only their sports that are absurd. Otherwise they're not a bad lot.

PETER: Is it over?

REMUS: Oh, you're awake. No, its not. We have time to burn.

JAMES: Then thank God Sirius is a pyromaniac.

~~~~~

A/N: Did this really take me a month to write? Yes. Was that necessary? No. I promise to update soon next time! Within the next two weeks, most likely. Thanks for waiting, though!