At The Opera
by Rainsong
A/N: The much anticipated (at least by my friends) chapter in which we find out exactly how Sirius didn't die. Simple pleasures, simple pleasures. Also, you may notice that I introduce a little bit of AU in this chapter. Lily, James, and Sirius have ancient prophecies, villains, and world-savin' under their belts by now. Wondering if this is a platform for future schnoogle? Possibly..possibly.
Thanks to my lovely reviewers:
** Act Three **
*Mutual screams from everyone. Our remaining three (Peter's still sleeping) dash over to the balcony, looking desperately for their spork-loving companion. They find him hovering a few feet below the balcony, looking pleasantly amused at the shocked looks on their faces.*
SIRIUS: Oh come on, did you really think I'd throw myself over a balcony?
REMUS: Yes, and it gaves us quite a fright.
JAMES: You stupid bas- Wait. You're hovering.
SIRIUS: Yes, I'm hovering. I'm one to hover. Hoverable, Hover-savvy, hover- compatible, hover-
JAMES: Enough! How are you doing that?
SIRIUS: Hang on..
*Sirius grabs balcony railing, pulls himself up, over, and back into the safety of the box. He pulls out a small, glittering object that looks like some sort of talisman.*
SIRIUS: I bought it in Hogsmeade. It'll allow you to hang in mid air for a maximum of thirty minutes. Nifty little bugger.
REMUS: So nifty that you find time to misuse it?
SIRIUS: Oh, come on. You're not all going to be angry at me now, are you?
REMUS: I'm not angry. Just-
SIRIUS: Disappointed? Come on, you're not my mother.
REMUS: I was going to say that I thought you were more mindful of your actions than to scare your friends into thinking that you had committed suicide over a flexible piece of plastic.
SIRIUS: I assumed that you were smart enough to know that I wouldn't do such a thing..unless the spork was multi-colored. Then we're on a whole different level.
REMUS: Sirius..
SIRIUS: Look, sorry. I thought you'd be amused by my neat little gadget.
JAMES: I actually think its excellent. But don't do that again.
SIRIUS: I solemnly swear. I wonder if I could fall asleep _above_ my bed using this thing..
JAMES: You should try it. Or maybe you could use it to scare Snape. Float into his room disguised as a ghost the dead of night, muttering something about floral patterns and how he belongs in Hufflepuff. He'll be clutching his Dark Arts collection for weeks after that one.
SIRIUS: Brilliant!
JAMES: Thank you.
SIRIUS: What happened to Lily?
LILY: Oh, I'm still here. I just refuse to talk to you.
SIRIUS: Why?
LILY: Your behavior was thoughtless and atrocious.
SIRIUS: Look, I already apologized.
LILY: To Remus. Not to me.
SIRIUS: Fine then. I'm sorry, Lily.
LILY: Thats better. Don't ever do that again. Ever.
SIRIUS: Like I said before; I solemnly swear.
REMUS: Oh, look. The mountain climbers are meeting their families.
JAMES: The same families that have no idea about their risque rendevous?
SIRIUS: Looks like it.
LILY: If I were slightly less decent, I think I'd walk out of this opera house right now. How long can this possibly continue?
SIRIUS: I'll be saying the same thing if we end up at the bookstore for the next three hours.
JAMES: We should go somewhere tomorrow, then.
LILY: I'm in.
SIRIUS: Me too.
REMUS: Wish I could, but I've got homework in Wizarding Relations.
SIRIUS: I don't know why you took that class.
REMUS: Its good to be updated on what's going on between wizarding communities around the world.
JAMES: Thats what the Daily Prophet is for.
REMUS: Yes, but the Daily Prophet is so nondescript.
JAMES: Maybe you're just picky.
REMUS: Maybe I am. But may I remind you that my pickiness has saved our necks on quite a few occasions.
SIRIUS: Such as?
REMUS: Such as the time we had to choose between Door One and Door Two, and I was the one who didn't want to pull the handle on Door One because it was covered in sticky liquid. Which, we later discovered, was residue from a poisonous gas that we very well could have walked in to.
SIRIUS: Alright, that time it was helpful.
JAMES: And we get in situations like that so often. So Remus is quite a factor in our overall pranking success rate.
SIRIUS: Possibly survival rate, also.
LILY: Thats another thing. I'm sick and tired of all of your crazy little adventures.
JAMES: They're neither crazy nor little, though I suppose thats not the point you're trying to convey.
LILY: Can't you avoid them, though?
SIRIUS: Nah. Its in the cards.
LILY: Forget it. I'm not going to get an answer anyway. But honestly, couldn't you send something like dwarves to tread through the Forbidden Forest in your place?
SIRIUS: I suppose we could, but what would that do? They're not very bright, dwarves.
JAMES: Yeah. All dwarves have beards and wear up to twelve layers of clothing. Gender is more or less optional.
LILY: There you go. Send them out.
JAMES: That would take all of the fun out of it.
LILY: Too bad. You must sacrifice for safety.
JAMES: Do we sit here and complain about the obvious very often?
SIRIUS: No. Lily's just naturally irritable. Which brings us to the age-old question: How have Lily and James kept a steady relationship all through our Hogwarts years?
REMUS: That again?
SIRIUS: Yes. And its more fun if you limit the answers to verbs and adjectives.
JAMES: Which we are NOT doing this time.
SIRIUS: Oh, come on, it was fun!
JAMES: No, it was obscene.
SIRIUS: That was entirely Remus' fault.
REMUS: How so? I didn't even participate in that conversation.
SIRIUS: Yes, you did. It was late at night at the Three Broomsticks and...oh, I see your point.
JAMES: There was no conclusion to the conversation, either.
SIRIUS: Yes, there was. I ended it by saying how nice it is when you find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
LILY: James and I don't annoy each other.
SNACK MAN: Anything off the trolley?
JAMES: Could I have a glass of sparkling cider, with one of those cute little umbrellas?
SIRIUS: That was..descriptive.
JAMES: A red umbrella, preferably. Hey, I think I've done my share of world- saving. I deserve a red umbrella.
SIRIUS: The next time Snack Man wheels around, could you throw in the whole ancient prophecy thing and get me something, as well?
JAMES: Certainly.
LILY: I hate it when you two use that to your advantage. You haven't even begun Auror school yet, and you're already talking like you've saved the universe.
SIRIUS: My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fiber, and that I am therefore excused from saving universes.
LILY: Oh, very funny. Really witty.
SIRIUS: Oh, come on. You can't say your not amused by being able to say things like, "Nothing special. Saved a couple of universes, overthrown a few dictatorships, turned down a heapful of marriage proposals, and had my highlights done."
LILY: Well..
SIRIUS: Well, I enjoy it. The universe needs a chap to look up to. Someone to right wrongs, just generally be brave, handsome and all-round magnificent.
*Mutual gagging sounds*
SIRIUS: Come on, everyone. Don't discourage a good thing.
JAMES: Some good things need to be discouraged because they're only good in the eye of the beholder. Like Quodpot, for instance.
LILY: Must we complain about Quodpot?
SIRIUS: There's always time to complain about Quodpot.
JAMES: Like what kind of imbocile thinks that Quodpot's got anything on Quidditch?
SIRIUS: And who ever decided that it was a good idea to turn a freak accident into a sport?
JAMES: And what's a wizarding game without a *snitch*?
SIRIUS: Or a Quaffle?
JAMES: Or Bludgers?
SIRIUS: Or any resemblance of sanity?
LILY: I suppose it's Quodpot.
SIRIUS: That's the core of our dilemma.
LILY: American wizards are a little different, I must say.
JAMES: Its only their sports that are absurd. Otherwise they're not a bad lot.
PETER: Is it over?
REMUS: Oh, you're awake. No, its not. We have time to burn.
JAMES: Then thank God Sirius is a pyromaniac.
~~~~~
A/N: Did this really take me a month to write? Yes. Was that necessary? No. I promise to update soon next time! Within the next two weeks, most likely. Thanks for waiting, though!
A/N: The much anticipated (at least by my friends) chapter in which we find out exactly how Sirius didn't die. Simple pleasures, simple pleasures. Also, you may notice that I introduce a little bit of AU in this chapter. Lily, James, and Sirius have ancient prophecies, villains, and world-savin' under their belts by now. Wondering if this is a platform for future schnoogle? Possibly..possibly.
Thanks to my lovely reviewers:
** Act Three **
*Mutual screams from everyone. Our remaining three (Peter's still sleeping) dash over to the balcony, looking desperately for their spork-loving companion. They find him hovering a few feet below the balcony, looking pleasantly amused at the shocked looks on their faces.*
SIRIUS: Oh come on, did you really think I'd throw myself over a balcony?
REMUS: Yes, and it gaves us quite a fright.
JAMES: You stupid bas- Wait. You're hovering.
SIRIUS: Yes, I'm hovering. I'm one to hover. Hoverable, Hover-savvy, hover- compatible, hover-
JAMES: Enough! How are you doing that?
SIRIUS: Hang on..
*Sirius grabs balcony railing, pulls himself up, over, and back into the safety of the box. He pulls out a small, glittering object that looks like some sort of talisman.*
SIRIUS: I bought it in Hogsmeade. It'll allow you to hang in mid air for a maximum of thirty minutes. Nifty little bugger.
REMUS: So nifty that you find time to misuse it?
SIRIUS: Oh, come on. You're not all going to be angry at me now, are you?
REMUS: I'm not angry. Just-
SIRIUS: Disappointed? Come on, you're not my mother.
REMUS: I was going to say that I thought you were more mindful of your actions than to scare your friends into thinking that you had committed suicide over a flexible piece of plastic.
SIRIUS: I assumed that you were smart enough to know that I wouldn't do such a thing..unless the spork was multi-colored. Then we're on a whole different level.
REMUS: Sirius..
SIRIUS: Look, sorry. I thought you'd be amused by my neat little gadget.
JAMES: I actually think its excellent. But don't do that again.
SIRIUS: I solemnly swear. I wonder if I could fall asleep _above_ my bed using this thing..
JAMES: You should try it. Or maybe you could use it to scare Snape. Float into his room disguised as a ghost the dead of night, muttering something about floral patterns and how he belongs in Hufflepuff. He'll be clutching his Dark Arts collection for weeks after that one.
SIRIUS: Brilliant!
JAMES: Thank you.
SIRIUS: What happened to Lily?
LILY: Oh, I'm still here. I just refuse to talk to you.
SIRIUS: Why?
LILY: Your behavior was thoughtless and atrocious.
SIRIUS: Look, I already apologized.
LILY: To Remus. Not to me.
SIRIUS: Fine then. I'm sorry, Lily.
LILY: Thats better. Don't ever do that again. Ever.
SIRIUS: Like I said before; I solemnly swear.
REMUS: Oh, look. The mountain climbers are meeting their families.
JAMES: The same families that have no idea about their risque rendevous?
SIRIUS: Looks like it.
LILY: If I were slightly less decent, I think I'd walk out of this opera house right now. How long can this possibly continue?
SIRIUS: I'll be saying the same thing if we end up at the bookstore for the next three hours.
JAMES: We should go somewhere tomorrow, then.
LILY: I'm in.
SIRIUS: Me too.
REMUS: Wish I could, but I've got homework in Wizarding Relations.
SIRIUS: I don't know why you took that class.
REMUS: Its good to be updated on what's going on between wizarding communities around the world.
JAMES: Thats what the Daily Prophet is for.
REMUS: Yes, but the Daily Prophet is so nondescript.
JAMES: Maybe you're just picky.
REMUS: Maybe I am. But may I remind you that my pickiness has saved our necks on quite a few occasions.
SIRIUS: Such as?
REMUS: Such as the time we had to choose between Door One and Door Two, and I was the one who didn't want to pull the handle on Door One because it was covered in sticky liquid. Which, we later discovered, was residue from a poisonous gas that we very well could have walked in to.
SIRIUS: Alright, that time it was helpful.
JAMES: And we get in situations like that so often. So Remus is quite a factor in our overall pranking success rate.
SIRIUS: Possibly survival rate, also.
LILY: Thats another thing. I'm sick and tired of all of your crazy little adventures.
JAMES: They're neither crazy nor little, though I suppose thats not the point you're trying to convey.
LILY: Can't you avoid them, though?
SIRIUS: Nah. Its in the cards.
LILY: Forget it. I'm not going to get an answer anyway. But honestly, couldn't you send something like dwarves to tread through the Forbidden Forest in your place?
SIRIUS: I suppose we could, but what would that do? They're not very bright, dwarves.
JAMES: Yeah. All dwarves have beards and wear up to twelve layers of clothing. Gender is more or less optional.
LILY: There you go. Send them out.
JAMES: That would take all of the fun out of it.
LILY: Too bad. You must sacrifice for safety.
JAMES: Do we sit here and complain about the obvious very often?
SIRIUS: No. Lily's just naturally irritable. Which brings us to the age-old question: How have Lily and James kept a steady relationship all through our Hogwarts years?
REMUS: That again?
SIRIUS: Yes. And its more fun if you limit the answers to verbs and adjectives.
JAMES: Which we are NOT doing this time.
SIRIUS: Oh, come on, it was fun!
JAMES: No, it was obscene.
SIRIUS: That was entirely Remus' fault.
REMUS: How so? I didn't even participate in that conversation.
SIRIUS: Yes, you did. It was late at night at the Three Broomsticks and...oh, I see your point.
JAMES: There was no conclusion to the conversation, either.
SIRIUS: Yes, there was. I ended it by saying how nice it is when you find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
LILY: James and I don't annoy each other.
SNACK MAN: Anything off the trolley?
JAMES: Could I have a glass of sparkling cider, with one of those cute little umbrellas?
SIRIUS: That was..descriptive.
JAMES: A red umbrella, preferably. Hey, I think I've done my share of world- saving. I deserve a red umbrella.
SIRIUS: The next time Snack Man wheels around, could you throw in the whole ancient prophecy thing and get me something, as well?
JAMES: Certainly.
LILY: I hate it when you two use that to your advantage. You haven't even begun Auror school yet, and you're already talking like you've saved the universe.
SIRIUS: My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fiber, and that I am therefore excused from saving universes.
LILY: Oh, very funny. Really witty.
SIRIUS: Oh, come on. You can't say your not amused by being able to say things like, "Nothing special. Saved a couple of universes, overthrown a few dictatorships, turned down a heapful of marriage proposals, and had my highlights done."
LILY: Well..
SIRIUS: Well, I enjoy it. The universe needs a chap to look up to. Someone to right wrongs, just generally be brave, handsome and all-round magnificent.
*Mutual gagging sounds*
SIRIUS: Come on, everyone. Don't discourage a good thing.
JAMES: Some good things need to be discouraged because they're only good in the eye of the beholder. Like Quodpot, for instance.
LILY: Must we complain about Quodpot?
SIRIUS: There's always time to complain about Quodpot.
JAMES: Like what kind of imbocile thinks that Quodpot's got anything on Quidditch?
SIRIUS: And who ever decided that it was a good idea to turn a freak accident into a sport?
JAMES: And what's a wizarding game without a *snitch*?
SIRIUS: Or a Quaffle?
JAMES: Or Bludgers?
SIRIUS: Or any resemblance of sanity?
LILY: I suppose it's Quodpot.
SIRIUS: That's the core of our dilemma.
LILY: American wizards are a little different, I must say.
JAMES: Its only their sports that are absurd. Otherwise they're not a bad lot.
PETER: Is it over?
REMUS: Oh, you're awake. No, its not. We have time to burn.
JAMES: Then thank God Sirius is a pyromaniac.
~~~~~
A/N: Did this really take me a month to write? Yes. Was that necessary? No. I promise to update soon next time! Within the next two weeks, most likely. Thanks for waiting, though!
