The Return of the Wacky Weeds
By: JurisAnnarielle


(Utena is running around town searching for a store that sells weed killer. Utena stops in front of a store called Weeds Are Us.)

Utena: -looks at the sign questionably- Weeds are us? Does this mean they have Weed Killer? -stands outside of the store staring at the sign as she pounders-

-While Utena pounders Akio walks up the street. A strange looking pipe hangs out of his mouth as he struts closer to Utena, wondering what has her so occupied-

Akio: -stops behind Utena and looks up at the sign- Ah! Weeds Are Us. So Utena... Are you thinking of taking up smoking?

Utena: -looks at Akio with a dreamy state- Smoking?

Akio: -smiles wickedly- Yes. -points to the pipe hanging out of his mouth- Smoking.

Utena: -still dreamy- If you want me to... I will.

Akio: -still smiling, wraps an arm around Utena and leads her into the store-

(Meanwhile... Juri is sitting in the front seat of Saionji's truck. She hasn't moved the truck yet from fear of the decorations that stare back at her from inside the truck.)

Juri: -looks around the interior, looking a little intimidated. She looks up at the ceiling of the truck and her eyes bug out- I didn't know Rainbow Brite put out porno posters. -shakes her head- He is SICK! -puts the key in the ignition- REAL SICK! I mean... Porno posters of Rainbow Brite?! They are FUCKIN KIDS for crying out loud! KIDS! -pauses as she sees a picture on the floor. She picks it up and notices it's a picture of Mitsuru. On the back of the picture is a letter.-

(Mitsuru's voice: (reading the letter) Hey you sexy bitch! Thanks for showing me your moves. You are right... the only reason why I that cow bitch is because I want Touga. God I want his tight as- (ahem) well I think you get the point. But I think I need ONE MORE lesson to make sure I am... Good enough. Meet me in our USUAL spot. Love.. You fuck toy.)

Juri: -looks at the letter in disgust and groans- oh... I am... going to be sick... -turns the key in the ignition- The sooner I move Daisy's truck the sooner my stomach can revolt against the disgusting discoveries of Saionji's secret life. -She slams her foot on the gas petal, swerving as she backs up. She puts the car into drive and moves it out of the way of the Porno delivery-

(Back at the Dueling Arena, Saionji still lies out cold on the ground. No one is around him to hear his useless muttering.)

Saionji: -sucking his thumb and says in a kiddie voice- but mommy... Touga beat me in Pretty Pretty Princess again... I want to be the Princess!

(Miki is jamming to Kid Rock now as he walks down towards the beer truck. He notices that someone HASN'T moved their car yet. The guys of the delivery truck are standing outside of it, smoking their cigars)

Guy 1: I say we screw the school and take the beer with us.

Guy 2: You think so? What about all the students that drink Beer?

Guy 1: THEY ARE FUCKIN' UNDERAGE! SERVES THEM RIGHT! THEY SHOULDN'T BE DRINKING ANYWAY!

Guy 2: You didn't drink while you were underage...?

Guy 1: That's not the fucking point you asshole! The point is... We can have free beer! FREE BEER! We can take it from underneath these wussy boys and prissy girls noses!

Miki: -sees the truck and the two guys arguing (He didn't hear a word they said though) He gets and idea as he pulls his headphones off- If I take the truck... I can have unlimited booze. -smiles evilly as he hops into the truck and notices the keys are STILL in it- The dumb bastards leave the keys in it. What a waste! Anyone could have hijacked my booze!!! -starts the truck up and revs the engine-

Guy 2: FUCKIN' A! THE TRUCK!

Miki: -laughs mechanically as he speeds off with his booze- THAT WILL TEACH YOU SON OF A BITCHES TO SHORT ME ON MY BOOZE!!!!!!

Guy 1: GOD DAMMIT! THIS IS THE TENTH TIME OUR TRUCK HAS BEEN STOLEN!

Guy 2: Well it's YOUR fault!

Guy 1: MY FAULT?!?!

Guy 2: Your fault! You were driving, you fuck! YOU left the keys in it!

Guy 1: ... oh yeah ...

(Both guys just stand there as the the beer truck disappears into the sunset)

(Juri parked Saionji's car and bursts out of it, running for the nearest bathroom. She passes Kozue who is making her way to her green Chevy. License plate IMGONRUL.)

Kozue: -walks over to her car and notices the beer truck is gone, cheers- YES! I STOPPED THE DELIVERY! -laughs loudly- Now Miki can't- (cut off)

Guy 1: (talking into a cell phone) ...like I told you boss. This dude jumped into the truck and took it. Beer and all...

Kozue: -pales- no...

Guy 1: -yells- OF COURSE NOT! IF WE UNLOADED THE BEER THEN THERE WOULDN'T BE A PROBLEM! -pauses as a response is shouted back from the other side of the line- THERE WAS A CAR IN THE WAY!

Kozue: -sighs- Miki took the truck again. I can't believe he is having beer withdrawals. So what if is hasn't had a beer since -looks at her watch- 20 minutes ago... He'll live.

Guy 1: -still yelling- I DON'T KNOW WHAT HE LOOKED LIKE! I DIDN'T SEE HIM!

Kozue: -gets into her car- Oh well I need to go get some... (looks at the audience) What?? Do you ACTUALLY think I am going after him?? I am NOT missing a good night's rest over him. -speeds away in her car as the guy yells into his phone-

(Juri exits the bathroom, holding her handkerchief to her face. She walks towards her pink Lincoln. License Plate KSSMIAASS)

Juri: -watches as the Cheetos' Delivery truck turns away from the school- Good! There are TOO many obese people in the world. I just saved them... what 1,000 calories? -gets into her car-

Juri: -sighs as she leans against the steering wheel- ahh.... I did my good deeds for the day... I saved the porno and the world from fatty foods. I think I deserve an award. Hello I am coming to get you! -turns her car on and speeds off-

(In a dark secret room somewhere in Ohtori... ((No one knows where though)) Anthy is watering Akio's stash of Weed)

Anthy: Just because I water roses doesn't mean I should take care of his precious If I get caught doing this... I will be taken to jail, they will close the school, and the Ohtori family will have to pay heavy fines. -sighs and stops watering- I should save them. I should make sure that doesn't happen. -pauses and thinks- Screw saving them... I should save myself. I am getting out of here. Let THEM deal with the plants! -lights turn on to reveal a huge room full of potted Weed- No more weeds for me! -leaves the room from an unseen exit-

(Back uptown Utena is standing inside the shop leaning on Akio's arm. Akio, being his evil self takes advantage of Utena in her state of mind ((she is Doped up))

Utena: -doesn't know what she is looking at- No Not More Roses! -grabs a random heavy object and starts smashing what she as roses.

Akio: -grabs the object from her gently, saying in a seductive voice- Now now dear. Those aren't roses... They are shot glasses advocating weed.

Utena: -looks at the glasses through blurry eyes- riiight.... of course they are.

Akio: -laughs at her- I think we should have another, Utena.

Utena: -look at Akio's pipe and smiles brightly- Another Candy bar Please!

Akio: -laughs as he lights up again, putting the pipe to Utena's mouth-

Utena: -takes a drag- that's soooommmmmmmme Candy... YUM!

(On a Rose Pattern wall somewhere in the school, A-ko and B-ko march around holding up signs)
A-ko: SAVE THE FLOWERS! SAVE THE FLOWERS!

B-ko: -sweatdrops and puts her sign down- Save the flowers??

A-ko: Of course. The heroin is going to infect the flowers.

B-ko: Don't you mean the heroine?

A-ko: No.... Heroin. The President of the Council poisoned the Rose Brides' watering can with Heroin. The flowers will die! -holds her sign up higher and yells- SAVE THE FLOWERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

B-ko: -sweatdrops-

(The Shadow Girls fade from view as the sunsets)

To Be Continued

Teaser: Will Saionji wake up? Where will Miki go with his booze? Will Juri get her ? Will Utena stop her drug habit? Will Anthy stop watering weeds? Stay tuned until next time!