By the time Buffy had redressed the wounds that still needed it and put on
some clothes, she smelled breakfast from downstairs. She smiled at the
memory of many Sunday mornings when the gang would come over and Joyce
would make them all breakfast. Then she got sad again, remembering that
her mother was gone. And then she remembered that she was missing
something--the feelings she had in those days. She missed her mother so
much, but it was almost like there was a wall up when she thought of her.
The wall stopped just beyond the missing. She felt like if she could break
that wall, all the emotions she couldn't feel would flood in. Buffy's
thoughts were interrupted by the sound of her friends arguing downstairs.
She sighed and slipped on the duster before heading down to see what the
fuss was.
She paused at the top of the stairs and wondered why she kept wearing the duster. She took it off and decided to give it back to Spike, who was probably the cause of the arguing downstairs. As she descended the stairs, she heard the topic, or rather topics. They were trying to decide if it was ok to ask her about where she'd been, what they needed to do to help her adjust, what kind of food she'd like, how they should spend the day with her, etc. Buffy was very near heading back up when Xander walked into the living room and saw her on the stairs.
"Buffy! Hey, guys, Buffy's down!" At that, the rest flooded into the foyer and just stared at her. Buffy smiled and walked down among them.
"Hi, guys. Long time, no see!" Without warning, her friends were upon her, hugging her. They were all telling her how happy they were, how much they missed her, how much she was needed. Buffy just closed her eyes and accepted the crush of friends. But soon, it was too much.
"Uh, guys. I missed you all too, but this is starting to, um..hurt." They all immediately released her and just stood there with goofy grins on their faces. Buffy smiled back, unsure of what to do next.
"So, where's Spike? I wanted to give him his coat back."
"Oh, he left as soon as we got here. He borrowed a blanket, but I figured that was ok. Did everything go alright last night? I mean, was he...good? He didn't bother you too much, did he?" Willow was trying to look serious, but the huge smile on her face negated the concerned words.
"No, he was fine. He was...nice." Buffy tried to hide her look of disappointment. She internally wondered why she was so disappointed anyway, but she was pretty sure it had something to do with the fact that she was also trying to hide her look of disdain for her friends. She tossed the duster onto the stair banister and sighed. "Um, do I smell breakfast?!" With that, Buffy was ushered into the kitchen for a feast.
Spike laid on his bed, remembering how Buffy's skin felt beneath his fingers. He remembered how she just laid there, letting him touch her, dress her wounds. Something she'd never have done before. Before. Before she was gone. Before he was alone. He'd been alone previous to her leaving, but she was always there. There to annoy. There to argue with. There to love from afar. He'd gained her trust after Glory almost killed him. But now, he felt closer to her. Closer than just being a trusted friend. Last night he felt so close to her. He felt like a loved one. Except...her eyes. There was nothing in her eyes except for a cold sadness. The few times she smiled, there was just a slight spark of the old Buffy. But mostly just the sadness. He knew there must be something off if she let him so close. Let him be where she didn't want her friends to be. But Spike tried to push that out of his head. He knew he'd never get so close to her again. He knew that it wouldn't take much time at all for her to return to her old self again, surrounded by the Scoobies. She'd let them in and shut him out, again. So he clung to the memory of the previous night, wishing he could just live there forever. Soon, he was asleep, dreaming of her. Always her.
After a couple hours of skirting the issue with small talk, catching up and a little bit of reminiscing, Xander cut to the chase.
"Look, Buff, you don't have to talk about it if you don't want to, but we're all curious about what happened after you...disappeared. So if you don't want us to bring it up again, just tell us now so we can just get it out of the way." All eyes were on her as she thought of her answer.
"I, uh...I hate to disappoint you guys, but I really don't remember. Last thing I do remember is jumping into the portal. After that, it's a big blank. And then, of course, clobbering Spike by the tower. But the between...nada. Probably for the best, really." Buffy did her best to sound convincing. It was a believable lie, she reasoned.
"Yeah, it really probably is." Willow looked a little sad, perhaps at never knowing exactly what they'd rescued her from. But her sadness was cut short by the big smile that returned to her face. "It's just...it's just so great to have you back, Buffy. I don't think we can tell you how much you were missed."
Buffy smiled at Willow, but inside she was so conflicted. Obviously her friends only meant to help. But still...it was them. They took her out of her nirvana. Brought her back to fight and be strong again. To be their leader. Buffy didn't feel strong, and certainly didn't feel like fighting and killing again. She didn't think she was in any shape to lead anyone. She just wanted to melt back into that place of peace and contentment. Where no one looked to her for answers or expected her to be violent and harsh. Where she could just *be*. Anya interrupted her thoughts.
"Well, I've taken a half day off from the shop already. If everything is good here, I'll just be getting back. I mean, we're all glad to have Buffy back, but it's no reason to stop making money!" Anya chirped.
"Uh, I kinda need to be going too. Told the crew I'd be a few hours late. I need to be getting back. Make sure they haven't built a nightclub at the church site!" Xander tried to be cheerful.
Buffy smiled at them. "Yeah, you guys go. I'm good here. I think I'm going to take a nap. Will, Tara, you guys don't have to stay. I mean, unless...Xander said something about you guys staying here sometimes. If you were, ya know, living here...you're more than welcome to stay."
"Oh, no, we weren't *living* here. We were just staying here a night or two a week. To make sure everything was all good. Make sure the pipes weren't leaking or people didn't break in. Just making sure everything was ok for when we brought you back." Willow beamed, then her face clouded. "We're really sorry we couldn't do it sooner. It took us all that time just gathering supplies. It was a very intricate spell. I didn't know if we'd pull it off. But that stuff doesn't matter, because we did and you're here!" Willow gave Buffy a big hug. Buffy hugged her back, trying to seem joyous too. Tara came in behind Willow and gave Buffy a gentle squeeze.
"M-maybe we should be going too, Willow. Buffy's probably had enough excitement for one..ever." Tara gave Buffy a little smile. Buffy nodded at her.
"Yeah, ok. But if you need anything, Buffy, anything at all, you just call us, ok? Um, do you want us to come over for dinner? We can order in some Chinese. You still like Chinese, right?"
"Yeah, I still like Chinese, but that breakfast really filled me up. I can't even think about food. Why don't I call you later, and let you know what the hunger situation is then, ok?" Buffy mustered a yawn to help them get the message.
"Oh, ok. Sure. Let us know. Well, you get some rest. And remember, if you need anything---"
"I'll call. Don't worry, guys. I know it's all been very strange, but I really think I'm ok. I just need some time to acclimatize. Wow, didn't know I knew that word!" With that, Buffy's friends gave her goodbye hugs and shuffled out the door. Buffy was left in silence, and she gave a little thanks to who or whatever was responsible for such a wonderful sound. She made her way up to her room and fell quickly asleep, the weight of the past two days crushing her into a slumber.
**
Please review! It gives me a happy!!
She paused at the top of the stairs and wondered why she kept wearing the duster. She took it off and decided to give it back to Spike, who was probably the cause of the arguing downstairs. As she descended the stairs, she heard the topic, or rather topics. They were trying to decide if it was ok to ask her about where she'd been, what they needed to do to help her adjust, what kind of food she'd like, how they should spend the day with her, etc. Buffy was very near heading back up when Xander walked into the living room and saw her on the stairs.
"Buffy! Hey, guys, Buffy's down!" At that, the rest flooded into the foyer and just stared at her. Buffy smiled and walked down among them.
"Hi, guys. Long time, no see!" Without warning, her friends were upon her, hugging her. They were all telling her how happy they were, how much they missed her, how much she was needed. Buffy just closed her eyes and accepted the crush of friends. But soon, it was too much.
"Uh, guys. I missed you all too, but this is starting to, um..hurt." They all immediately released her and just stood there with goofy grins on their faces. Buffy smiled back, unsure of what to do next.
"So, where's Spike? I wanted to give him his coat back."
"Oh, he left as soon as we got here. He borrowed a blanket, but I figured that was ok. Did everything go alright last night? I mean, was he...good? He didn't bother you too much, did he?" Willow was trying to look serious, but the huge smile on her face negated the concerned words.
"No, he was fine. He was...nice." Buffy tried to hide her look of disappointment. She internally wondered why she was so disappointed anyway, but she was pretty sure it had something to do with the fact that she was also trying to hide her look of disdain for her friends. She tossed the duster onto the stair banister and sighed. "Um, do I smell breakfast?!" With that, Buffy was ushered into the kitchen for a feast.
Spike laid on his bed, remembering how Buffy's skin felt beneath his fingers. He remembered how she just laid there, letting him touch her, dress her wounds. Something she'd never have done before. Before. Before she was gone. Before he was alone. He'd been alone previous to her leaving, but she was always there. There to annoy. There to argue with. There to love from afar. He'd gained her trust after Glory almost killed him. But now, he felt closer to her. Closer than just being a trusted friend. Last night he felt so close to her. He felt like a loved one. Except...her eyes. There was nothing in her eyes except for a cold sadness. The few times she smiled, there was just a slight spark of the old Buffy. But mostly just the sadness. He knew there must be something off if she let him so close. Let him be where she didn't want her friends to be. But Spike tried to push that out of his head. He knew he'd never get so close to her again. He knew that it wouldn't take much time at all for her to return to her old self again, surrounded by the Scoobies. She'd let them in and shut him out, again. So he clung to the memory of the previous night, wishing he could just live there forever. Soon, he was asleep, dreaming of her. Always her.
After a couple hours of skirting the issue with small talk, catching up and a little bit of reminiscing, Xander cut to the chase.
"Look, Buff, you don't have to talk about it if you don't want to, but we're all curious about what happened after you...disappeared. So if you don't want us to bring it up again, just tell us now so we can just get it out of the way." All eyes were on her as she thought of her answer.
"I, uh...I hate to disappoint you guys, but I really don't remember. Last thing I do remember is jumping into the portal. After that, it's a big blank. And then, of course, clobbering Spike by the tower. But the between...nada. Probably for the best, really." Buffy did her best to sound convincing. It was a believable lie, she reasoned.
"Yeah, it really probably is." Willow looked a little sad, perhaps at never knowing exactly what they'd rescued her from. But her sadness was cut short by the big smile that returned to her face. "It's just...it's just so great to have you back, Buffy. I don't think we can tell you how much you were missed."
Buffy smiled at Willow, but inside she was so conflicted. Obviously her friends only meant to help. But still...it was them. They took her out of her nirvana. Brought her back to fight and be strong again. To be their leader. Buffy didn't feel strong, and certainly didn't feel like fighting and killing again. She didn't think she was in any shape to lead anyone. She just wanted to melt back into that place of peace and contentment. Where no one looked to her for answers or expected her to be violent and harsh. Where she could just *be*. Anya interrupted her thoughts.
"Well, I've taken a half day off from the shop already. If everything is good here, I'll just be getting back. I mean, we're all glad to have Buffy back, but it's no reason to stop making money!" Anya chirped.
"Uh, I kinda need to be going too. Told the crew I'd be a few hours late. I need to be getting back. Make sure they haven't built a nightclub at the church site!" Xander tried to be cheerful.
Buffy smiled at them. "Yeah, you guys go. I'm good here. I think I'm going to take a nap. Will, Tara, you guys don't have to stay. I mean, unless...Xander said something about you guys staying here sometimes. If you were, ya know, living here...you're more than welcome to stay."
"Oh, no, we weren't *living* here. We were just staying here a night or two a week. To make sure everything was all good. Make sure the pipes weren't leaking or people didn't break in. Just making sure everything was ok for when we brought you back." Willow beamed, then her face clouded. "We're really sorry we couldn't do it sooner. It took us all that time just gathering supplies. It was a very intricate spell. I didn't know if we'd pull it off. But that stuff doesn't matter, because we did and you're here!" Willow gave Buffy a big hug. Buffy hugged her back, trying to seem joyous too. Tara came in behind Willow and gave Buffy a gentle squeeze.
"M-maybe we should be going too, Willow. Buffy's probably had enough excitement for one..ever." Tara gave Buffy a little smile. Buffy nodded at her.
"Yeah, ok. But if you need anything, Buffy, anything at all, you just call us, ok? Um, do you want us to come over for dinner? We can order in some Chinese. You still like Chinese, right?"
"Yeah, I still like Chinese, but that breakfast really filled me up. I can't even think about food. Why don't I call you later, and let you know what the hunger situation is then, ok?" Buffy mustered a yawn to help them get the message.
"Oh, ok. Sure. Let us know. Well, you get some rest. And remember, if you need anything---"
"I'll call. Don't worry, guys. I know it's all been very strange, but I really think I'm ok. I just need some time to acclimatize. Wow, didn't know I knew that word!" With that, Buffy's friends gave her goodbye hugs and shuffled out the door. Buffy was left in silence, and she gave a little thanks to who or whatever was responsible for such a wonderful sound. She made her way up to her room and fell quickly asleep, the weight of the past two days crushing her into a slumber.
**
Please review! It gives me a happy!!
