Chapter Five: Heartache

Buffy watched her little girls play on the apartment playground again. They did this every other day. Buffy wanted the girls to have some kind of stable pattern in their lives. She figured they had a happy life, for not having a daddy. They both had a daddy, just not one that was around. David was in heaven no doubt watching over his little girl's. Hope hardly remembered him. She was too young. She didn't even recognize Buffy, when she finally returned and Hope was almost three.

Buffy beat herself up every day for leaving Hope. It's not like she didn't leave her in good care. She was with Willow and Kennedy, any more protection, she would've had to be locked up inside Fort Knox. Buffy left, out on a personal vendetta, to find her husband's killers. It was the only time, Buffy had actually thought herself a killer. She was always The Slayer. Killing vamps and demons for the good of the world. But Buffy wasn't The Slayer then. She was still a slayer, but she didn't go as one. She went as a wife, and mother, to find her David's killers and... kill them. Willow understood, that's why she let Buffy go without much of a lecture.

"Girls! Let's go!" Buffy called to them and they skipped over.

"Morrow's your birff-day, Mommy," Madison told her.

"And we're gonna see Auntie Dawn, Uncle Xander and Aunt Willow!" Hope said excitedly.

"That's right. So is Aunt Kennedy, Uncle Jack, Aunt Teresa, Andrew, Faith, and Robin. We're going over to Auntie Dawn and Uncle Jack's," Buffy reminded them.

"And they're bringing their kids?" Hope asked.

"Yep," Buffy nodded.

"Yay!" The girl pranced around.

Later that night, after the girls were in bed, Buffy went for a walk. The girls were safe, protected by a Protection spell Willow had cast the first day Buffy moved in. The air was cold, Buffy could see her breath. She zipped up her warm, leather jacket and stuffed her hands inside her pockets. She couldn't sleep, something was on her mind and she didn't know what it was. It was well after midnight, when Buffy stopped at the park. She sat on a metal bench.

"That blonde one looks like you."

Buffy shook her head, "She's going to be tall though."

"Good thing."

"Yeah."

"And the other? She's not his, is she?"

Buffy sighed. She had been dreading this conversation. "No."

The person behind her cleared his throat. "She's beautiful."

"She's looks like her daddy." Buffy said. "I hate that. Every time she looks at me I see him. Her eyes are just like his. And when she watched me she tilts her head, like he did. It hurts to look at her, sometimes." She started to cry.

"I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault."

"Yes it is."

"Yes it is," Buffy agreed. "What are doing here?"

The person sat next to her. "It's your birthday. I wanted to be here."

"You can't be here. I don't want you here."

"You don't really mean that, Buffy."

"Yes I do."

"You're not still mad at me?!"

"Yes I am!" She crossed her arms.

"For what? You left." He said.

"I left? You were alive and you didn't even try to find me. Five years, and you were alive. You left me, remember? You wanted to be all heroic." Her chin was quivering and she was shivering from the cold. But she didn't back down. He tried to put his arm around her put she stood up.

He stood up too. "God, Buffy! What can I do? What could I have done? If I had to do it over again, I'd do it the same way. And I'm sorry, okay? I just thought that you were better of with out me. And you were.

"I wasn't! I hurt!" Tears were streaming down her cheeks. "I got married. I had a baby. Then he died. David died. He left. Just like everybody else."

He pulled her into his arms. She cried against his chest. She breathed in deeply, smelling him. She told him once that the smelling thing was weird. But she didn't realize that all it took was a smell to bring a memory.

"Shh, love. Don't cry."

Buffy looked up into his blue-gray eyes. Eyes like the sky after a storm. He lifted her chin with his finger and their lips met. In a moment, everything exploded. As their desperate tongues rolled against each other, a flood of emotions poured out. Buffy remembered the steamy nights they had in Sunnydale, his smirk, the way he watched her move, every fight they had, every kiss, every exchange of blows and smart ass remarks. She remembered it all. How she ran into him in L.A while searching for David's killers, that heart-stopping moment when she thought she had lost her mind again. Seeing him alive, and human. The night they had dusted those vamps and made passionate love, and the birth of Madison.

Suddenly she shoved him away. "No!" She wiped her mouth. "You can't try to make it better with a kiss."

Spike was at a loss. After all this time, she was still so hot and cold. "I know I can't make it better, but I'm here now. I want to be here."

"She's yours, you know, " Buffy said.

Spike's eyes widened. "Mine?"

Buffy scoffed, "You really are stupid."

Spike sat back down on the bench. "She's mine," he whispered, soaking in the information. He looked back at her, "What's her name?"

"Madison," she replied. "Her name is Madison. And the other is Hope."

"Madison," he repeated. "It's pretty."

She nodded and looked at her watch. "It's going to be light soon. You'll have to..." she stopped before finishing that sentence. "Old habit," she shrugged.

He nodded. "Do you want to watch the sunrise?"

Buffy shook her head. "No. I have to get back."

"Buffy, when...?"

"Tonight," she told him. "Come tonight. It's my birthday."

"Okay." He watched her walk away.

(I can't decide whether to end it here or keep going. I can. I've gotten the rest already written out. Review and let me know. Majority wins.)