Spike stood up with Buffy wrapped around him. Somehow she got all her clothes off without ever losing her grip on Spike. He silently wished she had let him take her clothes off. He carried her to the bed where he laid her down as gently as he could. He quickly took off his clothes and climbed on the bed with her. He positioned himself over her.

"Oh, Buffy. God, I've wanted this for so long. You have no idea." He kissed her gently on the lips, then the neck, shoulder. He was working his way down her arm when she grabbed his head and crushed his mouth to hers. She released him for breath.

"Now, Spike. I want you now. I want you in me."

Spike smirked a bit, but the smirk was soon replaced by a blinding smile of love. His Buffy was actually here, wanting him. He wanted to make this last, to love her slow and easy, the way she deserved. But she was urgent, insistent. Even when he tried to caress her gently, she grabbed his hand and forced pressure. She was arching her hips up to his, and he could smell her arousal. It was more intoxicating than the booze and he slid down her body to taste her. She grabbed his shoulders and pulled him back up to face level.

"No, now. I want this now." She looked almost frantic, and Spike frowned a bit at her urgency.

"Ok, pet. Whatever you want." Spike reached down to position his cock at her wet entrance. He slid it up and down her hot folds, and she moaned at this. Then she reached down and grabbed his hand, stilling his actions.

"Wait, Spike. First...I want you to...Do you want to...taste me?" Buffy looked hesitantly.

Spike smiled widely and slowly slid down her body again. Again, she grabbed his shoulders and pulled him back up. "No, I didn't mean...there. I mean, don't you want to...bite me? Don't you want to taste my blood? I mean, don't vampires like to do that during sex?"

Spike frowned a bit. "Well, yeah, we do like that. But...I don't think you want me to bite you. Do you realize what you're asking here? Word to the wise, pet. Don't offer something like that to a vampire unless you're prepared to follow through. Now I'm gonna let you off with a warning this time, but only because you're drunk. Any other time and all's fair." Spike reached down again. Buffy caught his hand again.

"I do realize what I'm asking. And I want you to. I mean...isn't it kind of like claiming someone? Making them yours? I want you to claim me, Spike. Don't you want me to be yours?" Buffy looked kind of shy and embarrassed.

"Bloody hell, Slayer. I think you're off your rocker. Drunk doesn't even cover this. Of course I want to taste your blood and make you mine. 'S all I've wanted since the day I first saw you. Well, the tasting your blood bit. Didn't want to make you mine until last year, but you weren't really interested-" Spike was cut off Buffy grabbing his head and pressing it into her neck.

"I want you to, Spike. I want to be yours. Please, make me yours. I want to belong to you. Don't you want me?" Buffy's pleading, mixed with the scent of her arousal and sound of her blood rushing just inches from his mouth made him lose it. He vamped out and slid his fangs into her soft flesh. She cried out a little and said, "Drink me, Spike. Take it all."

Spike snapped out of his daze and pulled back from her neck. Still in vamp face, he asked, "What did you say?"

Buffy's eyes welled up and she whispered, "Please."

"What?! You want me to...NO! My god, was this all just to..." Spike had jumped off the bed and was gaping at Buffy with huge eyes.

Buffy couldn't hold the tears any longer. "Please, Spike. Please do this for me. I can't take it anymore. I can't be here anymore. I want it to be you. Please, please just take your one good day. I'm giving it to you. You said you'd help me. Said you'd do anything." She was now holding a sheet over her naked body.

Spike was fuming and pacing in front of the bed. "I...I can't believe you would...bloody hell...you want to make me your killer. I won't, Buffy. I won't do it. I've killed you once, I won't do it again. My god, you really don't care a thing about me, do you? You would actually ask me to murder the one thing that gives my life any meaning? Why?!"

Buffy shook her head. "I don't know. You've killed before. You've killed Slayers before. I thought you would want this. I mean, if I was going to die again, I thought you would want to be the one."

"Bitch! You are...beyond words! You are the biggest coward I've ever seen. You're too fucking scared to live and to scared to off yourself. So you worm your way into my bed, pretend you want me, make me think my one and only dream is coming true, and then you try to make me kill you??? Un- fucking-believable. I can't...Just get out. Go. Fuck! I thought we...since you came back, we were friends. We talked, we tried to work through your problems...And this is how you repay my friendship? Just get out. I can't be around you right now. Get dressed and go." Spike turned his back to her and hung his head down.

Buffy slipped out of bed, tears still streaming. She quickly got dressed. She slowly walked up to Spike, but when she got near him, she heard a low growl. "Get the fuck out."

Spike stood stock still until he heard her ascend the ladder. Then he cried. He laid down on his bed and sobbed, her scent still around him, on him. He could still taste her blood, her lips, her skin. "Oh God, Buffy. Why? Why would you do this to me?" At that moment, he smelled it. Blood. Hers. And more than just what he had taken from her. The scent was overwhelming. It was all around him. He was stunned for a moment, then thought, 'Oh, fuck, NO!' He leapt from the bed and went to the hole to the upstairs. He jumped up through the opening, not even touching the ladder. He saw her there in his chair, blood dripping from her wrist.

"Not a coward, Spike. See?" Buffy looked down at the blood flowing quickly from her wrist.

Spike was at her side in an instant and grabbed the knife that he mentally kicked himself for leaving out. 'How was I to know she was feelin' suicidal??' He tossed it across the room and started babbling. "Oh, Buffy, no. God, no. Please...why? Fuck..." Spike knew why. Knew she was determined to leave this world one way or another. He scooped her up in his arms and ran back to the underground hole. He jumped down deftly, barely jostling her. He ran to the bed and laid her down gently. She was losing consciousness. He grabbed his shirt off the ground and ripped it in two. He wrapped one long strip just above her elbow to act as a tourniquet. He wrapped the other strip tightly around her wrist. She had made the cut deep and long. To prove she was no coward. He ripped the pillowcase off the nearest pillow and wrapped that around her wrist too.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, Buffy...luv...please don't do this. We need you. We all need you." Spike was holding her wrist tightly, hoping that her slayer healing would kick in sometime soon. Buffy was out cold. After a few minutes, he slowly removed the bandages to check if the bleeding had slowed. It had, but still flowed a bit. He took off the tourniquet and checked again. The blood was slow. He wrapped up her wrist again, trying desperately to remember what he had learned as a young man in cases of emergency. He remembered that she should probably eat something. He didn't remember why, but he knew he should find something for her to eat. He had plenty of regular food, but upstairs. He couldn't leave her. And she wasn't eating anything while she was unconscious. But he decided to take his chances. Just be a moment upstairs. But he also knew Buffy. He rummaged around in his boxes and found some handcuffs. He cuffed her right hand to the bed, leaving her injured hand free. He figured this would do well enough if she came to while he was gone.

He dug through his refrigerator, looking for something that Buffy might like. 'Doesn't matter if she likes it, you git. She just needs to eat.' He found something more or less nutritious and brought it down to Buffy. He tried to sit her up a bit, and put the glass to her lips. "Come on, luv. Drink up." He tipped the glass to her lips, but got no response. He could hear her heartbeat was faster than before, knew she was coming to. So he waited a few minutes.

When she did open her eyes, she saw Spike's face full of worry and anger. She averted her gaze from him. "Here, now, pet. You gotta get something in you besides booze. Help you heal up." Again, he brought the glass to her lips and this time she jerked away from him.

"I'm not drinking blood! Or...did you *turn* me? Oh my god, I'm a vampire, aren't I?

Spike looked at her incredulously. "*No,* I did not turn you. You've only been out a few minutes, love. You should know it takes quite a bit longer than that to raise a vampire. And this isn't blood, it's vegetable juice. Drink it, it's good for you."

By this time, Buffy had noticed that she was handcuffed to the bed. She gave him a questioning look. "Had to be sure you wouldn't do something foolish...again. I'll take it off if you promise to just sit there and behave."

Buffy nodded and took the glass from Spike. He moved around the bed to unlock the cuffs. She drank the juice and made a disgusted face. "Might as well be blood. This is terrible. And why do you have health food anyway?"

"Well, hanging out with your mates this summer...they'd have me over for dinner sometimes. And since they all were just right repulsed by me drinking blood at the table, Red decided to give me vegetable juice to drink. And then I could mix the blood in with it. I guess it made them feel better thinking it was just vegetable juice, even though they all knew what was in with it. And, I guess I developed a taste for it. Now I always put my blood in there. Some burba weed, makes it all hot and spicy...." Spike trailed off, realizing he wasn't really in the mood for small talk.

Buffy looked down at her bound wrist. "Spike...I-" Spike stood up swiftly and held up his hand to stop her. He shook his head while he yanked on his pants.

"No, I don't want to hear anything you have to say right now. Look, I know I can't stop you if you want to kill yourself. I mean, I did this time, but in the future...I won't always be there. Wish I could be, but I can't. So if you're going to do it, just...just know that I love you. Ok? If you're going to die again, I want you to at least know that. And know that I wouldn't trade a minute of the time I've spent with you recently for anything in the world. And...and I'm sorry, Buffy. I'm sorry I can't make you happy, or take your pain away, short of killing you-which I will *not* do. I just wish that being with me made you feel as whole and complete as being with you makes me feel. But I also want you to know that I've accepted that I can never do that for you. I can never be for you what you are for me..And I'd beg you not to do it, if I knew my feelings would make any difference. But all I can say is that your mates need you. They love you and they'd be lost without you. But if you can't find anything in this world that makes you want to stay in it...well, I can't say that I haven't been there. Took all I had not to catch my last sunrise while you were gone. But if you're going to do it...please don't come around here anymore. I don't think I'd be able to handle getting any closer to you, spending any more time with you, knowing that I only had you for a short time more. I know I should just cherish any moment I can have with you, like I have up 'til now. But up 'til now I thought you'd be around a while longer. I'm sorry. Sorry that I can't be stronger in this." Buffy noticed tears slowly falling down Spike's cheeks.

Buffy got up shakily and walked over to where Spike stood. She placed her hand on his face and wiped away some tears with her thumb. Then she turned and walked away from him. She silently climbed the ladder and in a moment, Spike heard the crypt door close. And he stood there, quietly wondering if he would ever see his love again.

**

Uh oh! Trouble in Sunnydale! R&R if you please!