Note: This interview first appeared in Sad_Alice's livejournal in December of 2002.

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Hey, everybody! Five here, on location at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardy! With two weeks to go until Christmas, we're going to find out what's on everybody's special wish list, past and present! Let's start with the professors first!

FIVE: OK guys, what's that one special present you want most?

MACGONAGALL: Speakers for my laptop.

DUMBLEDORE: Socks. Lots of them.

FIVE: How bout you, Professor Flitwick?

FLITWICK: A Bead-o-matic Bedazzler kit! With refills!

FIVE: Sinistra?

SINISTRA: Actual lines of dialogue in one of the remaining three Harry Potter books.

FIVE: [laughs] That's a good one, professor. What do you want, Snape?

SNAPE: I want to decide who lives and dies.

FIVE: I don't know if that would fit under the Christmas tree, professor.

SNAPE: Oh. In that case, I'd like a pony.

FIVE: Can do, professor! How bout everyone else?

LOCKHART: Ditto on the pony. Or barrettes. Or a Milton Bradley Anniversary edition of "Dream Date". Or a bobblehead doll of Britney Spears.

LUPIN: Food stamps.

FIVE: Hagrid?

HAGRID: Erm...a Mach 3 razor.

FIVE: Hagrid!

HAGRID: Heh, I'm only kidding. Bloodsucking thirty-pound were-leeches, as usual.

FIVE: That's more like it. Quirrell?

QUIRRELL: Propecia.

Man, what a lot of great presents! I hope you all get what you wish for. Let's move onto the students!

FIVE: How bout it, Harry? What's under your wish-list tree?

HARRY: One good reason why I can't turn my abusive aunt and uncle over to the police.

FIVE: Ha ha! I'll be sure to ask Santa about that one for you, kid! Hermione?

HERMIONE: More advanced classes at school for me to ace.

FIVE: Knock yourself out, honey. Ron?

RON: Hermione.

FIVE: I don't ever want to see the inside of your head, Ron. Go lay down.

DRACO: I'd just like everyone to know that I'll actually be getting ALL the things I ask for, including, but not limited to: a power speedboat, a house in Majorca, several acres of chocolate, my own moped gang...

FIVE: ...and a molesting from several staff members and fellow students, the likes of which we've never seen or want to see. We know.

DRACO: Daddy! DADDY! The creepy girl's making fun of me!

LUCIUS: Never mind, boy, we'll buy her later and make her suffer.

FIVE: Speaking of which, what do you get for the man who has everything? How bout it, Lucius?

LUCIUS: For Christmas, I'd like more highballs than I can possibly drink in a month. And I'm getting them, too.

FIVE: You certainly will be, Mr. Malfoy! And that's a sentiment to which we can all relate, in one way or another.

LUPIN: Are you gonna finish that sandwich?

Until next time, Merry Christmas!