Hogwarts, eh?

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I own nuthin' to do with Harry Potter, but the three Canadians that are in this fic are entirely real. Somewhere in the country of Canada, at an Oneill High School, there is a Leah, Ann and Alex walking around. I should know.

Enjoy!

Leah/Ann: A-hem...

Me: OH! And I have to give partial credit to Ann and Leah for helping me write this fic, and for helping to come up with ideas. Thanx Muchly!!

Leah/Ann: No prob.

NOW onward!

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Chapter One: Classes...Ick.

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It was an ordinary day. A day that was just like every other day. A day that was nothing out of the ordinary.

Like hell it was.

Okay, so I was awakened the next morning by someone shaking me, speaking like a Brit into my left year.

"What in blazes?' Then I remembered. Hogwarts. I had been sucked into Hogwarts. I was in the world of Harry Potter.

"GO THE HELL AWAY!!" That was a really loud yell. It was. It was Leah, my friend that had been sucked into Harry Potter with me. You know, I really shouldn't put it like that anymore. Now that we were in the HP reality, it didn't sound quite...right anymore. Sucked into Harry Potter?

Bad images.

Anyway, Leah, who was not a very happy morning person, despite her disposition the rest of the day, was currently fighting Hermione Granger for the possession of her blankets. I, not wanting to be any part of the dispute, decided to get changed. I dug into my trunk - yes, my trunk - and pulled out one of the Hogwarts Uniforms. Yeah. I gotta wear a skirt. I wonder what Dumbledore would do if I pilfered a pair of pants from the laundry...hmm...

"LEGGO!"

I sighed, stepping into my shoes. They were heels, so I hope I wouldn't be too much of a klutz and trip over them. Yes, I am a klutz as well as cursed with the techno curse.

For more information on that, please see the previous chapter.

Getting back to the story...I had to literally pull Leah out of bed, while fighting to keep both of my eyes in my head. She did manage to knock off my glasses, though.

Glasses, you ask? Yeah. I have glasses. Did I forget to mention that? Whupps.

It was a good ten minutes later before Leah was even prepared to go down into the commons room. She kept sending dirty looks Hermione's way. I don't think she likes her very much. Hmm.

So, after lounging in the commons room with the Weasley twins for a while, we finally headed down to the Great Hall for Breakfast. Now, normally, I think that I would really like the ceiling of the Hall, but if you're a night owl just like me, then the light coming down from the ceiling was totally unbearable.

I only managed not to scream in agony. Instead, I grabbed Leah's arm, and staggered to the Gryffindor table. Harry and Ron were already there, and they were talking about Quidditch.

"We need three new players for the team." Harry grumbled into his toast. "With Wood and Alicia gone, and Fred's wrist..."

"What happened to his wrist?" I asked. This was new. It sort of sounded like one of them wouldn't be able to play. Hmm...an opportunity.

"He and George were building something for their joke shop and it exploded." Ron supplied this information. I half-expected this. After all, he was their brother.

"Doesn't that usually happen?" Hermione asked.

"Yes, but this time, it managed to break his wrist."

"How?" Leah asked. You see, she's not hyper ALL the time. Most of the time, but not all of the time.

Ron shrugged. "How should I know?"

Okay, so maybe wasn't such a lot of help after all. Oh well. Harry went on to moan and groan over the team again. Seems that they are in urgent need of a keeper, a beater and a chaser.

"A BEATER???' Leah said, suddenly all hyper again. "That means I get a BAT, right?" There was a sudden puff of colored smoke that revealed a bat with violet swirls. The previous day, when we had discovered how to use magic (apparently we don't need wands) she made the bat appear. I used a summoning charm and Ann used a floating charm. Speaking of which, were was she?

Leah's sudden outburst made Ron and Harry slowly inch away, but Harry nodded. "Yes, a beater gets to use a bat, why?"

Leah grinned at me. I grinned back, momentarily forgetting about our other friend. Sorry, but I'm like that sometimes. My attention span is just as long as my memory unless I'm totally interested in something. Where were we?

"We so have to go to the tryouts." I said. She nodded enthusiastically. The idea of being a Keeper was becoming more and more appealing with each moment. Chaser just wasn't my thing, I guess. Don't ask why. Maybe it was just the name or something. Meh.

"Morning." Ann finally made an appearance, sitting down at the table with a swish of her robes.

"Where have you been?" I asked.

"Around." She said vaguely, reaching for a piece of toast. "I'm starving."

"Understatement." Ron commented, watching her down three eggs and toast to match. She gulped down a cup of orange juice, wiped her mouth with a napkin and stood again.

"See you in class!" She waved as she left. "Bye!"

We all stared at each other. "Whoa." I said. "Talk about out of character."

"Yeah" Leah agreed. She grinned. "But getting back to the beater business"

Harry and Ron groaned.

~*~*~*~

It's offical. We were lost.

"Where the hell are we?" Leah asked, examining a moving picture on the wall. It was a centaur...prancing and pawing with each little hoof. Hee-hee.

"Do you know the way to the dungeons?" I asked it, figuring that everyone asked pictures for directions anyway, and I wouldn't look that weird.

It shrugged, walking in a circle. "Venus is in the second house tonight."

Dammit. Centaurs can never talk in normal English, can they? "Uh, yeah. Thanks a bunch." I rolled my eyes at Leah. Ann wasn't with us. She had swept in and out of the Great Hall without even waiting so that she could get lost with us. Come to think of it, that was probably the smartest thing to do. Meh.

So, Leah and I wandered some more, admiring the pictures on the wall, and occasionally stopping to talk to several of them. We must have went in a circle, because we managed to end up back at the Gryffindor Tower entrance, staring up at the Fat Lady. You know, that's a pretty mean name for the guardian of our house. Sheesh.

The portrait swung open. Out stepped the Weasley Twins.

"What are you doing out of class?" All four of us said at the same time. It was quite strange, really, because it sounded like there was only three of us; Fred and George sound practically the same. Ha. That's pretty weird. Sorry...

"Technically, we are in class." Fred -- or was it George-- said.

"Yeah." Leah said, unconvinced. "Tell me another."

"But it's true, " George said -- or was it Fred -- slinging an arm around Leah. "We are teaching you how to find whatever class you are trying to find." He grinned.

I saw the danger in this situation. Leah's fingers were twitching, and I knew that if I didn't step in, Leah would make her bat appear. "Leah. No magic."

She shrugged. "Okay." I admit that the next thing that she did, I could have prevented, but I really didn't see it coming. I'm not one for sound effects, but....

WHAM.

Yeah. All I can say is that he's lucky that she didn't decide to can him instead. He would've been a very lonley man for the rest of his life.

George -- or was it Fred -- staggered backwards, holding his stomach and looking in horror at Leah. Fred -- or was it George -- being the goof that he was, had no pity for his brother, and burst out laughing. He was holding his sides, practically in tears. Heh. Leah was snickering in the corner. Poor George. Or was it Fred? Meh.

Anyway, the one who wasn't in pain, laughed even harder and pointed down a corridor. "T-the d-d-d-dungeons are, hahahahahahahaha, tha-tha-tha-that way!"

"Thanks" I said, starting in the direction he was pointing. Then I stopped. "Wait- how did you know where we were going?"

The one that was about to piss his pants from laughing managed to speak a coherent sentence. "Bloody portrait of a knight was babbling on about two maidens trying to find their way to the dungeons."

Maidens? Maidens my ASS! Snorting in amusment, Leah and I staggered down the corridor. Maybe we would find the class this time...

~*~*~*~

"Fifty points from Gryffindor!"

"What?!?" Leah and I chorused. That sonovabitch!

"Each." He said with relish. WTF? This guy is such a--- well... I think that we all know what he is...I don't need to tell you...Bad language is bad. Heh. Dammit.

Silently glaring at the potions master, Leah and I took our seats, beside Ann. We sank into the stool beside her, switching our glares to her.

"Where did you go?" I asked.

"Ten points!" Snape called out. Dammit. I hate that guy so much already... Grr...

Ann scratched at her paper with some sorta quill. I walked with the other Gryffindors. I looked at Leah. Why didn't we think of that? Blast it all.

Stupid slimy sneaky Servus Snape gave us minimal instructions on how to complete the assignment, which we didn't even know what it was, and glared at us again, warning us against talking.

"I must leave for a moment," He said, in his usual disgusting voice. "I will be back; NO TALKING!" He was looking at us Gryffindors when he said this; not the Slytherins. Damn him.

Everyone watched in unison as he walked out the room, closing the gate with a clang behind him.

The dude in front of me turned around. He had curiously pale blonde hair, that was gel-ed back, but not spiked. Narrowed eyes were a strange grey-blue and a thin mouth was turned in a smirk. He was wearing the Slytherin uniform.

"Whoa!" I blurted. "Draco Malfoy?"

"How do you know my name?" He asked with a sneer.

Ann, ever so helpful, managed to blurt out an undesirable answer. "She's your stalker."

"WHAT?" He burst out, eyes widening at the implication. I noticed that he had started to edge away.

"NO!" I assured him, laughing and sending a dirty look in Ann's direction. "She's kidding...just joshing with you." OMG. This is Draco Malfoy! ... Man, he's not that bad looking... Hmm...

He didn't look convinced. "I'm sure. It's a pity that you were placed in Gryffindor."

"You're telling me," Ann muttered. Leah and I looked at her. She blinked innocently, and returned to her potion.

"How so?" Leah asked, eyes glinting evily. Eep. I had better head this one off before it gets to hurting Draco. Poor Draco. My poor, poor Draco...ever getting bashed by all the bad peoples out in the world...

Um...never mind...

Draco sniffed hautily. "It's a pity because everyone who's anyone..." He raised chin. "...Is in Slytherin..."

Leah's hand was twitching again, and I was faintly alarmed. "Oh stuff it, Draco. Lord V. was in Slytherin and he still got his ass kicked by Harry, over there." I jerked a thumb over my shoulder at the 'Boy who Lived."

Draco's eyes flashed. "Do not be pert with me, Canadian."

Leah, Ann and I snorted. He thinks that calling us Canadians will make me mad? Feh. We are Canadians, and we still make fun of our selves. "So?" I retorted. "You got a problem with that...eh?" Heh...a comment so innocently Canadian, that it can't help but be slightly annoying. Hee-hee.

I swear, if it weren't for the fact that Snape had just walked back in, Draco would have started sputtering and scrambling for another insult. As it would happen, Snape glared our (us Canadians) way. I don't know why. Lol.

Sufficed to say...potions was really really boring. I don't even want to recapp it all through the wonder that is a story. Eep.

~*~*~*~

"Bibbity-bobbity-boo!" Leah waved her hands at a pumpkin that was sitting on her desk. I half-expected it to turn into a carriage, but it didn't. Oh well. Leah stuck her tounge out at offending vegetable, and then turned away. "Stupid pumpkin..."

You see, it was Transfiguration class, and we were to turn pumpkins into cushions. Leah was slowly turning it into a squishy pumpkin, but mine had only flattened out.

Of course, Ann was already done, preening over her fluffy pillow. Grr. How did she do it so fast?

"Hmmp." Apparently Hermione was thinking the same thing. She had finished a moment after Ann, but the thing was...she finished after Ann. Heh....that's right...beware of the Canadians. Hee.

"Hocus Pocus." I tried, ficking my fingers at my flattened food item. Nothing. "Hibberty-Gibberty!" Still no change.

"Hey." I turned around. Ann was pointing up at the chalkboard. "The spell's up there."

I looked. Heh. So it was. Hmm. "Thanks." I read the words off the board. "Cucurbita ad cervical," I said. Hmm. Sounds latin. With a puff of orange smoke, a plushy pillow appeared. Nice.

The bell rang with a clanging echo. Everyone gathered their stuff and flowed out the door. I could see Draco and his little 'gang' pushing their way out first. Imagine that....what a surprise. HA.

Ann looked at our time schedule. "I have the dark arts next."

Leah quirked an eyebrow. "You mean...defence against the dark arts, right?"

Ann nodded slowly. "Um...yeah..."

Ho...that's a bit strange... I should probably investigate this further, but I needed to get to Defence. Against the dark arts, that is.

"Hullo." The three of us turned around. There was the 3 Musketeers. Not the real ones, of course, but rather Harry, Ron and Hermione. I think that it's too long to say, so that's what I'll call them for now on. Meh. Deal with it.

"'sup?" I asked.

,"Um..." Hermione blinked. "Nothing...much..."

{Well, to make a boring story interesting, let's go forward to where we are walking into the Defence classroom....}

Well, we were walking into the Defence classroom, laughing about a joke that one of us had just told. What was it? I dunno, but it was funny. Heh.

"WHAT in heaven's name--?" He all looked over at Leah. She was staring, wide-eyed into the room. In unison, we all followed her line of sight.

"Jimminy Crickets." Heaven's name was right. There was a man, who seemed to be our age or just a little older, sitting on the desk, dressed in Muggle clothing. Oh. And he sported a beautiful pair of pure white wings. Yep. You heard me. Wings. His hair was short, wavy and cut in the style that most guys prefered. It wasn't gel-ed, though, and it hung loosly in blue-green eyes. His shirt was most likely to have been created out of silk, because it shimmered and bent on his every curve. Or should I say muscle? He was buff! "Ouch." I said, trying, along with all the other girls that were arriving, not to drool all over our books. Man is he a looker.

Looker, I said. Not hooker.

He waited until everyone was seated at the long tables in front of him. Gods, his eyes were like cats slits. They were so cool!! I love this guy! ... Well, not love love, but...you know what I mean.

"He is so hot." Leah said quietly. Ann and I nodded.

"Good afternoon, class." He said in a quiet voice. I swear, I could hear several sighs after that. "I am your new Defence against the dark arts teacher, Kale Nightshade."

Sweet name.

"For the next few weeks, I will be instrucing you in defencive spells, counterattacks, and general cancelling incantions." He hopped off the desk, seemingly floating. Bright wings rustled, and opened slightly.

Dude! I want wings!!!

He lead us through the lesson, and for once, there was rapt attention. I could tell that the guys didn't reall care for Kale (yes, I will call him by his first name) but I overheard Seamus musing on how he managed to get a shirt on. Good question, really, if you think about it.

Meh. He's hot. That's all that I care about.

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Ahhanother glorious chapter completed. Are you starting to understand the mind that is mine? No? Good.

Leah: Wouldn't it be great if we really did go to Hogwarts, and I really did get a bat?

Ann: Shh! We did go! Remember?

Leah: {Blinks}

Me: {Elbows her in the side}

Leah: OH! I get it! Yeahwe did, didn't we?

Ann: Yeah

Me: Totally {Looks around}

Ann: _;;;; NEVER MIND!

Lolsee ya in the next chapter!!

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