It happened. Just like clockwork. He tried, man lemme tell ya, he tried. But it just wasn't getting through. I refused to let it get through to me. Why? Couldn't tell ya, but something just kept holding me back from him. From his love. Frustrating. That's the only word that comes to mind when I think of what just happened. Gah, I don't know. I don't even understand why we bother trying anymore. But I should know better than to think something like that. He loves me and that's the bottom line. I love him too…but…He sighed and shook his head. He will never see what I see, and I will never see what he sees. But…at least…well no we won't really understand each other either. He said wonderful things to me, things that only a brother would mean. I continued being my hateful self, disagreeing or keeping myself from agreeing with what he said to me. I just sat there and stared at the floor, silent as a wall. That's all I am to anyone. A wall. Never seem to be good to anything else. Or anyone for that matter. Hell what can you do? Not a whole lot when it comes to dealing with me. Stubborn 'ol me, always havin' ta be difficult. Maybe tomorrow will be a new day, but…what was said between us I think changed a lot of things. Something tells me it won't be the same when I wake up in the morning. I think I royally screwed up. He knows I love him. I'm sure he does. And I know he loves me. I see it every time our eyes meet. But…I can't shake the feeling that it's all different from now on. Gah! Why do I have to be the way I am? Why can't I just be the real person that I am when I'm alone? Because I have an image to up-hold and I'm too afraid to show myself and get shot down for it. Call me a wuss, because that's what I am and will always be. Under this tough guy image, I'm just another gutless jerk who is no better than the next guy. Maybe I should talk to him tomorrow, sleep on it, think about it, and then talk to him tomorrow. Yea…that's what I'll do.
He shut his journal and set the pen down on the desk. Thoughts, dreams, and desires flew around in his head as he sat there, staring at the cover of the book in front of him. "Dream and all thing's are possible". Those words kept hitting him over and over again over his thick head. Then…it finally hit him. He sprang out of his chair, making it topple to the floor, and ran out of his bedroom and down the hallway to his brother's room. He pounded on the door, waiting for his sleeping brother to answer it, and then grew impatient when he received nothing. Sighing he pushed the door open, stepped inside and closed the door behind him. Slowly and carefully, he made his way to the side of his brother's bed in the dark bedroom. He lowered himself to the ground on his knees and gently shook his brother awake. One green hand rubbed at sleepy eyes and grunted as they turned themselves over to face the one awaking them at such an ungodly time of the morning.
"Mmm...what is it Raph?"
"Leo…I…I…"
"You?"
His voice was soft, and murky with sleep.
"I get it now. And…I want to share the dream with you. I'm sorry I kept pushing you away. I guess…I guess I was just afraid I'd…do somethin' stupid is all."
The groggy turtle sighed and sat up, patting the edge of the bed with a three-fingered hand. He complied and sat down next to his brother.
"Raph, you don't have to apologize. I will love you no matter what. You're my brother. No matter what you say, it will never change what I feel."
He pulled his brother into a tight embrace and held him. Then whispered in his ear.
"You don't have to cry alone anymore. Even when I'm not there, I'm still comforting you."
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I don't own the TMNT. But…I own the experience that inspired me to write this. Love you Ry.
