" Do you think he will make it ? "
" He's just tired . Other than his wounds he should get back to his feet within a week . "
" Good ... "
Antier likes the comforting plane of the darkness when he sleeps , it was a empty , serene plane that he could truly be alone with his thoughts and leave his worries and cares behind . It was a much needed rest from all the bloodshed and screams that he has heard days before . It was a state of peace that replenishes his spirit .
But he knew that it wouldn't last forever . From time and time again he had been interrupted from his state of paradise and was left the bitter aftertaste of the reality that he hated when he wakes up .
Suddenly , with a prescient sense , Antier felt that someone was watching over him . He hated the intrusion of his space and wished that it would go away . Although he knew better , he had always lost his temper at anyone who would disturb him . And he never did anything all these time to stop losing it . Therefore , Antier allowed the light of the real world to consume the nirvana of his sleep once more and confront the violator of his paradise once more .
As his eyelids part away , revealing out his naked turquoise eyes into the world as it is as he sees , he began to feel the discomfort around the corners of the skin near his eyes . The hardened slimy dirt that has gathered around for as long as Antier was asleep began to poke sharply at the most sensitive areas of his facial skin . He began to rub his eyes in impatient frustration , only to cause much more discomfort as the force of his forearm made the hardened dirt dig hurtfully into his skin . As he lightened his strength off his arms almost instantly he had felt the painful response to his force , the pain subsided . He lifted away his forearm and was greeted by the already dusty , old pale light brown ceilings of the military hospital .
True to his feelings , there was someone that was watching over him . And he did not appreciate the presence of this person , whoever he is .
He was recognizable by his brownish black hair and somewhat suave facial features . Fully clothed in standard battle armor and Zexen Knight garments , the man who was beside him bowed a little and began to speak .
" I would not try to get up if I were you . "
The familiar voice that sounded with concern and care didn't moved Antier . He deliberately shut out his feelings and refused the person's goodwill to touch his heart . All that matters is that his uninterrupted and desired sleep was disturbed .
Antier tried his very best to censor away his anger and frustration at the moment he realize that the person who had interrupted him had came here to see him out of concern . If he had the choice , he would blare out and yell at that person . But he restrained from doing so , slightly because he was rather touched by his gesture of visiting him and also that he didn't want to have a debating session with him again . And it was a painful struggle to suppress himself from doing that .
" I was really worried about you . "
" .... Detch ... "
" Hmmm ? What ? "
" Please leave me alone . I would appreciate the silence . "
" You know that this wish could not be granted , Antier . "
Detch took a stool and sat down near Antier and met his eyes with his own .
The silence between their eyes seem to speak volumes . Both Antier and Detch knew that there was so much words , feelings and ideas that have yet to be spoken , heard and acknowledged between the both of them . But somehow , for as long as they knew each other , they had always been playing the game of tactful diplomacy due to their personal differences and outlooks to prevent the quarrels that they had often before .
And on almost every occasion when the both of them spoke , Antier couldn't help feel that Detch's words has insincerity and hints of suppressed and held back feelings yearning to be released .
" How could I not leave you be after all these days that you have been titillating death ? "
Antier couldn't somehow be bothered to answer back to his friend's questions of concern and goodwill .
" Antier .... "
Antier continued to stare up at the ceiling of the sick bay .
Detch added : " After all the reckless actions that you've done , and all the blades that bite into your mortal self .. "
" .. I wonder how much more longer could you last whenever your life is placed on the balance in the battlefield ..."
After all the years that Antier had spent with Detch in military training , he knew him inside out . He was familiar with his behavior , his preferences , his attitudes towards the world around him and his way with words that would easily sway the most unreasonable person .
And he sensed that Detch is hiding something from him . Antier knew just by looking at him that it was a secret that he desperately wants to hide away .
" You already know that I'm a survivor , Detch . And I don't do anything stupid that would kill me . "
Detch was speechless , he did not know how to reply to the soldier that was under him who had saved his unit from constant danger almost every single time they drew their swords . The other men in his unit could not match his prowess and often felt that their unit was rather unbalanced , so much so that they did not know where in the battlefield they really belong .
Perhaps , maybe Antier should not bear the burden and the risk of being the spearhead of the unit anymore . Or maybe , he shouldn't be the spearhead at all or in the unit at all . It would further risk his men to be pushed into the frontlines since they would be mistaken as the frontline division and would be ordered to push forward into the fray .
" Antier .... "
Antier quickly got up from his bed and began to sat upright and stare at Detch in a very frustrated and hostile manner . He wanted to confront the Detch about his somewhat guilty behavior and his motives that were suspect .
" Antier , Antier , Antier , Antier ! ..... Come on , spit it out already ! You always do that when you are always holding back ! "
Upon hearing his friend's remark filled with frustration , banality and harsh frankness , Detch turned away and closed his eyes , stayed silent and gave a heavy sigh . It was evident from his facial expression that his face expressed a huge disturbing maelstrom of many incomprehensible and unfathomable feelings that seem to trouble Detch for possibly as long as Antier was warded into the military hospital in Vinay Del Zexay .
" Look at you ! You've guilt and worry written all over your face ! What the hell are you hiding from me ? "
" Antier , of course my worry for you is evident all over my face ! Do you know how difficult it was to pass each damn day without the fear and anxiety that I feel even till now ? "
" You are always like that ! Why the hell you just can't stop being a worrywart and have a little bit of faith in me ? " " Antier , just go ahead and look around the ward and see for yourself why I was so desperately and hopelessly worried about you ! "
" Don't tell me what to do about what we are trying to argue now alright ? "
" Antier , there is almost no one left in this room besides the both of us . Most of the soldiers and knights here have already been discharged from here who woke up from their much needed sleep to recover from their extreme exhaustion ! "
With Detch having said that statement , Antier felt being disarmed through his words and finally was at the mercy of his friend . He had lost the duel of reason to him .
" And I don't remember that you were the only soldier that suffered so much that I have to concentrate my worries on , Antier . "
It seems to Antier now that Detch is preparing to inflict on him the coup de grace to silence his fighting spirit forever to claim his victory and make clear the point to him .
" Because I had to deal with the inevitable deaths that came to the men in our unit after the hellish battle that we have survived from , I was so torn apart and was constantly grieving , and amidst all of the calamities I still have to struggle to stay focused to deal with all of these problems through this testing time . And during that time when I was at their bedsides , keeping vigil and comforting them , I have never felt so helpless because I couldn't do anything more . I've watched them fall off the edge of life that they were so desperately clinging on to , Antier ."
Antier , couldn't help feel that he was entirely in the wrong to succumb to his anger and frustration and argue with Detch about his sleep's disturbance .
" And Antier , after all the deaths that I've seen . I finally saw you and I knew that you would survive through all that we have faced .... together .. and ..."
" The truth is ... Antier ... I placed all my faith , my hopes and dedicate .. all my prayers .. To you , while you were still alive ..."
As much as Antier wanted to heavily rebut away Detch's composition of pleasant sounding words that were deliberately tailored to touch his heart and to soften him , he had felt the sincerity in his words that he had rarely sensed that were usually absent from his words and did not told him off . He usually hated to hear his easy , diplomatic ways of communicating primarily because he felt that it was hypocritical and deceitful .
" Detch ...."
Antier began to straighten himself as he sat upright .
" When I was waiting for my name to be called out during the aftermath inspections , I began to realize and think about the actions that I have done lately during the battle . "
Detch soon stared unto the blood stained hospital floor while he began to listen to his friend sharing to him his experiences . It seems to Antier that he needed to desperately hear the things that he was the thoughts that ran through his mind .
" I began to think about our unit , about your condition and also ... about Irelon . "
Detch began to tilt his head upwards upon the first mention of Irelon , the squire that was under Detch's care .
" I was so disturbed by these thoughts Detch , and to tell you the truth , I wanted to forget everything that I knew about them . I could not handle their deaths very well , as much as you can't handle it as well . "
" And the most painful thing is , that even as much as I tried and placed myself in harm's way so that at least the enemy could get me first before they get them , they still couldn't avoid being massacred in front of me ."
" Antier , you know that what you have done is extremely irrational and endangering to yourself ..."
" Detch , just think about it . the battalion on our left was almost being torn apart by the constant advancing of the Karayan soldiers , and both the front and right flanks were engaging in heavy , bloody fighting . If I don't go out to the left and help aid the already dying and outnumbered men , our left side will be made vulnerable and they could easily smash through our ranks . Please tell me whether I'm wrong in doing that , because I do not know what else should I do during that exact moment ! "
Detch began to stare absently across the large ward and dwell on the wisdom of Antier's words . Antier knew that he was contemplating about the words that he just said . That was the problem with Detch , he dwells too much on his thoughts , too often and too much that Antier feels that it is controlling his emotions and even derailing him away from his duties .
Detch then closed his eyes and took a deep breath . As he sighed and let down his shoulders in relief , he began to relax his body and stayed silent for a while . The feeling of peace began to flood all over him and the difference in Detch that Antier had saw then and now was huge . All of his troubles began to die out .
" If that is so , Antier ... Maybe , my naked eyes are blind to the wisdom in your actions that I have seen lately . "
Antier couldn't help feel but tease Detch about how foolish and stupid he was to actually allow his emotions to get the better of him .
" If no one would take the initiative , who will Detch ? " Antier deliberately answered with a coy smile .
With that said , Detch couldn't help feel that his comrade and confidant's sanity is hopelessly lost in the battle that cost the Zexen Knight Contingent heavy losses . But then again , his sanity was probably lost even before he had first knew him . Maybe it just got worsened to the point that he couldn't comprehend how his mind works anymore .
" If you say so my friend . " Detch replied smiling , turning his head to get up from his seat .
" I will report to you as soon as the doctor discharges me out from here ."
" Take care of yourself , Antier . Please . "
As Detch walked away , Antier continued to look at his superior until he had disappeared from his sight .
Antier couldn't help feel tired and weary after doing all the things that he has done to help wake Detch out from his personal dilemma . But he delighted at the fact that it did make him want to go back to bed again and couldn't help himself to resist doing that . Now he could close his eyes and peacefully sleep once more while he still could .
" He's just tired . Other than his wounds he should get back to his feet within a week . "
" Good ... "
Antier likes the comforting plane of the darkness when he sleeps , it was a empty , serene plane that he could truly be alone with his thoughts and leave his worries and cares behind . It was a much needed rest from all the bloodshed and screams that he has heard days before . It was a state of peace that replenishes his spirit .
But he knew that it wouldn't last forever . From time and time again he had been interrupted from his state of paradise and was left the bitter aftertaste of the reality that he hated when he wakes up .
Suddenly , with a prescient sense , Antier felt that someone was watching over him . He hated the intrusion of his space and wished that it would go away . Although he knew better , he had always lost his temper at anyone who would disturb him . And he never did anything all these time to stop losing it . Therefore , Antier allowed the light of the real world to consume the nirvana of his sleep once more and confront the violator of his paradise once more .
As his eyelids part away , revealing out his naked turquoise eyes into the world as it is as he sees , he began to feel the discomfort around the corners of the skin near his eyes . The hardened slimy dirt that has gathered around for as long as Antier was asleep began to poke sharply at the most sensitive areas of his facial skin . He began to rub his eyes in impatient frustration , only to cause much more discomfort as the force of his forearm made the hardened dirt dig hurtfully into his skin . As he lightened his strength off his arms almost instantly he had felt the painful response to his force , the pain subsided . He lifted away his forearm and was greeted by the already dusty , old pale light brown ceilings of the military hospital .
True to his feelings , there was someone that was watching over him . And he did not appreciate the presence of this person , whoever he is .
He was recognizable by his brownish black hair and somewhat suave facial features . Fully clothed in standard battle armor and Zexen Knight garments , the man who was beside him bowed a little and began to speak .
" I would not try to get up if I were you . "
The familiar voice that sounded with concern and care didn't moved Antier . He deliberately shut out his feelings and refused the person's goodwill to touch his heart . All that matters is that his uninterrupted and desired sleep was disturbed .
Antier tried his very best to censor away his anger and frustration at the moment he realize that the person who had interrupted him had came here to see him out of concern . If he had the choice , he would blare out and yell at that person . But he restrained from doing so , slightly because he was rather touched by his gesture of visiting him and also that he didn't want to have a debating session with him again . And it was a painful struggle to suppress himself from doing that .
" I was really worried about you . "
" .... Detch ... "
" Hmmm ? What ? "
" Please leave me alone . I would appreciate the silence . "
" You know that this wish could not be granted , Antier . "
Detch took a stool and sat down near Antier and met his eyes with his own .
The silence between their eyes seem to speak volumes . Both Antier and Detch knew that there was so much words , feelings and ideas that have yet to be spoken , heard and acknowledged between the both of them . But somehow , for as long as they knew each other , they had always been playing the game of tactful diplomacy due to their personal differences and outlooks to prevent the quarrels that they had often before .
And on almost every occasion when the both of them spoke , Antier couldn't help feel that Detch's words has insincerity and hints of suppressed and held back feelings yearning to be released .
" How could I not leave you be after all these days that you have been titillating death ? "
Antier couldn't somehow be bothered to answer back to his friend's questions of concern and goodwill .
" Antier .... "
Antier continued to stare up at the ceiling of the sick bay .
Detch added : " After all the reckless actions that you've done , and all the blades that bite into your mortal self .. "
" .. I wonder how much more longer could you last whenever your life is placed on the balance in the battlefield ..."
After all the years that Antier had spent with Detch in military training , he knew him inside out . He was familiar with his behavior , his preferences , his attitudes towards the world around him and his way with words that would easily sway the most unreasonable person .
And he sensed that Detch is hiding something from him . Antier knew just by looking at him that it was a secret that he desperately wants to hide away .
" You already know that I'm a survivor , Detch . And I don't do anything stupid that would kill me . "
Detch was speechless , he did not know how to reply to the soldier that was under him who had saved his unit from constant danger almost every single time they drew their swords . The other men in his unit could not match his prowess and often felt that their unit was rather unbalanced , so much so that they did not know where in the battlefield they really belong .
Perhaps , maybe Antier should not bear the burden and the risk of being the spearhead of the unit anymore . Or maybe , he shouldn't be the spearhead at all or in the unit at all . It would further risk his men to be pushed into the frontlines since they would be mistaken as the frontline division and would be ordered to push forward into the fray .
" Antier .... "
Antier quickly got up from his bed and began to sat upright and stare at Detch in a very frustrated and hostile manner . He wanted to confront the Detch about his somewhat guilty behavior and his motives that were suspect .
" Antier , Antier , Antier , Antier ! ..... Come on , spit it out already ! You always do that when you are always holding back ! "
Upon hearing his friend's remark filled with frustration , banality and harsh frankness , Detch turned away and closed his eyes , stayed silent and gave a heavy sigh . It was evident from his facial expression that his face expressed a huge disturbing maelstrom of many incomprehensible and unfathomable feelings that seem to trouble Detch for possibly as long as Antier was warded into the military hospital in Vinay Del Zexay .
" Look at you ! You've guilt and worry written all over your face ! What the hell are you hiding from me ? "
" Antier , of course my worry for you is evident all over my face ! Do you know how difficult it was to pass each damn day without the fear and anxiety that I feel even till now ? "
" You are always like that ! Why the hell you just can't stop being a worrywart and have a little bit of faith in me ? " " Antier , just go ahead and look around the ward and see for yourself why I was so desperately and hopelessly worried about you ! "
" Don't tell me what to do about what we are trying to argue now alright ? "
" Antier , there is almost no one left in this room besides the both of us . Most of the soldiers and knights here have already been discharged from here who woke up from their much needed sleep to recover from their extreme exhaustion ! "
With Detch having said that statement , Antier felt being disarmed through his words and finally was at the mercy of his friend . He had lost the duel of reason to him .
" And I don't remember that you were the only soldier that suffered so much that I have to concentrate my worries on , Antier . "
It seems to Antier now that Detch is preparing to inflict on him the coup de grace to silence his fighting spirit forever to claim his victory and make clear the point to him .
" Because I had to deal with the inevitable deaths that came to the men in our unit after the hellish battle that we have survived from , I was so torn apart and was constantly grieving , and amidst all of the calamities I still have to struggle to stay focused to deal with all of these problems through this testing time . And during that time when I was at their bedsides , keeping vigil and comforting them , I have never felt so helpless because I couldn't do anything more . I've watched them fall off the edge of life that they were so desperately clinging on to , Antier ."
Antier , couldn't help feel that he was entirely in the wrong to succumb to his anger and frustration and argue with Detch about his sleep's disturbance .
" And Antier , after all the deaths that I've seen . I finally saw you and I knew that you would survive through all that we have faced .... together .. and ..."
" The truth is ... Antier ... I placed all my faith , my hopes and dedicate .. all my prayers .. To you , while you were still alive ..."
As much as Antier wanted to heavily rebut away Detch's composition of pleasant sounding words that were deliberately tailored to touch his heart and to soften him , he had felt the sincerity in his words that he had rarely sensed that were usually absent from his words and did not told him off . He usually hated to hear his easy , diplomatic ways of communicating primarily because he felt that it was hypocritical and deceitful .
" Detch ...."
Antier began to straighten himself as he sat upright .
" When I was waiting for my name to be called out during the aftermath inspections , I began to realize and think about the actions that I have done lately during the battle . "
Detch soon stared unto the blood stained hospital floor while he began to listen to his friend sharing to him his experiences . It seems to Antier that he needed to desperately hear the things that he was the thoughts that ran through his mind .
" I began to think about our unit , about your condition and also ... about Irelon . "
Detch began to tilt his head upwards upon the first mention of Irelon , the squire that was under Detch's care .
" I was so disturbed by these thoughts Detch , and to tell you the truth , I wanted to forget everything that I knew about them . I could not handle their deaths very well , as much as you can't handle it as well . "
" And the most painful thing is , that even as much as I tried and placed myself in harm's way so that at least the enemy could get me first before they get them , they still couldn't avoid being massacred in front of me ."
" Antier , you know that what you have done is extremely irrational and endangering to yourself ..."
" Detch , just think about it . the battalion on our left was almost being torn apart by the constant advancing of the Karayan soldiers , and both the front and right flanks were engaging in heavy , bloody fighting . If I don't go out to the left and help aid the already dying and outnumbered men , our left side will be made vulnerable and they could easily smash through our ranks . Please tell me whether I'm wrong in doing that , because I do not know what else should I do during that exact moment ! "
Detch began to stare absently across the large ward and dwell on the wisdom of Antier's words . Antier knew that he was contemplating about the words that he just said . That was the problem with Detch , he dwells too much on his thoughts , too often and too much that Antier feels that it is controlling his emotions and even derailing him away from his duties .
Detch then closed his eyes and took a deep breath . As he sighed and let down his shoulders in relief , he began to relax his body and stayed silent for a while . The feeling of peace began to flood all over him and the difference in Detch that Antier had saw then and now was huge . All of his troubles began to die out .
" If that is so , Antier ... Maybe , my naked eyes are blind to the wisdom in your actions that I have seen lately . "
Antier couldn't help feel but tease Detch about how foolish and stupid he was to actually allow his emotions to get the better of him .
" If no one would take the initiative , who will Detch ? " Antier deliberately answered with a coy smile .
With that said , Detch couldn't help feel that his comrade and confidant's sanity is hopelessly lost in the battle that cost the Zexen Knight Contingent heavy losses . But then again , his sanity was probably lost even before he had first knew him . Maybe it just got worsened to the point that he couldn't comprehend how his mind works anymore .
" If you say so my friend . " Detch replied smiling , turning his head to get up from his seat .
" I will report to you as soon as the doctor discharges me out from here ."
" Take care of yourself , Antier . Please . "
As Detch walked away , Antier continued to look at his superior until he had disappeared from his sight .
Antier couldn't help feel tired and weary after doing all the things that he has done to help wake Detch out from his personal dilemma . But he delighted at the fact that it did make him want to go back to bed again and couldn't help himself to resist doing that . Now he could close his eyes and peacefully sleep once more while he still could .
