INVADER ZIM
IZFAS #???
"SUBSTITUTE TEACHER"
1st Draft by zimrocks
INT. SKOOL
The students go to their seats. ZIM is last.
ZIM
What? POOP DOG! A human teacher?
POOP DOG
Sit down yo! I am Poop Dog. You can call me POOP. Ms.
Bitters will be out for a week.
MELVIN
Why is she gone?
POOP DOG
Well dawg, due to the lack of medical insurance she
gets, she is intensely sick with intestinal worms.
ZIM
Intestinal worms?
POOP DOG
Yes, little green one. Now, for today's lesson, we are going to watch a movie.
Melvin turns off the lights and the projector turns on.
MOVIE NARRATOR
Welcome to the world of POOP! No, silly, not the stuff you extract from your small bodies, but POOP CANDY.
Shows bar of POOP. The warning on the label is blurred out.
MOVIE NARRATOR
POOP, you ask? Well, it's an acronym for: Pretty Outrageous Outstanding Pork.
A pig is displayed.
MOVIE NARRATOR
Disclamer: No pigs or any other animals were harmed in the making of POOP candy or this informational movie. In other words, there is no pork in POOP candy. Now to the point. You will buy every single bar of POOP candy you see at your local grocery store or gas station.
ZIM
What? Buy that awful POOP stuff! I will never spend my monies on that!
POOP DOG
SILENCE! This is the best part, dawgs.
POOP DOG is displayed on screen with a hypnotic circle.
POOP DOG
Yo, everyone in the house must buy this insanely awesome candy! You will buy the POOP.
Movie ends with the POOP DOG song. Bell rings.
POOP DOG
See y'all tommorrow!
Zim walks home.
INT. ZIM's base
ZIM
Ooo, that POOP DOG!
GIR
POOP DOG, I love POOP DOG!
ZIM
I hate him so much! (air punches) The way he says, yo dawgs! POOP DOG in the house, yo! I must find a plan to make him go... crazy and stuff. (ponders for a bit) Well, he talks really funny. Maybe if I corrected him, he would go insane!
CUT TO: INT. SKOOL
POOP DOG
Yo, it's snacktime, and guess what I brought! POOP BARS! (holds out POOP BARS)
ZIM
Wouldn't it be better to say, "Hey, it's snacktime," instead of, "Yo, it's snacktime"?
POOP DOG
No way, dawg!
ZIM
You mean, "No way, man!" right?
POOP DOG
Dawg, I just told you, no!
ZIM
No, it's-
POOP DOG
SILENCE!
ZIM
SILENCE!
POOP DOG
Ooo, POOP BARS for everyone!
ZIM
Ooo, POOP BARS for everyone!
POOP DOG
Yo, do I have to send you to... the BIG DAWG!
CUT TO: INT. MS. BITTER'S HOUSE
MS. BITTERS
Teacher's sense... kids... overthrowing teacher... must go back... (her shadow races to skool)
CUT TO: INT. SKOOL
POOP DOG
You dawgs, be good and do some... good stuff. I've got to, uh, go to the bathroom! (races out of skool)
EXT. SKOOL
POOP DOG is running. He bumps into Ms. Bitters.
MS. BITTERS
POOP DOG? You're supposed to be substituting for me!
POOP DOG
Well, uh, the kids... they were...
MS. BITTERS
SILENCE! I heard it all. Teacher's sense these things. You can go home.
POOP DOG
But the intestinal worms!
MS. BITTERS
What intestinal worms? I faked that to get away from those meddling kids!
POOP DOG
Well, uh, PEACE OUT!
INT. SKOOL
Ms. Bitters enters the class gone wild.
MELVIN
Oh no! It's her...
MS. BITTERS
EVERYONE SIT DOWN!
The whole class sits down but ZIM.
ZIM
YES! POOP DOG is NO MORE!
MS. BITTERS
ZIM! Sit down before I do evil things...
ZIM sits down.
CUT TO: EXT. SKOOL
MS. BITTERS (o.s)
Now, back to our lesson of DOOM!
FADE OUT
IZFAS #???
"SUBSTITUTE TEACHER"
1st Draft by zimrocks
INT. SKOOL
The students go to their seats. ZIM is last.
ZIM
What? POOP DOG! A human teacher?
POOP DOG
Sit down yo! I am Poop Dog. You can call me POOP. Ms.
Bitters will be out for a week.
MELVIN
Why is she gone?
POOP DOG
Well dawg, due to the lack of medical insurance she
gets, she is intensely sick with intestinal worms.
ZIM
Intestinal worms?
POOP DOG
Yes, little green one. Now, for today's lesson, we are going to watch a movie.
Melvin turns off the lights and the projector turns on.
MOVIE NARRATOR
Welcome to the world of POOP! No, silly, not the stuff you extract from your small bodies, but POOP CANDY.
Shows bar of POOP. The warning on the label is blurred out.
MOVIE NARRATOR
POOP, you ask? Well, it's an acronym for: Pretty Outrageous Outstanding Pork.
A pig is displayed.
MOVIE NARRATOR
Disclamer: No pigs or any other animals were harmed in the making of POOP candy or this informational movie. In other words, there is no pork in POOP candy. Now to the point. You will buy every single bar of POOP candy you see at your local grocery store or gas station.
ZIM
What? Buy that awful POOP stuff! I will never spend my monies on that!
POOP DOG
SILENCE! This is the best part, dawgs.
POOP DOG is displayed on screen with a hypnotic circle.
POOP DOG
Yo, everyone in the house must buy this insanely awesome candy! You will buy the POOP.
Movie ends with the POOP DOG song. Bell rings.
POOP DOG
See y'all tommorrow!
Zim walks home.
INT. ZIM's base
ZIM
Ooo, that POOP DOG!
GIR
POOP DOG, I love POOP DOG!
ZIM
I hate him so much! (air punches) The way he says, yo dawgs! POOP DOG in the house, yo! I must find a plan to make him go... crazy and stuff. (ponders for a bit) Well, he talks really funny. Maybe if I corrected him, he would go insane!
CUT TO: INT. SKOOL
POOP DOG
Yo, it's snacktime, and guess what I brought! POOP BARS! (holds out POOP BARS)
ZIM
Wouldn't it be better to say, "Hey, it's snacktime," instead of, "Yo, it's snacktime"?
POOP DOG
No way, dawg!
ZIM
You mean, "No way, man!" right?
POOP DOG
Dawg, I just told you, no!
ZIM
No, it's-
POOP DOG
SILENCE!
ZIM
SILENCE!
POOP DOG
Ooo, POOP BARS for everyone!
ZIM
Ooo, POOP BARS for everyone!
POOP DOG
Yo, do I have to send you to... the BIG DAWG!
CUT TO: INT. MS. BITTER'S HOUSE
MS. BITTERS
Teacher's sense... kids... overthrowing teacher... must go back... (her shadow races to skool)
CUT TO: INT. SKOOL
POOP DOG
You dawgs, be good and do some... good stuff. I've got to, uh, go to the bathroom! (races out of skool)
EXT. SKOOL
POOP DOG is running. He bumps into Ms. Bitters.
MS. BITTERS
POOP DOG? You're supposed to be substituting for me!
POOP DOG
Well, uh, the kids... they were...
MS. BITTERS
SILENCE! I heard it all. Teacher's sense these things. You can go home.
POOP DOG
But the intestinal worms!
MS. BITTERS
What intestinal worms? I faked that to get away from those meddling kids!
POOP DOG
Well, uh, PEACE OUT!
INT. SKOOL
Ms. Bitters enters the class gone wild.
MELVIN
Oh no! It's her...
MS. BITTERS
EVERYONE SIT DOWN!
The whole class sits down but ZIM.
ZIM
YES! POOP DOG is NO MORE!
MS. BITTERS
ZIM! Sit down before I do evil things...
ZIM sits down.
CUT TO: EXT. SKOOL
MS. BITTERS (o.s)
Now, back to our lesson of DOOM!
FADE OUT
