INVADER ZIM

IZFAS #???

"SUBSTITUTE TEACHER"

1st Draft by zimrocks

INT. SKOOL

The students go to their seats. ZIM is last.

ZIM

What? POOP DOG! A human teacher?

POOP DOG

Sit down yo! I am Poop Dog. You can call me POOP. Ms.

Bitters will be out for a week.

MELVIN

Why is she gone?



POOP DOG

Well dawg, due to the lack of medical insurance she

gets, she is intensely sick with intestinal worms.

ZIM

Intestinal worms?

POOP DOG

Yes, little green one. Now, for today's lesson, we are going to watch a movie.

Melvin turns off the lights and the projector turns on.



MOVIE NARRATOR

Welcome to the world of POOP! No, silly, not the stuff you extract from your small bodies, but POOP CANDY.

Shows bar of POOP. The warning on the label is blurred out.



MOVIE NARRATOR

POOP, you ask? Well, it's an acronym for: Pretty Outrageous Outstanding Pork.

A pig is displayed.



MOVIE NARRATOR

Disclamer: No pigs or any other animals were harmed in the making of POOP candy or this informational movie. In other words, there is no pork in POOP candy. Now to the point. You will buy every single bar of POOP candy you see at your local grocery store or gas station.



ZIM

What? Buy that awful POOP stuff! I will never spend my monies on that!

POOP DOG

SILENCE! This is the best part, dawgs.

POOP DOG is displayed on screen with a hypnotic circle.



POOP DOG

Yo, everyone in the house must buy this insanely awesome candy! You will buy the POOP.

Movie ends with the POOP DOG song. Bell rings.



POOP DOG

See y'all tommorrow!

Zim walks home.

INT. ZIM's base

ZIM

Ooo, that POOP DOG!

GIR

POOP DOG, I love POOP DOG!

ZIM

I hate him so much! (air punches) The way he says, yo dawgs! POOP DOG in the house, yo! I must find a plan to make him go... crazy and stuff. (ponders for a bit) Well, he talks really funny. Maybe if I corrected him, he would go insane!

CUT TO: INT. SKOOL



POOP DOG

Yo, it's snacktime, and guess what I brought! POOP BARS! (holds out POOP BARS)

ZIM

Wouldn't it be better to say, "Hey, it's snacktime," instead of, "Yo, it's snacktime"?



POOP DOG

No way, dawg!



ZIM

You mean, "No way, man!" right?



POOP DOG

Dawg, I just told you, no!



ZIM

No, it's-



POOP DOG

SILENCE!



ZIM

SILENCE!



POOP DOG

Ooo, POOP BARS for everyone!



ZIM

Ooo, POOP BARS for everyone!



POOP DOG

Yo, do I have to send you to... the BIG DAWG!

CUT TO: INT. MS. BITTER'S HOUSE

MS. BITTERS

Teacher's sense... kids... overthrowing teacher... must go back... (her shadow races to skool)

CUT TO: INT. SKOOL



POOP DOG

You dawgs, be good and do some... good stuff. I've got to, uh, go to the bathroom! (races out of skool)

EXT. SKOOL

POOP DOG is running. He bumps into Ms. Bitters.



MS. BITTERS

POOP DOG? You're supposed to be substituting for me!



POOP DOG

Well, uh, the kids... they were...

MS. BITTERS

SILENCE! I heard it all. Teacher's sense these things. You can go home.

POOP DOG

But the intestinal worms!

MS. BITTERS

What intestinal worms? I faked that to get away from those meddling kids!

POOP DOG

Well, uh, PEACE OUT!

INT. SKOOL

Ms. Bitters enters the class gone wild.

MELVIN

Oh no! It's her...

MS. BITTERS

EVERYONE SIT DOWN!

The whole class sits down but ZIM.

ZIM

YES! POOP DOG is NO MORE!

MS. BITTERS

ZIM! Sit down before I do evil things...

ZIM sits down.

CUT TO: EXT. SKOOL

MS. BITTERS (o.s)

Now, back to our lesson of DOOM!

FADE OUT