Special thanks to Cami, who prodded me all today and yesterday to get this written.
All Clammed Up
Kel approached Neal in her normal clothes. Neal recognized the place as Kel's rooms back at Corus and smiled. He loved Corus. It had been home to him for the last eight years, and home to Kel as well. When they got married...
Neal scratched his head in confusion. When they got married? He looked down at his hand, seeing a gold band on his ring finger and looked at Kel's hand. She wore a matching one, and he could see the emerald glinting in contrast with the gold. He knew it was a wedding ring he had given to her, because he had described that ring to her before. The ring he would give to his true love.
Kel smiled at him and planted a light kiss on his lips, sending jolts through Neal's body even though he knew he was in a dream. He sucked in his breath through his teeth and took in her image. No matter what Kel thought, Neal had always thought everything about her was beautiful. "Kel..."
"Hey you," she murmured, kissing him again, this time a little more deeply. He didn't let her go this time, taking full advantage of a dream that would never happen. When he finally let her breath, her cheeks flushed and she gasped for air. "Missed me?"
"You have no idea," he told her softly. "Can I kiss you from here until eternity?"
Kel laughed and rested her forehead on his shoulder. "I don't know. I don't see why not, Neal. Except...we're knights and human beings as well."
"The human being part says we can start procreating any time soon now," Neal hinted.
Hey...
Kel laughed and kissed him again. "As knights, I somehow think that King Jonathan wouldn't appreciate one of his knights pregnant."
"Then wear your charm," Neal suggested. "I won't mind."
"Actually," Kel said slyly. "I think I might not."
Neal grinned. "Love you, Keladry of Mindelan."
"Love you too, Nealan of Queenscove," she returned the smile.
"Hey, you'll be duchess of Queenscove soon as Father steps down," Neal pointed out, just realizing this.
"And that will make you a duke. A healing, wonderful, daring, cunning, courageous, caring knight of a duke of Queenscove. Hopefully with a beautiful child with all of your charm and wit, with me by your side," Kel told him wistfully.
"Care to get started on the beautiful child?" Neal wanted toknow. For the second time he had wanted to get into bed with him. Male hormones, he mentally snorted distastefully. But Kel loved him, at least in his mind, so it didn't matter. Kel nodded as Neal held his hand out to her. "Let us go, my beautiful, charming Lady and Future Duchess of Queenscove."
"Neal."
"What now?"
"Neal."
"Did you change your mind? Is it because you think I still love Yuki? I don't, you know. Always loved you though, Kel."
"Neal."
"What is it?"
"Neal, wake up."
He found himself shoved rather rudely and upon the floor. "Ouch."
"You big baby."
Neal took a moment to orient himself...meaning he twisted so he stared at Kel from his back. His legs rested halfway on the bed and he found Kel leaning appealingly over the edge of said bed, the small area where the top button of her shirt remained unclosed, revealing a little more cleavage than he was sure that she meant too. "What do you want, Kel?"
"Lady Jeraldine wants to talk to you. I told her you would wake up soon about an hour ago and she started whining, so I came to wake you up because she ordered me too," Kel explained.
"Let me get decent and grab something to eat. I'll meet her--" Neal found himself interrupted.
"She wants to see you now," Kel said warningly. "I won't be held responsible for going against Jeraldine's orders for your lack of compliance. Dress yourself and follow me."
Neal pulled his legs from the bed and picked up a pair of pants from the floor. He yanked them on, found a shirt, and hurriedly finished his morning routine. He followed Kel from the room they shared, painfully aware or his dream and the fact she had stood inside by the door while he dressed. He felt his heart flutter at her almost girly outfit, her plain skirt given to her obviously by Jeraldine and the shirt with the cleavage. Suddenly, he couldn't breathe, as his heart had taken residence somewhere in the vicinity of his throat.
"Neal?" Kel asked, worry sparkling in her crystalline gaze. "Neal, you look like you might vomit."
"Thanks for the vote of confidence," he managed to tell her dryly.
Kel laughed, rewarded with a sharp look from Neal. "Neal, I do believe you fancy the lady of the castle."
Neal sputtered, his throat suddenly cleared. "No! Gods, no! I don't fancy her--I don't fancy her in the least!" he protested, having no idea how guilty of harboring those feelings it made him look. "Especially since she and Merric will obviously marry as soon as he comes back from his 'quest' thing. Besides, I..." he paused. "I love Yuki, remember?"
"That wasn't what you said in your sleep," Kel smirked.
The color drained from Neal's face and he felt it appropriate to melt into a puddle some time soon. He frowned though, coming to an epiphany that rattled his sense of security, his trust in his best friend. "Kel..."
She stopped and faced him as he paused in his walk. "What? Do you really think you'll vomit? I didn't mean it, I was only joking with you."
He shook his head and approached her carefully. "You've...changed."
Kel blinked stupidly at him. "Changed? How so?"
"You're..." he started, searching her face for some reason to give her. "You tease me a lot more. You haven't said a word about Tobe or Jump or Hoshi since I found you. And you tease me a lot more."
"You said I tease you a lot more twice," Kel pointed out.
Neal frowned again. "You're more sarcastic. A lot...meaner too. I don't know what's wrong with you, but I think Gherash and Udaan influenced you in bad ways."
"I haven't changed," Kel whispered. "I just..." she stopped. She started leading Neal to Jeraldine again. "I'll tell you later. I still haven't told you all of what happened to me because we were never alone long enough, what with Jeraldine in the other room constantly or right below us. I still haven't told you what I wanted to tell you about Gherash and Udaan either."
"Promise me you'll tell me," Neal said seriously.
She simply nodded and led him to Jeraldine's rooms, where she waited impatiently for the male knight. "There you are!" she exclaimed when they finally arrived at her rooms. "Thank you, Lady Keladry."
Kel gave a little wave and dashed off, leaving Neal to his own defenses against Jeraldine.
"Um, pleasant morning, Your Grace," Neal said nervously. "What brings me to your chambers?"
"I have a few things I would like to discuss with you, Sir Neal. First of all, you may address me as simply 'Jeraldine', and I expect that I may call you 'Neal'?" Jeraldine asked plainly, answered by a nod from the taller man. "Very well then, Neal. As familiars, I want to ask you a very personal question." He gulped audibly at the prospect of enduring a personal question from Jeraldine. "And I expect an honest answer. You see, you happen to be a very terrible liar, and should you try to deceive me I shall see it on your face." The color drained, yet again, from Neal's face. "I heard Lady Keladry say you shall be married as soon as you return to Corus, to a lady at the court there. Is this true?"
Neal nodded. "Yes, it's true."
Jeraldine studied his face for a moment, satisfied that he was telling the truth. She continued on. "Do you love this lady at the court?"
Neal, rather than answer, simply stayed quiet. He would rather not answer such a personal question because he mainly didn't know the correct response to that himself. Jeraldine gave him a meaningful look, to which he answered, "I don't rightly know, Jeraldine."
She took one glimpse of his colored cheeks and smirked. "I told you that you lie terribly, Neal. I can see that you lie right now. Tell me the truth: do you love this lady?"
"Do I love Lady Yukimi?" he murmured to himself. He sighed and finally admitted to himself what he had fought since before the journey. "No, I don't think I do."
"Then why do you wish to marry her?" Jeraldine prodded. She would force Neal into action with Kel if she had to order him to do it. She could see by the way the two looked at each other that they were more than best friends but didn't want to admit it.
"I don't. Not anymore," Neal shook his head, sinking into a chair by the door. Jeraldine sat across from him on her bed, watching him intently. "At the time I suggested we wed, I did love her. I thought I loved her with all of my heart that didn't belong to Kel, her horses, Jump, my horses, Roald, Merric, and the residents of New Hope, as well as the Lady Baroness of Pirate's Swoop, and all of her family. I know that seems like a lot of people, but as a healer, I have a big heart, so I had lots of room. I thought...well, it doesn't matter what I thought, because I don't think it anymore. But do you understand, Jeraldine? Do you understand why I wanted to marry her?"
Jeraldine blinked, surprised. Neal certainly seemed to need to talk about this. Briefly, she wondered if Merric ever listened to him--then came to the conclusion that he didn't. In the few days she knew Merric and fell in love with him, he had always seemed the quiet, straight-down-to-business type that didn't fool around with other problems than the one he focused on. And he had focused on the task of transporting her from Port Seadawn to Fief Magistra, as well as whatever the prince had told him to do. Obviously he had ignored Neal's inner turmoil. Or perhaps it hadn't surfaced until after Merric left their party.
"I think I understand. You thought you were in love with her, right? You thought it the truest, most pure kind of love," Jeraldine surmised.
Neal agreed. "Exactly. But then..."
"I hate to interrupt, but this leads into my next question. Do you have anyone you're in love with right now that proves that the way you loved Lady Yukimi is nothing compared to the way you love this other person?" Jeraldine continued.
"Yes," Neal whispered solemnly.
"Lady Keladry?" she asked of him quietly.
"Yes," Neal said just as softly, nodding miserably. "I never thought of her that way until about a month...no...three weeks...I don't remember. But I didn't start feeling these...feelings...about...no, for her until then. Until I dropped my wedding and came riding like a madman after her and her kidnappers. I don't necessarily know what happened, or if perhaps I just percieve her normal teasing more sensitively, but I think she changed from the Kel that I watched grow up before my eyes. The one I knew as a ten-year-old and watched grow into a...beautiful, bold, courageous, caring, perfect woman. I don't know if I'm too old for her though. I'm sure she'd rather have someone younger than me, one of our yearmates. I'm a good five years older than Kel, Jeraldine. She's twenty--I'm twenty-five."
"If I remember correctly, the difference between Merric's and my ages is something around four years," Jeraldine told him. "One more year won't make a difference. I'm certain that Lady Keladry feels the same way. I will bet you a gold noble that she hasn't had at least one crush on you, Neal."
"Speaking of money," Neal said. "I would like to be paid now. I brought you here in nine days, so that's nine gold nobles, if you please. I would like it sometime before I leave today."
"I promise your payment as soon as I find out whether I win the bet or not," Jeraldine said demurely. "However. What about the present? Do you think that perhaps Lady Keladry may return your feelings?"
Neal looked to the floor. A million thoughts raced through his head, memories of their page years flashing in his mind's eye. Could she love him back? "I honestly don't know. I don't think so. I think she lo..." he stopped abruptly. "It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter, because when I return to Corus, I will marry Yuki. I will make her happy...because she does love me."
"But what about your happiness?" Jeraldine argued. "Be selfish, Neal. Now, what did you mean to say about Keladry and who she loves?"
Neal closed his eyes and clasped his hands together in his lap. "I...I don't know for certain," he said very quietly. Jeraldine had to strain her ears to hear him properly. "I think...I think she loves...my cousin."
"That poses a problem," Jeraldine murmured. She rose and escorted Neal to the door. "Thank you for your time, Neal. I shall get your nobles to you after I have a little chat with Lady Mindelan."
Kel slipped out of the castle sitting at the center of Fief Magistra and wandered down the streets. She had changed out of the skirt Jeraldine had insisted upon her wearing and now wore a pair of dark brown, mud-colored breeches with a maroon shirt. She left the top button open, the shirt having constricted her torso too much at the neck. She felt her face begin to burn somewhat at the sidelong glances men on the street gave her. She wished desperately she had thought to bring a horse, but she hadn't wanted Neal to worry about her more than he had too. She didn't intend to stay out longer than an hour anyway.
She had a specific place in mind as she appeared to meander down the streets aimlessly. When she found the secluded, hidden alleyway tucked behind a large general items store, she walked as inconspicuously as she could manage into the shadows. Just ahead of her glittered two dangerously bright, surreal eyes.
"I came," she said tonelessly. "What do you want?"
"Do you have it yet?"
Kel stared at the space above the sparkling eyes and set her face Yamani blank. "No. You must understand, though--"
"I set you straight in its path. I practically handed it to you on a silver platter. How dare you disobey me! You miserable wench!"
Kel refused to flinch, though the tone and pitch of the voice make her bones rattle. "He has not given me a moment to take it. You did not give it to me on a silver platter!"
Calm, calm. Yamani calm, Kel told herself. Face adversity with your strengths and abandon your weaknesses.
"You have two months to bring it to Our Master. If you should fail, your friend will die."
Kel closed her eyes for a moment, stilling her frantic pulse. When she opened her eyes, she stared straight at the murderous, twinkling ones just ahead of her. "You have already killed Tobe. You have already murdered my dog, and you have broken my best horse to the point of no return. I know you don't make empty threats, but I don't fear their deaths any longer. Make no mistake, I will have it to you by the end of two months. Where do I deliver it?"
"We will send a messenger."
Kel nodded, her eyes dull and unreadable. "Until the two months is over, you will not harm him."
"Yes." The voice paused for a moment. "You may leave." The eyes disappeared and Kel stalked out of the alley. She didn't realize that her hands shook and her legs felt like they would collapse underneath her until she reached the Magistra Manor's gates. Kel took a deep breath, willing her nerves to calm themselves, and took purposeful strides into the castle.
"Lady Keladry?"
Kel jumped and whirled on the source of the voice, her dagger drawn. "Oh," Kel said dully, realizing who had said her name. She slid the dagger back into the sheath and nodded. "Good morning, Lady Jeraldine. I trust your conversation with Sir Neal turned out as you had hoped."
"Somewhat," Jeraldine admitted. "However, our discussion prompted me to have one with you. If you would please follow me to my chambers..."
Kel inwardly cursed her bad luck. She really didn't care for this Lady Jeraldine person. However, because Kel had put herself through knight training and had lived on the Yamani Isles, she told herself that to listen to what Lady Jeraldine, a noble lady, had to say meant more than her pride at that moment. Begrudgingly, she followed the blond haired girl to the lady's chambers. Once inside the spacious room, Kel sat in the same chair by the door that Neal had sat in not more than thirty minutes ago.
Jeraldine noticed this and hid her smile. Perhaps coincidence, perhaps fate. She felt though, through her Gift that she hid from everyone, that Kel and Neal would have entwined lives for the rest of their days. "Lady Keladry," she said seriously. "I have one important thing I would like to discuss with you. First of all, just so formalities may be set aside, may I call you 'Kel'?"
Kel nodded. "Everyone else does."
"In return, you may call me simply 'Jeraldine'. A friend of Merric's is a friend of mine." Jeraldine nodded. "However, I did not call you here simply to dispense of our formal titles when in good company. I asked to speak with you for one reason."
Kel just wished that Jeraldine would hurry up and get to her point. She had important things to do, like save a certain kidnapped man's life. She had exactly two months to complete the task. Stalling and sitting in Lady Jeraldine's chambers didn't particularly qualify as searching for what the Master wanted from her. "Do you care to tell me your reason?"
"Well," Jeraldine said quietly as she curled her legs in a ladylike manner underneath her dress. "I suppose the best way to tell you is to say the truth. A friend and I made a bet, a gold noble, that you had a crush on Sir Neal when you served as a page at the palace in Corus."
Kel felt her face start to burn. How would she know about that? Did Neal tell her or something? I didn't even think Neal knew, let alone would tell someone about it. "Oh?"
Jeraldine nodded enthusiastically. "You see, I don't particularly want to lose a gold noble. I think you did have a crush on Neal, but my friend thinks not."
Kel debated affirming or denying the statement. Jeraldine studied the female knight, but she had carefully set her face Yamani blank since she had stepped foot into the lady's chambers. Jeraldine had no way of deciphering the older girl's thoughts. "I'm afraid you've lost a gold noble, Lady Jeraldine," Kel told the woman, aloof. "I have not had a crush on Neal."
Not a total lie, Kel consoled herself. I didn't think of it as a crush at the time.
"Oh," Jeraldine sounded deflated. "I see. Well, I suppose my friend can read faces better than I. Either that or they have a Gift they've yet to tell me about."
Kel thought it odd that Jeraldine had purposely omitted the gender of this "friend". Then a thought suddenly struck her: Jeraldine said she wished to discuss something because it arose during her conversation with Neal. Perhaps...perhaps Neal hadn't known that Kel had had a crush on him during her page years. Perhaps Neal had had a suspicion and had asked Jeraldine to investigate. But why would he do that? Kel wondered. I don't think he would do something like that. Neal has Yuki. Why would he worry about what has happened in the past, especially so far back as our page years?
"May I go now?" Kel asked rudely.
Jeraldine nodded her consent and watch the knightess leave. "Strange," she murmured. Neal dropped by her chambers then.
"Your father said to see you about the gold nobles," Neal informed her. "The exact words he told me included, 'She asked for your escort service, so she will pay for your escort service.'"
Jeraldine rolled her eyes and walked over to a small chest. When she opened it, gold, silver, bronze, copper, and every other color of money imaginable nearly tumbled from it. She picked out nine gold nobles and handed then to Neal. "I asked her if she had a crush on you earlier in life."
Neal went pale. "Oh."
"She said no," Jeraldine admitted. "So this makes ten gold nobles. I hope you don't haul off and spend that all on silly things."
"This goes towards the 'Kel and Neal Need Money For Places To Eat and Sleep' treasury. Should last us until we reach Corus. From there I can weasel money out of Prince Roald or Yuki," Neal told her jokingly. "Well," he said, after no response but a small "ha" from the lady, "I suppose Kel and I should head on out now."
"I suppose you should," Jeraldine agreed.
Neal nodded and left the room. He wandered the hallway in search of Jeraldine's father, Raslon, again. He finally found the man sitting on an armchair in the library, reading. "Duke Raslon?"
The older man shut his book and looked up at Neal. "Did you manage to get Jeri to part with her money?"
Neal nodded and held the small bag filled with ten gold nobles and put it safely away in his pocket. "I just meant to say that Kel and I will leave here shortly. Thank you for your generous hospitality."
"Thank you for staying with us," Duke Raslon countered. "I only wish you could stay for the party tonight."
Neal laughed. Duke Raslon looked at him, bewildered. Neal just shook his head and explained: "Kel would have made me take her back to Corus the moment she found out about this party anyway. She can't stomach parties very well; she thinks they're superficial and pointless."
"I see," Duke Raslon agreed. "I don't care much for parties myself, but Jeri loves to hold them."
"Somehow, I don't feel surprised," Neal replied dryly. "However, thank you still for your hospitality and your kindness. Kel and I may visit another day on our way somewhere else."
Duke Raslon smiled. "It would certainly fill this dreary castle with a little cheeriness if our guests would stay longer."
"I wish we could, Your Grace," Neal answered. "I really must go pack my things up though. Goodbye, your Grace."
"Farewell, Sir Nealan," Duke Raslon replied, opening his book again and continuing his reading.
Neal and Kel attached the carriage to Seiryn as they left the Magistra Manor. They kept all of their bags except for the map and a few of the packages of dried fruit and meat in the back of the carriage, perched on the seats and sitting on the floor. Kel had remained silent for the majority of the trip that day. Neal, wary, finally broached the topic as the last wisps of sunlight disappeared beyond the horizon.
"I think you've become the Yamani Lump as of late."
"Sorry," Kel said flatly, almost lifelessly. "I didn't realize I had."
Neal tossed her a look over his shoulder, quickly fixing his gaze upon the road ahead. "I know something must be bothering you for you to slip back into Yamani Lump stage."
"How keen of you," Kel murmured absently, watching the silhouetted trees pass by them and the carriage.
Neal almost flinched at the iciness of her voice. "Do you want to talk about it?"
Kel said one word. "No."
"No?" Neal felt almost as if rather than speaking, Kel had slapped him. She simply looked at him after he repeated her decision, conveying nothing and everything with her blank stare. "See...you...changed. You've changed, Mindelan."
Kel felt slapped this time. She felt her eyes well up with tears and she tried to blink them furiously back. The rift she had set between herself and Neal a few days prior seemed to grow in that crucial moment. "If you say so, Queenscove."
Neal brought the carriage to an acrupt halt in front of a wayhouse they had luckily just reached. He leapt from the perch and waited until Kel followed suit before leading Seiryn and the carriage to the stables. He requested that Kel's bag be brought to which ever room Lady Keladry of Mindelan chose to stay in, and promptly lugged his own bags into the wayhouse. He didn't know quite why or how he and Kel declared a quiet way on each other, but it confused and hurt him. Perhaps his use of "Mindelan" so contemptuously and her use of "Queenscove" equally as disdainfully had sparked it.
Neal entered the wayhouse to find Kel had already claimed a room for herself and had gone up the stairs to find it. Neal paused at the keeper of the wayhouse and got for himself a key to the room across from the one Kel had chosen. He carried his bags up the stairs; the hostler in charge of Kel's bag suddenly behind him. As he reached his room, the hostler shoved past him and knocked on Kel's door.
Kel opened it, took her bag, thanked the hostler, and watched him leave. Then, without a word, she turned to close her door, but watched Neal struggle with the key to his room and rolled her eyes. She finally heard the soft click of the lick sliding out of place and watched him dart into the room. However, he caught sight of her standing halfway hidden behind her door and staring at him in a shyly apologetic way, and his resolve to punish her with silence began to crumble. Punish her for what he couldn't exactly place his finger on, but he knew it had something to do with the fact that she had clammed up when she should have opened up to him.
Instead of saying something, Neal yanked the key out of the doorknob and stepped fully inside of the room, the door closing of its own accord behind him, leaving Kel staring at the door.
Well, you've done it this time, Kel.
Neal stared at the dark ceiling of his room. Floorboards creaked outside as the wayhouse settled and sank further into its foundation. The open windy at the rear of the room allowed a warm September breeze to flutter in and ruffle the light curtains, and the crickets outside, rather than lulling him to sleep, kept him awake. For lack of anything else to think about, aside from the cruel treatment he had taken to bestowing upon his best friend as of late, he surmised that a storm would roll in soon. Neal didn't particularly want to stay stranded at a wayhouse while the muddy roads dried enough for Seiryn and the carriage to carry them back to Corus, but he knew that he would stay if he needed to. He wouldn't have a choice but to stay if it rained.
Neal felt too warm. He kicked the light blanket covering his lower half off and felt cooled for a moment, then found he had cooled off too much and pulled the blanket back on. He proceeded much in this fashion for the next fifteen minutes. During a stage in the cycle where he had started to pull the blanket back on, he heard the floorboards creak just outside his door under the weight of a person. He heard a door close, and the footsteps approached his door. He heard a hand rest on the door and one clunked softly onto the knob, and the noises stopped. Whoever stood outside his door had suddenly lost the nerve to enter his room uninvited, or had had second thoughts about what might lie inside once he or she entered. Instead of rising out of the bed and crouching in a particularly hidden part of the room, Neal reached for the dagger sitting on the table next to his bed and slid it underneath the blanket, hidden next to his leg with his hand on the hilt.
He closed his eyes and waited for the visitor to open the door. Those few seconds of the visitor's hesitation lasted for eternities as Neal's body lie taut and ready for action, and he struggled not to jump when the door finally did inch open. He didn't hear the visitor breathe at all and figured whoever it was had training in that area. However, only knights and royalty, along with the occasional exceptions like nobility escorted by knights, stayed at the wayhouse. Neal heard a floorboard in his room creak and wondered how old the building was absently, and heard the visitor freeze.
He heard the visitor let out a low, slow breath, almost inaudible. Who would want to sneak into his room?
And suddenly, the identity of the person hit him: Kel.
Should he wait and see what she did? Or should he open his eyes and scare her half to death? Now that he knew who had barged into his room without permission, Neal felt his body relax. He would wait and see if Kel tried to wake him up. He would wait and see what she wanted from him in his sleep, and desperately fended off the thoughts now invading his mind. It wouldn't do for Kel to see another part of his anatomy wake up without him. Mithros help him, he felt something so much deeper for Kel than friendship, but he could never tell her. Even in Kel's altered personality state, he knew he still cared so much more deeply for her than he should have. He knew Kel had her reasons, and she wouldn't keep silent to him forever. He would just have to wait it out and see why she wouldn't tell him what bothered her when she felt ready to tell him.
Kel sat lightly on the edge of Neal's bed and place a hand over his through the blanket. "Neal," she murmured softly. His eyelids fluttered lightly of their own accord, protesting having stayed shut so long. "Neal, I'm sorry. I wish I could tell you why I have to be so cold to you...but I can't. I can't let them know I still care about you." She leaned lightly forward, and Neal shifted slightly so he wouldn't have to think about the way a certain part of her anatomy brushed his arm, and she kissed his cheek softly. "You're my best friend, Neal. Never forget that."
She rose from his bed and crept back out of the room, the door shutting softly behind her. He waited until her footsteps disappeared into the room across the hallway and sighed. He sat up, feet resting on the floor over the side of his bed, already warm from where she had sat, and slowly raised his hand to his cheek. A small smile graced his lips. He knew she had had a reason for not sharing information and treating him so rudely.
But now Neal felt like an absolute heel. He'd just have to apologize to her in the morning.
