Perhaps Fate (Part 2)
Kel just stared at Neal, not quite comprehending. Neal felt a little awkward just standing there and shifted on his feet. She continued to stare at him until finally he repeated what he had said moments ago.
"I...I need to tell you something, Kel."
She frowned this time. "Did you hear from Yuki? Did something happen to Yuki's father? Or did something happen to Merric?"
Neal shook his head. "No. It concerns me. It concerns you and me, no one else. Just me...and just you. Can I come in?"
"Certainly." She didn't sound certain at all, Neal noticed. He could imagine her mind going in a thousand different directions, trying to guess at what he had in mind. Unless she had heard him say something about loving her in his sleep, she would have no idea what he had suddenly resolved to tell her.
Well, what he would tell her, if he could manage to vibrate his vocal cords around his heart, which decided it would like to take up residence in his throat. He found it funny how his heart could still thump louder and quicker than it had in his chest while living in his throat, and how he could hear his heartbeat louder in his ears. Or could he hear his pulse? Maybe he heard both, but either way, they both beat faster. Neal rubbed his hands together and stuck them in his pockets, stepping through the door. He turned to speak to her, to find that she still gazed down the hallway with the door open.
"Kel?" he croaked. "Kel, over here, lo--"
"Inness!" Kel cried.
Neal suddenly felt cold as all the color, and blood, drained from his face. Inness. Why did Inness have to show up now of all times?! Maybe the gods tried to tell Neal something by this too. Maybe he was just a fool. Maybe the gods hated him. Or maybe Inness had spied on him. Quite frankly, he wouldn't put it past Kel's older brother to spy on the man that admitted to having fallen in love with his younger sister, but nonetheless had promised not to lay a hand on her without her consent. Neal didn't fancy himself an untrustworthy man, and he didn't fancy his appearance untrustworthy either. Perhaps Inness had just happened along. Perhaps Inness had intended upon visiting his younger sister at this hour of night on her first day back just because he was daft like that.
Neal suddenly felt the urge to take his anger out on something.
He could also see how Inness may have wanted to drop by and check up on Kel, who had undoubtedly gotten badgered to death by her friends at supper. Neal, of course, had no idea what time it was, just that the stars had decided to show themselves, meaning it could be anywhere from six-thirty in the evening to four o'clock in the morning. The birds had either risen already or hadn't gone to sleep yet, so that left a two and a half hour window in the evening, and any time in the morning. Also, Neal couldn't blame Inness for stalking him, if that assumption had some ring of truth to it. He would suspect someone too, especially since Inness had threatened no uncertain death on Neal. Maybe Neal had just cracked under the pressure--he had, certainly, cracked under the pressure--and intended not to follow through with his promise--something Neal did not intend to do. He intended to follow through with the promise. All he had wanted to do tonight was let Kel know how he felt about her and receive her valuable input.
"Oh hells," Neal muttered. "If Inness finds me in here..."
He could hear Inness approaching. He could hear Kel and Inness talk and laugh, and he heard Kel tell him not to hit her anymore or she'd have to hit back.
"Damnation..." Neal cursed. His eyes flew to the slightly open windows. Chilly September air only served to warm his colder body, and Neal edged over to the window silently. They had come closer while he had stared at the window forever. With a decidedly stupid idea, Neal jumped out the window, rolling on his shoulder, scrambling up, and leaning against the wall outside Kel's window. He stood in the shadows so Inness wouldn't see him in a casual glance outside.
Neal felt like the scum of the earth for eavesdropping, but he had to tell Kel tonight what he felt, elsewise he would never tell her. He would never tell her, and he would lose his chance with her forever. A nonexistant chance in reality, but Neal had deluded himself into believing he may actually have a chance at winning her heart--if only Inness would leave them alone for five bloody minutes!
In any case, Neal had occupied himself so well with fuming silently at Inness and building a grudge at Kel's older brother that he forgot to pay attention to their conversation until he heard his name.
"...Neal," Inness had just finished saying.
"Neal? My goodness, Inness--has battle made you lose your mind? I think you've finally gone mad without Cleon to take care of you," Kel replied.
Neal found himself entirely clueless of exactly what Inness had said about him, except Kel found it preposterous. Neal wondered what Inness had said, especially if he had something about his feelings for her. If he did, he would turn Inness's threat back on him and kill Inness with his bare hands. Either that or he would mope. Moping sounded safer but bringing Inness's death with his own hands sounded much more fulfilling. In all honesty, if Inness had said something and Kel thought Inness had lost his mind, then Neal would probably head back to his quarters and mope and figure out inventive ways of maiming Inness so that he would wish Neal had killed him. Then he would go straight back to acting the same way about Kel until he finally dragged up enough courage and the nerve to tell Kel how he felt unless Yuki had arrived beforehand.
Shit, Neal cursed mentally, no longer paying attention to Inness and Kel's conversation. I need to write that damned apology letter. But I suppose I could use it to tell her about the way I feel...no, I owe her more than that. I owe it to her to at LEAST tell her to her face that I...or is that cruel?
As he debated this, Kel and Inness continued to talk. In fact, Neal debated telling Yuki he didn't love her anymore in the letter to telling Yuki to her face for so long that Inness left and Kel stood at her window saying Neal's name before he finally decided that telling Yuki in the letter had a certain appeal of kindness to it that telling her to her face didn't.
"Neal!" Kel finally had had enough of his insolence and hit him over the head. "You loon, get back in here! It's the middle of September, it's cold out there, and you're standing on the bloody lawn like it's the middle of July."
Neal finally realized what had progressed and he sighed. His resolve and courage had crumbled away while he thought about revenge on Inness and which way to tell Yuki that he didn't love her. However, he did climb back into Kel's bedroom and stood awkwardly in the middle of the floor.
"So. What did you want to tell me so badly that it couldn't wait until morning?" Kel inquired.
"Nothing important," Neal waved it off. Kel started to protest but Neal silenced her. "It can wait. It really wasn't that important. It can wait." Every time he said it could wait he felt more and more of his resolve to tell her crumble away. "I think I had gone temporarily mad for a second, Kel. Not enough sleep and too much unhealthy food. You should go to sleep."
Kel looked at him as if he truly had gone mad and shook her head, shrugging as she did so. "If you say so, Neal. I will see you in the morning. You'll come for breakfast, won't you? Everyone missed you at supper."
Neal nodded. "Goodnight Kel."
She hugged him. "Goodnight, Neal."
He kissed her forehead and ducked out of her room, hurrying down the palace hallways to his rooms, where he promptly shed his shoes, pants, and shirt, pulled on the night shirt he had discarded earlier, and sank into bed. Just sleeping.
Neal felt somewhat refreshed when he joined Kel, Owen, and Seaver for breakfast. He couldn't help but notice that Owen and Seaver had left the space across from Kel open for him, and he sighed. Their knees always touched under the table, now that he thought back. He always said something about it when he couldn't stand the contact any longer, but they couldn't exactly sit so that neither touched the other. Unless, of course, the positioned their legs so each of them had one knee between the others. They managed not to touch so much that way.
"Good morning Owen, Seaver, Kel," Neal greeted them, nodding to each one in turn.
"Good morning, Meathead," Seaver answered.
"Jolly good morning, Meathead," Owen added.
"Mornin', Meathead." Kel looked up at him, taking a bite out of her roll and grinning at him with closed lips.
"I take back my good morning," Neal retorted, beginning to chow down on the breakfast Kel had piled up for him. He noticed that her penchant for making him eat his fruits and vegetables still stayed strong, as she had grabbed an apple and a handful of strawberries for him and set them on the plate. Neal learned long ago not to fight Kel when it came to eating fruits and vegetables.
"Owen," Kel said, turning her attention from Neal and his emerald green eyes to the squire from Jesslaw. "Will you stay at the palace until your Ordeal?"
"I sure hope so," Owen lamented. "I don't think my lord Wyldon will make me go back to the border with him. I think I'd have more time to prepare and concentrate here than up there, with not a thing interesting to do."
"Ah, such is the fate of a knight of Tortall," Seaver added whimsically. "I wouldn't put it past Wyldon to assign you to New Hope or some duty up on the Scanran border."
"Hey, Cleon comes back from border patrol today, doesn't he?" Owen said excitedly. "Hey Kel, did you hear? Cleon will come back today from border patrol!"
Kel smiled. "Wonderful!"
Neal fended off the jealousy he felt at the mention of Cleon's name and quickly took a large bite out of the buttered roll set in front of him. He remained relatively silent throughout the morning breakfast. As soon as he finished, he excused himself.
"Neal? Where are you going?" Kel asked him as he started off.
"To the infirmary to see my father," Neal answered. He could talk to his father about this whole mess and get work done at the same time. At least, he hoped things would proceed that way.
It seemed Neal had finished eating before his father did, as he arrived at the infirmary to find it empty. Neal, taking the initiative, let himself into the infirmary and opened the shutters, letting the sunlight in. He watered the small plants Duke Baird kept around to keep things cheerful and straightened up the supplies, removing the ones that had cleaned overnight and placing ones that had yet to clean in a solution his father had come up with.
Neal made the infirmary beds and had just finished straightening up his father's desk when Duke Baird entered the facility. Needless to say, the older man almost keeled over at the sight of his son actually doing something productive.
"Good morning, Father," Neal said.
"...What do you want from me this time?" Duke Baird asked skeptically.
"Nothing!" Neal said defensively. "Goodness, Father--can't I clean up the infirmary to start the day and actually want to help you out after six weeks of unproductiveness?"
Duke Baird regarded his son suspciously before finally deciding Neal had good intentions. "All right. I warn you though, we still don't have many patients unless someone falls ill."
At the mention of falling ill, Neal felt the bottom of his stomach drop out. "While we don't have anyone to tend to, can I ask your advice on something?"
Duke Baird nodded. I knew he wanted something. "Yes, you may."
Neal took a deep breath. "What do I do about Yuki?"
This took Duke Baird by surprise. "What do you mean, what do you do about Yuki? She only left the country for a little while, son. You waited for nearly a year for you, you can wait a few more weeks."
Neal shook his head. "No. You see...I...I don't...I don't think I love Yuki anymore."
"Are you certain?" Duke Baird asked doubtfully. "Have you mistaken this for pre-wedding nervousness?"
"Yes, I'm certain, and no, this goes beyond pre-wedding nervousness," Neal sighed. "I fell in love with someone else while I rescued Kel."
Duke Baird's jaw dropped. "You fell in love with Merric?!"
Neal's eyes nearly bugged out of his head. "No!"
"Oh," Duke Baird settled down. "Well, who then?"
"IreallythinkforcertainthatitsKel," he said quickly.
"You fell in love with Kel," Duke Baird reiterated. "Well, son, you've certainly put yourself between a rock and a hard place. A month and a half ago you had thought to marry Yuki, Kel's best friend, but now you love Kel, who's your best friend?"
Neal nodded miserably. "I have no idea what to do."
Duke Baird sat on the edge of his desk, as Neal had taken up residence in his chair. He thought for a moment, looked at his son, and finally heaved a heavy sigh. "Neal, would you like to know a secret?"
Neal looked up at his father. "...If you want to tell it."
"I went through the same thing before I married your mother," Duke Baird said quietly, rising from the desk and walking over to the window. He watched the sun sparkle off of some saddles as a couple of the older knights trotted by.
"You did?" Neal asked incredulously.
Duke Baird nodded. "I had fallen in love with a lovely woman from Goldenlake--Lord Raoul's cousin, actually. She and I had set a date to marry after courting for a year and a half. However, your mother showed up. My then-betrothed's best friend. I became fascinated with her, and eventually she and I fell in love. I kept putting the wedding off and off until finally she confronted me. I told her then that I had fallen in love with someone else, and she tried to hex me." Duke Baird chuckled as Neal continued to stare, disbelievingly, at his father. "Then she calmed down and asked me who I had forsaken her for, and when I told her, she told me to hurry up and tell your mother that I loved her. The only way I would find happiness was to tell her." He paused and walked back to the desk, sitting on the edge again. "And look where we are today."
The gears in Neal's head had turned during Duke Baird's entire story. He absently noted that Duke Baird had never shared this story with him, then he noticed the advice his father had given him. "You want me to tell Kel how I feel?"
Duke Baird nodded. "As for Yuki, I think you should tell her before she confronts you."
"That brings up another problem," Neal said. "How do I tell her? To her face or in a letter?"
"I think you need to decide that for yourself, Neal," Duke Baird advised.
"But--" Neal started, but seeing the stern glint in his father's eyes he stopped and buried his face in his hands.
"Duke Baird! Duke Baird! Your Grace!" cried a young voice, running into the infirmary. A small boy, blond with a round face and panicked green eyes, stood in front of them. He couldn't have been more than a first year or a second year page, Neal guessed. "Your Grace, come quick--Banicker of Justicecreek broke his leg in the stable!"
Duke Baird rose and told the little boy to calm down. He then turned to Neal and asked, "Could I trouble you to mind the infirmary while I tend to young Justicecreek?"
"I'll stay," Neal promised. The little blond boy looked as if he might jump out of his skin and possess Duke Baird just to get the older healer moving. "I think you had best go to him, Father."
Duke Baird nodded and followed the blond boy out to the stables after grabbing a bag of supplies.
Neal sat in deafening silence, the only sounds coming from the rustling leaves, the birds, a few dogs, and some older knights who rode their horses. Suddenly deciding he needed to write a letter to Yuki, he pulled a piece of parchment out of his father's stack and inked his pen.
"Dear Yuki," he murmured to himself, writing down. "I would like to apologize to your for leaving you the week of our wedding in such a hurry. I know I told you, but looking back, I had acted quite irrationally. I know now the reason why," he paused. He set the pen on the inkwell, not wanting to write anything else until he planned it aloud. "I have fallen in love with Kel. At the time I hadn't realized it, but as these last six weeks have progressed, I find that my feelings have a certain ring of truth." Neal rolled those words around in his mind for a few minutes before writing them down. "I'm sorry, Yuki. Had I understood my fickle emotions earlier, perhaps I could have spared you the pain. You see, Yuki, I see a lot of Kel in you. I think I've been in love with Kel for a long time, and loving you gave me an excuse to love part of Kel and not love Kel at the same time. I'm sorry, again." Neal signed the letter and re-read it.
"I can't send this to her," Neal mumbled, balling up the letter and throwing it carelessly out the window as a little dark-headed boy with dark eyes limped into the infirmary.
He looked at Neal, confusion apparent in his eyes. "Where did Duke Baird go?"
"He had to go see to an emergency," Neal answered. "I'm his son, though. A healer. Name's Sir Neal. How can I help you?"
Wordlessly, he held out his hand. His index finger bent almost flat on the back of his hand.
"What happened?" Neal asked, leading him over to one of the beds and helping him sit on it.
"I fell down, sir," he answered.
Neal raised an eyebrow. "We've said that since before I came to Corus as a page," he commented, taking the boy's hand and making it numb. He slowly set it back in place and split it, filtering magic in to start the healing of it. "According to my father, they said it when he was a page."
"No, sir, I truly fell down," the boy said earnestly. "I didn't fight. If I had fought you'd have two of us in here to take care of. I fell down after I tripped over someone's book in the library."
Neal nodded, accepting the boy's story. It truly did look as if he had only fallen down. "All right, off with you."
He hopped off of the bed and took off for the door.
"No running! You want to break an arm too?" Neal called after him.
The boy came back in. "By the way, sir, my given name is Jamesan of Tridelta, but everyone calls me James."
"Go to your classes, James," Neal shooed him off. James took off and once more Neal yelled at him to quite running. However, when James slowed, he nearly plowed into someone coming around the corner.
"You ought to listen to Sir Neal," she said. "He may look funny and sound like an idiot half the time, but he has sensible advice."
"Sorry, Lady Kel," James apologized and once more took off to his classes.
Neal ducked back into the infirmary. His heart thumped loudly and tried to take up residence in his throat again, but Neal busied himself with something else--like making a note to his father that Jamesan of Tridelta had come in with a broken finger so he had set it.
"Well well well," Kel said, leaning against the door. Neal forced himself not to look up at her. "I think I may die of shock. Neal of Queenscove actually doing work voluntarily? I didn't think you meant you wanted to help out your father seriously."
"I'm just full of surprises, Kel, you should know that by now," Neal replied.
"Forgive my absent-mindedness," Kel told him teasingly, walking over and sitting on the corner of the desk.
Oh hell... Neal fought the panic that rose in his chest. Goodness, he had never felt this way with Yuki! But Yuki...wasn't your best friend.
"Neal?" Kel asked, concerned. She tilted her head to the side, her short locks brushing across her cheek and neck, then floating onto her shoulder, where they rested. She reached out and touched his shoulder, to find Neal jerk away.
"Gods..." Neal breathed. He hurried over to a cabinet and pretended to search for something. She only touched me...and...my skin felt like it had caught on fire! She didn't even touch me directly, either. Through my shirt only. Mithros...
"Neal, you look as if you've seen a ghost," Kel commented. "And you won't talk to me. Say something, even if you only say 'hello.'"
"Hello," he croaked. His voice sounded like sandpaper, even in his own ears.
Kel looked around and noticed that no one waited in the infirmary, suddenly remembering Neal had come to her in a frenzy, a steely look in his bright green eyes, and a resolve almost tangible to tell her something. "What did you want to tell me last night?"
"Uh..." he said ingeniously, freezing in his position, arms up on the top shelf of the cabinet, rummaging through a box. Second chance! Second chance! Go for it, Queenscove! his heart yelled. Neal, Neal, he's our man, if he can't do it, no one can!
He slid the box from the cabinet and set it on the bed behind him. He finally looked up at Kel, cheeks flushing. His heart continued to goad him on in different ways, alternately feeding his ego and insulting it. Needless to say, it worked.
"Neal?" Kel prompted.
"Well," he began, walking over to her. He took one of her hands and led her over to one of the infirmary beds. "You may want to sit down." She took his advice, settling comfortably in her spot. "Well, Kel, you see...while I wa--"
"Goddess! It's Kel!" said an overly cheery voice.
"Cleon!" Kel cried. She gave Neal an apologetic smile and hopped off of the bed, rushing over to the infirmary door and hugging her old boyfriend. "Long time no see! Owen told us you had gone on border patrol?"
Cleon nodded. "Yeah, King Jon assigned me on the Scanran border patrol, unfortunately. Had a few scuffles up there." At Kel's concerned expression, he shook his head. "I, for one, am unhurt, thank the Gods. Couple of my comrades got pretty cut up though."
Neal mocked Cleon's grating voice in his head. He didn't know exactly when he had started finding Cleon somewhat more irritating than he had during their page years, but it really affected him now.
"That's great!" Kel told him, hugging him again. "I just got back to Corus yesterday myself. And look, here's Neal!"
Neal cringed. "Yes, here's Neal," he said sarcastically, loud enough for Cleon to hear. He looked up at Cleon and pasted a fake grin on his face. "Hey there, Cleon old boy. How goes the home life?"
Cleon had married his arranged fiancee a little more than four months ago, at the palace. That had been the last time he had seen Kel before she had gone missing. "Wonderfully! Thank you for asking. And you, how fares the lovely Lady Yukimi?"
"Gee, I wouldn't know," Neal answered draftily. "Seeming how she went back to the Yamani Isles a week and a half ago, according to Owen. Can't imagine she's having too much of a good time, seeing as how she needs to tend to her father."
Kel rolled her eyes. "Don't mind Neal. He turned into a bitter old man between yesterday afternoon and this morning."
No. I don't like Cleon. I don't like him even more now that he interrupted my confession, Neal seethed silently. The gods must be rolling in their realm laughing at his blundering attempts to tell Kel how he felt.
Or, perhaps it was fate that he couldn't seem to get Kel alone long enough to tell her. He wanted to tell her suavely, not blurt out "I love you" to her! He didn't want to look like more of a fool than she already considered him.
"Hm, well, just dropped by to say hello to the both of you. 'Specially you, my dove," Cleon ruffled Kel's hair as Neal's blood boiled in his veins. He had to look away so he wouldn't run over and strangle Cleon. "Farewell, friends of mine. I'll catch up with you at lunch, right?"
"Surely," Kel agreed enthusiastically. Oh, that made Neal angry. She had just shown Cleon more affection than she had shown Neal the entire two weeks and two days--not that he had counted, of course--he had spent with her. He had half a mind to kiss her right there just to see if she would show him any emotion at all. He would, too, if he hadn't convinced himself completely that Inness spied on his every move. Kel turned on Neal and opened her mouth to ask him to tell her again what he wanted to say, but Duke Baird returned then. "Good morning, your Grace."
"Good morning, Kel," Duke Baird answered. He and a third year squire carried in young Banicker of Justicecreek on a stretcher. "Thank you, Garriss," he told the squire, nodding. The squire bowed and ran off to find his knight master and Neal took the other end of the stretcher. "Over here," Duke Baird led Neal over to the bed at the far end of the infirmary. "Kel, help us out."
Kel trotted over and helped get the young page with the broken leg out of the stretcher. She helped Neal set up a sling from the ceiling to hold the leg elevated. She noticed who he went out of his way to prevent their hands from touching and frowned.
"Neal, can I talk to you a moment?" Duke Baird requested.
"Coming," Neal answered, leaving Kel to stare at him oddly. She sighed and waited for him to finish conversing with his father. "Sorry," he mumbled. "Still have to obey him, despite the fact I'm a full-grown man."
"As you should," Kel nodded. They stood in awkward silent for a moment. She fiddled with her fingers nervously, looking to the floor, to the wall, anywhere but Neal. Then she realized what she was doing and looked straight up at him. And now, Kel felt it appropriate to turn tail and run before she had time to let herself grow attached to her best friend like she had as a page. "I..."
Neal looked up at her with those sparkling green eyes and she had to force herself to leave. As she excused herself, she had to tell herself she had just imagined that kicked puppy look in his eyes and headed out to the training field.
"You really love Kel, don't you?" Duke Baird murmured to his son, placing a hand on his shoulder.
Neal just nodded miserably and buried his face in his hands.
Kel practiced her hand-to-hand combat in the training room, finding the fields too crowded for her liking, especially in her out-of-practice shape. In fact, she thought she did so horribly that she would mar her name if anyone saw her. Why did Neal make her so nervous earlier?
"His eyes," Kel said to herself, now falling back on her muscle memory. She felt so out of shape...
She kicked the dummy and managed to barely duck in time as the arms came swinging around.
"His eyes looked...strange," Kel decided, punching and ducking. "Almost...almost...I don't know what they looked like..."
She had never seen Neal turn such an intense gaze on anyone, not even Yuki. She recalled their glittering depths, clearly conveying...something...to her. Maybe it had to do with what he wanted to tell her but kept getting interrupted for?
"He jumped away from me," Kel remembered as she continued to routinely pummel that dummy. "When I touched his shoulder...I wonder if he got hurt there while he flayed Gherash and Udaan?" she murmured. "He doesn't seem too upset that Yuki left...what doesn't he want people to know but he wants to tell me? What did he mean by 'it only concerns you and me?' I don't understand..."
And suddenly, Kel placed the emotion she saw in his eyes: longing.
--"It only concerns you and me. Just me...and just you."--
--"I saw you in the skirt yesterday and a few days ago. You looked quite appealing."--
--He jumped away from her when she touched his shoulder.--
--He went out of his way not to let their hands touch.--
Kel kicked the dummy and froze as a revelation struck her, much as the dummy's arms just had. Had Neal fallen in love with her?!
"Goddess," Kel breathed, on her stomach. She lied flat on the floor, her back aching where the dummy had collided with her. "He...? He can't. He loves her...not me..."
She didn't know whether her eyes watered from the pain in her back or the revelation she had just arrived at.
"Dammit, Neal..."
"Kel?"
Kel jumped up and smacked her head on the dummy's arm, falling on her hands and knees. She gingerly raised a hand to touch the spot on the back of her head. It came back wet, sticky, and red. "Who is it?"
"Fancy meeting you here, of all places," the person walked over and helped her up. "You seem to be bleeding from the back of your head."
"How observant of you, Cleon," she snapped.
"I think we should get you back to the infirmary and get you all patched up before you bleed to death," Cleon answered.
"I'm fine," she told him, gritting her teeth.
"You look fine," Cleon replied, sarcasm twinging his voice. "Come on, let's get to the infirmary."
"Stop it! Cleon, I can take care of myself!"
"I believe you."
"Cleon!"
He didn't seem to want to listen though, as he half dragged the protesting female knight into the palace infirmary, now crawling with palace healers in their respective rooms. "Neal!" Cleon called. The knight appeared instantly. "Here you go." He escorted Kel into his bewildered arms. "Heal her. I have to go now. Bye!"
Neal blinked rapidly. He had no idea what, exactly, had just transpired. However, he did realize that Kel carefully didn't look him in the eyes and he also noticed that she had started bleeding on the back of her head. "Come on," he murmured, leading her over to one of the beds. "Sit while I grab some things." He quickly walked over to a box of gauze and grabbed a bottle of cleansing potion. He hurried back over to Kel to make sure she hadn't left in the state she was in. "This might sting a little..."
Kel closed her eyes as Neal's gentle hands cleaned the small wound on the back of her head with the cleansing potion and guaze. "That smells horrible. Will my hair smell like that for the rest of the day?"
"Most likely," Neal replied truthfully. "But you won't bleed all over the place."
Kel couldn't help but laugh at this for some reason. "How true."
Neal quickly healed the small cut. "Well, you can go now."
Kel nodded, but she didn't move to leave. She did, however, swing her feet around so she faced him and looked up at him. There. She saw it again. That disturbingly clear...longing. And suddenly, she had the urge to kiss him.
The two of them remained there, staring at one another, imagining just how it would feel if their lips met. Neal's heart pounded rapidly in his chest, and he thought for sure that Kel could hear it, and he wished vehemently that it would stop its relentless marathon and resume normal pace. He didn't realize it until he could feel her breath on his cheek that they had leaned towards each other.
"Ahem!"
They sprang apart.
"If you don't mind, Neal," Duke Baird said. "I need you to go help out Zerah with a feisty patient."
Neal nodded somberly, glanced at Kel, blushed, and went off to help Zerah with her feisty patient. Duke Baird just looked at Kel with a mixture of knowing and expectant expressions that she flushed and left the infirmary. Kel walked on shaky legs down the hallway, her thoughts jumbled, and she finally leaned against the wall and sank into a sitting position around the corner.
"What the hell was that..." she wondered aloud. She held her hands out in front of her and watched them tremble for a moment before hugging her long, slender legs to her chest. She replayed the scene in her head, and realized exactly what had just transpired. "I...we...almost...oh gods..."
She buried her hands in her hair, resting her forehead on her knees. She fought off tears as she realized at that display of affection they almost had that the Master would take Neal next, if she failed to save Merric. "Oh gods...Neal..." she squeezed her eyes shut. "Why do you have to be so bloody feelings-oriented? Why couldn't you just stay angry with me?" she cried quietly. "Don't you understand..."
Neal walked with his father to the mess hall as the midday bell tolled. He hadn't seen Kel since their almost-incident earlier. He didn't know if he could face her after it anyway. He would find out now, wouldn't he? Desperate to distract himself, he told his father, "I want to go out and practice with the pages and squires after midday, so I won't come back to the infirmary afterward. I may return after supper though."
Duke Baird shook his head. "I don't want you to wear yourself out, Neal. I don't need you to come back to the infirmary after supper. We have plenty of healers. Besides, wouldn't you like to spend some time with your friends?"
Not really, Neal thought numbly. Not if it means I may have another...encounter like earlier with Kel. "I guess," Neal replied enigmatically.
Duke Baird fell silent then, entering the mess hall with his son. He joined the palace staff at their table while Neal joined his friends at their usual spots. However, instead of sitting across from Kel today, Owen decided he wanted to sit across from her and Seaver wanted to sit next to him, leaving Neal the seat next to her. Cleon sat on her left, forcing Neal to sit on her right.
"Hullo," Neal said sullenly, sinking into his seat and piling his plate with food. As the vegetables came around, instead of taking some, he passed it right onto Kel, who put some on her plate and some on Neal's.
"Hullo yourself," Kel said testily. "You need your vegetables, Neal. You've been helping your father heal everyone since breakfast."
"Oh hush," Neal answered. He picked at his food, staring at it rather than looking to Kel. He couldn't seem to engage in conversation with Seaver, or with Owen, or Kel, and especially not Cleon. Neal still couldn't come to a rational reason for his hostility, but he figured he might as well run with it rather than fight it.
"Neal," Owen piped up. "You don't look so well. Do you think maybe you overdid it at the infirmary?"
"I feel fine," Neal protested. "Really. I feel so fine that I'm going to train with the squires and the pages after midday."
"Maybe you shouldn't," Seaver added. "You look kind of..."
"Pasty?" Kel offered.
Seaver nodded. "That would be the correct word I was looking for."
Neal felt like wringing necks. "I'll have all three of you know that no matter what you say, I feel fine, despite your opinion of what I look like. You'll have to allow me a few days to get my coloring back to what it was prior to my escapade to find Kel. I feel just great, not tired at all. Do you understand now?"
Neal wolfed down the rest of his meal without waiting for an answer and left the table with everyone in a stunned silence.
"Way to go," Cleon finally spoke up.
"Shut up, Cleon," the other three chorused.
Cleon went back to his meal.
