"Congratulations you are now an Alpha male, feel free to wander the grounds or stop off at the library and browse."

"Maven?"

"Yes?"

"You're an idiot."

"Thank you for noticing. I try, you know…"

"DON'T MAKE ME COME IN THERE!!" Taker yelled.

Randy had been taken away that morning and new supplies supplied (CD's, videos, soap, food, beer etc.) so Jeff had moved out of 'Bummer' and into 'Alpha'.

Maven as usual was being a jackass and attempting to make the room sound like a college campus rather than a bedroom. He was also talking in a voice that made him sound boring and dull but it was 8:30 at night and everyone was hyper-active most of them having slept through the day.

Raven had woken in the attic that morning and tried to remember why he had moved out but he couldn't. So he had just deemed it one of life's little mysteries.

Edge was making the applause of the crowd that wasn't assembled in 'Alpha' really, really loudly.

The Undertaker having just been woken, walked into Alpha, took a large handful of Edge's golden locks and pulled him outside.

*FLUSH FLUSH FLUSH*

Edge came back seconds later his hair and face was wet, the front of his shirt too.

"The ceiling in the bathroom has been fixed." He said sitting on his bed and waiting for the recoil.

Raven sat beside him and patted him on the shoulder (squelch, squelch). "I feel your pain."

"Cram it goat-sucker."

"Pig licker."

"Bring it on."

The Undertaker stood in the doorway watching the fight, "it's sad, isn't it?"

Jeff bolted to the Undertaker's side.

"Did ya swirly him?"

Maven scoffed, "don't be stupid! You couldn't fit a head that inflated in a conventional cistern."

The Taker laughed loudly and punched Maven in the face, "I'm the American Badass! You'd be surprised what I can do."

Jeff walked into 'bummer' to annoy Matt and Lita. Instead he walked in on an argument between Molly and Kurt, that Matt and Lita were watching.

"You don't love me."

"Of course I do."

"If you loved me you'd tell me who busted your lip."

"Kurt you know I can't do that."

"One of the guys hit you didn't they?"

"NO!"

"Then it was Lita!"

"No you leave her out of this!"

"That bitch hit you and you're too scared to tell me."

"I'm not scared of anything."

"You were scared of Triple H when you two were in the shed." Kurt rebutted cruelly.

Molly was close to tears, "how dare you bring that up! If I remember correctly it was YOUR FAULT!"

"He called you a whore, and he was right!" Kurt was starting to shout, "we'd only been here three days and you'd slept with every guy in the house."

"It's not like that."

"Yes it is! You're a whore Molly. A god damned filthy whore."

Team Extreme ducked.

***42 seconds later***

"I'm too much of a gentleman to hit a lady." Kurt declared.

"Yeah right Kurt. She kicked your ass to hell and back!" Lita said wincing as Matt sewed up Kurt's head. Lita had been worried that Molly might hurt herself after Kurt's… speech so she sent Jeff to find her. He didn't have to look far.

In 'Better' surrounded by large sinewy men was Molly crying into the Rocks chest and telling her sob story to anyone that would listen.

"And then he called me a …a."

"Whore?" Triple H offered.

Molly started to wail again and the other guys hit Hunter and told him to shut up or shove off. Which he protested loudly until Stone Cold Steve Austin made eye contact. Triple H was down that corridor before Austin got to his feet (and believe me that took incredible speed and stamina). Triple H stomped down the stairs after realizing that Austin was not behind him. He stopped behind Angle (still having his head stitched up by Matt Hardy).

"Your woman got me yelled at." Triple H yelled in Angle's ear.

"Voila," Matt snipped the final stitch, "free to go."

Kurt found himself pushed back in his seat.

"You're not going anywhere"

Lita was standing in the doorway between the kitchen and the living room. She had vacated the room when that drunken bastard had filled it with his ego and his nose (note from Madame: Christ have you had a good look at that thing. WOW!).

Matt was still sitting in front of angle and now in front of Triple H.

Angle turned, looked Triple H square in the eyes and stated, "she's not my woman. She's a whore and she's too much trouble."

Triple H hit him, "then be a man. Tell her that there are going to be some changes. That what she did is not on and if she says anything else show her the back of your hand."

Matt was sitting quietly wondering who he feared a beating from more, Triple H or…

"Matt can I talk to you over here real quick!" her voice cut through the air.

Matt timidly walked over, "sure babe what do you wa…" #*SLAP! *#

Lita stormed up the stairs. Matt stared up the stairs in horror.

"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?!"

(Note from Madame: Matt must of assumed that Lita was out of earshot 'cos he pissbolted when he heard her coming back.)

"YOU WANNA KNOW WHAT THAT WAS ABOUT WELL I'LL BE MORE THAN HAPPY TO TELL YOU!" Lita literally flew down those stairs, "WHERE IS HE?"

Kurt and Hunter pointed out into the yard cautiously.

"That's just like him," Lita scowled, "if I tell you to, will you give him a message."

Triple H moved away when he realized that it wasn't a question. But poor pathetic Kurt.

"Sure what's the message?"

Kurt crumpled to the floor, eyes bugging from his head, hands placed protectively where there was now very little left to protect. (Note from Madame: ha ha ha crunch!)

Lita walked into the kitchen and grabbed the kettle, two mugs, a box of cocoa and some snacks (mostly chocolate) and stormed back up the stairs. Lita and Molly barred the door of the girls' room and set up the food and the kettle. This was going to be a legendary girls' night in!

**Elsewhere**

Matt had built a fort out of tables, ladders and chairs (oh my) and was content in the fact that no one could get in with out him knowing… but just in case Lita pulled a fast one on him, he had a massive stockpile of kendo sticks, phillipino fighting sticks and fire extinguishers. He wouldn't dare to use them but if he hurled them in her general direction it might buy him more escape time.

"Who are you hiding from?"

"W..Who's there? I have weapons."

Matt fell backwards onto the fort and had 'it' fall on him. 'It', of course, being Raven.

"How long have you been up there?" Matt shoved Raven aside and got to his feet.

Raven sat on the canvas amidst the props and shrugged, "Not long. Long enough."

He looked Matt up and down. Matt's left cheek was red (not pink, red!), the vein in his neck was pulsing and he looked like he had just witnessed the Virgin Mary banging Satan in the manger. Raven laughed loudly and began to dance around like a court jester.

"You're hiding from Lita, huh?"

Matt looked at Raven, "are you high?"

"Not yet." Raven circled the ring and climbed up onto the support girders of the ceiling of the shed. He was going to have so much fun with this "THERE'S LITA. OH MY DEAR WHAT A LARGE AXE YOU HAVE!" Raven yelled at the top of his lungs.

Matt spun and fell over. He got the look of some one who's just answered the door in the dead of night to the grim reaper who has just asked if he can use the facilities. He turned back with a sigh and an irrepressible urge to kill.

Raven was howling, he had gotten a better reaction than he expected, and he had seen it clearly from Matt's darkened reflection in the window. Something was wrong with it, it hadn't turned when Matt had… and it was now waving. He stopped laughing and just looked confused.

When he had turned Raven's face had almost literally fallen and now it was Matt's turn to laugh.

"You're not so cocky now are you, you wait 'til I get up there…oh oh." It had come to Matt's attention that Raven hadn't been looking at him for quite a long time now. And he couldn't help but wonder who was scaring him so. Oh no she couldn't be. He would of heard her right?

Matt whirled around, dropped to his knees, closed his eyes and yelled,

"I respect you as a woman and…and I should of. "

A hand on his head told him to shut up, he thought he understood and leaned in for a kiss.

"Whoa whoa whoa, what are you playin' at Jabroni?" the Rock jumped back with his hands out in front of him.

Hearing the Rock's voice instead of his girlfriends not only creeped out Matt, it also scared him half to death. He stood up and looked up at Raven,

&*#$ FLASH $#*&

who has holding the biggest, chunkiest camera he'd ever seen. Matt groaned and attempted to scale the wall in the same fashion as Raven but he fell. Raven threw the camera at the Rock who caught it and ran.

The Rock was flying through the garden, Matt was still in the shed and Raven was on the top of the shed. The Rock ran into the house past Triple H and Kurt in the 'family' room both talking about how bitchy their partners were.

Matt was standing still yelling into the night,

"You bastards! You set me up! I ought'a …I'm gonna kill everyone in this FUCKING house, you just wait and see."

Raven was on the shed roof cheering, "see Rock see. see Rock run! Run Rock run!"

The Rock ran up the stairs into 'Better' where the Undertaker and Stone Cold were talking about trucks and motors etc., he thrust the camera into Austin's arms.

"Guard this with your life."

"Fuck off!" Austin threw it back.

The Rock heard Matt thumping up the stairs and dove into 'Alpha' and threw himself against the door. Edge, Jeff and Maven turned around sharply their faces filled with panic.

The Rock held out the camera, "take it and hide it."

Maven threw his arms into the air, "of course we weren't looking at porn what scum do you take us for?"

The Rock moved away from the door, "what?"

BOOM! The door flew open hitting Maven in the back and sending Matt flying through the room into the opposing wall. The Rock, Jeff and Edge seized this temporary distraction to escape.

Jeff and Edge went to help Raven off the roof, while the Rock ran through 'Better' again and leapt out of the window.

*#$ The Girls' Room $#*

After a tearful recollection of the argument with the frequent interruption – "yeah, I was there, remember?" Molly decided aloud that she might as well tell Kurt who hit her. It's not like he would believe her anyway.

"but that's what I've been trying to tell you." Lita was exasperated. "he won't believe the truth so make something up. And then milk it for all it's worth."

Molly looked shocked, "but that would be lying."

Lita leaned back against the wall with her cup of cocoa, "what's your point? It's not like Kurt hasn't been lying to you…oh oh."

The tears were starting to flow again, "he's been lying to me? What hasn't been true."

Lita put down the cup and attempted to cover up her mistake without realizing that she was making it worse. "well technically that's not true…as such…um. It's not really that he's been lying but that he may have neglected to tell you some things. Little things. Unimportant things."

"Like what?"

Lita was torn. Should she tell Molly the truth or let her find out for herself. No letting her find out would be cruel.

"like he has a wife and daughter."

"WHAT!! THAT ASSHOLE!" Molly knocked over the cocoa and some of the snacks standing up ,"I'll kill him. That's just not fair!"

Lita couldn't help but laugh, "yeah that's the spirit. You tell that rotten son of a bitch that he's a scumbag and you won't put up with it."

"yeah."

"you don't have to feel bad when he's the cheating bastard."

"yeah."

"and what's more you tell him WHAT'S THAT ON THE WINDOW?!"

"yeah I …what?"

both girls screamed and backed up. Lita switched off the light, so that they could see the prowler's face. The figure didn't seem to be scared by that, he held up a camera to the window. Molly picked up a thick novel and hit him in the head repeatedly.

"what the hell are you doing to the Rock you crazy ho?" the Rock yelled.

After an awkward silent moment Molly and Lita pulled the Rock through the window giggling.

"so what was going on so that you had to come and keep us company?" Lita poured herself another cocoa, "and what's with the camera."

"yeah I hadn't meant to mention it but I was wondering what you were doing outside our room with a camera at night without the flash on?" Molly said offering the Rock a cookie.

The Rock greedily accepted four cookies and sneered, "the Rock's not interested in what's in this room. the Rock is more concerned with important matters like making sure that your boyfriend (pointing at Lita obviously)doesn't get this camera."

"all right now I'm interested, why's he after that camera?" Lita lurched forward to hear the Rock's explanation.

The Rock lurched forward to meet her, "maybe if you were a little nicer to the Rock. He'd tell you." He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

"maybe you should go to hell? or maybe I should open the door and call Matt in?" Lita countered.

The Rock stuck his tongue out at her, "maybe you should."

"fine I will." Lita got up and opened the door, "MATT, I'LL FORGIVE YOU IF… HEY?!"

Lita turned on her heel and bashed her fists on the door, "that's not funny you open this door right now. Just you wait!" Lita stomped away to find Matt.

The Rock closed the window and put his arm around molly's shoulders. "so did the Rock hear correctly, you broke up with Kurt?"

Molly looked into the Rock's big brown eyes and smiled, "that's right. I'm all alone now."

**elsewhere**

"you stubborn little bastard!"

"yeah, what you're doing is incredibly uncool."

Jeff and Edge were still trying to get Raven off the roof. By now they were beyond the point of bribery and coaxing and were up to the 'come down from there or I'll take this (name of object) and stick it up your (name of orifice) and in the time it (nasty visual) you had better pray you're down here before I can get a ladder' stage.

"Raven, you goddamned little bastard. Come down from there or I'll take this washing basket and stick it up your ass and in the time it takes to get from your ass to your mouth I'll be there to kick it straight back up so you'd better pray you're down here before I can get a ladder."

Jeff looked at Edge, "wow dude that was cold."

Edge nodded without taking his eyes off Raven, "I would say brutal myself."

Jeff shrugged, "we should probably advance to the 'you stay here and I'll get a ladder' stage."

Edge pegged a stone at Raven and got him in the crotch, "HE'S DOWN! HE'S DOWN! I believe it's your call!"

Jeff winced, "yeah, dude you stay here and I'll get a ladder."

Jeff walked into the shed slowly.

Edge called after him, "take your time dude he's not getting up."

Raven was lying on the roof looking at Edge he opened his mouth but no sound came out. He pulled himself up to one elbow and spat at Edge. He spat a large brown object at him.

Edge began to jump around and yell, "Jeff dude he spat one of his nuts at me. The stone must have punctured his nutsack."

Jeff ran out, "what? Ah dude that's gross." Jeff looked back up at Raven and Raven spat another one, it hit Jeff in the face.

Jeff ran around with the 'alleged' nut on his face howling in disgust like a chook with it's head cut off (note from Madame: an Australian saying it means to run around with little or no direction or purpose. Also used to describe an utter state of panic in which there is no escape and no sense).

Edge was watching him run in circles and was caught somewhere between laughing and dry retching.

"dude get it off get it off!" Jeff was starting to panic , "dude help this is so dirty!"

neither of them realized that Raven had happily slid off the roof and was leisurely walking inside. Raven entered the kitchen to find Stone Cold Steve Austin pawing through the cupboards.

Austin turned and grabbed him by the collar , "you little son of a bitch have you seen the chocolate coated rum balls?"

Raven laughed, "you know what? I have seen them I was eating some before. Edge and Jeff are mucking around with them on their faces now but you know what would spoil their fun. If you walked up to Jeff and ate it off his face."

Austin looked at Raven strangely, "you know I ain't that way inclined."

Raven's eyes lit up, "dare someone else to."

"I'm game. What are we all talking about?" the Undertaker walked in.

Raven released Steve's grip on his collar and nudged him, "we just thought that you wouldn't be game to go and eat a chocolate coated rum ball off Jeff Hardy's face."

Taker adjusted his pants, "well, that's where you're wrong."

Jeff was still running away from everything. Edge was retching behind the shed and then they heard the door slide. Both Jeff and Edge watched in horror as the Undertaker walked over to Jeff, stuck his tongue out and licked Raven's 'nut' right off Jeff's face.

The Undertaker smiled at Edge, "mmm…nutty."

Edge and Jeff both ran behind the shed to barf.

The undertaker looked confused when he walked back inside and found raven and Austin on the floor laughing until they were crying. Taker cringed, "oh god what did you do to it or them or why the hell are you laughing?"

Raven pulled the undertaker towards him and through tears stuttered, "t…they think it's …it's one of my b…balls."

Taker looked at him funny, "one of your balls? At what point did you have balls?" he smiled.

Raven stopped laughing abruptly. "you know what, for a crippled hack you're pretty funny."

Austin stopped laughing, "you just dug your own grave…"

"and now you have to lie in it." The undertaker snarled…

TBC