Thanks to: Stacey, Keita, Xelena, The Rain Child, huzzahuzza, Lady
Sandrilene, Dracos Myth, Froggy
Hi guys! Chapter eighteen here, ready for the reading.
Yay! A longer chapter this time! :DDDDDDD
This chapter...a lot happens in this chapter. Chapter 19 should be out
soon, hopefully. I'm still in shock, chapter 18, already! It doesn't seem
like I've been writing for long, but I've been writing since September and
it's February. Ah, the life of a writer! Heehee. Anyway, enjoy, and
review, you lot! I would like to have 170 reviews by chapter 19. It's only
11 reviews, I think you can pull it off!
Enjoy!!
**Chapter 18: Irony**
Frozen, Kel watched Neal.
"Kel, did you hear me?" he asked, waving a hand in front of her face. "Kel,
we really need to talk."
She seemed to snap out of it. "Oh, well...er, let's go to my rooms then."
Shaking his head, Neal took her elbow gently and steered her into his rooms.
"Sit down, please." She obeyed mechanically, her heart thumping in her
chest faster than it ever should have. "Kel...you've been avoiding me lately.
Not in a physical sense, but mentally you've just stopped acknowledging me.
You lie to me, you start crying for no reason, you give me the cold shoulder,
you answer most of my questions with one or two words..."
She watched him, unblinking. *Okay. Okay, Kel, prepare for heartbreak.*
"Why, Kel? Why have you started doing this all of a sudden? Did I do
something?" he wanted to know, tilting his head to the side. "You told me
that you love me and you agreed to having sex with me, I made sure I
didn't force you. I went out of my way to make sure that you were completely
at ease with the idea before you gave me the go-ahead. I tried to treat you
as your own person, I treated you like Kel, didn't I? What did I do wrong, Kel?"
She didn't answer.
"Kel? Come on. Please answer me."
As much as she wanted to say something, she couldn't force anything out of
her mouth. However, she closed her eyes and said, "You haven't done
anything wrong."
"Then why have you started treating me like this?" he asked her, spreading
his hands beseechingly.
The words began to roll off of her tongue once she clamped a seal on her
emotions. "Is it so hard to accept that maybe, just *maybe*, I made a
mistake?"
"What mistake?" he wanted to know.
"I thought that what I feel for you could be more than the love I feel for my
brothers," she explained.
He took a step back. "Excuse me?"
"I made a mistake. Do you have trouble believing that maybe I did that?"
she demanded.
"Yes," he said quietly. "Yes I do."
"Why?" she asked incredulously.
"Because I *know* you, Kel. I know you don't let the phrase 'I love you' just
roll off of your tongue freely like some paid whore," he told her. "I know,
because *you* flipped out in Queenscove when I said it to you and it took you
a week longer to tell me that you love me back, so there's no way that you
could have mistaken what you feel for me for the same love you feel for your
brothers."
"Deal with it," she snapped. "I told you--I don't love you the way you want me
to love you!"
The raise of volume in her voice sparked Neal's temper. "Dammit! So you
decide, instead of telling me that you made a gods damned mistake, to keep
secrets from me, to hide what happened when you were kidnapped from me,
to ignore me, to avoid me, to...to basically say, 'screw you, Neal, I don't give
a damn anymore'?"
"Just about," she agreed.
That *really* made his temper flare. "You..." he trailed off, burying his hands
in his hair. "You held my feelings in total disregard. That is *so* unlike you,
Kel. Why don't you tell me what *really* happened."
Kel rose. "I'm telling you the truth. I made a mistake--I thought I loved you
as more than a friend but I was wrong. I should have never bedded you!"
Neal reeled. "Oh, you bitch. You gods damned *bitch*. I risk my damn life
for you, I put off my own damn *wedding* for you, I fought my feelings for
you--all for you to say, 'oops. Sorry. I didn't mean it. I should've never
slept with you.'"
*Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry. Just egg him on,* Kel told herself. She felt
almost as if she watched the proceedings from somewhere else.
"That's right. That's damn right," she agreed. "I should've never slept with
you. I should've never kissed you or told you that I love you because none
of it means a thing."
"Well, *gee*, Kel! Thanks for filling me in!" he yelled. He couldn't help it;
he had tried to keep his voice low but she infuriated him and hurt him so
badly he had almost lost his self-control.
"You're welcome, Queenscove." She turned her back to him. "I don't love
you. Understand? I don't love you!"
Neal felt as if she had slapped him. She had hurt him really badly. "You...
whore," he spat.
"Oh, come now, Neal. You can think of better insults than that. You of all
people should know I'm used to people calling me a whore."
"Goddess." Tears began to trickle down Neal's cheek and he didn't bother
to wipe them away. He laughed bitterly. "Goddess, Kel, I don't know what
happened to you. What happened to my Kel? What happened to the Kel
that I told *everything* to? What happened to the Kel that I love with all
my heart? When did she turn into such a callous bitch?"
"This is me. If you don't like me, leave me. That's all there is to it." She
paused for a moment before adding, "Run back to Yuki."
Neal didn't know what to say, seeing as he felt she had ripped out his heart,
danced on it, and currently stabbed thousands of sharp needles into it.
"Kel..." he walked over to her, sniffing. He took her by the arms and turned
her towards him. Searching her eyes, he said, "Look me in the eyes and
tell me you don't love me, Kel. Look me in the eyes and say it."
*Goddess...* she moaned mentally.
Her eyes locked on his. "I don't love you."
Releasing her, he stumbled backwards and braced himself on his bed.
"A-all right." Visibly shaking, he wandered over to the door and balanced
himself against the doorknob. "I'll...I'll leave you alone then..." he told her
dazedly, opened the door, and stumbled out into the hallway.
Kel wore the Yamani mask for a few more minutes, allowing herself enough
time to escape to her rooms, where she threw herself on her bed and let
tears overcome her.
***
Neal didn't know where to go. He couldn't think, let alone go some place that
didn't remind him of Kel. "Can't think..." Neal muttered and finally dropped to
his knees wherever his lost feet had taken him. Burying his face in his hands,
the image of her with that hard, cold look in her eyes and that icy tone in her
voice, saying: "I don't love you" flashed in his mind's eye. The words echoed
in his head, ricocheting right off of the shadow that completely encompassed
his concious thought and made the phrase ring even louder.
He felt lost and blind, like someone had wrenched a piece of his soul out and
taken it to the lake, where they promptly submerged it until it dissolved.
"Neal?"
Someone touched his back gently, making him jump.
"Neal? Mithros--Neal, what happened?"
Neal recognized the voice faintly but couldn't concentrate on it, not bothering
to turn and look at the speaker. "Go away."
"Neal, you look horrible."
"Thank you."
The speaker peered over his shoulder. "Tell me what happened."
"Alanna, please go away."
Alanna hauled Neal to his feet. "Not until we get out of the kitchen, laddy.
The cooks came and got Jon because you just sort of collapsed in here, or
so they said."
With somewhat more dignity than previously, he followed his former knight-
master out of the kitchen and into the mess hall. "Go, please."
Frowning, Alanna looked him in the eyes. "What happened to you?"
"I don't want to talk about it," he said gruffly.
"Did your mother die?" Alanna guessed.
"That would have been so much simpler," he muttered darkly.
Utterly confused, she stared at him. "What *is* it, then?"
"Kel broke up with me!" Neal shouted, jumping up so fast that his seat toppled
over.
"You must have misunderstood, Neal. She loves you, she wouldn't break up
with you," Alanna tried to tell him.
"How can I misunderstand when I told her to look me in the eyes and tell me
she doesn't love me?! She did it without batting an eyelash! Just looked me
in the eyes with this cold expression and said, 'I don't love you.'" Shaking, he
picked up his seat and, sitting down, buried his hands in his hair and glared
at the tabletop.
"Well, I think I'll go have a talk with young Mindelan," Alanna growled.
"Guilt her into taking me back? Goddess, Alanna, she doesn't *care*! I can't
care because she doesn't want me. If I care, then it'll make her feel guilty.
I don't want her if she doesn't love me back. I'll...I'll deal."
*It hurts. I never thought anything could hurt this much.*
***
Kel had slipped off of her bed sometime during the hours that passed after
her harsh words to Neal and now lie sprawled on the cold floor. Well, it used
to be cold, but it had warmed from her non-moving body.
Someone knocked on the door, but she didn't care enough to answer it.
"Kel?"
Knock, knock, knock.
*I don't care. I don't care who you are, what you want, or why you need to
speak to me. Go away.*
"Kel, open up."
Knock, knock, knock.
*Go away.*
"Kel, please."
Knock, knock, knock.
*Okay. PLEASE go away then.*
"Kel? Kel!"
Knock-knock-knock.
The visitor jiggled the doorknob. Sometime before she had dropped off of
the bed, she had locked the door.
*Teach you to listen to me.*
"Kel! Kel, are you okay?!"
*Ugh...Inness...go away. Please.*
"Kel, don't move. I'll go get a healer!"
*You evil evil boy.*
"Inness..." she groaned from the floor. "Don't get a healer. I don't need one. I
just want to be alone right now, all right?"
"Kel, what's wrong?" her older brother asked.
"I..." Kel started. "Never mind. Just...leave me alone."
She heard a soft click on the opposite side of the door and it swung open. Inness
stood in the threshold, looking somewhat like a forbidding god come to punish her
for her cruelty. Quietly, he shut the door and crouched beside her on the floor.
"Now, Lady Knight," he said softly. "Tell your brother what happened to make
you so upset."
*Be strong, Kel. Can't cry. Have to make it look real. If I don't, then the
Master...*
Looking away from Inness, she replied with, "I broke up with Neal."
"What?"
"I broke up with Neal. Do you need it in writing?" she asked harshly.
Taken aback, Inness peered at Kel's face. "Why'd you do something foolish like
that? Don't you love him?"
"No."
"Liar."
"No."
"Well, why did you start crying then?"
"He's still my best friend, or was. He said some really cruel things. I still care
about him because of what we've both gone through together, so what he said
really affected me."
"I still think you're lying about loving him."
"I don't care what you think. Please leave, Inness."
"Very well then. As my sister wishes."
Inness rose and made it to the threshold before pausing, looking back at Kel,
and saying, "It doesn't do well to lie to yourself."
"How about if I just lie to other people?"
Inness left, closing the door behind him.
***
Deciding he didn't want to stay at the palace for supper because of the raw
wounds on his heart, Neal decided to eat at a restaurant in Corus. He hoped
no one would follow him down as he saddled his horse. Mounting, he tried to
keep his mind as blank as possible and set out on the road.
Strangely, he didn't feel any anger towards the lady knight from Mindelan.
He felt nothing like the night he found Yuki and Dom in a rather comprimising
position; he just felt...
...empty.
Empty like a seashell with nothing but the echo of Kel's "I don't love you" rather
than the ocean.
His horse skittered to the right, jerking Neal from his depressing thoughts.
Frowning, he calmed the beast and looked around for what could have spooked
it, finding nothing. He shrugged and continued to the farthest, most secluded
restaurtant he could find.
He dismounted and tied his horse to a post outside the building. Ducking in the
door, he scanned the vicinity and, satisfied that nobody he knew or recognized
from court had decided to dine here tonight, waited to be seated.
The host took him wordlessly to a table in the rear of the resturant, effectively
placing him in the shadows.
As Neal read the menu, he heard someone slide into the seat across from him.
"Can I help you," Neal asked flatly, not bothering to lower the menu.
A gloved hand gripped the top of his menu, lowering it to the table for him with
a strong, firm grasp.
Blue eyes met emerald ones.
"Shit," Neal breathed.
A malicious smile spread across the blue-eyed one's face.
"Didn't you die?" Neal asked.
"It was a simulacra that one of my father's mages made."
"I'll be damned."
"Too late."
Neal snorted. "I don't have time for this," he told the man across from him and
started to get up. He thought the better of it when the gloved hand reached out
and grabbed his wrist with a strength greater than Neal had ever recalled. He
sat back down.
"I'm thinking you *do* have time for this."
The voice, as cold as the steely blue eyes, made Neal rather agreeable. "Right.
What do you want, Joren?"
"You remember my name. Impressive. If I recall, you couldn't remember how
to tie your own boot laces without Mindelan's help, let alone remember people's
names," Joren told him.
"Wow. You know what, Joren? I'm really not in the mood for this. Tell me what
you want, and leave."
"I need you to go to the Copper Isles and get me a sword," Joren said.
"Screw you. I'm not going all the way to the Copper Isles just to get a sword,"
Neal scoffed.
"Yes you are," Joren told him. "You're going to go because I can make you want
to go by a simple flick of my wrist."
"You don't even have the Gift, Stone Mountain. I don't think it's very threatening
of you to say that," Neal told him flatly. "Get the damn sword your own damn
self. Or, here. Have mine."
Neal started to unbuckle his sword from his waist when he found himself unable
to move.
"Let's just say I found a way to have magic."
*Okay,* the Nealbrain said. *This...is bad.*
"Are you willing, now?" Joren asked, raising an eyebrow.
Neal just nodded, not trusting his voice.
"Good. It's in a city on the Copper Isles called Emerald Edge. You'll know it when
you see it, considering you have the Gift. The Sword of Abscador resonates off of
those with magic, but those who pass by Emerald Edge don't feel it because they
don't look for it." Joren rose from his seat. "I expect to have the Sword by
February. On the first of February, if I don't have it, you die." He dug a small gold
chain from his pocket and attached it around Neal's wrist. "If you try to take that
off, you die. You disobey me, you die. You tell anyone what it is, and you die.
Got it?"
Numbly, Neal nodded.
"Goodbye, Neal. I'll meet you here at supper on the last day of January."
Joren literally vanished before Neal's eyes.
"What'll ye have, cutie?"
Rubbing his temples, Neal replied with, "Whatever the special of the day is."
"All right," the waitress agreed. "Anythin' else?"
"No, that's all I want." He stared at the golden chain around his wrist, wondering
what kind of death Joren had contained inside that little piece of gold.
"All right. What d'ye want to drink?"
"...Ale. Lots and lots of ale."
The waitress chuckled. "Be right with ye."
***
Kel decided, as Neal did, not to dine at the palace that night. She didn't want to
see Neal, and she didn't want her friends fretting over her. Although they meant
well, she just didn't want to talk about it. So, like Neal, she saddled her horse,
trotted down to Corus, found the same most secluded, out of the way restaurant
she could, tied up her horse, and found herself seated across the empty room
from Neal.
Neal had been watching the restaurant lethargically, not really expecting anyone
to show up that he knew but on the look out anyway. Then he had taken to
looking at the objects hanging from the wall, his eyes going right over Kel and
onward.
Then his brain caught up.
His eyes landed once more on Kel. He snorted and took a drink from his cup of
ale.
This drew Kel's attention.
Kel caught sight of Neal, groaned softly, and poked her food around on her
plate.
"Stalking me now, Kel?" he asked.
"Why would I do that? I don't love you anymore, remember?" she retorted rudely.
"I had never even heard of this place until I found it a half-hour ago," Neal told
her. "This is the most out of the way restaurant in Corus. Unless you followed me,
why would you come here?"
"Maybe because I just wanted to eat alone today," she snapped. "I wasn't aware
I had to check and make sure you don't go some place first."
"Bitch."
"Glad you think so."
Their conversation faded as Kel ate. Neal finished his supper and his ale, playing
with the golden chain on his wrist. The chain didn't look like it would cause much
damage, but now that he examined it closer, once Joren had clasped it around his
wrist, the clasp has disappeared. The chain stayed loose on his wrist but tight enough
to keep it where it should be.
"I..."
Kel looked at him, raising an eyebrow. "You?"
"I have to go on a trip tomorrow," he told her, half telling the truth.
"Oh. Okay." She hailed the waitress and asked for the check.
"Glad you care so much," Neal muttered. He also asked the waitress for the check
as she passed him by.
"Did you expect me to throw myself at your feet and take back everything I said
earlier?" Kel wanted to know. *Gods. Stop acting so cruel to him, Kel! He didn't
do anything...but if any of the Master's spies are around, I have to pretend I hate
him.*
"No, but I thought..." he trailed off. "You know what? I don't know what I thought.
Forget I said anything." The waitress dropped the check on his table and circled
over to Kel's. Neal gave her two bronze nobles for her troubles, picked up his
check, and took it to the front of the small restaurant, paying his bill there where
the host stood.
Neal mounted his horse, end-of-November wind sweeping through the streets of
Corus. He tried to focus on getting a sword--what was it, the Sword of Adscabing?
No, that didn't sound right. Sword of...
"Abscador."
The wind blew again.
Something in his mind clicked.
"Great Merciful Mother."
It began to snow.
***
Merric and Garvey sat together outside the mess hall, having stolen into the kitchen
while the pages and cooks had vacated it and filched some food.
"I didn't see Kel or Neal in there today," Merric commented.
"While you went into the library earlier," Garvey paused to swallow a chunk of
bread, "I found Neal and Kel arguing in Neal's rooms. They broke up, I guess,
because he came stumbling out looking like a cart and four horses had run him
over. Although, I'll bet he felt that way."
Merric grunted in agreement. Frowning, he thought back to when things had been
normal, the last time he remembered normal was at Haven, before the Blayce
business. He paid no attention to Garvey as the nutter kept on talking and raving
about the break up of two of Merric's best friends.
"Hey," Merric said suddenly. He set his plate on the floor and walked over to the
window. "It's snowing."
Garvey joined him at the window. "It *is* snowing..."
Rolling his eyes, Merric asked, "Did you think I had lied to you?"
Garvey elbowed him. "Shut your mouth, Hollyrose."
Merric stuck his hand out of the window, catching two snowflakes on his hand that
almost immediately melted. "I don't think it will stick, but at least we know it's
officially winter."
"If the cold wasn't enough of an indicator," Garvey added.
"It'll be Midwinter soon..." Merric sighed. "Ordeals and all that will come. Do
you think we can stick around long enough to see the Ordeals?"
"Well..." Garvey trailed off. "We just have to keep an eye on Kel, and as long
as *she* doesn't go anywhere, then we can stay."
Snorting, Merric shook his head. "Some watchers we are. We didn't even
know where Kel was."
Laughing, Garvey shook his head too. "Ah well. What the Master doesn't know
won't hurt him."
"That's the kind of talk I like to hear from you, Runnerspring."
They seated themselves again and ate the rest of their pilferred meal.
***
Lumbering inside, Udaan grumbled about the cold and snow. "I hate snow."
He tried to pull his remaining arm farther into his sleeve but couldn't quite
manage it. "I hate snow, I hate the cold. This is why I live in the desert in
the winter."
Justice came running in after him, yapping at him. "Yes, Justice, it's damn
cold. Le's go inside."
He stepped inside, trying to brush some of the water from himself but not
succeeding. As he walked down the hallway, he passed by the knights'
mess hall, and promptly tripped over nothing the same time Justice did.
"...Uh oh."
Udaan knew what that meant if both of them tripped over nothing and the
Master wanted to keep an eye on Kel.
*Garvey.*
"C'mon, Just."
He hurried down the hallway, glancing over his shoulder though he knew
he wouldn't be able to see Garvey and whoever else he had with him.
The puppy stopped to growl at the space she tripped on and hurried after
Udaan, whimpering.
"Let's go see yer ma," he told the puppy, lifting her up with his single arm
and running the rest of the way to Kel's rooms.
He found the door locked and no one there, so he promptly sat on the
floor and waited for her return.
He dozed.
"Udaan?"
He snored.
"Udaan, wake up."
Suddenly, his bottom hurt.
"Ow. Thanks, Kel."
"Why are you sleeping outside my door?" she asked, craning her head
to look at him and holding her puppy.
"Twas waitin' fer ye," Udaan grunted, rising from the floor. "Did ye have
t' kick me so hard?"
"Ah, you baby," she let him know as she opened her door. "In with you."
Justice wriggled out of her hold and hopped onto her bed as she shut the
door behind her and Udaan. "What's up?"
"Did the Master give ye one of these?" Udaan held up his wrist. A gold
chain dangled there, a clone of Neal's.
Kel shook her head. "No."
Forlornly, Udaan stared at the gold glinting the candle light. He took a deep
breath and almost spoke, but shut his mouth, thinking the better of it.
"Udaan?" Kel asked, looking at him oddly.
"I ain't much of a help t' ye, am I, Kel?" he asked, eyes serious.
"Of course you're a help," Kel told him, frowning. "What's wrong?"
"Ye've..." he trailed off. "If I tell ye this, the Master's little charm will kill
me. I don't wanna make a mess all over yer floor, so I'll tell ye later."
Kel raised her eyebrows. "All right..."
Udaan started for the door. "But I may be dead on the morrow anyway."
"What are you *talking* about?" Kel demanded.
"Well, I'll chance livin' tomorrow mornin'," Udaan decided. "Sleep well, Kel.
Oh...where were ye and Neal?"
Kel looked away sharply. "We aren't together anymore."
"...Good lass. Ye may not feel it, but ye saved him a lot of trouble and
prob'ly his life."
Udaan left.
Rubbing her temples, Kel sighed. She quickly changed into her nightshirt
and flopped into bed. As he extinguished the candle, Justice jumped up
onto the bed and curled up at the foot.
"What a day."
Sandrilene, Dracos Myth, Froggy
Hi guys! Chapter eighteen here, ready for the reading.
Yay! A longer chapter this time! :DDDDDDD
This chapter...a lot happens in this chapter. Chapter 19 should be out
soon, hopefully. I'm still in shock, chapter 18, already! It doesn't seem
like I've been writing for long, but I've been writing since September and
it's February. Ah, the life of a writer! Heehee. Anyway, enjoy, and
review, you lot! I would like to have 170 reviews by chapter 19. It's only
11 reviews, I think you can pull it off!
Enjoy!!
**Chapter 18: Irony**
Frozen, Kel watched Neal.
"Kel, did you hear me?" he asked, waving a hand in front of her face. "Kel,
we really need to talk."
She seemed to snap out of it. "Oh, well...er, let's go to my rooms then."
Shaking his head, Neal took her elbow gently and steered her into his rooms.
"Sit down, please." She obeyed mechanically, her heart thumping in her
chest faster than it ever should have. "Kel...you've been avoiding me lately.
Not in a physical sense, but mentally you've just stopped acknowledging me.
You lie to me, you start crying for no reason, you give me the cold shoulder,
you answer most of my questions with one or two words..."
She watched him, unblinking. *Okay. Okay, Kel, prepare for heartbreak.*
"Why, Kel? Why have you started doing this all of a sudden? Did I do
something?" he wanted to know, tilting his head to the side. "You told me
that you love me and you agreed to having sex with me, I made sure I
didn't force you. I went out of my way to make sure that you were completely
at ease with the idea before you gave me the go-ahead. I tried to treat you
as your own person, I treated you like Kel, didn't I? What did I do wrong, Kel?"
She didn't answer.
"Kel? Come on. Please answer me."
As much as she wanted to say something, she couldn't force anything out of
her mouth. However, she closed her eyes and said, "You haven't done
anything wrong."
"Then why have you started treating me like this?" he asked her, spreading
his hands beseechingly.
The words began to roll off of her tongue once she clamped a seal on her
emotions. "Is it so hard to accept that maybe, just *maybe*, I made a
mistake?"
"What mistake?" he wanted to know.
"I thought that what I feel for you could be more than the love I feel for my
brothers," she explained.
He took a step back. "Excuse me?"
"I made a mistake. Do you have trouble believing that maybe I did that?"
she demanded.
"Yes," he said quietly. "Yes I do."
"Why?" she asked incredulously.
"Because I *know* you, Kel. I know you don't let the phrase 'I love you' just
roll off of your tongue freely like some paid whore," he told her. "I know,
because *you* flipped out in Queenscove when I said it to you and it took you
a week longer to tell me that you love me back, so there's no way that you
could have mistaken what you feel for me for the same love you feel for your
brothers."
"Deal with it," she snapped. "I told you--I don't love you the way you want me
to love you!"
The raise of volume in her voice sparked Neal's temper. "Dammit! So you
decide, instead of telling me that you made a gods damned mistake, to keep
secrets from me, to hide what happened when you were kidnapped from me,
to ignore me, to avoid me, to...to basically say, 'screw you, Neal, I don't give
a damn anymore'?"
"Just about," she agreed.
That *really* made his temper flare. "You..." he trailed off, burying his hands
in his hair. "You held my feelings in total disregard. That is *so* unlike you,
Kel. Why don't you tell me what *really* happened."
Kel rose. "I'm telling you the truth. I made a mistake--I thought I loved you
as more than a friend but I was wrong. I should have never bedded you!"
Neal reeled. "Oh, you bitch. You gods damned *bitch*. I risk my damn life
for you, I put off my own damn *wedding* for you, I fought my feelings for
you--all for you to say, 'oops. Sorry. I didn't mean it. I should've never
slept with you.'"
*Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry. Just egg him on,* Kel told herself. She felt
almost as if she watched the proceedings from somewhere else.
"That's right. That's damn right," she agreed. "I should've never slept with
you. I should've never kissed you or told you that I love you because none
of it means a thing."
"Well, *gee*, Kel! Thanks for filling me in!" he yelled. He couldn't help it;
he had tried to keep his voice low but she infuriated him and hurt him so
badly he had almost lost his self-control.
"You're welcome, Queenscove." She turned her back to him. "I don't love
you. Understand? I don't love you!"
Neal felt as if she had slapped him. She had hurt him really badly. "You...
whore," he spat.
"Oh, come now, Neal. You can think of better insults than that. You of all
people should know I'm used to people calling me a whore."
"Goddess." Tears began to trickle down Neal's cheek and he didn't bother
to wipe them away. He laughed bitterly. "Goddess, Kel, I don't know what
happened to you. What happened to my Kel? What happened to the Kel
that I told *everything* to? What happened to the Kel that I love with all
my heart? When did she turn into such a callous bitch?"
"This is me. If you don't like me, leave me. That's all there is to it." She
paused for a moment before adding, "Run back to Yuki."
Neal didn't know what to say, seeing as he felt she had ripped out his heart,
danced on it, and currently stabbed thousands of sharp needles into it.
"Kel..." he walked over to her, sniffing. He took her by the arms and turned
her towards him. Searching her eyes, he said, "Look me in the eyes and
tell me you don't love me, Kel. Look me in the eyes and say it."
*Goddess...* she moaned mentally.
Her eyes locked on his. "I don't love you."
Releasing her, he stumbled backwards and braced himself on his bed.
"A-all right." Visibly shaking, he wandered over to the door and balanced
himself against the doorknob. "I'll...I'll leave you alone then..." he told her
dazedly, opened the door, and stumbled out into the hallway.
Kel wore the Yamani mask for a few more minutes, allowing herself enough
time to escape to her rooms, where she threw herself on her bed and let
tears overcome her.
***
Neal didn't know where to go. He couldn't think, let alone go some place that
didn't remind him of Kel. "Can't think..." Neal muttered and finally dropped to
his knees wherever his lost feet had taken him. Burying his face in his hands,
the image of her with that hard, cold look in her eyes and that icy tone in her
voice, saying: "I don't love you" flashed in his mind's eye. The words echoed
in his head, ricocheting right off of the shadow that completely encompassed
his concious thought and made the phrase ring even louder.
He felt lost and blind, like someone had wrenched a piece of his soul out and
taken it to the lake, where they promptly submerged it until it dissolved.
"Neal?"
Someone touched his back gently, making him jump.
"Neal? Mithros--Neal, what happened?"
Neal recognized the voice faintly but couldn't concentrate on it, not bothering
to turn and look at the speaker. "Go away."
"Neal, you look horrible."
"Thank you."
The speaker peered over his shoulder. "Tell me what happened."
"Alanna, please go away."
Alanna hauled Neal to his feet. "Not until we get out of the kitchen, laddy.
The cooks came and got Jon because you just sort of collapsed in here, or
so they said."
With somewhat more dignity than previously, he followed his former knight-
master out of the kitchen and into the mess hall. "Go, please."
Frowning, Alanna looked him in the eyes. "What happened to you?"
"I don't want to talk about it," he said gruffly.
"Did your mother die?" Alanna guessed.
"That would have been so much simpler," he muttered darkly.
Utterly confused, she stared at him. "What *is* it, then?"
"Kel broke up with me!" Neal shouted, jumping up so fast that his seat toppled
over.
"You must have misunderstood, Neal. She loves you, she wouldn't break up
with you," Alanna tried to tell him.
"How can I misunderstand when I told her to look me in the eyes and tell me
she doesn't love me?! She did it without batting an eyelash! Just looked me
in the eyes with this cold expression and said, 'I don't love you.'" Shaking, he
picked up his seat and, sitting down, buried his hands in his hair and glared
at the tabletop.
"Well, I think I'll go have a talk with young Mindelan," Alanna growled.
"Guilt her into taking me back? Goddess, Alanna, she doesn't *care*! I can't
care because she doesn't want me. If I care, then it'll make her feel guilty.
I don't want her if she doesn't love me back. I'll...I'll deal."
*It hurts. I never thought anything could hurt this much.*
***
Kel had slipped off of her bed sometime during the hours that passed after
her harsh words to Neal and now lie sprawled on the cold floor. Well, it used
to be cold, but it had warmed from her non-moving body.
Someone knocked on the door, but she didn't care enough to answer it.
"Kel?"
Knock, knock, knock.
*I don't care. I don't care who you are, what you want, or why you need to
speak to me. Go away.*
"Kel, open up."
Knock, knock, knock.
*Go away.*
"Kel, please."
Knock, knock, knock.
*Okay. PLEASE go away then.*
"Kel? Kel!"
Knock-knock-knock.
The visitor jiggled the doorknob. Sometime before she had dropped off of
the bed, she had locked the door.
*Teach you to listen to me.*
"Kel! Kel, are you okay?!"
*Ugh...Inness...go away. Please.*
"Kel, don't move. I'll go get a healer!"
*You evil evil boy.*
"Inness..." she groaned from the floor. "Don't get a healer. I don't need one. I
just want to be alone right now, all right?"
"Kel, what's wrong?" her older brother asked.
"I..." Kel started. "Never mind. Just...leave me alone."
She heard a soft click on the opposite side of the door and it swung open. Inness
stood in the threshold, looking somewhat like a forbidding god come to punish her
for her cruelty. Quietly, he shut the door and crouched beside her on the floor.
"Now, Lady Knight," he said softly. "Tell your brother what happened to make
you so upset."
*Be strong, Kel. Can't cry. Have to make it look real. If I don't, then the
Master...*
Looking away from Inness, she replied with, "I broke up with Neal."
"What?"
"I broke up with Neal. Do you need it in writing?" she asked harshly.
Taken aback, Inness peered at Kel's face. "Why'd you do something foolish like
that? Don't you love him?"
"No."
"Liar."
"No."
"Well, why did you start crying then?"
"He's still my best friend, or was. He said some really cruel things. I still care
about him because of what we've both gone through together, so what he said
really affected me."
"I still think you're lying about loving him."
"I don't care what you think. Please leave, Inness."
"Very well then. As my sister wishes."
Inness rose and made it to the threshold before pausing, looking back at Kel,
and saying, "It doesn't do well to lie to yourself."
"How about if I just lie to other people?"
Inness left, closing the door behind him.
***
Deciding he didn't want to stay at the palace for supper because of the raw
wounds on his heart, Neal decided to eat at a restaurant in Corus. He hoped
no one would follow him down as he saddled his horse. Mounting, he tried to
keep his mind as blank as possible and set out on the road.
Strangely, he didn't feel any anger towards the lady knight from Mindelan.
He felt nothing like the night he found Yuki and Dom in a rather comprimising
position; he just felt...
...empty.
Empty like a seashell with nothing but the echo of Kel's "I don't love you" rather
than the ocean.
His horse skittered to the right, jerking Neal from his depressing thoughts.
Frowning, he calmed the beast and looked around for what could have spooked
it, finding nothing. He shrugged and continued to the farthest, most secluded
restaurtant he could find.
He dismounted and tied his horse to a post outside the building. Ducking in the
door, he scanned the vicinity and, satisfied that nobody he knew or recognized
from court had decided to dine here tonight, waited to be seated.
The host took him wordlessly to a table in the rear of the resturant, effectively
placing him in the shadows.
As Neal read the menu, he heard someone slide into the seat across from him.
"Can I help you," Neal asked flatly, not bothering to lower the menu.
A gloved hand gripped the top of his menu, lowering it to the table for him with
a strong, firm grasp.
Blue eyes met emerald ones.
"Shit," Neal breathed.
A malicious smile spread across the blue-eyed one's face.
"Didn't you die?" Neal asked.
"It was a simulacra that one of my father's mages made."
"I'll be damned."
"Too late."
Neal snorted. "I don't have time for this," he told the man across from him and
started to get up. He thought the better of it when the gloved hand reached out
and grabbed his wrist with a strength greater than Neal had ever recalled. He
sat back down.
"I'm thinking you *do* have time for this."
The voice, as cold as the steely blue eyes, made Neal rather agreeable. "Right.
What do you want, Joren?"
"You remember my name. Impressive. If I recall, you couldn't remember how
to tie your own boot laces without Mindelan's help, let alone remember people's
names," Joren told him.
"Wow. You know what, Joren? I'm really not in the mood for this. Tell me what
you want, and leave."
"I need you to go to the Copper Isles and get me a sword," Joren said.
"Screw you. I'm not going all the way to the Copper Isles just to get a sword,"
Neal scoffed.
"Yes you are," Joren told him. "You're going to go because I can make you want
to go by a simple flick of my wrist."
"You don't even have the Gift, Stone Mountain. I don't think it's very threatening
of you to say that," Neal told him flatly. "Get the damn sword your own damn
self. Or, here. Have mine."
Neal started to unbuckle his sword from his waist when he found himself unable
to move.
"Let's just say I found a way to have magic."
*Okay,* the Nealbrain said. *This...is bad.*
"Are you willing, now?" Joren asked, raising an eyebrow.
Neal just nodded, not trusting his voice.
"Good. It's in a city on the Copper Isles called Emerald Edge. You'll know it when
you see it, considering you have the Gift. The Sword of Abscador resonates off of
those with magic, but those who pass by Emerald Edge don't feel it because they
don't look for it." Joren rose from his seat. "I expect to have the Sword by
February. On the first of February, if I don't have it, you die." He dug a small gold
chain from his pocket and attached it around Neal's wrist. "If you try to take that
off, you die. You disobey me, you die. You tell anyone what it is, and you die.
Got it?"
Numbly, Neal nodded.
"Goodbye, Neal. I'll meet you here at supper on the last day of January."
Joren literally vanished before Neal's eyes.
"What'll ye have, cutie?"
Rubbing his temples, Neal replied with, "Whatever the special of the day is."
"All right," the waitress agreed. "Anythin' else?"
"No, that's all I want." He stared at the golden chain around his wrist, wondering
what kind of death Joren had contained inside that little piece of gold.
"All right. What d'ye want to drink?"
"...Ale. Lots and lots of ale."
The waitress chuckled. "Be right with ye."
***
Kel decided, as Neal did, not to dine at the palace that night. She didn't want to
see Neal, and she didn't want her friends fretting over her. Although they meant
well, she just didn't want to talk about it. So, like Neal, she saddled her horse,
trotted down to Corus, found the same most secluded, out of the way restaurant
she could, tied up her horse, and found herself seated across the empty room
from Neal.
Neal had been watching the restaurant lethargically, not really expecting anyone
to show up that he knew but on the look out anyway. Then he had taken to
looking at the objects hanging from the wall, his eyes going right over Kel and
onward.
Then his brain caught up.
His eyes landed once more on Kel. He snorted and took a drink from his cup of
ale.
This drew Kel's attention.
Kel caught sight of Neal, groaned softly, and poked her food around on her
plate.
"Stalking me now, Kel?" he asked.
"Why would I do that? I don't love you anymore, remember?" she retorted rudely.
"I had never even heard of this place until I found it a half-hour ago," Neal told
her. "This is the most out of the way restaurant in Corus. Unless you followed me,
why would you come here?"
"Maybe because I just wanted to eat alone today," she snapped. "I wasn't aware
I had to check and make sure you don't go some place first."
"Bitch."
"Glad you think so."
Their conversation faded as Kel ate. Neal finished his supper and his ale, playing
with the golden chain on his wrist. The chain didn't look like it would cause much
damage, but now that he examined it closer, once Joren had clasped it around his
wrist, the clasp has disappeared. The chain stayed loose on his wrist but tight enough
to keep it where it should be.
"I..."
Kel looked at him, raising an eyebrow. "You?"
"I have to go on a trip tomorrow," he told her, half telling the truth.
"Oh. Okay." She hailed the waitress and asked for the check.
"Glad you care so much," Neal muttered. He also asked the waitress for the check
as she passed him by.
"Did you expect me to throw myself at your feet and take back everything I said
earlier?" Kel wanted to know. *Gods. Stop acting so cruel to him, Kel! He didn't
do anything...but if any of the Master's spies are around, I have to pretend I hate
him.*
"No, but I thought..." he trailed off. "You know what? I don't know what I thought.
Forget I said anything." The waitress dropped the check on his table and circled
over to Kel's. Neal gave her two bronze nobles for her troubles, picked up his
check, and took it to the front of the small restaurant, paying his bill there where
the host stood.
Neal mounted his horse, end-of-November wind sweeping through the streets of
Corus. He tried to focus on getting a sword--what was it, the Sword of Adscabing?
No, that didn't sound right. Sword of...
"Abscador."
The wind blew again.
Something in his mind clicked.
"Great Merciful Mother."
It began to snow.
***
Merric and Garvey sat together outside the mess hall, having stolen into the kitchen
while the pages and cooks had vacated it and filched some food.
"I didn't see Kel or Neal in there today," Merric commented.
"While you went into the library earlier," Garvey paused to swallow a chunk of
bread, "I found Neal and Kel arguing in Neal's rooms. They broke up, I guess,
because he came stumbling out looking like a cart and four horses had run him
over. Although, I'll bet he felt that way."
Merric grunted in agreement. Frowning, he thought back to when things had been
normal, the last time he remembered normal was at Haven, before the Blayce
business. He paid no attention to Garvey as the nutter kept on talking and raving
about the break up of two of Merric's best friends.
"Hey," Merric said suddenly. He set his plate on the floor and walked over to the
window. "It's snowing."
Garvey joined him at the window. "It *is* snowing..."
Rolling his eyes, Merric asked, "Did you think I had lied to you?"
Garvey elbowed him. "Shut your mouth, Hollyrose."
Merric stuck his hand out of the window, catching two snowflakes on his hand that
almost immediately melted. "I don't think it will stick, but at least we know it's
officially winter."
"If the cold wasn't enough of an indicator," Garvey added.
"It'll be Midwinter soon..." Merric sighed. "Ordeals and all that will come. Do
you think we can stick around long enough to see the Ordeals?"
"Well..." Garvey trailed off. "We just have to keep an eye on Kel, and as long
as *she* doesn't go anywhere, then we can stay."
Snorting, Merric shook his head. "Some watchers we are. We didn't even
know where Kel was."
Laughing, Garvey shook his head too. "Ah well. What the Master doesn't know
won't hurt him."
"That's the kind of talk I like to hear from you, Runnerspring."
They seated themselves again and ate the rest of their pilferred meal.
***
Lumbering inside, Udaan grumbled about the cold and snow. "I hate snow."
He tried to pull his remaining arm farther into his sleeve but couldn't quite
manage it. "I hate snow, I hate the cold. This is why I live in the desert in
the winter."
Justice came running in after him, yapping at him. "Yes, Justice, it's damn
cold. Le's go inside."
He stepped inside, trying to brush some of the water from himself but not
succeeding. As he walked down the hallway, he passed by the knights'
mess hall, and promptly tripped over nothing the same time Justice did.
"...Uh oh."
Udaan knew what that meant if both of them tripped over nothing and the
Master wanted to keep an eye on Kel.
*Garvey.*
"C'mon, Just."
He hurried down the hallway, glancing over his shoulder though he knew
he wouldn't be able to see Garvey and whoever else he had with him.
The puppy stopped to growl at the space she tripped on and hurried after
Udaan, whimpering.
"Let's go see yer ma," he told the puppy, lifting her up with his single arm
and running the rest of the way to Kel's rooms.
He found the door locked and no one there, so he promptly sat on the
floor and waited for her return.
He dozed.
"Udaan?"
He snored.
"Udaan, wake up."
Suddenly, his bottom hurt.
"Ow. Thanks, Kel."
"Why are you sleeping outside my door?" she asked, craning her head
to look at him and holding her puppy.
"Twas waitin' fer ye," Udaan grunted, rising from the floor. "Did ye have
t' kick me so hard?"
"Ah, you baby," she let him know as she opened her door. "In with you."
Justice wriggled out of her hold and hopped onto her bed as she shut the
door behind her and Udaan. "What's up?"
"Did the Master give ye one of these?" Udaan held up his wrist. A gold
chain dangled there, a clone of Neal's.
Kel shook her head. "No."
Forlornly, Udaan stared at the gold glinting the candle light. He took a deep
breath and almost spoke, but shut his mouth, thinking the better of it.
"Udaan?" Kel asked, looking at him oddly.
"I ain't much of a help t' ye, am I, Kel?" he asked, eyes serious.
"Of course you're a help," Kel told him, frowning. "What's wrong?"
"Ye've..." he trailed off. "If I tell ye this, the Master's little charm will kill
me. I don't wanna make a mess all over yer floor, so I'll tell ye later."
Kel raised her eyebrows. "All right..."
Udaan started for the door. "But I may be dead on the morrow anyway."
"What are you *talking* about?" Kel demanded.
"Well, I'll chance livin' tomorrow mornin'," Udaan decided. "Sleep well, Kel.
Oh...where were ye and Neal?"
Kel looked away sharply. "We aren't together anymore."
"...Good lass. Ye may not feel it, but ye saved him a lot of trouble and
prob'ly his life."
Udaan left.
Rubbing her temples, Kel sighed. She quickly changed into her nightshirt
and flopped into bed. As he extinguished the candle, Justice jumped up
onto the bed and curled up at the foot.
"What a day."
