This is from Vincent Valentine's point of view.
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Surfacing Feelings
I find it quite amusing actually, the way love can change you, the way it cuts into you and pulls you about, playing with your emotions and pounding at your soul. Love is so peculiar, I wish I could understand how it can bring you to your knees in misery and pain. How it can cause someone to kill relentlessly or to take their own life. Love can be so cruel. Look at the anger it causes the anguish it starts, the arguing that results from it. Why would someone put themselves through that? Why did I put myself through that, what is it the attracts us to love, that makes us radiate towards it at the first possible chance?
Perhaps it is the way that we feel invincible when love controls our heart, perhaps it is the way it makes us feel warm deep in our heart everytime a loved one smiles or speaks, or how it makes us feel when we're with a loved one. When we find a love we hope that this time love will not destroy, will not attack us and leave us in misery, we hope that we can control it this time, that we have finally found the one person in this world who is ours.
She was my one, the one who made my life complete and she was taken from me in a cruel twist of fate. I know that it was to be, nothing happens on this earth unless it is supposed to be but still the pain tugs at my heart, batters my soul. I can think of nothing else and it's driving me insane. They've told me that I will love again, that it is possible for me to love another with the strength I loved her. I do not believe them, let them think what they will but my love for her will live forever. Maybe I can love again, maybe love will once again fly through my heart like a bird. But when it does there will always be a place in there for her.
Like I said before love is so confusing.
I sit some days, just sit and watch the people around me. They are so oblivious to what they are telling me, I could be deaf and still be able to tell what it is they are feeling. People simply do not sit and let the world pass them by for any length of time. Everything has to be done yesterday or sooner.
My friends are the most confusing people of all, telling people one thing yet giving off an entirely different message. Cloud stands in front of Tifa, one of the sweetest and most naive girls I've ever met, and tells her he loves her. Yet all the while his eyes are watching aother with deep love and adoration. Tifa puts on her happiest facade in public and tells everyone of the blissful relationship she has with Cloud, but I can see her unhappiness. Like me she knows Cloud loves another and she is simply there to fill in a gap, I do not understand why she puts up with him, she could be happier with another, there are so many people out there who deserve her why can she not see them?
Yuffie hides behind that ninja bravado and pretends she is a full fledged warrior when deep down she is just a scared teenager, scared of how her feelings are changing and how she is becoming an adult. I have seen her out at night sometimes, when she thinks no-one is around, she sits in the boughs of the trees and gazes out at the stars. I know she feels dirty for what she feels for Tifa, in this world we live in how could she not? There are so many out there who would try and drive her to take her own life if she were to be who she really is. My heart aches in sympathy for her.
Red and Cait feel useless like they cannot be trusted and they are not part of our loop of friends, I can understand how they feel that way. Cait is still trying to make up for that one time he betrayed the group. I forgave him a long time ago yet some of the others have not, Barrett cannot find it within himself to let go and Cloud has simply ignored him for the last few weeks. Red feels like he cannot fit in because he is not human or even human like in appearance and actions, he tries so hard sometimes, like when the group sit down for a tournament on that contraption ....the Playstation I believe they call it. He tries to play, tries to be like them.....but knows he never can be, it hurts him.
Barrett and Cid are very much the same, men who want to be loved but block everyone out and keep themselves distanced from others. They try not to look unsociable but no matter how they try to disguise it they always do. They are the ones who stand at the door whilst the rest of the party are dancing to the slow song. I suppose it must be hard for them, Barrett lost his wife all those years ago, I doubt he will ever come to terms with that. Cid feels he cannot be loved and the way he goes about it I am starting to believe he wants it to be true.
Finally I reach Aeris, only the gods above know what she must have suffered, dying and becoming one with the planet only to be pulled out of her peaceful harmony. I can imagine that an event such as the one she has been through can hurt someone physically and emotionally, I sometimes wonder how she can get through the days. Yet she tries to remain cheerful and loving even when she wants to reveal her anger and not hide it inside for any longer.
It sometimes feels like I know them better then they know themselves and I do not feel happy with that knowledge. I pray that they will come to terms with what they are feeling and let themselves feel true happiness again.
