10. The Return – part one.

The ride to London on the train seemed like ages especially since Sirius and James were only about Quidditch and because of Peter having stayed at Hogwarts for Christmas. So I spent the time looking out of the window watching the white snow covered fields pass by.

Sometime in between the compartment went totally quiet and my gaze turned away from outside over to Sirius. James had left the compartment and Sirius' was looking at me concerned, but curious at once, cocking his head to the side slightly and his brown eyes glowing with mischief. I smiled back at him and then I returned my gaze outside. Still I felt those brown eyes burning into me and I shook my head.

"What is it?" I ask not taking my gaze from outside. I could hear Sirius take a startled intake of breath and I heard James coming back to the compartment.

"Nothing… it is nothing." Sirius whispers. "What are you hiding…" he says under his breath and I pretend I didn't hear like any other normal human who wouldn't have been able to hear those quiet words. I swallow a great lump of pain down my throat and I close my eyes for some minutes, pretending to be asleep.

'Any normal human…' I flinch at my own thoughts. I am not normal; I am a beast, a monster and nothing else. I don't deserve of having such friends. I don't deserve to live at all.

I got distracted from my thoughts as a warm hand touched my shoulder. I flinched and my eyes flew open, scared and distraught I looked at Sirius.

"Come on we're in London and you probably don't want the train leaving with you inside do you? Come on race you!" Sirius said mischievously putting my trunk in front of me. Waiting for me patiently to get up. I smiled at him, pushing all my thoughts aside, getting up taking my trunk, and then racing with Sirius out of the train.

"Hey wait for me!" James shouted after us catching only up with us outside. As we stood there waiting my body froze of the cold around me, and I tucked my hands into my trousers looking around lost and scared.

James was the first one to leave and then Sirius, who looked back until he crossed the barrier. Then I was standing there alone, shivering from the cold and I jumped slightly as warm jacket was draped around me.

"You should have brought a jacket that would have held you warm." That was Michael's voice and I turned around looking up to my father's concerned face. I bowed my head in shame of not having thought about it.

"It is ok Remus. Come on lets go home." He said taking my trunk and I nodded following him quietly.

As we reached home everything smelt of fresh made cookies and of thousand other different Christmas smells. I closed my eyes taking in all the other different smells, and I opened my eyes once more in shock, just like earlier on with Sirius, as I smelled two other people in the house.

I stayed standing in the doorway and Michael turned around looking at me concerned and putting down my trunk. I knew that one of the smells must belong to my newly born sister, but to whom did the other unknown, but still so known, smell come from.

"Come inside Remus." Michael said gently coming up to me, taking my hand and getting me inside.

"Who else is here?" I ask, my voice shaking. Michael smiled at me helping me out of jacket. I looked at him closely cocking my head in a curious way.

"Well we shouldn't keep our guest waiting." Michael said mischievously going over to the living room giving me a sign to follow. As we entered the person was standing with the back to us and as he turned around, I backed away against my father searching frantically for a way to escape.

"Remus…" Hair, eyes, voice, and smell everything was so similar. Michael laid a comforting hand on my shoulder as the man came closer and I started to struggle, not being able to stay in the same room with that person. Not after what he had had done to me, not after all the abusing.

"Remus it's ok… you don't have to be scared… I won't let anyone hurt you." Dad tried to comfort me but my body grew only tenser.  I looked once more around frenetically and as I finally found an escape I ran.